Can I vent? | ADHD Information

I understand the summer school thing. I have always put my son in summer school until last summer because he tends to slide back too much with so much time off. Last summer we didn't make him go but signed him up for a few things that he enjoys so he wasn't just sitting home like he enjoys doing. He had a good summer and the transition back to school was ok. I see it working both ways.

Well, the school has implemented the 504 and he will be allowed to pass in homework and projects late if needed. I can look at his homework load, and if I see that it is too much, and as long as he is working, I can ask for a reduction.

Now, the challenge - I must explain to my son about these accomodations without him thinking he is in Special Ed or something is wrong with him. Any suggestions?

Remember he is defiant and insisting nothing is wrong. He refuses to take help because he wants to show everyone he can organize. I don't want to make him think he needs these accomodations because he is stupid, which he thinks.

I'll call the psychologist, but he probably won't get back to me till late in the day or the a.m.

The English teacher says his writing is brilliant. It is, although it takes him almost 30 minutes to get one paragraph down. He has this insane perfection thing going on. He can't write anything simply. He is constantly looking for those ".00" words. When I tell him that sometimes a simple word is the best, he replys" I don't want to use baby words." He can't multi task either. He needs an adult sitting with him to keep him focused but all his writing is his own because he won't take suggestions. I used to be able to write a paper in an afternoon. Sometimes I wish just for one day I could perceive the world the way he does so I could understand better.

Summer school will upset him emotionally. He already has no self esteem, despite his exceptional musical ability. He thinks he's stupid, even though his IQ is high average. He is very fragile emotionally.

His defiance kicks in when I try to explain that he doesn't have a learning disability and that even if he has ADD, it's no big deal. Lots of kids have it and it's just the brain learning things in a different way. ADD carries a stigma and he's afraid of special ed - even though special ed may be in his future, if he doesn't stop the definance and denial. He's afraid of taking medication and we haven't even gone down that route yet.

This year he and a couple of friends are going to overnight camp for a couple of weeks. Summer is the only time my son is stress free and happy.

If he ends up going to summer school, it may finally convince him to accept help for his problems. I fear summer school will just keep him depressed.

I just wish I could get that diagnosis before school starts next year. I know that won't happen. Thank goodness I have one more year before high school. By then, we should have a workable plan. (I hope).

It can be a long, hard road. It was for us as well, but I can say that I am confident in the diagnosis, and looking at treatment options is much easier if the diagnosis is pretty firm. Once you get to the diagnosis, if everyone is on board and you go for medication, you then have to be patient to find the best treatment fit. It can also take time for him to trust a psychologist to open up about his feeleings, but maybe by starting now he can be getting benefit by the end of the school year.

You might explain to your son that meds is just glasses for the brain. If he was having trouble seeing his school work he would struggle more with it. If his brain is having trouble concentrating on his work, he is having more trouble with it than he should. Meds just level the playing ground so that he can do his best.

We wanted to avoid summer school last year for the youngest as well. School was destroying her self esteem and she needed a break from it. We finished the diagnostice process and started meds during the summer so that she was ready for success this year.

With things now going so well for my kids, I start wondering if maybe they just matured out of the problems, or maybe it was a temporary problem with the last teacher or class, and do they really need meds any more. The youngest recently went without a stimulant to see if guanfacine alone would work. This was the confirmation that I needed that she really needs both guanfacine and a stimulant. We have had good success with the stims, except the youngest had not gained any weight. I know we will find our way through this relatively minor issue as well...then we have puberty.

vickie39154.4585069444This is a long road and you are on the right path! It gets overwhelming and you feel so alone sometimes. Just think that because of you, your son will be a happier, more successful child in the end. If you don't mind me asking, why don't you want him in summer school?

vikie - I love that explanation for the meds. I think I'll use it for ADD treatment in general. Thanks.

Funny, my husband just called and he has totally changed his mind on meds. I think it has taken him a while to come to terms with a possible definate diagnosis and that given my son's symptoms, meds. are probably in the future.

