Depression | ADHD Information

As I sit in my pig sty I am happy I am not alone with the messy house.  I work a physically demanding job, no desk job on my feet all day.  Pay is good so I can support me and my kids with little help from their dad money wise.  I thank god have an understanding mother who watches my youngest for a few hours when I need it.  He behaves there for I tell him it is a treat and grandma is special.  But you should find a daycare that is open at night or on the weekends and atleast once a month take your kids there.  I have two sons too and they are exhausting.

Oh, happyrock I quit working when I was still married when I had my youngest the first two years I had him.  I was still married.  I got bored and felt the same way.  As much as I didn't like working I felt imprisoned in my home.  I divorced my husband (not because of the staying home we had other problems) and went back to work.  But before I divorced him I was considering a part time job.  I would maybe look into that or volunteer work or school.  Something to get your self out in the world again. 

I suffer from major depressive disorder and though I am in recovery at the moment - I still find there are days when my son's condition truly depresses me.  I am so blessed that my son has a beautiful relationship with my Mom and she takes him every other weekend! 

I probably create a lot of my own stress though as I am a bit of a clean nut and am constantly cleaning my home.  I have had to force myself to let my son sort his own room out!

Hoping you feel a bit better today LonerGirl.

I just want to say thank you to everybody! It really helps to know there are others like me out there  - Although I wouldn't wish an ADHD child on my wost enemy - Well, maybe I would.

But, in all seriousness, I just feel like I can't get ahead. The kids quite literally come home and trash the place. I'll be doing laundry or dishes, etc and not realize that they are breaking crayons and throwing them everywhere or something worse. Yesterday, they took an ice cream cone and painted my Grandmother's kitchen with it. I wanted to die! I had to take most everything out of their room because they would just come in and start throwing stuff left and right, like you'd seen in a cartoon....And getting them to clean it up - Forget it!

I do work. Part-time. I run my own cleaning company - Yeah, go figure.

After I've spent the day cleaning homes and I don't have the energy to come home and clean. Frankly, I'm lucky I have any energy at all. So most nights I am near tears just getting the boys to behave because there just isn't any stopping them. My ADHD son is 6 and on meds, but I'm begining to think nothing will ever help that boy. It seems to work well enough at school but it has worn off by 6 in the evening. I'm thinking perhaps YET ANOTHER Dr's appointment might be in order.

I collect dolls and like to sew, but I feel like I can't do anything that isn't chasing my children, if I sit down for even a minute I am back up because they are jus soooo demanding. I'm hoping that perhaps the 4 year old matures a bit things will get easier. It's just been a VERY long 6 years. Anyway, I want to say thank you again to everyone who wrote. I am feeling better today. MY ADHD son is gone with his father this weekend so that is a very welcome break, but I never thought Noon was ever getting hee today.

If the meds wear off by 6, and you need more coverage, you may want to look into a fast acting ritalin for the evenings....

Is the hyperactivity an issue in the evenings?  You may want to research tenex (guanfacine), and ask the doctor about it.  It is a blood pressure med that calms hyperactivity, aggression, anger, impulsiveness....it also helps children to sleep and can help with appetite and weight gain if that is a problem on the stimulant.  There is a 6 page thread in the medictions thread on tenex.  Go and read it all and if you have more questions, post them, someone will be sure to give you the answers you seek.

Also, you may want to look into ogram's marble discipline idea (the top stickied thread on this forum)...once you get the plan in place, the house gets so much calmer and under control...  

Judgmental family members?  They are judging from their perspective,  not yours.  They have no idea what you go through.  I did not share all of ds' problems with my family because if I did, it would take too long, they wouldn't truly understand the whole situation and then I would never hear the end of their judgments and opinions.  Sometimes well meaning family members need to be reminded that I did not ask for their opinion. 

I totally understand that, but also I finally admitted I have had depression issues myself with everything going on and went to a doctor.  I started prozac and am doing much better emotionally, of course the house still isn't clean.  You would think they would come up with a pill or something that could just clean your house for you or help you clean or something.

