Dealing with destruction | ADHD Information

My son has always had the destruction bug in him when meds wear off or he gets "bored". Last night when everyone else was going to bed we began hearing this banging from his room. Come to find out he had but two holes in the wall. When I asked him why he did it he began crying and saying he doesn't know. So I made him sleep on the living room couch and told him that if he can't take care of his things then he must not need them. Of course he began wondering what would happen if a kidnapper came in and I reasurred him he would be safe on the couch as would his room. I explained that today he would be helping me patch the holes and clean his room. Just wondering if anyone else has a destructive child and how you deal with it when they "don't know" why they do it. We have only lived in this house for less then a year and he has already broken his tv stand, nightstand, cut a hole in his mattress, drew a circle on the ceiling and disconected the wires for the garage twice. I know it's part of ADHD but what do we do to better control it.    

I'm going to take a guess that based on what you mentioned in your comment about the kidnapper fear when he slept on the couch, that these behaviors are rooted actually in ANXIETY, and not the ADHD.

If so, treat the anxiety..... then the destructiveness may diminish.

Anxiety fueled my son at earlier ages to do all kinds of things in anger.  He actually ended up getting a dx of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) in addition to ADHD Primary Inattentive.  The anxiety was even trickier to treat, and it created more problems on a whole as the ADHD in our case.  We had to use the multi-modal approach for the anxiety ....... medication, parent training, and cognitive behavioral therapy, and educational support at school.

I'd talk to your son's doctor about whether or not anxiety is more the culprit here.

Okiemom

I actually never thought of that. I just assummed he was trying to make me feel guilty and have me back down and go back to his room. I will check into that. Thanksmy two youngest boys are 10 and 8. They 8yr old started stealing within the house anything he could get his hands on, food, and tons of other things. The 10 yr old is a little behind and my youngest knows this and tends to get him to bend towards his ways. But my 10 yr also has alot of rage on his own. Their bio mom put them through a great ordeal of their life and they have only been living with us (their father and i) for about 2 yrs and before that they were taken from her and placed into custody and then foster care. But i have been apart of their life for almost 6 yrs and they always came to me to let me know when things were going on. But now with this, they tell me they don't know why and they want to stop but can't. Mom side of the family has alot of mood disorders, could it be this? could it be a type of attachment disorder for not having their bio mom any more in their life?It was even worse when she was. Then things got a little better and wham it started all up again. The 10 yr old put the stove top on and placed paper towels and peeps on it, of course it caught on fire and scared the crap out of me. It was bad enough when one was doing this, now there teaming up. I just don't know what to do anymore. They tend to take alot of their anger out on me from what happend to them. I know they love me and are greatful but its just hard being punched everyday. I chose to be their parent and it hurts..... We have tried counseling, they did not believe they acted the way we said they did. They are on adderall xr and clonidine at night, but have been waking up during the night and messing the whole house up and we rent :(  I just tell them i love them and i am here for them and i try to read to them with the bible to have them relate to hard things in life. Charts use to work back when they cared but lately they just don't seem to care, not even about them selves. And the psychologist doesn't seem to mind whats going on, just tells me to stay strong, keep up the rules of the house, reinforce and let them let all their anger out. Which i have been doing, but what happends if the next time they set something on fire is when wer asleep

while they are helping put thing back to normal ia aa great time to listen.

 connect that his feeling made him angry but dig deeper to what led to the anger.

as a general rule i let my daughter speak twice as much as i do  when she expressing her thoughts on why she did things.

i ask her to think what she could do next time she feels that way and i just wait until she talks.

 then i practice with her what she suggests.

like come to me . sit in the loudly spot same as the naught spot but she be loud without being in trouble. go play with her loud toys when shes mad.

i choose the loud stuff cause it gets my attention to come and see whats bother her.

 theres nothing wrong with smashing th rocks if hes mad as long as he recognizes to go that when hes mad otherwise he just into smashing rocks

hmmmmm flash back

i used to smash piles of bricks with bats  ?????????? lol

 

