teacher problems, again... | ADHD Information

I had written awhile back about my teacher not being able to handle my son and his attention/behavior problems. It was going pretty good for awhile and she has been calling me every day after school to give me a report about how my sons day was in the classroom. Anyway, he was misbehaving in his art,gym class also so I asked those teachers if I could come in every so often to observe him in class. I went to each of those classes once this week to see my son. Now it is Friday and his teacher tells me that my visits seem to make my son worse in her class. She said after I leave he seems to act out more...basically she thinks I should not go to his classes because it's too disruptive...I was wondering what your opinions or actions would be in this situation....I'm confused about it and am not sure if what she says could be true? There is another girl in my sons class who does a lot of the same things my son does but she is actually a little more prone to bad behavior and being defiant. She mentioned that she also seems to act up if she knows I am there...tell me if that makes sense because it doesn't to me! Thanks for your comments, they would be appreciated because at this point she has my blood boiling and I don't get upset easily.   

Does he have an IEP?

If not then I would look into one.

He has not been "officially" diagnosed. I am waiting for paperwork to get through to get his eval with a child psychiatrist at our childrens hospital and they say it takes months sometimes so at the moment he does not have an iep for ADHD problems. He only has 3 months of school left so I would not think about aking him out of his current class. At the moment I guess I am stuck with her and with holding my tongue at times

I actually began working with my teacher before a diagnosis as anything that will help, will help whether he is ADHD or not.  I probably personally would not go if he does act up.  I found my son did the same.  Perfect angle while I was there (and I saw the other kids misbehaving just as bad) and then I leave and he went haywire!) I believe my son's teacher completely as I know how much she likes him and wants what is best for him (she has gone completely out of her way to help and talk, etc). 

My son has a classmate who was being evaluated also I thought at the same time but this little boy is very wild.  He is constantly watching my son to tattle on him so my son and him now are fighting daily and tattling on each other.  There is nothing I can do to fix the other child.  So I wouldn't worry about the teacher making a comment about the little girl and her actions as that realistically isn't about you but the teacher needs to realize that little girl is just acting up not about you.

from the teacher perspective(I'm an instructional facilitator)... some kids act out just when there is a change in the classroom routine.  Whenever you or anyone enters the room this changes the dynamics of the room.  This would hold true even if another teacher was visiting the classroom.  There are some parents that volunteer to help within the school and they can get what they need to see from working in this situation.  Just to go in an observe can cause some disruption even if you didn't mean for this to occur. I hope this makes sense.

from the parent perspective (parent of ad/hd child)...I have elected to not take my son with me to my school next year for this very reason.  He will attend his neighborhood school because I think he needs to have his space(and I want him to know his friends from the neighborhood).  He will have his down days and I feel strongly that he needs to learn to handle these days with correct guidance from myself and his dad as well as his teachers.  I don't want to be one of those drill sergant parents or helicopter parents.  I will provide all the support I can to him and his teachers.  If I don't agree with the approach a teacher is taking then I will ask to conference with her/him.  I will do my best to keep a working relationship with the teachers my son deals with.  I may not always like their strategies and I might voice my concerns with them, but I hope that I can do so with dignity and reasonableness. (Now if my child is being treated unfairly or in an unsafe manner I will voice my opinions more strongly as I don't agree with abuse.)

 My philosphy ... we all grow up and and we have to work with all kinds of people as adults.  Our children need to learn to work with all kinds of teachers and their classroom expectations.  Change isn't easy for many children( or adults for that matter)  but this is where we as parents must help guide them and teach them. 

 I also believe in some cases, play therapy is great for children.  My son is currently working with someone in a play therapy environment due to his dad and I being separated and soon to be divorced.  It has been wonderful for him. He has learned to handle and express himself much better over time.  We still have some things to work on but who doesn't ?

On a friendly note.... I'm not trying to be preachy... I just have thought a lot about this as I am a teacher and I am about to experience public school as a parent next year with my own child.  Who knows next year I might just come back and post a different view.  Hopefully though I won't. 

