Is this o.k? | ADHD Information

I have heard of friends doing this also.  I haven't had to yet.  But it is good to learn of things I can use if needed.

I am a special ed teacher and have a class of behaviorally challenged students.  When we use timeout in our class we are allowed to hold the door closed if it is a safety issue.  We have to have a plexiglass square that we can maintain visual contact with the student at all times.  The door is not allowed to be locked incase there is a fire or something.  I am sure this is different than what is allowed in your own home, but thought I would pass on what I knew.

I certainly didn't think you were "caging" your son, and I am sure that a parent that takes the time to read these boards and find out more about their child, is not caging or abusing them.  It sounds like you are doing what you need to to keep your son safe!  Unfortunately as parents we always have to second guess or decisions!Well, I just want to get on the band wagon and say we tried a latch on our son's bedroom door for a while. Our pastor suggested it. However, we never had to use it. Jacob seemed to settle down when we threatened to lock him in. We also were afraid to use the latch because he threatened to climb out the bedroom window if we lock him in.

Here's a good example of locking doors... Our local middle school has an SBH program (Severe Behavioral Handicap) and in their office they have time out rooms which are small rooms with padded walls. I have a friend who works there and he says they use it often for kids who are out of control and safety is a concern.

Here's a bad example of locking doors... In our part of Ohio, we have a child abuse case that is on the TV news alomost every night. There was a couple that fostered and adopted many handicapped kids. When the kids started to hurt each other, they locked them in cages until they settled down or maybe all night to ensure the safety of the others. Their county children support services case worker OK'd the idea, but it got out of hand and the police investigated and arrested the couple. They were just sentenced to prison terms.

Like I said before, we didn't need to lock Jacob in his bedroom, but if we did go through with our plan and locked him in, we would have only kept the door locked until he settled down. Also, we would have never kept him locked in all night while he slept. We also would have removed any items from his room that he could break or cause harm to himself.

I understand the need to lock your boy in his bedroom to ensure your safety. But I would use it as a last resort. Maybe if he thinks you will follow through with your threat to lock him in, he'll settle down? I don't know.

Please let us know what the doctor said on the 27th. Our curious minds want to know...

 

Good morning all! I want to thank you all for your opinions. But I do want you all to realize that we only use the lock if we have to - which the 2 times we've had to send him to his room we have had to use it, but I think that's cuz he wants to see if we really will and I think he likes distroying his room to see what we'll do. e've been MUCH better about ignoring him - even when he kicked a HOLE in the door and make a ton of knicks on the wall from throwing a toy. The toy was obviously removed, but I think it bothered him that we didn't say anything about the door or the wall. That fit lasted 45 minutes! And the whole time I just kept thinking how much easier it is to be calm when it's just a door getting the sh*t beat out of it and not ME! That's the thing, for those of you who seem worried I am locking him in there all night, at unneccesary times or using it as cruel and unuual punishment - I am using it because I have to! I/m not a mean, crazy person. I'm just trying to survive this with a little sanity. I am not happy about it - who would be happy to have to put a lock on their 6 year olds door! But, I was becoming so scared of him and started to get scared for him - When someone - even if he's only 6 - is trying to beat you up, throwing things at you, chasing you around the house no matter how much you ignore him, you will eventually lose it!!! So, even if it isn't the right message to send, I think it is a better message than abuse! And, I promise there are no cages in my house - other than the dog kennel but it's way to small for him! That was a joke!!!

Dad in Akron - read my post "appointment a bust!!!"

Many of us have been on this path youare now on.  It's exhausting - so make sure you look after you.

How old is your son?

Is he presently on any medication?  If so any changes in the past?

Has he always raged or this is a relatively new behaviour?

Does he rage and throw tantrum anywhere else and to anyone else?

Would he do it with other people?

I have had a bat at my head a number of times - my son raged for 6 hours one night.  It is horrific.  

1-2-3 magic is great - consistency in any behaviour modification is the key.Don't begin it until you are calm and able to cope.

You need to stop this behaviour because it is not acceptable. 

PS  Hang in there.  There are answers and remember that you are not alone. 

My ped recommended a lock on the outside of the door when my son was having rages at age 3 and 4.  He would not stay in his room and would floow me around the house in order to beat on me.  The final straw came when he threw a matchbox car at me and it cut my hand open (would have been my face if I hadn't put my hand up).  We put the lock on and we were both calmer.  Even if you're only holding the door shut and not talking it still engages them to some extent.

