Justinsmommy......what you describe is very very common amongst moms with adhd children. You aren't alone. We all learn to cope differently. My son is now 14 and is dx'd with adhd primary inattentive and generalized anxiety and is on a combo of Concerta/Zoloft/Tenex.
Back when he transitioned from elementary to middle school, my anxiety level was so high that I absolutely had to seek medical help myself. For about a year I was on Lexapro and it was a lifesaver for me, plus I went into therapy myself. That, combined with intensive parental training on how to best handle my son, turned things around for me. Eventually I was able to wean off the Lexapro and substitued exercise to counter the stress. Now I'm 25 lbs lighter and my confidence is soaring and it has a spill over effect on how I handle the daily challenges of parenting a child with adhd.
Even if you don't think you can fit one more thing into your daily life, please consider taking small steps towards increasing your physical movement. It really DOES impact the chemical functioning of the brain! Okiemom
okiemom39157.804224537when my dd was in the process of getting diagnosed and when she first started her first med...i have to admit that i was probably the most mentally unstable of my 42 years of life. i just felt like all the decisions were on my shoulder and i didn't want to make any mistakes and cause her harm. i spent hours upon hours reading everything that i could get my hands on and it truly consumed me. having said that...my kids are my life (and my hubby too)...it's just such an intense time. the first med was a nighmare...and that made things worse. i was having a hard time sleeping, because she wasn't sleeping...it was just a cycle of bad moods:) our second med has improved EVERYTHING and we are doing much better...
we all just love our kids SO much...and worry for them. there is so much thrown at you at one time with dx of adhd. my husband was supportive, but in all honesty, he's so busy with work that he left most of the decisions and all for me to make with the pediatrician.
just know that it does get better...and find a coping mechanism for yourself. i know that i was going thru all of it around the holidays and that seemed to make everything worse...and my sister had found a breast lump...so emotionally i had a lot on my plate at the time.
this adhd journey is not always going to be easy. adhd is not only your child's issue, it's your family's issue-it affects all of you.
hugs,
shelley
Thanks Shelly :) Well, I'm not glad others have gone through this, but I am glad everyone can give me insight/advice and know that I'm not alone in this.When my ds was diagnosed, I felt like I was having an out of body experiece. I know that sounds weird but I was mad (I had no idea what I was mad at), I didn't want to talk (which is so not me...I need to talk..I love to talk), all I wanted to do was get out of there as fast as I could. It wasn't until 2-3 days later that I actually started wrapping myself around the idea of his diagnoses. Then I felt like a terrible mom. But I think I just needed to deal with it in my head and heart before I could help him the way he deserved to be help.
{{{cyber hugs}}} I'm so sorry you are having a bad time. You are suffering from anxiety, it sounds like. I had a bad spell myself last summer. I finally made myself go to the doctor and get some medicine for it. It helps immensely, let me tell you. You have to take care of yourself first. Go get some help, you'll be glad you did.My parents are very supportive, they offered to watch Justin for a few months so I could take him out of school, get his anxiety level down, etc. and they will probably be watching him on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a while now too (maybe even until he starts Kindergarten in August) now that he's back in school. My family never had to deal with any kind of depression issues when I was growing up, as a matter fact I've had a friend since high school who her and her family (parents/sisters) seemed to all have been on some form of anti-depressants or what have you at one time or another and I always remember not being able to understand why they couldn't just "snap out of it" and get on with their lives (not very sympathetic, I know - and no, I never said this to her or anything). So I'm not even sure if I brought this up to them or my husband, what they would say. My parents are always telling me to take care of myself, so I'm sure they'd be understanding. I feel like if I told them any of this stuff, I'd just be making excuses for my overspending, overeating, etc. Maybe I'm just in a funk today. Me, son and mom are going to Myrtle Beach tomorrow for the weekend, maybe I can get some rest over the weekend and will feel better by Monday. Thanks again for your insight!Well I thought I had been doing good. After 3 years of denial, my son has been diagnosed and we've started behavior management along with Concerta (18 mg didn't work, seems to be doing great on 27 mg). He's back in school 3 days a week since Monday and has been doing great their as well. I had been obsessively researching ADHD, meds, etc. to the point of staying on the internet til midnight on average for about two weeks (have to be at work M-F at 8:00 a.m.), driving myself crazy with all the information on the meds I'd been reading, checking on him after he's asleep a couple of times before finally going to bed myself each night (again worrying about him on stimulants, even though he had an EKG and cardiologist said he is fine). I had been getting frequent headaches, (about 4 days straight) but they've seemed to have subsided now, but my appetite is ferocious lately, yes I've been eating crappy due to all the stress, but I've already gained a few pounds (and already need to lose at least 80 as it as) I'm tired, feet feel puffy from this crappy eating and water retention and the dark circles under my eyes I think are going to be there permanently now. I've also been spending more money than usual lately on my credit cards and not really caring. (I've bought Justin several toys the last week or so, when he's had a good day at school, etc. - hey the psychologist says it's positive reinforcement not a bribe, as long as he's given it after he's done well, not before), plus I figured what's or on a toy here or there to help my son feel better compared to 5/hour at the psychologist's office. But I know I need to curb the spending. I know I'm babbling, but feel like I'm having a mild "breakdown" and not sure how to get out of this downward spiral I feel like I'm in (which is silly, because my son seems to be doing great at the moment). Anyone else been through a similar scenario?Do you find that you usually hyperfocus on a subject like this?
