Feeling Blue | ADHD Information

Hello everybody,

Im new to this forum thing but I am going through a rough patch and needed some support. I am a 27  year old single mom of a son 7 with ADHD. I am here on this forum because I dont know where else to turn. I am overcome with guilt about these selfish feelings I have. Does it make me a bad mom to wish for a "normal" life or a "normal" child like my friends? I try to push those thoughts to the back but they keep coming to the forfront. I feel like I am going insane. Let me give some background. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of 2007. I blame myself. I had been in denial for years. I knew in the back of my mind that my son was "different". He has always been what you would call young for his age. Now mind you my son is now at age seven 4'8" and wears a seven in mens, but he has always been a little younger acting than other kids his age. My son had trouble learning to tie his shoes. He still puts his shoes on the wrong feet. He puts his clothes on backwards. I have to narrate everything for him. He doesnt recognize spatial differences so he will talk (alot) really really close to you. He puts on his bookbag in school and in the process knocks down like 4 kids. He doesnt understand that you should watch yourself around little kids. My neice is 2 and if I call his name he will run over her to get to me. He doesnt do it on purpose, he just doesnt recognize space. Patrick's speech is delayed despite me reading to him from a very young age. I have to work with him for 2-3 hours at home with homework daily. I am doing all this work just to keep him passing. I live at his elementary school. I recently made the decision to start him on a medication because everytime I went up to the school, I wished for death (like a car hitting me as I am crossing the street). There are a host of other issues but I am exhausted from crying and fast getting a headache. The medication has helped somewhat but I dont want him overmedicated.... I just dont know. I am tired... and I have no support. I cant find any support groups in my area. I feel like I am losing my mind. I have contacted my health insurance for mental health providers, but what I really want is to talk to other parents like myself..I feel so alone...

 

Here's a BIG for you.  And you are not alone! Finding this board has helped me sooo much!! Reading what others have said on here have made me feel so much better about the choices I have made with my daughter and also reading on here I have gone OMG that is sooo much like my daughter.  My daughter has been on medication since she was 5 years old though and I think I had a little easier of a time deciding on medication and behavior modifications because her father also has ADHD and also because I worked at the hospital where I needed to take my daughter and I had a lot of trust in the doctors that were taking care of my daughter.  I know its probably has to be very hard being a single mother trying to deal with this.  I hope you are able to find a doctor that can help you and your son feel comfortable about whatever course will most help your son. 

First of all, Welcome.

Second, It will get better and you will get through this.

Medication, combined with a good positive reinforcment behavior modification plan (like ogram's marble system thread) make for pretty good results. It can be hard to find the right med, dosage and schedule for your son's individual needs, take your time and be persistant. Be just as careful that you do not undermedicate your son, just as you are watching that he is not overmedicated. You want it correct so that he can get optimal benefit. You will find support and information here through this tough journey.

You are definitely not alone. Your son sounds a lot like my oldest in some ways, the lace tying thing especially brought back some memories. Especially the lace thing. He was seven when he learned and it was quite a battle.  He also battled quite a lot with spatial issues and his volume control is not great even now.  Does he do OT?  OT has helped my boy quite a lot.  Don't worry about only diagnosing at the beginning of 2007. Mine was only diagnosed then too.  It's what you do now that counts.{{{hugs}}} I feel your pain! One thought I find comforting is "There is no such thing as normal" or "Normal is a setting on your washing machine"
I have an 8.5 year old nephew that still can lace shoes or even brush his teeth. Have you had him evaluated by an occupational therapist? An OT may be able to help him with his coordination and personal space issues. Oops, I see Gutsy already mentioned that. Are you sure there aren't any other co-morbid conditions? Maybe a full eval by a neuropsychologist would help uncover any other existing issues in addition to the ADHD. I hope you find some answers, but you're going to have to do some digging! Good Luck, keep the faith!This may sound crazy, but sometimes when I get feeling the way you are feeling now (and I do get feeling that way) I try to think about parents of children who have bigger issues.  Often I find myself feeling thankful for the hand I was dealt.  Keep your head up and stay strong; but also don't be afraid to cry and talk to people!I'm there with you sister!  I feel your pain.  You are not selfish!  You absolutely positively must make some "me" time for yourself.  At least once a month, hire a babysitter or have someone else take care of your kid/kids.  Go do something all by yourself.  You will find yourself again.

This is a great place to vent!!!  My two children have ADHD.  My youngest - 14 year old boy has been sent to try me!!!  Just when I think I have things working out, there is something else!  I remember going to pre-school, kindy and even daycare and having the teacher come up to me with what he had done!!  I said on another thread that the preschool teacher told me she couldn't praise him because he was doing nothing right!!!  There are days when I could kill him!!! Then other times when I just want to hug him to make up for all the things he has to cope with!!!!  Keep searching and reading.

The last 14 years have been a challenge.  Like others have said, watch the medications - having the right dose will make all the difference.   Once you have trialed meds you'll find that is too much then go back to find the right dose.  Your child will also benefit from feeling this.

Take care.  You are doing a fantastic job - this is a journey.