 

Take care!

You guys are lucky. At my son's school there is not a full time principle. Actually, you rarely ever see her when she is there. She had hurt herself this winter and broken her leg so she was out for awhile and there were some substitutes taking her place. One was a retired principal and he was just great. When my son had to go to the principals office for some misbehaving he would sit with him and talk with him. The principal who broke her leg but is now back I hardly ever see interacting with the kids. Even before she got injured. The school my son goes to now is just Kind and first and than they transfer to another school down the road which is second-fourth and wouldn't you know she is the principal at that school. She goes between both! So I am wary about the next few years of school and not having a principal around. Especially if I was having teacher concerns like I have this year. I am thinking of moving him to another district where they would have a full time principal. I don't know if I am overreacting about that....Thanks for the opionions about going and obvserving his classes...guess I will stay away for awhile.

We only allow visits to the classroom by appointment.  The main and only reason for this is out of respect for the class and teacher.   Quite honestly, many parents, and I'm not referring to any of us, just parents in general, whom visit the classroom often want to visit with the teacher and this takes from  instructional time.  The parents don't mean to do this but it is just human nature.

We have no problems with parents visiting, we just ask parents to make prior arrangements with the classroom teacher or school administrators. We actually love for parents to come and visit as long as it doesn't interupt class instruction.  Recently we had a parent come for 20 days consectively.  Once she stopped her son was right back to his nonsense.  Mind you he acted out when she was there too, but not to the same degree. 

 Also, we don't allow anyone to enter our building without checking in through the front office and signing in on the computer as a visitor.  You must have a visitor badge on to be in our building.  Safety is crucial to the well being of the students and employees.  We live in a crazy world, unfortunately.

Just FYI...as you are well aware... many kids act differently when in the presence of their mom or dad.  Mine for example acts out more.  It is attention getting.  He is quite fine with his teacher and rarely if any acts out for her (he is in private K this year due to his age and the mandatory age requirement for public school). I personally expeirenced this recently when I went on a fieldtrip with my son's class. 

 

For my daughter, the principal (very active with her kids) did the observations and later the special ed teachers did the observations so that my presence would not change how my dauther was acting (or not).It sounds like your principal is on the ball.  I admire principals that are active in their students lives.  The principal I work for is very involved too.  She'll even tutor if we need her to help out with small groups. 

The principal at Chase's school is pretty involved as well. 

Chase had observations done by the school psychiatrist, and the teachers filled out forms as well.

During this year the principal has kept tabs on Chase for me, and been helpful with accommodations (he went and gathered up an extra set of textbooks without a second thought when I asked), and he let me know at one point that Chase looked tired ,which I had thought too, but that reaffirmed it for me.  The time when Chase was having issues with other children, he always believed in Chase, and told me that he knew Chase didn't lie, even when it meant he was going to be in trouble once he told the truth.

I like him a lot, and would be more stressed than I already am about Chase moving to middle school next year, if not for the fact that the middle school principal used to be the elementary school principal and is just as good.

 I know that my son is very distracted by my presence in the classroom, I think because he knows that discipline will be different, both from the teacher and from me, at school if I am there. Our school is rather open, so I can stand in the hall and see much of the classroom, as well as hear everything. Actually, you can stand at the intersection of two hallways and listen very well to four different classrooms. You have to check in at the desk before you head down there, and quite frankly I think that the secretary calls ahead and lets them know that there is a parent on the floor. Now and then I am there in a different area to volunteer and I work my way around the building so that I get to my son's classroom without going past the desk. So far this year I haven't heard anything from the teacher that disturbs me, but last year his teacher was like Jeckle and Hyde, depending on if a parent was in ear shot. Not a caring person. This kind of observation of my son lets me know that my son behaves differently, also, when I am there.

HOWEVER, you have every right to visit his room when you want and they shouldn't try to forestall you.