I am the verge of running away! | ADHD Information

Maybe he is on too strong of a medication, but make sure that your are feeding him right before bed, because these guys get hungry at night, I have two boys and 1 with Adhd 10 yrs, and a 6 yr old, my 6 year old,, gets up every night so maybe it's not that unusauall, because he is not diagnosed with ADHD, lord help me down the road if he is. but my kids have always done that to me.  I know how exhausting it is, trust me last week I had 1 hour sleep with my 6 year old kicking me in his bed all night.  I didn't wake up too happy.  Try to feed him before bed and see if this helps,  I bought those boost drinks with lots of calories and that helps with the nutrition side of it.

Would you consider telling him something along the lines of, "I know you don't need much sleep and that's why you wake up at night, but Mommy needs her sleep.  So from now on, when you wake up you are not to wake Mommy up (unless he is sick of course).  You may turn on your soothing sounds CD, or look at a book (or whatever you decide), but you must remain quiet and stay in your room."?  Maybe just the boredom of having to stay in his room, without company could help him break this habit?

Best of luck!!

I have two boys one with ADHD and one whom might possibly have it, ages 6 and 4. They almost never sleep it seems. And if one wakes during the night you can bet that they both will at separate times. And about once every week they both decide that 3:00-5:00am is a good time to get up for the day...This after going to bed late and coming and going to get food, drinks, potty time, etc. It has been a true nightmare.

I really do feel your pain. It is a tough road with these kids. No one understands the pain and exhaustion, not even family. And for most of it, we are judged as bad parents for not beating our kids into submission as most parents of 'normal' kids seem to think is the answer. If I had a nickel for each time I heard the phrase, "If he were my kid..." Because everyone seems to have the answer to 'fixing' YOUR kid except you. Just hang in there! You aren't alone!

Edited because I can't type. And isn't it ironic the one night my boys are sleeping I wake up at 5:00am and can't get back to sleep. Sigh...

LonerGirl39147.1857060185

My DH works third shift so he is not home at night to help with the situation.  As one of you said family just doesn't get it.  I was venting to my mom last night and she just said well I hope you get a good night sleep, bye!  I've talked to the doctors I have taken everyone's bit of advice here on bedtime routine's etc. and he still doesn't sleep!  You would think he would be the one to be crabby and overtired.  Nope not him he just gets up and goes through his day as if he has gotten a good night sleep.  I did try feeding him more before bed last night and it helped a little he wasn't asking for fruit snacks at 3:30 in the morning.  But it was 10:00 p.m. after the chlondine and he kept asking me when I was going to bed.  Sometimes I need a little alone time, some quiet time without him talking to me as the excessive talking is reering it's ugly head again.

As for family not understanding I just want to add it's not just family, it's teachers, and the general public.  When they hear ADHD.  They think it is just an attention issue.  Well I would love to tell the world that these kids have way more than just attention issues.  It effects behavior, the meds make it effect their eating, their sleeping.  They  have social issues as many are not as mature and it can effect small motor skills.  Alot of times it comes with a co-morbid disorder.  I just wish the people in general understood that this is way more than not focusing in school.

Sorry had to vent again.   Thanks for all the support.

How much melatonin were you using? Too much can cause sleep problems, and too little will do nothing, it is tricky.

I think I'm going to run away and rent a hotel.  I am going to sleep and sleep and sleep some more!  My ds is 6 and I can count the number of times he has slept through the night on one hand.  Then few nights when he does sleep through I am up pacing wondering what is wrong.  Last night he got up at 9:30 p.m.  1:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.  At the 3:30 a.m. he said he was hungry so he proceeded to get fruit snacks in the noiseist foil wrapper he could find.  He sat in my bed munching for what seemed FOREVER!

We have a quiet bedtime routine, we have used the melatonin, we are now trying the Cholonide to no avail and have already upped it once.

I just feel like I am at the breaking point.  I need sleep and I need it now.  I know it is not his fault and he isn't doing this on purpose, but after 6 years all I want to do is to go to sleep at night and stay asleep until morning. 

Just needed to vent as I am fighting to keep my eyes open and it is only 7:10 p.m. 

