FAMILY | ADHD Information

Just wondering, does anyone else have trouble with family members accepting your adhd children? My family is horrible. Too upsetting for words.

I have pretty much walked away from them for the safety of my son. I live no more than 3 miles away and haven't seen any of them in almost 2 years. I told my older brother who calls just to gossip and find out information to not call me any more. He pretends to be nice, but is a real "turncoat", if you know what I mean!

It's too bad when strangers are treating you so lousy that family is just as bad, if not worse.

Just wondering if this is part of people/kids treating adhd'ers so differently, even in families or just is it just mine.

Thank you

Beth

I live 7 hours drive from all our relatives..... YIPPEE!!! 

I'd love the support, but they seem to know everything.  I avoid family get togethers as the older cousins seem to zone in on my ADHD / ASD child and it always ends in tears!

I am one of 9 children and when we get together, everyone takes on the role they had as kids.  I was number 8 so you can imagine the rot I get from them all!!!  Of course all their kids are perfect!! 

It's funny, but I have been away from my family for over 23 years now and I have nothing really in common with them.  Sometimes I feel sad about this but I talk to mum and dad daily and care about the people I want to care about!

It does make me sad that my kids don't know their relatives but I can't make them love my kids.  So I find people who do!!!

How does the saying go?  You can pick your friends, but not your relatives?

You can also pick who you spend time with!

 

I live about 30 minutes from most of my relatives.  I am lucky that their children are mostly older than mine...I fall in the middle of 8 children, but my siblings children have dropped out of school, been in huge trouble for fighting and one of them has spent 3 years in jail for burglary, and many of them have been dx ADHD, they just are not medicated. So, nothing Chase has done is near as bad.

I agree with bethann that at get togethers the family falls back into the role they played as children and my role was "the good one", so my kids get judged in that light.  Fortunately, they are all pretty good kids so it works out.  Also of the eight, so far only one of my girls and my oldest (10 years older) brother's son has attended college.  I think that my sibs are constantly wondering what I am doing right, and what they are doing wrong...I have been open with them about the dx, many of them told me to have Jonna tested as a child, but I didn't.....

I can see how it would be an issue if they were judgmental, however.....

I can relate on this one. I constantly get the speech from my mother about how she never had such difficulty with me. I was sucha sweet child. I remind her that I am not ADHD either, and it's not like my daughter wants to behave badly. My mom is trying for a degree in Art Therapy. She now tries to analyze everything. I also have a sister with a daughter who I know is ADHD. Her ped even referred her to a psyc. Her insurance would pay for the psyc he refferred her to. I told her to call the insurance co. and ask them who she could go to. She has not do anything. My neice (4) is highly defient, calls people ugly names, screams, hits, kicks, bites and throws tantrums often. My sister is choosing to be a victim I think. She loves to talk about how hard it is for her, but she refuses to seek help for her daughter. I think it's funny cause she is married and has lots of help from her mother in law and husband. I am a single mom and have two children and I do it all on my own. I guess I shouldn't have that attitude, but I get upset that my niece is not getting the help she needs.

I have had many struggles with my family. They are just now treating my kids fairly. My children are biracial and that has had a lot to do with it. I have had a lot of hurt feelings and dealt with several bouts of grief when it comes to my family. But I have to let it go in order to be all I can for my children. I am happy that I am closer to my mom now. About a year and a half ago she was in a horrible accident which has left her paralyzed. She is the only mom I have and sometimes I have to suck it up for the sake of peace. I don't know if any of this helps, but don't feel like your alone I look at it this way, my family is what I make of it. I can choose to absorb the negativity or I can be happy and be a positive example for my kids. They are my family.
My mother told me I was unnecessarily medicating my child and that I was a bad parent.... so much for grandma

yes i have seen this too.

a parent needs support more than ever when a child is diagnosed with adhd, but sadly alot of family members cannot cope with it unless they have experienced it themselves, or they tend to shy away because they do no understand the condition properly.

adhd has been around for a long time, but it wasnt that long ago when it was actually given a name and identified as being a special need. adhd has a lot of stigma/labelling attached to it, and it this that makes attitudes change. they need to see the child beyond the adhd

thanks

My mom always compares my daughter to me when I was a child. She says I was never that difficult. I just reply "Well I wasn't ADHD mom." What can she say to that? People, ESPECIALLY family can be very judgemental, even when they have no idea what the situation is.lganio, that is it in a nut shell. My son is so hyper, gets on her nerves, tells me it is my fault for not giving him enough attention. Then she complains that he cannot sit still and talks too much but tells me that the medication is unnecessary and that I should be able to control him with no meds ( like that is the reason he is getting them)My M-I-L thinks it is crazy that we put my son on medication and that we were only doing it to make our lives easier.  She said that the side effects are not worth it.  However, she is the first one to complain when he is on the "hyper" side.  I always tell her that his meds are monitored by professionals to prevent problems, unlike her second hand smoke she subjects him too.  (not that I take issues with smokers, but please don't do it around my kids.)  She and I have had it out several times when she gets him all hyper playing with him and then complains when he wont settle down.  UGH-I have told her 1000000000 times, he can't turn it off that quickly!Uggh! That's too bad you can't have a supportive family--sadly it seems to be very common that family isn't very halpful. I have totally lucked out--my family lives faaaaar away, and they also seem very supportive. At least they're not telling me I'm a bad parent. And I seem to have lots of neighbors with ADHD kids, so they're totally on the same page. Try to keep your family out of the loop when it comes to this stuff. You have to pick your confidantes carefully with ADHD! Good Luck!

