Sorry I have not experienced what you are going through but how horrible! Your ex obviously does NOT have your son's best interest at heart. He is probably trying to get back at YOU!
If you have a doctor's evaluation that diagnosis your son, and will have another one for speech since he is being evaluated for that, I would think that you have proof of what you are doing and are looking out for what is best for your son.
I wonder if your husband may have adhd. My husband was against my son on medication and the results of the evaluation. He tried to ignore it. It took school and social problems for him to finally "get it!"
Now my husband is the first to give him his meds in the morning because he knows how much it helps him and how successful he is when taking it!
You have the paperwork from the doctor and specialists for your attorney, if you need to go down that road!
Call an attorney and ask them about it - I am sure they can give you some legal advice over the phone!
I agree, if the doctor has put him on the meds, you have every right to give them. Could you get statements from the school on how much he has improved (both academically and socially) since being medicated? I would think those would hold some weight. Perhaps the doctor could right something up on the hit and miss herbal methods....and the effectiveness and the many years of track record that the stimulants have. Make sure that your son does not lose weight, if he makes up for the appetite loss in the evenings it should be okay, if not, there are things he can take for appetite stimulation (though your ex would most likely balk at another med).
Hang in there and call a lawyer, I don't think that your ex has a leg to stand on if you get yourself prepared.
wow, I totally feel for you!! my ex is the same way...everytime there is any sort of issue with our son, he thinks that it's because of the meds, and everytime I have to explain to him again the benefits outweighing the risks...I have finally made him attend my sons dr appointments with us (we have one every 3-6 months to make sure the meds are doing what they are supposed to) and I had him (my ex) voice his concerns to the dr and then I let the dr explain to him how most behavior modifications absolutely cannot make our son pay attention and stay on task in school - no matter how hard we all try and no matter how strict we are with our son...
hang in there!! I will keep you in my prayers!
God Bless!
I agree about getting a formal written evaluation from a board certified child psychiatrist. After you have that in hand...call up your ex and tell him:
"Bring it on .....Daddy Dearest!"
Your son has medical needs that will not be taken care of if your ex gets physical custody. Your his only line of defense and must protect him. Just make sure the professional treating him knows what they are doing. You might want to consult an attorney to get more specific advice. This is not an unusual fight between two divorced parents.
Okiemom
I have never gone through the legal struggle, (I am so sorry you are facing this), but I have certainly spent many days arguing with my ex about my daughter's meds. He says I only want to dope her up because I can't control her. it just infuriates me that he does not look at her condition as a medical condition (Dr diagnosed). Would he not want her to receive medical care if she was diabetic or had cancer or even the flu! Not that I believe that my child is sick per say, but if she were to have any medical condition where medicine would help her function in a happy healthy way, why wouldn't you give it to her? Some people just refuse to look at the whole picture. I really wish you luck and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Dealing with ignorant exes can be extremely difficult. I wish you the best.
As the parent with physical custody of the kids you have the right to make medical decisions without his input. You have done the right thing for your son and don't let you ex bully you into something that you know will be harmful.
My advice is the same as the others- gather all your paperwork and call his bluff. Chances are he won't do it, but if he does take you to court it will be on him to prove that you are unfit or negligent and he will have to show that your son would have a better life with him. Since you are obviously neither unfit nor negligent you really have nothing to worry about there (except maybe the lawyer's fees).
I might be a good idea to not let your ex know about any misgivings you have about the meds (like not liking the side effects). When talking to him simply state that the appetite issue is managable and he's shown a great deal of improvement. It sounds like he wants to scare you and bully you into doing what he wants, but the court system is not going to change a custody ruling when your son is showing improvement with a diagnosed and treated medical condition where he is.
I have never had this happen but just wanted to offer to make sure you are fully armed with everything you possibly can. Evals, teachers reports, Dr's letters,talk to an attorney etc. If you had all that info, I find it really hard to believe a judge would rule he must come off the meds or be placed in fathers custody. Just get everything you possible can showing the possitive's of him being medicated. Its not like we are talking about a rare diagnosis, or unapproved meds. Its not like you are wanting to give him a rare new med that is not approved or something like that. Know what I mean? Sounds like his side effects are minimal too. As far as the eating later, just wanted to mention my Dr told me when my son was 1st put on meds that often kids want to eat later when meds wear off some, and that was fine, to just let him do that. Hang in there, and start collecting all you can in case he does take you to court. I really would be surprised if anything came of it though. Also, could he just be threatening to upset you and/or to see if you will take son off meds? I would call an attorney to try to ease your mind a bit. Hang in there and keep us posted!