I understand where you are coming from and this is the perfect place to vent.  I love it because even though we are losing our minds we can see we aren't the only ones doing it.  How much of the melatonin did you try at a time?  I am not familiar with the other one.  Is there anyone to give you a break?  I feel for you and have been in similiar situations myself.  Thank God we finally got Ty worked out.  What state are you in?  Another newbie here ... just want to tell Cheesehead "I feel your pain" ...
and remember it well. My two ADHD boys are now 14 and 16. When they
were little I did not get a full night's sleep till the younger one was about
10 years old and I am not kidding. They couldn't GET to sleep. They
couldn't STAY asleep. They were up by 5:45 every morning. ... I remember
my husband and I used to say we couldn't wait till they were teenagers
and WE were dragging THEM out of bed in the morning. Eventually that
day did come. Amazingly, the older guy is really good about getting
himself up at 6:15 on school mornings to catch his bus. I was getting up
at 6:45 to see him off but he told me a couple of weeks ago NOT to do
that anymore because he doesn't want to have to talk in the morning! So
now I just program the coffee maker for him the night before and I hear
him leaving the house on his own. The younger one still has trouble
getting up for school, and on the weekends they both sleep in - till
10:30, 11, sometimes later. The point is, Cheesehead, just keep telling
yourself: THIS TOO SHALL PASS. ... And believe it or not, one day you WILL
miss these days ... not the sleepless part, of course, but the part where
your little boy always wants to be with you ... cuddles with you ... etc.

Last but not least: Take naps! Whenever and wherever you can. When they
were little I worked three days a week, and every day that I worked I took
a nap on my lunch hour, on a sofa in the women's lounge!

Cheesehead,

I'm sorry that you are still having such a hard time.  I hope things work out with the psychiatrist.  I cannot fathom how you deal with your mom.  I wish you luck.  We are taking Ty to a psych tomorrow for 1st time, maybe he'll give me some good info to pass on.   Jodie

Cheesehead,

 

I am so sorry to hear all you are going through. To have your Mom act like that on top of it makes it even worse, My Mom tells me how wrong I am all the time too, and has all sorts of unwanted, and not asked for opinions. My son doesn't sleep well either. Meletonin helps alot. I have heard, and read that the lower the dose, the more it helps. Also, I would definitly take him to another psychiatrist, and hopfully find a med that works better for him. I am a foster parent and I had this boy who NEVER slept, and I mean 1 hr a night was a good night for him. After many many many meds we found one that actually worked(Ambien CR) He was 13 at the time, so I am not sure its ok to give to younger kids, but it may be. Hang in there, you will find something to help. Also, can he have the meletonin along with what he is taking now? That may be worth checking into. My last suggestion is to just let him cry, the 1st few nights will be very hard, but maybe he will give in and eventually stop. I am not saying this to be mean at all, just trying to think of anything that may help. They say to do this with toddlers who wont sleep, maybe it will help son, to just play quietly in room if he knows you wont let him get up or go to him?(unless hurt sick etc) I have also seen it on supernanny too. Its very hard to do, but may work.

Hang in there, it WILL get better!!There's a hug for you!

Better than your mother maybe you have a friend who's kids you could take once in awhile and then she could take yours?  My mother judges me too.  I've learned to just tell her enough to let her think I'm including her.

I feel badly for you, cheesehead....I am one of the luckier moms (sorry) that hasn't had a ton of problems getting my kids to sleep through the night. 

BUT...Chase was always a night owl, and often did not fall asleep until 10 or 11 at age 2 and 3....and it drove me absolutely nuts! 

I am one of 8 children, and my mom, bless her heart, to save her sanity ( I realize now) put us to bed at 8:30pm.  It did not matter if it was a weekend, the summer, Christmas Eve, bedtime was 8:30 until I started a job at age 16.  Then, if I wasn't working, I had to go to bed at 8:30pm...really, I am telling the truth!  Don't ask me how she did it....I am not sure...but we minded her rule.  I would sneak, and be quiet in my room, but if she caught me...I was  in trouble!  All that this did for me is to make my body begin to shut down even now at 10 pm....that is the latest that I can be up and not propping my eyelids open.

So...Chase would be up, but quiet, and sometimes I did not know until I went up to bed that he was lying in bed still awake!  Just those few nights made me nuts, and yes he cried sometimes when I told him (firmly) to just go to sleep already!  I have no idea if I would still be sane if it had gone on more often than occasionally.  And how many nights that I went to bed and he was still awake w/o my knowing it!  And that was before meds...I think you have said that your son has always been this way....so I don't think the meds have a huge amount to do with it.  Chase did have some med related sleep issues after meds that were resolved with melatonin.  Hopefully you can find the solution and finally get some peace, and a full nights sleep.  I am sorry that your mother is such a hindrance....is there any way that she can take him one weekend night a week overnight so you can have that one night? 