My house is a mess too! There is so much clutter! Like Chasesmom, my mom would die if she saw it! I too clean, clean, clean when she is coming for a visit.  Good thing she lives 3 hours away. I don't have the energy to clean all the time. Ds is a handful at 11 too. Some days I just feel lucky to make it through without having a nap!

I think the cruise ship idea is a good one...don't they give discounts for large groups?  We could probably FILL the whole ship!

I have no excuse for my mess either...I just hate housework!  I have no job... I do home daycare for a few children..I am here all day.  And the problem is that no matter how beautiful it is once done....it all needs done again within a matter of days if not hours!  And that is depressing.  So I live in my clutter, and keep the kitchen clean, and the bathroom...so we stay healthy, and clean the other rooms when the mood hits me...it is not nasty...just clutter....abandoned shoes in the corners, bookbags in the dining room....a basket of clean clothes here, a basket of toys there....it obviously isn't too bad...I have 3 families that bring their children here daily!  But my mom would die if she saw the state of my home!  I clean like a fiend when she is coming for a visit...then she cleans more while she is here!

I agree that you need something for you....classes, volunteer to rock babies in the hospital nursery....something..

Believe me...I hear every word you are saying.  My son is 11..will be 12 in May.  I also have a 7yr DD.  It's sooooo hard to deal with all of my sons issues.  It truly exhausts me.  No one seems to understand.  My friends who don't deal with this try to listen..try to understand...but they just don't.  It's very, very depressing.  There are days I wake up and say today will be different...and it never is.  My son is much, much better then when he was 6,7..that age...but the older the age the different the problems are.  Social issues, school issues, self-esteem issues...they just become bigger and bigger. 

It is a comfort to know there are people who understand....

As far as a clean house...hah!  I do have a cleaning person..and my house is still a mess.  I work (2days from home, 2 from my office), my husband works long hours and on top of that have all the kids issues...please...a neat and tidy house is the last thing I worry about.....

We just have to say that things will get better...

 

I have had many moments were I want to walk away and throw in the towel.  Unfortunately my husband takes the brunt of my frustration and he is good about taking it and massaging my ego.  My son, 11 (12 in May) has come along way, but he and his sister (8) fight nonstop and I can't take it at times.  My house is also a top priority for me and is usually very clean and picked up.  I can't stand it if I have a messy house and have even been known to call in sick from my job to get the house cleaned.  The stress of a full time job (Special Education Teacher), my children, house maintenance etc...I understand what you feel!  I have found, that when I don't work in the summer, I feel worse.  I started playing softball two summers ago and will continue that this summer.  That gives me something to look forward to and it is a bunch of women to hang out with and my hubby stays home with the kids those two nights a week.  During the school year my parents take the kids one weekend a month from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon.  That is a GREAT help (except I have to drive them an hour there, and go back another hour to get them).  Try to find something for yourself.  I know it has been said, but it is very true, IF you don't take care of yourself you can't be your best to take care of those who are counting on you! 

loner girl... I'm so sorry that you are struggling so.  I hope you find something for yourself.  My counselor once told me, if I didnt' take care of myself that I would be no good for my child.  I thought that was excellent advice. 

I don't know if you have tried counseling but I found it to be a great tool for my well being.  I also wonder if you have a local evening daycare in your area that would give you a chance to get out and about.  We have one in our area that I hear is very good and that they provide some excellent activities to keep the children entertained.  It isn't that expensive from what I've been told. 

If it makes you feel better my house is a wreck too.  I'd love to have Clean Sweep come to my home.  Or one of those organization shows.  My goal this weekend is to clean, clean, clean.  Sounds fun, huh.

Take care and know that the rest of us are here for you.  We won't be judgemental. 

Hey my house is a mess too!  I have the spare room to clean out so my college girl will have a place to move into when she returns home in a few weeks....and I haven't started...my loveseat is full of clean clothes that need put away...