1-2-3 Magic is great, but it does not work unless you are very consistent.  And it's hard at first to remember not to talk.  My son's behavior also got worse for the first week or so, but after about 3 weeks we saw dramatic improvement.   

I think you are in the right, trust me I've held the door many times, they never stayed where I put them.  I have also contemplated putting a lock on the outside, so I can have controll.  My peditrician agreed.   I never did it but i know someone who did.  Just make sure that you don't hold him in for too long, just long enough to know that you have the control.and he can reflect on the situation.  I hear your pain and can definealty relate.  Good luck!  Sorry to be the voice of dissent, but I don't think it's okay to lock your child in his room. A while back we were going throught the foster care certification process and had to have a house inspection. We had been in our home for just under a year. The social worker noticed immediately that the upstairs bedroom doors had had the doorknobs reversed. We never noticed because we never shut the doors, literally. She was very concerned and proceeded to ask lots of questions about the family that lived there before us. All we knew was that their children were grown when we bought the house. Anyway, I just think that it's a bad idea and a bad message to send to the child.

 

Happyrock - Well, my son will be 6 in a few weeks and is not currently on any meds. We actually have an appoitnment with his ped. later today to discuss it. He was just semi-officially diagnosed. The anger and rages have always been there. The older he gets the more fequent they are tho - and more severe. I remember him doing this when he was 2 but then it as chalked up to his age, but yes, he has always done this. He has thrown his "fits" at other places - tho not often and not nearly as severe - but never for anyone else but me and sometimes my hubby. I have only one friend that I have confided in and she has even pointed out that he is fine playing at their house if I'm not there - sometimes I worry about sending him on playdated etc.. cuz I just never konw what is going to set him off.

You know what I really hate - when he has a fit and someone asks what it was about! I always feel so stupid trying to explain! It's usually over something trivial - as I'm sure you all know. That question in and of it's self makes me realize that who ever just asked me that has no clue what I'm going thru. I know I always say this, but this makes life so hard!

I did just finish reading 1-2-3 Magic and it all made so much sense - basically we've been doing everything wrong and even tho we knew it, it took a BOOK to make us fully realize that we are half the problem. *sigh*

So, wish me luck at the Dr. today. I'll let you know what happens!

Also - THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE!!

goinnutzz39168.3323263889

my son's therapist suggested a lock on his door in the past, but when someone reported this to family services, I was told this is considered abuse/neglect and I must remove it or face charges

I don't know how old your child is, but you need intervention immediately, believe me.  See http://ellen.parentshelpingteens.com

Now goingnutzz,

STOP THE SELF BLAME!!!!!   You are doing a great job with what you know!!!

ADHD parents constantly wear the guilt!!!   Our son would throw great tantrums and was so definant!!!  Frustrated and stubborn!!  He's still the same!  

It is easy for us to give advice as we don't know the situation, but it seems the key is that he is selective in his tantrums - he is in control!!! 

What happens when he throws a tantrum?  What is his pay off?  Do you eventually give in to him (we have all done this!!!), do you get upset?  And if so does he see this? 

I taught a year 1 class and I used a positive reward system.  Praise good behaviour often (every 5-10 minutes if necessary) , gave tangible acknowledgement (cup with marbles or a 10 space sticker chart).  Constant rewarding kept focus on desired behaviour.  Reward eg in our classroom it was time to play with the marble run game with a friend.  At home it could be a trip to the park, special leggo, make a cake with mum etc.  Therefore they can reach their goal quickly within the day.  Ignore negative behaviur reward good behaviour. 

Remove yourself from the situation so that the child can see that you are not effected by his negative tantrum.  Therefore he has no audience.  What is the point when Mum's not interested. 

It's so hard!!!!   Medication can change behaviour both positively and negatively.  Our 6 hour rant was when he was on the wrong medication!!!!!

It is so hard at the end of the day when you are tired and have things to do and the child is just going off!!!  We learn along the way!!!! 

Hope the doctor's visit went well.

I certainly understand being at a point that you feel you need to do this.  I too have been on the other side of the door holding it shut while DD is on the other side banging, raging, kicking, etc.

I doubt it's illegal as long as it's only being done during a rage, not for extended periods of time or frequently, but certainly bring it up with the Doctor.  At least you would have that to back you up if you were ever questioned about it.

My two biggest concerns would be to always remember to unlock the door at night (in case there was ever a fire) and, eventually, I bet even locking the door will not work.  I can just visualize my own DD (age 11) climbing out or even breaking her windows to get out within another year or two if I were to try this.  Fortunately, since she began Guanfacine 20 months ago, her rages are not what they used to be.  She will still bang a wall a time or two if she is sent to her room, and sometimes still scream ridiculously loud & long, but I would have to say for the most part, it's more an occasional meltdown rather than an out and out rage.  Very, very few of those now.