Could he have something more going on that is un-diagnosed?  I say go for it have someone watch your son while you hide away to gain back your sanity.  Do it when your husband is off work so he is  home.  I hope things get better for you.

My son still wakes up too.  A few years back I started doing what MamaBear recommended.  Just kept telling him over and over that I knew he wasn't tired, but I was and he'd have to read or play in bed quitely till I woke up.  He would eventually fall back to sleep and it took time, but he did get better about waking me up.  In the beginning he would crawl from his room to ours and crawl around on the floor with his blanket, sometimes just sitting there for a while and then going back to his room, other times he would fall back to sleep on our floor.  Sometimes I think he just needed to know I was still there.    

Well, I have resorted to a bribe.  He has been asking for a Star Wars Light Saber for 2 years.  We have resisted because I knew he would end up hitting me with it.  Now on meds I think his implusivity is much better that he won't hit me.  I told  him if  he stays in his bed all night long tonight, Wed & Thurs I would take him to buy a light saber on Friday. I have explained to him that he may get out of bed to use the bathroom.  Otherwise, he has to stay in his room.  I told him he could get out of bed to restart the cd or to get some toys for in bed.  But if he comes out of bed to get me there is no light saber.  I have my hopes up for a night of restfull sleep, but I'm not counting on it.

We started using only 1 mg of melatonion and then took it up gradually to 3 mg.  Tonight I am giving him 3 mg of melatonin and no chlonidine.  IMHO why give him meds (chlondine) when they don't work.  His little system doesn't need more meds than absolutely possible.

I just feel that I am about ready to lose it.  Problem with dh helping is that he is only home 1 night a week and he is so tired from working 6 days a week that he doesn't want to get up every couple of hours.  Seeing that I don't work full-time I don't think it is fair to have him give up his sleep the one night a week that  he is home.

Wish us luck and maybe there will be a light saber in his future.

We all know what you're going through!  They just don't sleep, do they? And my DS would love for me to be nearby until he falls asleep, but that takes HOURS!

One idea that is working here .... DS (age 8) earns a marble for every night he stays in his room after bedtime tuck-in. He doesn't have to be asleep at a certain time, or even in bed, just in his room, not coming out to check on Mom and Dad.

Each night he can earn a marble, which gets put in a jar. If he has a bad night (comes and tries to get into bed with us, etc.) one marble is taken out of the jar. If, at the end of the week (Fridays here) he has at least 5 marbles, he gets to pick a pack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards (DH got a pile of 'em cheap on E-bay and made them into "packs").

He doesn't have to be "perfect" -- i.e. 7 marbles in a week -- so it doesn't set him up for failure. He loves the cards, so it's a good reward. Works well for us.

He doesn't fall asleep any sooner, I am sure (8:30 bedtime, 10:30-11:00 asleep time) but it buys us some peace, and he's learning to entertain himself, which has always been a challenge here.

Good luck!

Here's another idea that's a spin- off of Tilly's.  Buy one of those build your own light saber kits, or whatever they're called.  For every hour he stays in bed quietly and doesn't wake you he gets a peice, but they have to go on a shelf until he has them all (otherwise he might just be happy with a peice of a lightsaber).  It's a more immediate reward and breaking it down into smaller increments would help him feel more successful. 

And don't feel bad about letting him cry.  If I had a dollar for every hour my son has spent in bed crying I would be a very wealthy woman.  The only thing I would worry about is unintentionally reinforcing the behavior by getting him after a couple hours.  Is there any way you can grab a nap during the day and then invest in some heavy duty ear plugs?  Or maybe use that method they recommend for babies; the one where you start out sitting in the room with them but don't give them any attention, gradually moving closer to the door until you're out in the hall in conjunction with the rewards. 

My son is on clonidine too. And honestly, the ONLY reason I give it to him is because it GETS him to sleep. He may not stay asleep...Like this morning he woke up because he pee'd in his bed. That rarely happens - But, if I don't give him the meds at night it takes hours for him to fall asleep. He shares a room with his 4 year old brother and the two of them just bounce and bounce around, throwing stuff jumping off doors, etc. I always tell them they are like drunk frat boys!

I give the 4 year old melatonin that seems to get them both asleep and getting them there is half the battle.

Bribing works well and kids love the lightsabers. We have several and yes, they have caused a few bumps and bruises, but overall they play well with them. Usually one child is just a bit too rough at times, but they have a good time playing and a good workout to wear their butts out. They sleep better at night if they have been outside and playing hard. Come on summer!!

