My situation is different, my non adhder is older than the adhd brother. I tried to explain to the older one that Chase's brain is on overload most of the time...things are happening so fast that adding just one more thing, like him chattering in the background while Chase is on the computer, can send him over the edge. All I asked of Jake (the older child) was to respect Chase when he asked him to be quiet. Usually Chase would start asking, proceed to yelling, then lunge at Jake....all because Jake did not quiet when Chase first asked him to.
I believe there are books on adhd for children, I wonder if you search online if you could find one. Or maybe someone could post some titles here....
I just think that it is so unfair to the non-ADHD child, to constantly be attacked because of the other child. My ADHD step-son is constantly attacking my son (who this time last year won a character award for being the most compassionate). This morning, my step-son attacked my son - admittedly - for no reason. He knocked his sister over to get to him, stepped on his sister's head. Then he threw a remote at my son, grabbed him, pushed his head into a wall, then pulled his hair to the point that he was screaming. My step-daughter has ADHD as well, and never comes even that close to bad. My husband has said several times, that maybe he just needs to send his son to live with his grandmother. I have always said no, that he will get better. I don't know how much longer I can say to leave him hear. It is breaking my heart.My nonadhd daughter will turn 7 in May. My son (who is as of yet undiagnosed) just turned 5. He does get very physical with his older, but delicate sister. Someone usually ends up crying and they both end up going to their rooms. He likes to wrestle for some reason, but someone always gets hurt out of these play situations that start off nice, but end up getting too rough. It has been a chore dealing with all his behaviors, and luckily my daughter is good about verbalizing. She has told me at times that she needs more attention, and admits she acted up because she thought that was how she could get it. I now try to do things with her separately at least once a week...her own private Mommy time. She loves it and it has helped considerably. We've talked to her about Jeffrey and that he's younger and needs help from her to teach him how to act like the big kid she is.
Last night it was soo sweet. At dinner, my daughter had finished her water and said she was thirsty. My son hopped up and said he'd get it for her. I praised him for his thoughtfulness. Noticing his glass was also empty, my daughter went and filled up his cup. I then praised her and told them both how great it was that they were thinking of each other's needs as that is what God teaches us. They both gleamed with pride. Then, later, I gave each of them a separate "time in" for their thoughtfulness. A time in is opposite of time out. Do a fun activity of their choice all the while reminding them they earned it for their good behavior. I try to focus on those moments and reward them with something positive to encourage it to continue. It has worked pretty well for us.
That is where I am at too.... Jake likes the power....he often quietly antagonizes Chase...I hear him quietly say something (so I won't hear), the Chase reacts loudly, then Jake says something like, "Gee Chase, you don't hafta yell!"
The reaction is just too much to resist....
What I did for Jake is to find an ADHD simulater on the internet....so he could "walk a mile in Chase's shoes", so to speak. I think I posted it somewhere on this board...After that, he has been much more understanding to Chase's issues, and with the addition of the guanfacine, Chase doesn't overreact nearly as often, so it is pretty peaceful around here now.
oh my 10 year old we sat down and explained to him what his brother is going through but I also found a site that gives examples. We also watched SuperNanny where she sat the mother down to do some reading of a newspaper and had rock music with headset on and kids running around her and tugging at her, etc. So might try an exercises with you 10 year old and "show" him some of what his sister goes through. It was an eyeopener for us and my 10 year old.Check this one out.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoodminds/attention.html
click on the visual one and the others to see what ADHD kids go through.
Wow that link was great. I had my son try the examples too. Thanks