Problems on the horizion...HELP!!!! | ADHD Information

Not only do the people caring for the ADHD child suffer when the child is not medicated but the child suffers most of all. I know when my daughter is not medicated she rages and screams like a wild banchie. (not sure about the spelling there) And she can tell you after taking meds that she doesn't like going crazy but she can't help it. She will even tell me that it hurts. I don't want my child to feel like that. I know she doesn't want to feel like that either. I went through that with my ex for my DS. Ater awhile, I started telling him when the appts were. I gave him every opportunity to come to each appt. and he politely declined, but I saw a decline in his griping too. It's hard to include them but when given the opportunity, they usually don't want to be bothered, and they shut up!! Worth a try!!!

Sammo....... I agree that with ADHD......the treatment plan chosen is not as important initially as the PARENT ACCEPTING THERE IS A PROBLEM AND GETTING THE CHILD HELP!  How can the child even get a treatment plan if the parent sticks their head in the sand and won't accept the situation!? These children who have parents like that lead sad sad lives and have very poor outcomes.

 Over the years I've seen countless parents unwilling to accept.   In the early years...... I was even one of them.   By age 4 or 5, my  son presented with several problems, but because he didn't present with the "classic" hyperactivity..... we had a tough time pinpointing the diagnosis.  My son had mainly innattentive symptoms....plus an auditory processing, language processing, and anxiety disorder. At first I was so ignorant about ADHD, I truly felt that he couldn't possibly have ADHD because he wasn't hyperactive and bouncing off the walls and misbehaving.

It was like peeling away the layers of an onion to get to the final diagnoses.

Okiemom

EXCELLENT POST SAMMO!!!  Keep on speaking.  You'll help a lot of people.

 

 

I am dealing with this now. My 5 yr old son was diagnosed by his pediatrician last Sept and put on Concerta. Started out at 18 mgs and is now up to 54 mgs daily. From the get go I have let his dad (were divorced and he gets him three weekends a month) know eveyrthing going on medically with DS. Buthe hasnt liked or agreed with teh fact that he is ADHD. He doesnt believe that the disorder even exsists. He has started dating a woman that I think is fueling his recent behavior about the meds. About a month ago he really started giving me grief about the meds, threatened court action to get him off them. Whatever. And in the last 2 weeks hes gotten more adamant abotu taking him off them, even so much as tellign me he will sue the dr that prescribed them to him because Concerta hasnt been tested on kids under6 yrs old. Well he had the kids all last week and admited to me that he didnt give DS his meds, said he had no truoble with him at all that he was being "a typical 5 yr old boy".  I called the dr and she said it wont really hurt him physicaly, but mentaly he will know hes not acting the way he does on the meds and will be torn and confused.  Ex has also either told DS or let him over hear conversations, that it kills kids, and has killed a 14 yr old boy! Im livid and fed UP! I have a call into my lawyer about it and I am going to start my son on counseling. This isnt healthy for him. I gave my son his dose of meds when I picked him up yest at noon, knowing we had family events to go to etc. he calmed down about an hour later but was Wide awake ALL night last night. Something very rare for him. Plus he didnt eat at all yest. Then today I give him his dose, give him his breakfast and he thre it back up about 10 min later. This was our usualy routine so I dont know why he did it other than he was off it for a week and he starting it again. I could kill my ex for this. Hes a backwood idiot who thinks all Dr's are quacks. Ugh!

Tell your husband what this has done to the child not giving him his medicine.  It did HURT him.  Not in a physical way but mentally that can hurt you.  He was torn and confused.  What a shame that there are people who in such denial.  I myself didn't want to think that our son needed ANYTHING, but I have seen what chemical imbalances, etc can do.  And we will find the "right" meds for him.  We are now working with Lithium and thorazeen (not spelling right).  Not sure why he is WAKING up now in the middle of the night, but we have to document it and meet with PSYCHIATRIST in 10 tens.  He still has horrible fits of hitting and kicking me when he can't get his way.  This has all so effected us emotionally.  We are soooooooooo very drained from trying to get this RIGHT.   He also is five and a half.  We have an I.E.P meeting to get his therapies and schooling READY for Kindergarden!  Streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss

 

OK I had the Psychiatrist write a letter, but I am still worried. I will let him know that if he doesn't give her her meds then he will not get visitation. Flat out. I am not playing around with my daughter's health.

I'm finding this to be a revelant topic for me and my son.  My ex asked me the other night if I thought it was really necessary to have our son on the med.  He himself stops taking meds after he starts to feel good.  I really think this is why my ex has his own problems.  I'm glad to know that in the future if he refuses to give the med to our son that I may have some course(sp) of action.  Hopefully, I won't have this problem but it never hurts to be prepared. 