Well my mother now seems to think that I am the worst mother ever.  Last night I let my ds lay in bed crying and screaming from 9:00 p.m. until 11:00 p.m.  She seems to think that this is cruel and unusal punishment.  Finally at 11:00 p.m. I couldn't take the noise any more and I went and got him.  He wanted me to stay up and watch tv or be on the computer until he fell asleep.  Well that wasn't going to happen.  I brought him down to my bedroom and he still couldn't fall asleep.  Finally at around midnight he fell asleep.  But by 6:00 a.m. he was up and all chipper.  I drag my sorry behind out of bed and I am as grouchy as a hibernating bear that has been woken up.  You would think that with as little sleep as  he gets he would be grouchy too.

Well needless to say no lightsaber.  He said he want's to try again tonight so he can earn the light saber.

I really didn't need my mother calling me this morning while I was still in my morning fog and trying to convince my eyes to stay open to lecture me about how I am doing this all wrong.

I second guess myself every moment of every day. Is meds the right thing...Does he take too much meds....etc.  I really don't need her adding to the fire right now.  I am sleep deprieved and her poking into my business doesn't help the matter.  She got mad and hung the phone up on me this morning.

FYI- She doesn't like kids and keeps reminding me that I shouldn't of had a child.  That if I would have asked her before I got pregnant instead of telling her that I was pregnant she would have told me how terrible having children is.

I love my ds and won't trade him for anything (well maybe a full-nights sleep) just kidding.  But a little support from my family would really help at this time.

we use clonidine to knock out our 3 boys also, or else they would be up in trouble. The problem though is the wake up hecka early and my youngest has tons of things to do in his room but would much rather get out and steal and destroy other peoples things lately. And lately the clonidine has not been knocking him out at all. Plus you have to becarefull if they even chew on the pill slitely it will not fully work. And he knows this and does this so we fall asleep and he goes to work. We actually have to put lil alarms around the house to go off to let us know. He has gone outside in the freezing snow just to put things he stole into the snow and ruin them.I wonder if any of you have had allergy testing?  My son is add innatentive with no real signs of hyper activity unless I give him red koolaid or anything like that then he seems to go crazy.  He gets very aggressive and loud.  I'm thinking of setting up some testing.  yup we have done allerfy testing. But i have read alot of times that food these days are effecting our kids big time then when we were kids

Of course foods are very important  and vitamins, but getting the little people to eat right is another story.  Actually, an ADHD child that has caffeine or sugar works the opposite -- it is calming.  Our 14 year daughter drinks cola cola at night and I use to say NOWAY.  She falls right to sleep.  Ryan drinks gatoraide or kool-aid I make (less sugar) -- it doesn't make him hyper.  It is just the Bipolar, anxiety, adhd mixed type they call it.  Still figuring it out.  Meds are not right still. 

Allergies.  He gets a running nose like we do with everything blooming but no real bad allergies.  He can't drink cow's milk, but neither can his daddy.

One thing we are worrying about is this clapping (for no reason), hitting his arm or head on something and saying "i'm hurt -- need a bandage".  That isn't good.  He will hit and hit his legs when he gets mad sometimes or beat up his pilllow.  He doesn't know how to vent yet.  We don't know if this is leading elsewhere or not!!!

 

THEY CAN MAKE THE CLONIDINE LIQUID IF YOUR  HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THEM BITING THE PILL.  Sugar or caffeine does calm him I am wondering if it's the dye or something else.  Seems like there are so many preservatives and other chemicals in food these days that it must affect these kids. 

I think getting some time to yourself is a great idea. Especially when things are stress you out. Even if its  something thats a half true reason. Asking  a spouse or grandparents brothers and sisters  to help out by keeping them overnight is too direct . offer a schedule conflict that they help by keeping them . theres always a confrence somewhere. Though they may not fall for it twice  getting them to sympathize may be easier . asking to take them to movies , to the store , just out of the house can help a grear deal with monatony(sp) As  for over night stuff i dont have a clue . I know as a teenager my mom demanded me to be more social .at the same time more responsible with school work and attendance yet 11pm would roll around and and bing  i could focus , do homework , play quietly work on projects and be in my own zone then like voice from @#$$ she'd come down on me like was being defiant of her and force me to bed. .after my parenst left the home BOTH of them  long story - other story-

I was left for two more years of high school without only token authority. Besides all trouble  i got in.  I'm just talking about the sleep.  i started goping to bed when i got home from school id wake up at some point and not be able to sleep any more.  eventually my attentions would get back to my schoolwork . since there was no tv. videos games, or even furniture.  school work was important so i would do it . then school would open and I walked right in feeling more normal than anyother time of my life.

