Should we tell her? | ADHD Information

Do you have any recommendations for a book that would be geared towards a teen?

 

 

I am sorry I do not but you can check at a bookstore I am sure.   Being that she is a teenager you can probably get ones made for adults to read and some of those good titles you can find on the home page of this website. I would like to add get her a book on ADHD so she can read up and understand what is going on.

Tell her, she needs to know, for her self esteem. She knows something is up with her because she already feels she doesn't fit in with the others. Now she will understand exactly what is going on and things are going to change for her.

I believe that she may resent you if you wait, just my opinion. She is 13 and old enough to understand. She may even want to pick out some books herself! And go to a message board with teenages with adhd and talk with them

Best wishes!!

Beth

yes, i truly believe that she needs to be told.  my dd was 9 and i took her to barnes and nobles-read her some add/adhd behaviors-and she said "that's me". 

she deserves to know...so she can be a part of what is best for her and your family!

shelley

I would explain to her that she has ADHD, it is a brain chemical disorder, not something she can control, and you and her psych are going to do everything you can to help her.Explain that although it is not curable, it is helped by meds etc.

This is basically what I told my 9yo, and she understood, I also got her the Phoebe Flowers series of books, about a girl with ADHD, but a 13 yo may be a bit too old for these.

I would be upfront with her.  Honestly, she knows herself and she knows something isn't right.  You've taken her to get help and I can't imagine that she wouldn't know something was up at her age.   She should have a say in her treatment options and I can't imagine that the professionals would have it any other way. 

The best to you and your family. 

She may feel relieved to have a name for what she has been feeling.  She already knows that something is different.  ADHD is not an uncommon thing today.  I have always told my son.  Of course he was diagnosed at 5 and we compared it to his Grampa's diabetes...I know that wouldn't cut it with a 13 year old..but we just explained it as something that he was dealt and has to treat, just like grampa had to treat the diabetes.  He has always chosen to be very upfront with it as have we.  I am in close contact with the school nurse and I let her know every medication change...even though he doesn't take any of these in school.  I felt by hiding it from him, or from others he could percieve that as me being embarrased by it or it may make him feel like it is something to be ashamed of.

My daughter (13 yrs old) was dx with ADD two weeks ago.  The psychologist wants to do a couple more tests for other LD problems so we have not sat her down to really discuss anything.  She is very bright getting all A's then A's and B's and now more B's than A's.  Her self-esteem is low not just because of grades but because of a lack of friends and the feeling of not fitting in...She feels people ignore her.  Anyway, we are not sure of what/how to tell her.  Sometimes I think if she could put a name on it it would be easier for her.  At the same time we are concerned about her thinking that something is wrong with her because she has a disorder/disability.  She is old enough to have some preconceived, and perhaps incorrect, notions of what ADD is. I'm interested in hearing what others did with a child dx in their teens.  What about telling siblings and other family members?

Thanks for your input.

Hermom

 I agree...I have 4 kids. 1 with ADD.  I would tell her.  At her age she should have a say in her treatment options.  I have a friend who's teen has add and they just found out she's been spitting her meds out becasue she doesn't like how they make her feel.  She should help decide whether you tell other people or not.  She already knows something is wrong.  You can tell her and give her the tools to help herself.  Knowing may actually help her self esteem because she'll know she has something medically wrong that can be treated.  She obviously has loving parents so have faith in yourself too! 

Hey hermom,

I'm not a parent. I'm actually a 19 year old college student. But, my little
sister was held back a grade (kindergarden) and she actually took it well,
if I remember right (It was quite a while ago). I may have been a little
disappointed but she didn't seem to have much of a problem with it..to
my knowledge. She has been checked out more for a learning disability,
but the tutoring/extra help that she was getting was too costly so she
was unable to continue with it. She is now 14 and seems to still have
trouble with certain things. However, even though I can notice that she
has problems with certain things, it seems that she also has some really
good abilities..such as, her sense of direction. She can navigate around
the different cities and towns pretty well from what I've seen her do. My
mom has even listened to her directions in the car before!



There are different types of intelligence. The definition of a Learning
Disability is when one or two of those different types of intelligences is
lower than normal/average. You probably know a lot of this already, but
maybe something like this approach could help in explaining it to your
daughter. I might also think of someting really positive to tell her when/
if you tell her such as an ability that she has that is really good, like my
little sisters sense of direction. I wouldn't necessarily tell her that she's
"special" because that's sort of...well, linked to "special ed" or whatever.

Also, I understand that she has a low self-esteem/self confidence, but I
don't think that you should already determine the way that she will react.

I hope this is something for you to think about and consider...I'm not a
parent but just thought I'd give some input...

ericemo53739149.9594791667I just want to thank you all for your replies and suggestions.  I agree she needs to be told.  Now, I have to convince her dad that that is the right thing to do.  Wish me luck.  We are waiting for a couple more tests before we sit down to explain things to her.

If you are looking for a book, my DH (30 ADD/AS) enjoyed, "You mean I'm not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid".  It's on amazon and I believe you can read at least a couple pages of it.  We gave it to his sister who also has ADD when she was 15.