Son newly diagnosed and DRAMA | ADHD Information
I really don't even know where to begin. I'll try not to write a novel but it just seems like this soap opera gets worse by the day.
Some background that is useful to our story. DS is 6 and has shown signs for 2.5 years but just officially got diagnosed last week. His father and I divorced when he was 2 and we have joint custody. DS lives at one house one week and at the other house the next. Father had ADHD as child and was medicated with Ritalin. I had depression as a child and was medicated at 18 - parents wouldn't medicate me prior to that. Both his father and I are remarried and my husband and I have a daugher that will be 2 in May and his father has a son that will be year in August. We have always gotten along and worked really hard at keeping an amicable relationships for the sake of our DS that was until things started to progress with the ADHD.
Since school started DS has had a lot of trouble. He spends at least 1 or 2 days a week in the principals office and he doesn't have any friends to play with because they all call him the "bad kid" since he gets in trouble so much. All of his teachers reported that he was disruptive and has trouble keeping his hands to himself. He also has a really hard time interacting with peers. I still question whether or not there is a bit of Aspergers there due to his inability to understand social norms and acceptable behavior. Academically he seems to be doing okay but he did private kindergarten last year and since his birthday falls one day short of the state deadline, we chose to have him do all-day kindergarten at the public school. If he does struggle with anything academically it's writing or anything that requires him to have to sit still and really focus in. He can count by 10's all the way to a thousand but he still cannot write 14 lowercase letters. I've worked with him on his writing and his poor little hand just shakes and you can see how hard he's working.
DS has been seeing a therapist off and on since he was 3.5. I noticed things then that he had trouble following directions, coping with transitions, sitting still, behavioral issues on top of dealing with the fact that he lives between both mom and dads house. Poor kid has a lot on his plate. His father didn't understand why I took him to the therapist and maintains that DS was and is still doing "normal" kid things. I should also note that both preschool teachers made comments about his inability to focus in on things and follow directions. Of course they also mentioned that he was far too young to ever wonder about ADHD but it was something to look for in the future.
Things got pretty bad with DS and the school so his therapist made a referral to the child psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is one of the department heads at a prestegous univeristy and he also holds appointments with the state department of psychiatry so he is more than qualified to diagnose a disorder. Therapist wrote some notes to the doctor and I made the appointment. I specifically asked the receptionist if all four of us parents need to be present and I was told to just bring the child. I took DS to the appoinment and the Doctor observed him and talked with me. He took some history and asked about the length of time this has been going on then he asked DS questions. He asked him who are you friends. DS responded with "I don't have any friends, kids don't like me because I'm bad". He then asked him how do you like school and DS responds with "I don't like school because I get introuble all the time and I can never do anything right". Doctor tells me that based on the length of time, his therapist notes, the teachers remarks on his report card and DS responses and doctors observations that DS has ADHD, primarily the inattentive type and needs to be on medication. He didn't write the prescription because I did tell him that dad wouldn't agree to medication and should talk with the doctor about that. Doctor says he will be happy to talk with anybody and that we should continue with our therapist and develop a treatment plan that includes medication when we are ready.
The next day I email dad and stepmom and they flip out. The accused the doctor of not being qualified to diagnose him. Then they argued that any valid doctor would never diagnose just seeing the child one time. They called the school and therapist telling them that the diagnosis was bogus and to not listen to it. I basically tell them the doctor is more than qualified and we knew something was going on with DS so whats the problem? And the fact that dad had and still has ADHD really seals the deal in the doctors mind so what gives? I tell dad and stepmom to go and get a second opinion and they refuse. They demand a meeting with the four of us and the therapist. My husband and I show up to that meeting and stepmom decides she isn't going to go and dad is tied up at work so he shows up 30 minutes late... and they are the ones who wanted the meeting in the first place! Anyway dad is finally coming around the diagnosis but step mom is adament that DS does not have ADHD and that is's mearily behavioral problems and manipulation. They think DS manipulates me when he says things like "I want to kill myself" or "no one likes me at school", etc. All this arguing has caused tension in our relationships and things are escalating over email. I've requested that the four of us meet in person but they keep ignoring it so what else can I do?
As for the school there is another issue. DS has spent a lot of time with Principal - obviously for his poor behavior. Principal thinks that DS is manipulative and very smart in figuring out ways to get himself attention. I agree to an extent but I really don't think DS knows that his behavior is unacceptable. Principle also has son that is ADHD and he doesn't think DS has ADHD because he doesn't have any of the symptoms his son did. When I reminded him that the doctor said inattentive he at least acknowledged that there are some traits there that could be right. When we met with the social worker in September she was sure that DS didn't have ADHD and that is mearly behavioral. In September his teacher filled out the Vanderbuilt scale and said that she didnt' think DS had ADHD either. Since then though she has mentioned in the many face-to-face meetings we've had that something is wrong because she has been working with him all year now and he just doesn't get it that his behavior in the classroom is unacceptable. He usually gets introuble for interrupting, not being able to wait his turn, not keeping his hands to himself, not staying on tasks, not being able to work in groups, etc. The list goes on and on.
After DS received the diagnosis the principle agreed to pull together a child study to evaluate DS for special education services. They have not officially done anything yet but they've been dragging their feet all year in helping us with DS and his issues. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I receive at least one email a day from the school regarding something or another. It's ongoing but I do they think they are starting to acknowledge something isn't right yet I don't think they are in agreement with the doctors diagnosis of ADHD so they called in the school psychologist to do an evaluation to determine if DS is ADHD.