I still work third shift. First and second shifts wear me out doing the same things.

So I don't have any advice or recommendations. But i think getting some time and support from those there that can help you .will go a long way.

ps i sometimes come home and find my little girl wathcing tv 330am , chips and crackers ,cookies all over , shes in preschool and gets timeouts  alot . its hard to go back after lunch knowing shes probably gotten back up agian . i have all the tvs hooked up to timers , but i still find her  toys and markers have been moved sometimes.

ps i only read the first post i dont know the whole story.

 

 

Sammo39167.3484027778

I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru.  I don't know what is worse, dealing with a lack of sleep or having to talk to your mother.  The fact that she doesn't like children should be a big red flag to not talk to her about your children.  why waste the energy when she her only suggestion would be to not have any.  Also you said earlier that you do not work full time.  I wanted to say that you do.  You work 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  you do not get weekends off, you do not get holiday off and you most deffinetly do not get sick time.  While your husbands bosses might difficult, yours are unrelenting.  please don't undervalue yourself.  you are making an incredible difference in the lives of your children, and they will one day appreciate it, (more then likely not until they have their own kids.)

On another note.  We tried melatonin with my 6 yo dd.  It worked great until i ran out and tried a different brand.  what a difference that made.  She was up till all hours of the night, and back up before the crack of dawn.  And incredible moody because of the lack of sleep.  We uped the dose, and still nothing.  Talked about me thinking i was going crazy.  Finally i tried the origional brand and all went back to normal.  Suppliments are not regulated by the FDA so there can be some differnce between brands.  Try a different brand.  My daughter takes a melatonin that is 3 mg melatonin, 10 mg of Vit -B and 63 mg of calcium (they help promote a calming effect) per pill. Works like a charm.  also my neighbor whose son is adhd and a little more on the hyper impuslive side also uses a dark chocolate calcium suppliments at night to help him calm down and get to sleep.  He really likes the way it tastes.

 

Good luck

I never had it that bad but one thing we did when my ds went through a period of waking up, we had a second bed for him we called the magic bed...for him, it was the guest room, but it can be on the floor, or a couch, or whatever.  So if he woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, he'd go to the magic bed and it worked.

 

Also my dd was an early riser so once she could read a digital clock we had a rule, no leaving the room before 6 am.  And of course her clock was set an hour slow, so it was really 7. 

Is your son taking a stimulant.  That will keep him awake and be hungry.  My son has to have melatonin or clonidine.  Clonidine is great.  He sleeps well!!!!  You might tell the doctor because the child has to get good sleep.  And so does MOM.

Hi Cheesehead.  I'm so sorry things are rough right now.  We've used the Melatonin with success.

I'm not sure anyone has brought this up, but have you made sure that there is no physiological problem that is contributing to the sleep problem, separate from the ADHD?  Most common is enlarged tonsils and/or adenoids.  You may want to have him evaluated by an ENT (ear nose throat) doctor.  Problems in these areas can cause a host of sleep problems.

Also.........what is the latest time in the day you are giving your child their meds? Timing that last dose can be tricky, but sometimes adjusting it can help.

RE....the mother thing.  All I can suggest is creating more boundary between yourself and your son and her.  Not cutting her out of your life, but minimizing the contact.  She is toxic with her attitudes which is making you self doubt your decisions about his care.  This is not fair to him and you.  She sounds hard core in her beliefs and likely will not change.  Many of us have had to put up boundaries of various sorts with our families who "just don't get it."

Okiemom

I have made some small steps today.  After venting to someone at mother's group this morning.  About the lack of sleep, med issues,etc.  She suggested that we move up the ladder on see another pschyriatrist.  I have heard several other people tell me that the one that we are seeing either you like him or you don't.  Right now we are on the don't end of things.  So we did get an appointment with a child pschyriast in a larger city who is known to do great things with these children.

Additionally, I have moved a bed into the computer room to be closer to ds's bedroom.  He told me that he wants to try in his room again tonight.  He REALLY wants one of these light sabers.  I have told him repeatedly that he doesn't have to sleep, just stay quietly in his room.  I don't care if he gets out of bed and gets toys or turns on music, etc.  But just leave Mommy alone

Hopefully this will help.  Otherwise it is back the drawing board on how to get him to sleep.  Even bringing him in by me doesn't help.  His body just isn't ready to sleep so he sits in my bed awake trying to keep me awake.

I just don't understand how their little bodies can go with so little sleep