This is so funny, but the psychologist, who initially said meds. are a last resort, has confided that he takes medications sometimes and his son is on meds. I will tread cautiously with medications.

The sad thing is, if my son was not so definant and stubborn and argumentative and just followed the program and accepted the help, he's be doing much better.

I can really see how he just can't help it. He has erected this armour around him and when he can't cope he just rages or withdraws back to bed.

I am looking forward to the day I can post some successes.

"The sad thing is, if my son was not so definant and stubborn and argumentative and just followed the program and accepted the help, he's be doing much better."

My daughter could never admit that anything was wrong or that all the failure bothered her. It came out as anxiety and rage. We did start a positive reinforcement behavior plan (ograms marble system-top stickied thread), which had some positive effects prior to meds. The combo of the behavior plan and meds was a winner for us.

You will get there I am sure! It is so good to hear that your husband is coming around on the med issue. There is so much bad press out there....I was also one of the ones that had only heard the horror stories. After researching more and then taking the plunge with meds for Chase, I don't regret it for a minute! If he did not have the meds, I don't think any accommodations would work for long for him either. The meds just make him more receptive to trying suggestions from teachers and me and the doctor, and then once tried, he is able to see that the accommodations are helping him, so he continues.

My son is 13 - the school has him on a 504 -which, by the way, by the time it gets formally initiated, the year will be over.

His oppositional defiance and refusal to accept help is worsening. The psychologist says we need to break through his denial, which I think is beginning to happen. In the mean time, my son is getting more depressed, and down right nasty.

We are in the process of getting him diagnosed formally but, as you are all aware, it takes forever. By the time we get all the forms back from Drs., school, etc. and the treatment center gets it and gives me an appt. it could be way over 6 months.

I'm trying to keep my son out of summer school. His grandfather seems to be able to work with him on projects, although it is getting difficult, even for him.

I just got a lecture from my dad, the grandfather, and long story short, he doesn't like my pediatrician, (whom he never met), can't understand why it's taking so long for the testing and generally is just as frustrated as we all are.

He keeps tellling me that I have to not "nag" my son. My husband told him he just doesn't know what it's like to live with my son and what my son interprets as nagging is necessary.

I tried to explain to my dad that the process is long and hard and that is just the way it is. In the mean time, I'm losing my mind, slowly. My son is taking his anger out on me more and more. I have an apt. to take him to the psychologist next week, which frankly, I don't think will help.

I know my son will need meds but my pediatrian won't think about them until he gets the formal diagnosis, which I agree with.

My husband is slowly beginning to come around to the medications, thanks to books I have bought and passages that I read to him.

I just needed to vent to people going through what I am going through.

Thanks for reading, assuming you made it this far.

This is the first time I actually had a feeling of hopelessness about my son, and I'm not like that. I wish there was a magic answer but I know there isn't and I just can't get that through to my parents.

It sounds like you are walking on eggshells so as not to upset your 13 year-old. Believe me - I have been there and the eggshell path was the wrong approach. Your son is manipulating you. I imagine a lot of people will disagree with me, but I would like to save you a lot of heartache in the future. Start the tough love now. ellen.parentshelpingteens.com

I agree Wellen.

I just try to do everything I can to avoid a rage - sometimes he gets violent - banging things around the house. I don't care about the furniture, but sometimes he bangs his head. I can replace a couch - not my son's head.

Last night he was okay - he actually got his project written. This a.m. he had an anxiety attack because he forgot to double space it.

The only form I am waiting for that needs to be submitted with the testing packet is from my pediatrician - AND it's the shortest form - one page! I sent it to him with a self addressed postage paid envelope. I will follow-up on Monday. If I can get the packet of forms into the testing facility ASAP maybe I can get a diagnosis before he is in 8th grade.

I definately see medication in the future, unless he admits he can't control his anxiety and accepts help.