Wishing you luck!

 

I don't have a child that rages, but I tend to agree that as long as once he calms down the door is unlocked you should be fine.

I also wondered if the guanfacine (tenex) would be helpful in taming the rages...Chase's aggression (minor) and anger ( a bit more problematic) were calmed once the guanfacine was added to his meds. 

We reversed my child's doorknob when he was five.  He doesn't mind being locked in, and time in his room helps him calm down and regroup. (We only lock him in if his behavior has reached the point that he needs to go to his room, and only if he won't stay there.)

When DH and I discussed reversing the lock, I asked a batch of friends if they felt this was OK to do.  Most of them already had reversed their child's doorknob.  So, it's pretty common!

 

I used 1-2-3 Magic, when my son turned 4.  He would not stay in his room, so of coarse I used a small latch hook.  I told him very clearly before I put the lock on:  You come out of your room, the latch goes on, you stay in your room till I call and No latch.  My husband was appalled.  I only needed the lock 4 times, I stayed outside his door the whole time, for his safety.  If it didn't work quickly I may have looked into there being another problem.   Suggestion:  Don't talk to him at all when he's having a fit, it won't last as long.   I'm glad I had the battle when he was young than, and would do it all over again.  I tried holding the door handle, but was ready to throttle him during or throughout the process.  Then it would take me a few hours to calm down afterwards.  The latch helped me train him and keep calm which helped me to deal with the next issue that usually happened a 1/2 an hour later.

 

Considering yesterday was the first time we had to use the locked door thing, I think it went well. I was much more relaxed - cuz I wan't getting beat! - and once he quit beating the door and screaming - which had gone on for about 15-20 minutes - we timed the silence and unlocked his door after 10 minutes. He was fine then. We waited 10 minutes cuz I figured if we opened it too soon before he was totally calm then it would start all over again, but had we waited any longer he might have been sleeping! Of course we have a key hidden in his room - in the curtain rod! - in case we should get locked in there.

I fully intend to talk to the doctor about guanfacine. I've read alot about it and it seems like it was made for him! We'll see.....

I really hope that it helps him as much as it has seemed to help many others here.

Good luck!

 

Due to the very violent rages my son goes into we have turned his doorknob around so that we can put him in there and lock the door. I'm just wondering if this is a good idea? I am at a loss for what else to do. Twice in the last 5 days I have been physically attacked and really can't take it anymore. Even if I put him in there, he comes back out and keeps going! The other day I took the dog and went in the garage until he was done. So, at a loss for what to do, we turned the doorknob around. Just yesterdat we had to put him in there and lock it. Of course he beat the s--t out of the door, but I was so happy that it was the door and not me! Maybe now going to his room will actually be a threat again. I know this is probably illegal and cruel, but I don't know what else to do. Has anyone else had to do anything like this? Please tell me that it is o.k and I'm doing what I have to do.

Also, has anyone read 1-2-3 Magic? I just bought it and am only a few chapters into it, but I'm wondering if anyone has had any luck with it?

When we are consistent with it, 1-2-3 Magic works very well with both of our children. 

I never did it, but I tell you, there were days I would have loved that idea! I would maybe call your doctor and ask if it's ok to do and if he/she says yes, than I would get it written in his file just in case.

I remember having to hold the doorknob with all my strength and him still out-struggling me. I remember once he was so violent that I put him right outside the back door and locked it. He was safe in the backyard and we had a screen door so I could see him, but just like you, he couldn't hurt me. 1,2,3 magic never worked during rages, when he went into a rage nothing worked. I would put him in his room and then hold the door with all my might. He needed to get it out and then we would deal with it after. I do use 1,2,3 Magic for my kids and my daycare kids and it's great.

He split his bedroom door in two eventually with all that he did to it or threw at it.

My heart goes out to you, I will never forget those days.

 

gottagr8kid - Thank you! I used to try to hold the door closed, but it was so hard for me to stand there and listen to the yelling and hitting the door without saying anything or breaking down and just opening the door. With locking it I can walk away and it's not nearly as bad. I have an appointment tomorrow with his ped. about the pros and cons of medications, so I will mention the door thing.

So far in 1-2-3 magic I feel like I have been doing everything wrong. It is me and my husband to a "T" with the arguing and explaining everything to our son. Even tho we know better. I can;t wait to finish this book and implement it. Hopefully it will work.

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