So all I'm left with is frustration and complete anger at the fact that so many people are opposed to helping DS. I guess they would rather spend all their time emailing me and sending DS to the principals office rather than find another solution. I'm terrified that DS will fall behind academically next year since 1st grade is a LOT different than kindergarten. I dont' know that dad and I will ever agree and step-mom butts in when it's convienient for her to do so. Like demanding meetings but then not showing up.
Any advice? I'm trying my hardest to remain calm and rationale but I'm about to come undone with this foolishness. We need to move on and find a treatment plan for DS - not sit around and fight over whether or not the diagnosis is legit. Should I be worried about the school doing another evaluation? Is there anything I should be doing? I'm reading all I can and my friend who's son is 18 basically told me be ready to fight because all the schools she dealt with never wanted to provide any sort of accomodations or special assistance. I just want to do right by my son...I feel like I'm the only one trying to help him while everyone gives me grief about believing the doctors diagnosis. Sorry this is so long...I tried to keep it short. Thanks to anyone that reads this!
I was there when my son was in kindergarten with the school. I got phone calls everyday from the vice principal. This happened till I told them I was going to get fired because of the calls (a white lie but it did cause problems). The principal of the school was better and saw him having a problem. I had already had him diagnosed before this so they all knew he was adhd. It took till March with all their red tape to get his iep in place and is working so far. I would if I were you request an evaluation in writing to the school. If it is in writing they have to do it. It won't or shouldn't be just the teacher evaluating him either. The school's psychriatrist should be doing it. Maybe your ex will see it better if it is coming from both the school and your doctor that there is something going on. My ex was in denial for awhile until he started seeing my son act the way I told him he was. He has however has not taken an active role in the process of diagnosis, school or meds. It has all been my decision. Partly because he knows I wouldn't do anything to my son that wasn't for his good, and partly do the fact he is one of the ones that is in his own world and only sees his kids "when he has the time" and is not financially supporting his children.
It is so emotionally draining and stressfull to go through this when you know there is a reason for your child to be this way and yet you only hear the bad from school.
Send a letter requesting an educational evaluation, they will then have 60 days to comply by federal law.
As far as your ex, he may not comply and use the meds when your ds is with him, and that won't be good. I would maybe have him speak to the psych.
[QUOTE=joemom]I think you need to be aware that the school could classify your child with EH ( emotional handicap or behavior disorder) which is what you don't want...if you do get services for Special Education based on the ADHD diagnois, please make sure that the classification is either OHI ( other health impaired) or LD.
I am sorry you son is having such trouble at school and please tell him that he is NOT the bad kid.
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This is what I'm worried about. So if they do this it looks like I can dispute and request a formal hearing but does that even work? I just don't understand why they are so resistant to the diagnosis. Should I get something from the doctor? Thanks for all the advice!
[QUOTE=vickie]Also educate yourself on your child's rights under IDEA:
And provide dad with adhd info (he has a stuborn, ignorant wife to educate along with himself to get his son help):
http://www.schwablearning.org/index.asp?WT.srch=1
http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/myths
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THANK YOU 
for this wonderful information! I have some studying to do this weekend.
Send a letter requesting an educational evaluation, they will then have 60 days to comply by federal law.
As far as your ex, he may not comply and use the meds when your ds is with him, and that won't be good. I would maybe have him speak to the psych.
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I heard from the school psychologist this morning and she said that she is going to call me later after speaking with DS therapist. I know the ex was going to try and call the psychiatrist but who knows if really ever did. Thanks for the advice!
Hello and welcome. You sure are going through he!! right now. {{{{hugs}}}} You have been provided with excellent info so far. I can add that if you decide to get another evaluation, consider going to a neuropsychologist. A neuropsych will spend many hours and maybe a few days doing evaluations of the cognitive abilities of your son. He/she will take lots of data. This in-depth eval will uncover any lds, adhd, autism, etc. The evaluation will give you a much clearer idea what school interventions need to be done. Neuropsychs aren't MDs, so they don't prescribe meds. He/she can be a great ally in getting the school to do proper interventions. Your children's hospital or University hospital should be able to hook you up with a neuropsych. Maybe a ton of data will also persuade your ex that your son needs some extra help. Good Luck!Also educate yourself on your child's rights under IDEA:
And provide dad with adhd info (he has a stuborn, ignorant wife to educate along with himself to get his son help):
http://www.schwablearning.org/index.asp?WT.srch=1
http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/myths
I think you need to be aware that the school could classify your child with EH ( emotional handicap or behavior disorder) which is what you don't want...if you do get services for Special Education based on the ADHD diagnois, please make sure that the classification is either OHI ( other health impaired) or LD.
I am sorry you son is having such trouble at school and please tell him that he is NOT the bad kid.
I second the neuropsych recommendation. No one at my son's school would even admit that he had a problem until we had the neuropsych report to show them. It also helped a family member who had believed that ADHD was "fake" to understand that it's not only a real disorder, but that my son has it and that's why he acts the way he does.
I find it odd that the teachers and administration at your son's school would offer their opinion about whether or not your son has ADHD. When we first talked to my son's school, they would not even mention the word- we had to bring it up. What the vice principal did do, when I called asking for a team meeting, was to ask me if I had spoken to his ped. about my concerns. So, I talked to my son's ped. and she told me it was the schools way of saying to have him evaluated for ADHD. 