I have a goal to clean this weekend too...not holding my breath...

I wish I could afford a maid.....

  Chasemom79, at least you have clean clothes.  I'm right there with you as far as I wish I could afford a maid.

Do you all ever get depressed because no one understands your situation. I can't have friends now that I can't take my two boys anywhere together. My mother won't take my children together. Usually she will only take one, that is if she WILL take them at all. My kids will beg my Mom and she will say, "No, sorry guys I have too much to do at home..." Knowing full well she just can't handle them. How does she think I feel?  

I find it is a struggle to get any time to myself or any real sleep. My house is a mess, family is judgemental. Sometimes, I just feel like my life is a wreck and as though I am a prisoner in my own home. I just need to vent. I'm feeling sorry for myself again.  

I am in the same boat us you.  I don't know how many times this week I have told dh that I am running away!!!  I get very frustrated with our situation.  I know that it is not ds's fault, but there are times when I just want to give up.  My mother offers no support on any level.  She thinks that I am a bad mom and this is just a problem I created for myself.  He is against meds and everything I do in her eyes is wrong.  She did have him one night and the next morning she was complaining that she was so tired she was shaking.  I made a comment telling here that is what I do EVERY night and she just doesn't seem to get it.

Her latest advice is that I should get the same rx ds is taking and then I won't need as much sleep and could deal with him better!!!

I don't know where to turn.  We don't have any local support groups and I wish we did.  There are so many of us mom's out there, but no one is  has the time to devote to setting one up.

 

This is such an isolating condition.   I gave up work to help my son and now I have no energy to do anything.  I've lost my selfesteem and feel like I have let myself go.  I am sure that I am suffering depression but I am too embarrassed to admit it.  Five years ago I had a breakdown and went on meds.  I spent the next 12 months in a dream.  I resent my kids and my husband for making me give up my career.  My husband can't see this - he didn't ask me to - but it was the only way to help our son.  If I kept on working I would have really gone off the rails again.  Now I feel lost and isolated - just existing.   I watch the world go on around me.   See there are others who understand!  My house is a total mess and I have no excuse. I just can't get the energy or the drive to get up and do it.   I suggest find others who have children going through the same issue.  Don't be ashamed - you are doing a great job. I think we should get a cruise ship for all of us that are in the same boat!
Lonergirl, you are not alone!  My mom said no to taking the kids when my adhder was a toddler and said not to come over because it was too much trouble to kid proof her house for our visits.  They were very happy to come to my house instead.  Oh well. Oh yeah I remember...by the time I had my third child she tried to make it up by paying my niece to come over and babysit and give us a break.  That was nice. 

As far as a clean house?  A friend once said that she would rather have her kids remember her as having fun with them than cleaning up all the time. 

I won't forget when I apologized to a parent for my messy house and I was so pleased to hear his response.  "Mess?  That's family life." 

My house is usually messy...with my lifetime goal of uncluttering the place.  We're a busy family, but have a lot of fun. 

Judgmental family members?  They are judging from their perspective,  not yours.  They have no idea what you go through.  I did not share all of ds' problems with my family because if I did, it would take too long, they wouldn't truly understand the whole situation and then I would never hear the end of their judgments and opinions.  Sometimes well meaning family members need to be reminded that I did not ask for their opinion. 



jfla239157.9034837963Our daughter is off at boarding school during the week and her room at home still manages to get messy!!  I went into her room at school last year and she picked a uniform from the floor of the cupboard to wear!!!!  Everything fell out and she pushed it back in - MAGIC the mess disappeared!!!

Oh yes I have been there and done this.  We REALLY struggle to get family members to have the boys.  My parents think my husband's parents should have them and his parents think mine should. So in the end it's too exhausting for us to ask anyone unless we really have to like a company function or something.  Even that caused a big issue last year. You have to accept it though. That sounds tough but you only cause yourself heartache if you don't.