Wonderwoman  I think you are doing the right thing by insisting.  I admire your spunk and wish you the best.  It really stinks to be a single parent.  I don't know about you but I still would rather be a single parent than live with my ex.

AMEN 4myson!!!!! There is no way I want to be back in that boat. I would much rather be alone than to be stuck in that situation. It is hard at times, but i look at it this way...I wasn't getting any help from him anyway...might as well try to be happy and deal with life than to continue to be miserable.  Well put.   I feel exactly the same way.  Take care of yourself. 

When you take "meds" and you start to feel "good", that means continue them.  You can have horrible rebounds just stopping a medication.   I am now more comfortable with the Psychiatrist we are taking our son to.   We met again yesterday.  You have to tell the histories of anxiety, depression, etc from both sides of the family then the doc will know more what to give also along with the day to day dealings.   Now our son is on LITHIUM 300mg 2x a day (my husband took that when he was a kid for years and it worked), and Chlorpromazine 25 mg 3x a day, Clonidine (forgot the new dose she changed it to)  a lower dose than 1 mg 3x a day.(clonidine helps with the sideeffects) of the meds, and Depakote 125 3x a day @125mg until we find out about seizures in May at cardinal glennon hospital.     This is all soooooooooo tiring and upsetting to see your child take so much medicine.  I shouldn't but I do get mad at God at times for doing this to him.  

He also was taking Risperdal 3x a day at .025mg but I have to call this am and find out if he is suppose to still take it with all the other stuff.   I just go brain dead with stress at times.

 

Poor kid thru a fit and hit and swung and hit me in the doctors waiting office and it was FULL of people.   All over "no you can't have the relish pack in my pocket".!!

 

I received the letter from the psychiatrist today and I am worried now that if I give it to him he will FREAK. It has all of her diagnoses listed. ADHD combined type, ODD, Learning defect, specific, Nonorganic sleep disorder, unspecified, OCD, and GAD. AGHHHHH What I don't understand is that in front of the Sleep disorder and GAD it says Rule Out before the disorder. Does that mean it has not been fully diagnosed? Anyway, I am afraid he will think even worse now if I give it to him. I think he is going to pitch a fit no matter what I do.

Force the issue with the doctor .

if the period is not enough? let me say it another way!

all parent conference at the doctors office NOW !

this way it is documented that all parents understand the meds and what thier needed for ,

remove the issue from a spouse conflict / to a defient parent  vs doctor issue.

safety in numbers  , if that doesnt get him in the loop then expose the adhd carrier for the denial he's holding on too.

 

ehhhhhhh i just got too inflamatory     ill stop here im about to rant agian

i mean no disrespect . a sudden med change made me have savant symptoms once.

i was dreaming during the day time while walking around  . my mind would get a suggestion and dream off into infinity uncontrolably in seconds yet lasted for days.  they say when you dream as youre waking up you have these wild fantasies that take on thier own paths. but actually only lasted a few seconds. My waking seconds lasted for two days  , no recreational drug ever flipped my lid like that  . millions of dream paths while i could stear the initial dreams just by deciding something it would pick up pace in less than two seconds and go places that only a disturbed imagination can go.

though I was clean and sober for eleven years prior to that incedent it was bewildering absolute!

very intresting experience , i knew i would get help and it would end but i was terrified i had no idea being inattentive that  thoughts could break the sound bearer and then crash into the ocean and through the earth into hell and be eaten by misquitos suck up through thier needles and soaked in blood drown wake from the dead rise up like superman and melt into a the chair  , hearing  someone say are you alright " just as plain as day , open my eyes and hyperfocus on carpet and feel like im about to vomit with thethe carpets little dust mites marching all over me , turn my head up and imagine i could see all the individule molecules on the wall from the paint through to the sheet rock to the 2x4 to the centex through to  vinyl sidingout into the ouside air slowly dim and reel back in like a worm on hook being eaten by an eagle on so on extremly so fast that i barley remember any of it., that went on for a long time but it only lasted - just part i  wrote was only a second or two  to experience.continuing like this  lasting for2 daytimes without sleep for what seemed like forever.there was no place to go nothing i was allowed to do. but wait and stay away from machinery and water.i was afraid to eat beause i would get the spins and tend to dream myself into the vomit everytime i remembered i threw up. like a dream echo .

catatonic yet mobilized and fully functional . i begged to just be put to sleep the doc said he didnt know what caused it . later he said my exwife confessed to spiking food with an unknown drug just to chill me out.she worked at a hospital and got favors.  the level of hate i have for her still makes me gnash my teeth.

little kids  , please take care of them. i m too wigged out to continue

 i sorry if this doesnt relate to the thread

 

Ok its been a half an hour i ive had time to think.