                        

 

Sammo39179.6724768519i also have two boys 6 and 10 10 year old is adhd,  I never thought it had anything to do with anxiety, I am a divorced mother, my ex is bipolar so it hasn't been an easy road.  My 10 year old is very scared of going down stairs at night on his own, breaks things all the time and is a complete slob.  Ofcoarse my 6 year old is learning to.  They love smashing rocks and making huge messes, I kind of thought it was a boy thing, but maybe it is anxiety, it is so hard to keep things peaceful when someone is always detroying something.  I enjoyed reading all your guys imput.  When my son is on daytrana he is an angel though.  I take him off the meds on the weekends and holidays.  This was spring break for us this week so I am exhausted.  The doctor says I should keep him on the meds o the weekends but he is so skinny 10yrs and 60 lbs. I can't justify that I think I just have to take the extra pressure on the weekends and deal with it.  I truely think there is some kind of anxiety, all though I don't see it when he is on daytrana.  Trust me as far as destruction goes your not alone,  My bath has  spilled water out on a daily basis and sometimes I just want to through in the towel.  It helps to here these stories and gives me so much strentgh Thanks

I have two boys that are eXtremely destructive! They are 4 and 6 and when the two of them are together the must be watched like a hawk. Just in the last month alone they have destroyed my bathroom 3 times. And each time I thought they were in their bedroom, but actually they were dumping ALL the lotion, soap, shampoo, whathaveyou. They were also taking the toilet paper and making giant spit balls with water, paper mache-ing the entire bathroom. Needless to say the bathroom was a mother's nightmare.

It doesn't stop there however, they will write on the walls, break their toys by just throwing them around. They will sneak food into their room and will just mash it to bits and start throwing it. I'll ask why and they tell me they are having a celebration. It's like playing 52 card pick up with those kids. Give them anything and it will be ALL over the place and good luck trying to get them to clean it up. They just make it worse! Last week they took juice boxes and squirted them EVERYWHERE. That was the last straw. I wne to there room with trash bags and bagged it all up. I told them they would have to earn it all back! It's still siting in the car truck. I would love to know the answer to this. My youngest acts like a 2 year old getting into stuff. the 6 year ld does fine alone, but put the two together and they are the devil duo. ha's what I have been calling them as of late.

I can see whee there may be some anxiey issues...Both my boys won't go up or down the stairs if someone isn't with them or on the level they want to go to. It's exhausting.

Oh my. There appears to be something wrong with my keyboard. I'm not going to fix all the typos. Sorry. :)

LonerGirl39173.4056828704

Okie mom,

I have a ds who also has been diagnosed with Generalized anxiety disorder, adhd hyperactive. My ds occasionally has a bad attitude,  I hate myself, bad brain, kind of talk.  This shows especially when he has not gotten much sleep.  He does wake in the night...only to go back to sleep.  Says that he worries.  He is on Concerta 18 mg.  Not a destructive child.  Just gets so negative about himself when we correct him, doesn't get his way, or is tired?  I also feel that his anxiety drives his ADHD?  Have you found this???  Thanks for your input.

djacward, could you give him things to break? I mean, go to a Goodwill or other thrift store, buy some old electronics, give him some safety glasses and a screwdriver and let him go. You didn't say how old he is, but I assume that he because he started crying when he realized what he'd done, he's old enough to know right from wrong (even if our darling children don't always follow through!!). His compulsion to "deconstruct" might actually teach him something!! Just a thought. Actually I had gotten him a bird house to build and soon after he dismantled it! He's into rocks now and is known to walk the yard and neighborhood looking for some. Once he finds them he gets his hammer and begins to smash them. I will try to encourge him doing that instead of smashing things around the house. I also recently started the marble system and no destruction yet . Thanks so much for everyone's advise. BPQW, he's 8 so yes he is old enough to know better!BPQW-My suggestion too.  Old computers, wood to build with...these things helped my sons destruction a lot.