As for the tidiness thing - I also can't afford a maid. And there is not one neat person in our family of four. So I clean once a week and try to get them to pick things up as they leave them. But I've given up on their bedrooms. I close the doors and pretend they're not part of the house.

I love that idea Gutsy. My daughter's door is often shut. She has to take out every single toy or even clothes every night. I often prtend that her room is a secret cave that no one knows about. I keep her door shut. my house is also a disorganized mess, especially my 10 year old sons. I quit my job in August to be there for him and help him through,  I also have a 6 yr old son.  I feel like I have put all my efforts into my ADHD son 10 and my 6 year old has nothing.  I actually feel more depressed at home.  I try so hard not to think this way but I can't help it.  Thank God for all of you because in the neighbor hood I live in no one speaks of there children or refuses that they are adhd.  I feel so alone even with my own family.  I fought the meds for 3 yrs. and finally it came to the boiling point in 3rd grade.  He is doing well, on the Daytrana patch, but when its off on the weekends.  I feel as though I've turn into a witch.  He is off the meds on the weekends because he is so skinny.  Maybe one of those weekends off the meds we can all plan a party for us struggling mothers.  The cruise sounds great but in my situation. No money all for braces, psyhs and meds.  I would love to meet all of you caring mothers and fathers.  I'm thinking of a plan.  Wow!!! So good to know I am not alone. I clean all the time now. Mainly because we just moved into a new home and I am really proud of the hard work it took to get here. I am trying so hard to instill some pride into my children. My ADHD daughter will eventually clean up a little, but not without a huge fight or protest. Reward system doesn't help. My son is just starting the whole adolescence phase. He is just preoccupied with sports and such.  I am a single Mom, so it is very hard to find energy or time to do anything, especially with baseball, dance, and my attempt to go back to school.

I definitely know what you mean about family members. My mom was in a car accident about a year a go and psychically can't help with the kids. My dad...who knows where he is this week. I often get the ...well i have so much to do, I just can't watch  them right now. I get that a lot from my sister and friends. Not a lot of people want to take on a super active girl with attitude (my daughter) Especially with my children's bickering all the time.

I did manage to find something to relax a little. I have discovered I have a green thumb. The kids can play all day on Sunday ( we have to help my mom on Sat.) outside while Mommy daydreams while gazing at the lilies.

I like to clean when I am upset! It relaxes me!!

I have a clean house - lol

Wow, I haven't been on here in so long I had to re-register (notice the extra "z") Anyway, it's good to be back! I just wanted to comment that tho some of you said your families have no idea what you're going thru my brother was ADHD and had a learning disorder - I now have a new appreciation for my mother - and my mother still doesn't get it. Some days I get the "I know what you're going thru!" but most of the time she is in denial and thinks I am making too much of his behavior! My husband was also ADHD but we don't even want to tell his parents - they think my son walks on water and they won't get it either tho they should since they lived it! I completely agree with Jo-D - I don't want their opinions! It's very frustrating!

As far as the clean house thing goes - I can't stand it when my house is messy, but I only work part-time and my husband is a great helper!

I'm completely right there with you in the feeling lonely part.  Before we moved to Vegas, I had a lot more support in dealing with my daughter with ADHD and having a way to get a break from my two daughters because me and my two sisters would take turns watching each others kids and my mom was always willing to watch my girls too.  So that was nice having a way to get away.  We moved to Vegas in Nov 2005 and my husband works these insane hours and I feel like I'm pulling my hair out because I have no family here now and not really any friends.  Oh yeah and Im with Beth because I clean when I'm stressed makes me feel so much better so I usually have a clean house with the exception the room that my two daughters share.  I totally feel the same way though about how I feel like my daughter with ADHD gets most of my attention versus my 2 1/2 year old and I feel terrible about that.  Maybe we should all try and figure out if any of us live close and we could all get together and vent over lunch or something.  I'm joining the boat, ALL ABOARD!