This is a major divorce attorney issue .

i do believe in most us states a visiting nurse can dispense meds in person to avoid med misuse.

my intent of this post is not to insult anyone understand i have a hard time writing my message without letting it devlope into a large social issue,at some point  i went from the original thread to an issue.  i have kids on my ward that try to use pencils to kill bugs on me and themselves and others. meds can turn us into freaks  with self-destruct  behaviors.  dealing with those experiences too are totally interfereing with mental growth . some of them are just stuck in early mental devolpment due parental meds neglect and other factors but man the stories i cant tell are down right heartbreaking for the kids . but i see the parents and im infureated , i spend time with the kids getting them to connect thier feelings to thier behaviors while the parents try not show how much they hate eachother then come up to the kids and talk to them either like cartoon babies or  zorked monsters in third person.

the kids look to us like , why are talking like idiots and we just have to look on and observe. dont get me wrong i had a great night and morning . no holds .

i beef with some of the parents of my ward's kids is

If i can teach a 16 year old body with a 7 year olds mental functionality to see that other people can help us grow why cant the parents stop leering at eachother and learn it too?

because im a gifted listener i show no judgments but inside i just want to point their heads towards thier kids and say learn to help them they need you, and they love you .  at least reflect thier most subtle feelings that with your love they can mature. 

sounds like psycobable  but dammit im paid to do it  so it must be real!  

I can understand the frustration of never ever getting a break from someone who never  seems to stop. imagine having 88 of them 24/365 its inhuman to neglect special persons  with needs like that. so often the parent themselves dont recognize that they are no different in thier own denialed disorders only more developed. no matter how severe the childs needs are there regular people clocking in and out taking care of them . the parents need to get over themselves and get trained on how to safely nurture a hypermind and hyperbody. with just love and physical commitment and let the meds and counselors in there to work too.

oh damn   im  stating the obvious again . good night

--sigh--

what im saying is yes kids can be controlled physically no matter how violent or unruley they are.

with out the meds they may not develop at the same rate as others thier own age.  masking this with grade D homework and apathy and you could get a smart kid graduate from high school while only being devoloped mentally of age 12 . how loving is that . ok youre 18 and wont behave  and  you self-med ----get out

 

please dont let my babblings be thread stoppers.

 

Sammo39179.022337963In my case we have a daily reminder of how an unmedicated child with ADHD inattentive type grows up.....our oldest daughter.  She still has major issues with remembering to pay bills, and allocating money to the appropriate place at the appropriate time.  She also struggled socially (and still does....) and academically, and Jon sees what a difference the meds have made for Chase.  Yes, he is still hot headed at times and cannot stand any injustice (perceived or real), yes his temper is still quick to ignite, but he is getting along so much better than before that it is undeniable that the meds are helping.

I supply the amount of pills that ds needs for the weekend and that way I can keep track what ex is giving and not giving.  So far this is working very well.  In the beginning I sent him the whole bottle and he wouldn't remember to give to our ds.  That's when I decided to supply only the needed amount for the weekend. 

In my mind this would help him to not overlook the meds because I was watching carefully.  I haven't had a problem with meds since. 

 I have however had to continue to justify why we are doing the med route even though he was at the appointment  when the decision was made .  My ex has memory issues and they are valid memory problems.  He takes meds himself.  You'd think he would understand the need for ds since he has his own medical needs. 

I JUST RAGED AND RECANTED ON A STUDENT.

I FEEL BAD AFTER I DO THAT.

NOT A CHILD , BUT SOMEONE TRYING TO DO A THESIS ON ADHD KIDS.

LIKE THATS REALLY THE BIGGEST ISSUE OF ADHD.

AFTER I RAGED FOR A WHILE . WHICH I GOT TO STOP .

SIDE NOTE IF ANYONE WOULD TOLRERATE RECIEVING MY TEXT RAGES BEFORE I POST THEM I WOULD APPRECIATE THE HELP OF NOT MAKING MOST PEOPLE DEFENSIVE WHILE IM JUST TRING TO JUST MAKE A POINT. I THINK WITH A LITTLE PRACTICE I CAN NOT BE SO IMPATIENT  TO POST. I JUST NEED A TIME TO THINK BEFORE SENDING OFF.

ANYWAY I WAS SAYING

I THINK THE BIGGEST ADHD ISSUE IS NOT TREATMENT. AS FAR AS THESIS MAKING GOES .TALK ABOUT A DEAD HORSE THAT MAY BE MORE RELEVANT .

TO ME ITS  BEING PARENTALLY AWARE WHEN ADD  EXISTS AND GETTING OTHERS TO HELP THE PERSON WHO HAS IT MATURE! SUCH A SUBTLE ISSUE FOR THOSE WHO DONT SEE IT EVERYDAY IN ADD'S MANY FACETS AND STAGES.

