people have never really liked me | ADHD Information

Have any of you had this?

I have never really had a group of friends.  I know it is something to do with the add but I am not sure what.  I can not put my finger on it and i wish someone would tell me what I do wrong. 

I am not wierd looking.  I have had small periods of being in the popular group at school but it took too much effort and never lasted.  The last time i had a group of real friends was ten years ago. 

we move around alot for my partners work and i am a bit of a gypsy but that is not it either....

I seem to attract really boring geeks ( mean thing to say I know) or people with HUGE problems. 

maybe i talk too much or dont hear what people say and say the wrong thing or maybe i am tactless or talk too much about one subject.  I used to just cry about it all the time  now I know it is the add I dont feel so bad but come home and pick every conversation to pieces and am becoming paranoid.

I care about people and am nice and I have a high IQ and lots of interestng experiences and interests.  and there are some real nasty people with so many friends that i dont get it!! I want to know what it is as I have a child who currently has great social skills and I dont want him to model my behaviour. 

oh and some people ask me a simple question like 'have you been to the movies lately and I answer a short answer and a look comes on thier face like 'ok, this girl is strange' or some people within minutes judge me as a problem person and treat me with contempt and I feel like I am in school again.  Have any of you been through this? 

How  do i know it is not all in my head because i have become paranoid from shcool where kids would ask me to go find someone else to play with and i would have to sit all break in the toilet on my own?? 

that's why I call it social paranoia--for me, it's limited only to social situations. I don't have the typical paranoia where you feel everyone has it in for you and is devising some malicious plan against you, you think everyone is always talking about you (I get that sometimes, but not too severely, and I just let it pass)..you get the idea. I was fine socially until jr. high, and I don't know what happened to make me this way. I have a therapist right now and she sounds like she knows her stuff but she never gives me any CBT/behavioral exercises to work on; we basically just talk every week about my problems. I am considering going to the psychologist that works with my rxing doc instead.I am a high school student and I have a lot of these issues that I feel I must work out before college. What Beatrice says sounds exactly like me...I always tell my parents I am "socially paranoid" and analyze everything I say to death. I volunteer at an animal shelter and the manager whom I have to notify of schedule changes makes me very anxious for no apparent reason. Maybe it's some kind of weird inferiority complex?

I feel like everything I say can be "used against me" if not said in the right way. The friends I do have, I cannot connect with because I get nervous when I open up to people outside my immediate family, who, ironically, I cannot stand to be around. I feel like I'm in some kind of isolating bubble at school (my parents say I put a wall up). And because I judge people in my own head constantly, I cannot help but think they must do the same to me. So that makes me more self-conscious. I haven't been in school for a month because of my severe social isolation and overwhelming and continuously growing workload. I am trying to coonvince my obstinate parents to homeschool me for the remainder of this year and then change schools for my last year in high school. I don't really know where in comes from, I can't remember being rejected, maybe I just took a past friends' remark or behavior as rejection, or maybe it's the remarks my mother has made to me throughout my lifetime that carved something in my mind.

I just wish I knew where it all came from--if it is ADD, how did ADD cause it? I know for me, I'm so poorly motivated that I never really pursued any interests and therefore had nothing to talk about with anyone, but that's just part of it. As supportive as this forum is for me, I think I'll eventually have to find an in-person support group, because the easiest friends for me to make are the ones that have issues similar to mine. Not that I'm not getting the support I need here, this forum has been a great help to me. My mom always says "people you talk to on the computer aren't friends--you need eye-to-eye contact" but internet friends are the best ones I have.

Thank you everyone all your advice has given me something to go on!

Thanks CarpElgin your mail was not too long! look at mine. Some good tips.

 world is round I dont know if geeks was a good word adn I know it was mean becasue these are the only people who I have not been really hurt and let down by. What I meant was quiet, plain, never put a foot wrong, not much personality.  Where as I am someone who has gone on holiday before and decided on my last day not to go home.  so I find it really hard to relate to the dullness.   Maybe I am too intense and dont laugh enough or something like that who knows???

I am really sorry that so many teens are going through what I did at school.  School is soo hard on your self esteem if you are different or sensitive.  watching my son has taught me alot.  A sensitive little girl was going asking other kids are you my friend and just for the sake of it one of the girls said no.  sensitive went into a corner and started crying her self esteem damaged.  Charlie my son is so thick skinned that he wouldnt ask that or believe it if someone did not like him so he would keep playing with them until they just accepted him. it probably all starts like that and never stops! (these kids were 3).