I have a number of siblings who have degrees in social work!  One of my sisters has just completed her doctorate - her thesis was on alternate parenting for children with disabilities.  She is a catholic nun and never had children.  Of course she knows all the answers!!!!! Of course she tells me when I see her once every year!!!!  My family make me feel so hopeless so I keep away.  We all live with these kids everyday - they don't!  When I need advice I go to the professionals or talk to other parents who are struggling like me.  Why do we have to keep justifying ourselves to these self-appointed experts?  VENT VENT VENT!!!!!!!

YES...and the saddest thing is..is it is them we so need the most....

I was told I spoiled my daughter, I never disiplined her... and when I did it wasn't good enough....and yes I stopped going around them..it hurt..im the youngest of 7..ADHD was hardly eer heard of...and when my daughter was first diagnosed she was 5...she is 19 now...and let me tell you of the horror stories  shes able to tell me now...it truly breaks my heart...

Now remember ADHD wasnt well known ..and everything was just a guessing game..but I knew something wasnt quite right when she was 2..before 2 she was hospitalized several times with phnemonia...she had severe allergies..so my reasoning was the medications she was on making her behave ..like a little wild cat...noone could deal with such a hyper 2 year old...My first family experience was when I had an emergency..my sister came to babysit for me..and when I left my 2 year old completely destroyed my living roomthe horror my sister felt with such massiveness of one little 2 year old was enough for her to say she would never babysit my baby ever again..any way she never did...

and yes all fingers get pointed to the kid who is rambunchious and distructive...

school was another thing.....she would come home telling me of a teacher who pulled her ears....yelling in them to get her to hear....I thought no way..noone of that stature would do that to a child no matter what..

there were times even I as her Mom couldnt handle her behavior..how could I expect someone else to..? but I never pulled her ears..or any of the other things she has told me...and then in one of her calm moments she ask with these big huge blue eyes Momma is there something wrong with my ears..?

 we endured these behaviors..till she was about 12.she completely slowed down....she began these horriable panic attacks... and perfectionism..believe it or not a little peer presure helped.... then she began having bad stomach aches...headaches...they would come and go...there was never a reason for them...she was about 15 when she began complaining about her legs hurting..nothing ever seem to be wrong with them....it was like she was being to active ..more like growing pains than anything....finally taking her to the dr she had a tumor in her leg..the size of an egg....thinking it might be cancer....it was removed...and rods and cement took its place...heaadaches got worse..stomach aches got worse she was now vomiting more than ever....not due to surgery.. we go to an..gastro dr..he does biopsies on her stomach and finds...a bacterial infection in the lining..also with..a severe overgroth of yeast.....she had reflux since childbirth...that grew into Eosinophilic Esophagitis ...she had allergies since 6 months of age...Dr said she produced to much Histimine..in her stomach.which set off a chain reaction...Histimine is a neurotransmitter...we treat her with flovent.<swolled> and singulair chewables...and aciphex..asthma is completely gone...because of acid is not being inhaled in her lungs any more...her hyperactivity has almost gone away....and she can concentrate..her mind no longer wanders when Im talking to her...she can carry on complete conversations  and stay focused...she seems like a normal 19 year old...Im thinking this is what caused her ADHD ...where not less than one year ago she was the typical ADHDer..

Sorry but it's so nice to hear so many people dealing with the same things. I feel bad for my son sometimes because he loves our family so much but he doesn't see that a lot of them don't want to be bothered with him and probably dread when we visit. Even his father is fighting with me about giving him medication saying he doesn't need it, he never took it and he's fine (HA!)

My mother had a real hard time with my gifted son.. When I told her the lengths I went to relate to him she got more supportive.  Now to hear her tell it he is so smart because she told me how to deal with him. 
Then... I went off and adopted two boys from orphanages.  Well she was supportive and even kept my other kids when I was in Russia for a month.  She has a hard time with them when there are two at the same time so I try to only subject her to one at a time.  Then I do not go into the whole trial and error of meds with her.
One time she said, Oh Boni I would not let him yell at me if I were you!  I calmly told her I do not let him yell at me.  I try to correct him and give him calm words to use.  She cannot see that the yelling is an improvement.  He used to hit!!!
Somone on the outside cannot see the strides you are making.  That is the hardest part.  The other parents at bubba ball only see an out of controll hyper child.  I see a boy who has learned english, how to belong in a family, numbers to 20, upper and lower case alphabet, colors, shapes, how to enjoy all new foods and smells, swim, ride a bike, go to school etc etc... It hurts me that they do not see how great he is doing!!!

My mother is the worst of all my family.  She doesn't like children to begin with but then give her one that isn't like other children and of course it has to be my fault.  She thinks that it is just terrible that I have taken of ds bedroom door because I am tired of hearing it slam.  Recently in the local news a couple was sent to jail for keeping their daughter locked in the attic for 3 years.  The other day my mother told me she thinks that I am going to be the next one on tv for locking their children in the attic.  Can you believe my own mother thinks I would lock my child in the attic????  Need I say anymore about the lack of family support?Cheese head, I am so sorry to here that. That is horrible. I look at my children everyday and soak in how much I love them. I don't know how your mother could say that to you.  It is very hard when the worst critics are your family.