If his speech is delayed you should have him evaluated for speech also.  My oldest was completely frustrated with us when he was little because we couldn't understand him.  He had speech therapy at school.  OT's will help with the space issue.  Does your son have an iep yet?  If not request one in writing to his school and mention everything in it and at the first meeting what you think your son needs.  We all wish we didn't have to go through this and especially our children didn't. 

my time alone is going to work.   My husband gets away from it mountain bikeriding with his friends.  We don't get much of a break.  Sometimes my husband's x will keep our son (we are great friends) and then he gets to spend time with his older sisters 14 and 24.  But that doesn't happen too often.  We have no babysitter yet that we can trust.  So we are hanging in there.  Come May holiday we are taking our son camping for 5 days.  He absolutely loves it and that is an excellent release for us allllllll.  Wish may was hereeeeeeeeeeee.

Just having a very depressing day and have to keep my mind on work too.

 

thank you all I am still trying to figure out to how to respond to each message. I feel much better now.

 

Thank You again

[QUOTE=hiker1961]Your not alone.  My husband and I feel like we are the only ones going thru this but we arent.  Our son doesn't know his spatial area either.  He talks loud and on and on. He loves everyone and wants to hug everyone, but not everyone wants to hug him.  He is 5/1/5 with social skill of maybe 3-1/2.  He was 7-week premature baby, so he has been different since infancy.  He didn't crawl like the "normal" child, sit or stand, etc.  He tried to walk at age 2 and fell a lot.  He is tall for his age (like I was) and kids make fun of him because he can't communicate properly and a lot of his letters of the alphabet don't sound right.  They will say "does he speak spanish or something" or "whats wrong with him".   He get OT, Speech and PT thru the public school system thru his IEP.    Your health insurance ought to be able to help you.  Look on the back of your card and look at the numbers -- see one that says mental health?  Call that.  If not it is in your book.  Call your local hospital.  We have been there before after a horrible fit or two.    Our son they say has Bipolar, Adhd mixed type and developmentally delayed, but a very smart kid in alot of areas.  We have major behavior issues and they wear on us.  We are at wits end but CAN'T give up.  The doctors tinker with medicine -- thats where we are at.  I have a tension headache sooooooo very bad today.  The Psychologist we talk to as a family says he can help with the behavior part but not with much else.   The meds he is on now, somethings not working.  He is moody and anxious now.  Use to work.  So bad to the doc wed.[/QUOTE]

 

Thank you so much for all the support. This forum is so great.

Your not alone.  My husband and I feel like we are the only ones going thru this but we arent.  Our son doesn't know his spatial area either.  He talks loud and on and on. He loves everyone and wants to hug everyone, but not everyone wants to hug him.  He is 5/1/5 with social skill of maybe 3-1/2.  He was 7-week premature baby, so he has been different since infancy.  He didn't crawl like the "normal" child, sit or stand, etc.  He tried to walk at age 2 and fell a lot.  He is tall for his age (like I was) and kids make fun of him because he can't communicate properly and a lot of his letters of the alphabet don't sound right.  They will say "does he speak spanish or something" or "whats wrong with him".   He get OT, Speech and PT thru the public school system thru his IEP.    Your health insurance ought to be able to help you.  Look on the back of your card and look at the numbers -- see one that says mental health?  Call that.  If not it is in your book.  Call your local hospital.  We have been there before after a horrible fit or two.    Our son they say has Bipolar, Adhd mixed type and developmentally delayed, but a very smart kid in alot of areas.  We have major behavior issues and they wear on us.  We are at wits end but CAN'T give up.  The doctors tinker with medicine -- thats where we are at.  I have a tension headache sooooooo very bad today.  The Psychologist we talk to as a family says he can help with the behavior part but not with much else.   The meds he is on now, somethings not working.  He is moody and anxious now.  Use to work.  So bad to the doc wed.

you are not alone and I sympathize with you.  I know the pains/struggles and challenges we all face.  I have a 7 year old boy with ADHD and was just diagnosed in February.  We started meds and see improvements but then it got worse again.  I know there are days when I just want to lock myself up in my room and not look after anyone and not really care.  Those are times I need a little breathing room and time to me.  Try hard to get some alone time even if it is to go get a cup of coffee for an hour! 

 

I am new with this forum, I have two foster children ages 4 and 5 ten months and two days apart, we are coming up to the point were we can adopt these little guys whom, we love. Challange is just the begining, we just got both of them on medication, Ritilan and hopeful this will help in time.  We have had them a year, we had their older sister for last summer but DCFS seemed to ignore our pleas of help and fear beacause the kids would not respond to any type of dicipline and would take offwith two younger sibbilings into the woods or down the road, without shoes on and have no fears. Not even to starangers, and get very upset is a stranger does not respond they will continue a little louder each time untill they get a response from them, think this  innocense is nice to see in such a frantic world when I grew up saying hi was just the thing to do so I enjoy this but it also scares me to think that they could walk off with any body.  We see aggression from bothe childern  especially to animals. They both have controlling issues and are cruel to our animals. The older sister taught them this horrible idea of taking off and now that it is nice my five year old has started taking off when ever she has been told no or that she has to pick up her room , she mouths off and then she takes off down our dead end road or into hte field accross the road or into the woods, and the bad thing is she gives you this smile and no I am not and you cann't make me so i have found myself ground her to her room, i have tried putting her to bed really early and given her a sandwich for supper as a consequence for her actions and need some suggestions.