me, me, me attitude | ADHD Information
I think this is a very common trait with kids on the ADHD spectrum. I call it spectrum because some kids have more severe issues than others in different areas of inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulse control.
My son is 14 now and has a little more control, however, back when he was 8 and 9 he would frequently get into these "stuck" or "rigid" modes. Dr. Ross Greene talks a lot about this trait of "inflexibility" in his book The Explosive Child. He calls it "chronically inflexible" and describes the mindset of these kids and why they just seem to get stuck in these thinking and behavior patterns.
There was a time back then when my son literally ruled our household. We were walking on eggshells all the time. It was a deseparate, horrible feeling.... one I'm sure many on these boards identify with.
Anyone who is in a household where their ADHD child's behaviors dominate the family dynamics MUST get professional help and work with a behavioral expert. The balance of power HAS to shift back to the parents in order for peace to return. It is so, so hard.
In our case, things didn't change until I myself actually worked with a therapist to better understand why I was struggling terribly with following through on discipline, maintaining consistency, and yielding to these temper tantrums. Medication helped my son, however, it by no means was the magic "fix everything" solution. The meds simply made it easier and my son more receptive to the very important behavioral modification techniques that he so desperately needed.
Okiemom
Isn't that strange. I did NOT know this was an ADHD trait! I just figured I had raised a self centred kid. To be honest - its a running joke in our house. ( I feel a little guilty now) Even my daughter laughs at herself sometimes when I frustratedly holler "What's the matter? Is the world not spinning around you fast enough today?!", when she's obviously have one of those centre-of-the-universe moments.
About shopping. She had a difficult time as a child. I thought most kids did. For myself --- I can now understand why I hate the mall so much.
I
Yes this is a trait and I didn't know it either until I purchased a book - Teens with ADD ( I don't have the exact name of the book)
It said that because kids with ADD or ADHD are immature, they appear to be selfish and self absorbed. My son is very self absorbed but now that I know it's a trait, I just kindly remind him that there are certain things you do socially - going to family affairs, class mates Barmitzvahs - even if they aren't your best friends - because they went to yours, buying birthday presents for family members.
It's just yet another behavior I have to work on. I do hope he'll grow out of it as he matures. He's 13 and developing slower than other kids his age, which is another trait of ADD , ADHD which I never knew before.
i'm just curious if self-absorbness is a trait that you see in your adhd child. today i took my daughter shopping and if it wasn't about her, then she was misbehaving-she's 9...and it just was not appropriate. she only wanted to shop her stores-even though i made it perfectly clear that i had a list of things that i wanted as well.
is this common with adhd? i was so frustrated. she shut down and refused to move in one store, and hid from me...eEEECCKKKKKK! she just seemed to get *stuck* on wanting to buy a purse-when she has more purses than i own and she doesn't even use them/or she can't find them:) :) :) sarcasm there:) :) :) LOL
she's doing so much better than before ritalin LA. but, we still have some areas to work on i guess:) :)
shelley
shelleyA39166.6117708333OH YES!!! I know exactly what you are talking about. My son, who is also 9, thinks the world revolves around him morning, noon and night. If something doesn't go his way he cries and has a fit and says everyone hates him. It's extremely frustrating. I have been in situations where I would have to leave a store that we were shopping in because of his behavior. Being self-centered is definitely an ADD/ADHD trait.
The only advice I can offer is to clearly state the expected behavior to the child before you get out of the car. And tell her that you will let her pick out a treat if she behaves while shopping. Make her repeat your expectations back to you so you know she was listening. If she behaves well while you are shopping let her know how much you appreciate her good behavior and how proud and happy it makes you. That will reinforce the fact that she will get a treat if the good behavior continues.
I wish you the best on your next shopping endeavor!
Yes it is a trait and it is annoying. What I do is review with her the rules prior to going anywhere and if she does the right thing I offer a reward not always monitary but special playtime with mom doing whatever she chooses.
I had to laugh about getting over stimulated in Wal Mart because that is what happens to me every time!!! We shop there for the low prices, but I can't stand going there!! My husband doesn't understand why I hate it so much. I also get that way at Costco and Sam's. Too many people, too much noise, too crowded. I'm always a mess by the time we end up leaving!!!
Susiequte
We go to Walmart too and Bj's, luv it for the low prices too but my three boys go nuts. And lord don't even think we go to malls NOPE, my husbands family thinks i am silly cause we don't but its just too much of an overload. We do go to the movie theater sometimes but thats few and far between cause they go nuts there too. We like small quiet places when we go out to eat and they really enjoy it!
My 16 year old took a small fit because he didn't want to go to his Aunt's 50th birthday party. He bugged the whole time he was there, and pretty much followed me around, asking Can we leave now. Leaned on me, whined in my ears, clinged. It was 10 times worse when he was younger, but still he's 16. He acted like a 7 year old. He cannot tolerate boredom at all. He's shy so won't talk to his cousins (who are older), so sticks to us or mauls his 13 year old sister. Not fun, but on the other hand it's one of those family things that you feel he should attend. It's just part of one of those responsibilities that you just have to do. His explanation was "you know what I'm like when I'm bored". "I get bored, I do stupid things, then get in trouble."
Wow...good to know I am not alone. EVERY shopping trip is fight, struggle, or complete melt-down experience. My daughter gets over stimulated in larger stores (Wal-mart) Short trips only. The problem is we usually have to take my parapaligic mom shopping on the weekends. We have started going to the dollar store and to the grocery instead of Wal-mart. It is just too much for her. 9 and me too) i hear a comment or see a stare almost everytime we go out. My daughter often takes her shoes off, refuses to move, or screams if she does not get what she wants. She is very demanding. The one time she really threw a fit, in which all I could do was restrain her so she wouldn't hurt herself, I heard a lady say if that was my child I would beat her butt (she used more profane words) I wanted to go over and spank that lady for saying that. Phsyical punishment does not work on my daughter, she just laughs at me if I spank her (only makes me more angry and upset) People really are ignorant and not very understanding.That was a major issue with my oldest, who is ADHD, inattentive, but I never knew it, she was dx as an adult.
She was and still is very self centered. This is her world, we are all just walking through it. Always was that way....
Chase is not that way at all.....but ADHD children all have different traits of the disorder, just like all children are different. Also he may have learned how NOT to be by watching his big sister......