So do you think ADD is different for men than for women? I guess I assumed that men had different issues because of the way the brain was wired along with sensitive ego's etc... He is seeking a second opinion from a specialist who can clinically test him and provide medication at the end of March. Until then, I am still doing it all.
You sound like me. I own an insurance brokerage, keep up with 2 kids, travel for business and pleasure alot, maintain a household and volunteer. I know I have tendancies with ADD as well, and I find it hard not to consider him lazy.
He lacks drive & motivation. He doesn't seem to do anything quickly so any type of healing for him seems to take FOREVER! I know there are good days and bad days, but I just see the days passing by with very little evidence of positive change. He does not volunteer any feedback about this disorder or what he has learned about himself which he has found interesting (at least that would give me some hope for change). I would enjoy it if he could share something interesting he has learned.
He is a very kind and gentle man who loves his children, however, his business has been unsuccessful for 7 years and I made him move out because he won't (he says he can't) get a job and support his children. His sister says he can move home (small town an hour away) and they'll find him a job. I think he likes staying at home (safe and isolated) and would prefer to putter around and do little tasks which are unnoticeable to anyone but him.
I thank you for your words of encouragement. It's great that you are mastering your "stuff" and able to tackle so much stuff successfully. I guess I have alot to learn.
First of all.. his Disorders are not an excuse to not do anything. I have ADD and Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm able to keep a happy marriage. I "Do it All" myself. I'm a Self Employed Graphic/Web Designer, Mother of 4 kids and keep up with housework, business, and family.
I am a 47 yr old wife of a man who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We have been married for 19 years and recently separated. He moved out on Feb 2nd honoring boundaries I implemented to protect myself from all of his "character disorders ie. passive aggressive disorder, dependent pleaser disorder, his irresponsibility...and more...the list is long. He also suffers from anxiety disorders as a result of ADHD.
We are both working with a psychologist/marriage counselor who has suggested each of us are at such extremes in the way we view our issues...we needed to separate to work out our feelings about each other and for me to get back to who I was without living in this codependent marriage. I have become an expert at trying to "fix it" because I was "doing what I do best" which is everything he didn't. Naturally, the frustration, anger, resentment and bitterness set in and I can't trust this man I have loved for so long.
The ADHD and other disorders have affected our 14 yr old daughter and our 11 yr old son so much that my daughter refuses to admit his leaving bothers her and my son is so angry, he just keeps reinterating how much he hates his dad because of unkept promises.
I am self-employed and feel enormous responsibility for their needs. He has a list of what "I must have in a man" in order to get back together again. I am just not sure I am up to being married any longer to a "MAN" who is this dysfunctional. I doubt he will ever be able to provide my "must haves."
I would be interested in hearing from other ADHD men who are successfully dealing with their condition and can help me find some empathy and compassion for what he is going through. I am also interested in some insight from other wives who have found successful strategies which work for them to prevent the resentment from settling in; a result from "doing it all."
I know I am not perfect but I have been a happier person and a better mom since he moved out and I hesitate to ever go back to the way it was for fear things will never change.
Please help me! Your kind words would be appreciated!