I would love that info on sensitive kids with add by the way!

thanks everyone!

My daughter, who is 18, has been like this probably since about Junior High.  I was just diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago myself, and I am getting ready to have my daugter tested in the next 2 weeks.  I think she has a mild form of ADD, not ADHD, or she has general anxiety disorder.  But I have read, ( I'll try and find the article ) that some people with ADD/ADHD are extra sensitive ( there is an actual name for it, but I can't remember it ) with their feelings and emotions.  My daughter had a hard time making friends in Junior High and High school...when she would make a few friends, somehow she would always end getting upset with them, having an arguement with them, coming home and telling me things like, I think so and so doesn't like me because when we passed in the hallway today she didn't say hi to me.  ( well never mind that the hallway is crowded with a million kids, noises,etc...)   She graduated from high school last year and she is still like this.   She is sooooo sensitive...she has had several groups of friends since graduating, and the same pattern continues. Or we'll be in public, maybe at the movies, and a group of girls will walk by, and she'll turn to me and say something like, that girl just stared me down and gave me a dirty look....and I was looking straight at the girls and never saw any dirty look..they may have looked our way, but no dirty look.  I think this is being paranoid....but she's been like this for a very long time now.  I have noticed she is especially like this with other girls versus boys.... she gets along much better with boys.....she just seems to be more at ease with them.   I don't think people are judging you the way you think they are.  But by watching my daughter,I know how frustrating and sad it must be for you.   It certainly is not good for the self esteem yet the more it happens the more it crushes your self esteem.  Maybe ask your doctor for something to help with anxiety.  This could help not be so sensitive. THis may be the route we take for my daughter.  I am going to try and find the article on sensitivity and ADD/ADHD and send it off to you all. 

 

My childhood and some of my teens were like that.
Maybe they just sense something is different about you and can't figure out why they feel uncomfortable with you.
Then again maybe you are mentally way past their level.
Or you have a much deeper,richer concept of things that interest you.
I feel most people are concerned with petty everyday things. Maybe to me they seem "petty" and not to them.
Alot of women in my opinion identify themselves through their spouse and children and in my opinion loose their identities along the way. They just become so and so's wife or mom.
I assume since you have a high IQ that you would not be shallow ? One would have to know you and see your behaviour.
I have a girlfriend that complained of the same social problem as you are having. But I see now why this is so since I have gotten to know her better. She speaks fast and incessantly,is undependable,chaotic, a pity-seeker and rebellious .She is straining and angers me alot but she has a good heart,can be lots of fun,adventurous and is very creative.
You said you attract geeks. Do you look "geeky" ?
By "geeks" do you mean people with high IQ's but no personality,humor and nill physical attractiveness ?
If you seek people with problems maybe you give the impression you can "fix" or help them in some way.
You may be attracting these people on a subconcious level. I know I did and I am burnt out emotionally and mentally from it.

worldisround39158.4580787037You sound alot like me. Since I finished school and moved away from home, I've had a really hard time finding friends too. And I get the "you're really weird" look alot. ADD is one of the few "disabilities" that people feel just fine making fun of... and makes it really hard to have friends because you seem flaky, lazy, inconsiderate or selfish. (Even though you really aren't!)

First... don't be so down on really boring geeks! Growing up I was kind of afraid to be a geek, but found that other geeks (this is a total generalization) can be more accepting of "different" people than other social groups. You don't have to make really good friends with anyone right away. Even if its someone who seems boring, use them to practice how you wish other people would treat you... they may turn out to be really shy. (Befriend high-maintenance people sparingly... be nice...but be careful about getting involved in their problems.)

Since you move around alot, you're probably going to have to do more work when you first move. (This is of course what I wish I had done... but eventually started doing.) Find some group that meets to talk about... or do... some hobby or other thing you really like (or would really like to learn.) Meetup actually lists Australian cities or you could look in a local indi/free paper type thing. If you're already doing something in common, it makes the first step easier (especially if its something other people think of as kind of strange to begin with.)

If you're really not comfortable doing that in person, you can practice by joining an online community. (Like here?) I've been afraid to post because I have a tendency to post really long, stupid comments (like this?), but you'd be surprised how supportive some communities can be... and how much that confidence can transfer into real life situations. ("This guy may think I'm weird, but I know that there are a whole bunch of other people like me out there, because I talk to them all the time.") The groups at Live Journal are known for being really supportive.

So... um... long posts.