You need to take care of yourself so that you can be there for Justin. If you cannot get into a better routine on your own...get help. The stress of all of this is very hard on parents (or other caregivers). After I though we got it together for my youngest, I started having difficulties (depression) and needed help for a few months. I tend to be strong when the bad stuff is happening but fall apart later; maybe you are similar. If your son sees a psychiatrist for the DHD, make an appointment for yourself. My daughter's doc discusses everything on our visits (how the kids are doing; how the parents are doing; are the parents wondering if they too have ADHD).
It sounds like your having a rough time of it. Do you have much support from family or friends?
I, too, spent hours on the internet and reading books, but since I'd pretty much known something was not quite right from the time he was 2 or 3 (he's 8 now) I was prepared for the dx. What I was not prepared for was MY dx. (I had already been dx'ed with depression and anxiety) With all the research I did I knew it, but just couldn't deal with it on top of everything else. Until my dh started reading the books and went "Aaaahhh! So this is what's wrong with you!" and forced me to go back to the doctor's.
Have you considered seeing a counselor/therapist yourself to sort of get your own feelings about this worked out? It sounds like you could be depressed, in which case you should see a doctor. Raising these kids is hard enough without having to deal with untreated depression of your own. You could also check out some support for your diet- eating better will help you feel better, but it sounds like you already know that- it's the doing it that's hard. There's an online forum that I visit (caloriesperhour.com) that's really helped me keep my food issues at bay.
After thinking about it, I would say that I ususally hyperfocus on anything I'm researching or interested in at the time (and I'd never really heard of that term before coming to this or similar sites). Our vacations to Disney World - I research where to stay before I make reservations onsite (even though I've been there at least 20 times since a kid). We bought a camper last October - I researched that on the internet ad nauseum before finally buying. There are other subjects I've been like that with, especially on the internet (I guess there is just sooo much information on the net you can drive yourself batty), but this has been the most important since it's my son's health here. I'm the one in the family who pays the bills, keeps the checkbook, takes the main care of Justin (meals, bath's, dr.'s appointments, etc.) when we buy a house or car or get a loan, I'm the one researching/going through the application process, gathering all loan documents, etc. Same with vacations, I plan/research them all. I was the one meeting with the psychologist or taking Justin to the psychologist (save for a two hour parenting skills class me and husband both attended) taking him to the pediatrician for the concerta and the pediatric cardiologist for his EKG. Perhaps I'm just a control freak (I've offered for my husband to pick a vacation spot, etc., he normally just says - whatever you want is fine with me). I started doing "most everything" household/financially speaking so husband could be free to work his job and lots of overtime without having to worry about having energy for much else (at one point it wasn't unusual for him to work 50-60+ hours a week). However, that's been a few years since he's worked liked that (he might work a few hours overtime here or there now) and I also work 40 hours a week myself. Hmmm...after reading those last couple of paragraphs, maybe I am a control freak...
Thank you for your advice by the way:)...I'll talk to someone if I don't improve.
And thank you Jaderock :)
JustinsMommy39156.4824421296 Thanks again everyone. Well, I'm back from the beach (it was cold!) and while I didn't get a whole lot of extra rest (though I was asleep by 10:30 each night) there was no internet to drive me crazy there either. I'm going to start fresh tomorrow with my eating and adding in some exercise and not so much surfin' the net and go from there. Thanks again for all your advice :)
I "lost it" when I was diagnosed at age 50! Had to take meds for anxiety attributed to " adjustment disorder". Well, it is a big adjustment, whether you're the parent of the kid with ADHD, or the kid or the adult diagnosed with it! Luckily I already had a strong exercise routine which I kept up and helped a lot, and I tapered off all the internet research after a while...just had to give my brain a vacation from all this adhd stuff! Kids are especially resilient, and with moms like you looking out for them (not too much...just the right amount!) they'll shine and so will you...