SECONDLY THAT THE MEDS DONT CURE IT AND NEVER WILL, SO THE MEDS ARE FOR FOCUS AND COPING.

FINALLY, ALSO BEING MINDFUL THAT A MED WAY OF LIFE CAN LEAD TO A SELF MED WAY OF LIFE WHEN LEAVING HOME.

 

 

OH MY bAss WAS FLABERGASTED I WAS MAKING COMMENTS ABOUT ADHD AND THE FACILITY I WURC AT THOUGH I DONT REFERENCE IT BY NAME. I TOLD HER I NEVER EVER REVEAL PERSONAL INFO OR PROCEDURES NOW MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO DISCUSS SOMETHING TANGABLE I SIMPLY DONT DO IT IN REFERENCE TO ASKING FOR OUTSIDE HELP OF ANY KIND, SHE THREATENED ME WITH AN INVESTIGATION .  I RESONDED BY SAYING I SIGNED YOUR AGREEMENT

I ALSO SAID AS LONG AS I DONT TAKE AWAY THIER RIGHTS. AM ALLOWED TO SAY WHAT I WANT TOO HERE IN AMERICA .  I FOLLOWED THAT UP WITH -I KNOW IF I BEEF WITH A FACILITY I HAVE MANY AVENUES TO CORRECT A FACILITY WITHOUT BEING MALICIOUS OR SLANDEROUS. I KNOW MY RIGHTS TOO AND KNOW A FEW WHO WOULD BE INTRESTED IN RESERVING MY RIGHTS IF NESSASARY. I ALSO ASKED HER READ WHAT I HAVE ACTUALLY WRITTEN BEFOR MAKING A COMPLAINT AGAINST ME. SO JUST TO BE L&PC ILL KEEP MY FEELINGS FROM MY JOB UNREALATED TO ANY EVENT THAT I HAVE HAD OR MAY ENCOUNTER AT THE FACILITY AND WHEN I REFERENCE MY KIDS "KIDS IS NOW TO MEAN THE KIDS IN MY IMMINENT NIEGHBORHOOD. WHEN I SAY MY EXPIENCE WITH ADHD"  IT IS  UPON MY OWN MEDICALLY DOCUMENTED EXPERIENCE. --SIGH--

UHHG SO MUCH ISOLATION AT LEAST THIER PARENTS GET TO REFERENCE THE KIDS BUT THEY'RE NOT THERE WHEN I AM . GO FIGURE ?

 

OK KAT3Y

Sammo39180.4913310185

Sometimes the simple approach is the best.  The pill case already loaded precluded him having to open all the pill bottles and dispense the med.  I must admit that my hubby (who is fully onboard) got extremely nervous/jumpy/upset when he figured out that Chase is taking 3 prescriptions and one over the counter med each morning.....

So I did the same thing, I bought a weekly(am./pm.) pill case and I load it each Sunday.  Then on the nights that I have class and hubby is in charge of med dispersal all he has to do is tell Chase it is time for meds and Chase opens the appropriate sompartment and takes them.  I am sure if Jon had to get all the bottles out of the cupboard and shake out all the meds individually, it would upset him that our baby is taking all that medicine....but if it helps (and it definitely does), then I am okay with it.....and so is he.

Thanks Okiemom...I do not know how to get him to see that she is a special needs child. His whole family has a history of mental issues that have never been treated. His grandfather never sought treatment for his depression and committed suicide. He has an uncle that is holed up in his house because he thinks the FBI is out to get him. I look back now and it is clear that a lot of my dd's issues are probably hereditary. I know she gets the anxiety from me. I wish I could've seen this way long ago, but that is all hindsight now. I don't know how to get my ex to see this when his whole family has been in denial for so long. They have the mindset that if you seek help then you are admitting that you are crazy. I think it's crazy not to seek help. AGHHHHH It is so hard sometimes doing it on your own. I would love it if he would hop on board, but I am not sure that would ever happen. 

Sammo..... actually, I rather enjoy reading your posts because you have some unique perspectives.  You may call them babblings, but you have some great contributions so by all means....contribute!    I like you advice about suggesting to Wonderwoman to make this med issue and issue between her ex and the physician..... not between her and the ex.

Wonderwoman........glad to hear the visit is going smooth and he agreed with giving the meds.  I know you must be in a terribly stressful position and are trying to handle way too much of this by yourself......i.e. trying to co parent a daughter with special medical needs.  Somehow you are going to have to force this issue of her father accepting the situation for what it is.  Not sure how to do that, but once he is more on board, you will feel less stress.  If giving him the letter would have freaked him out and sent him into a rage.....then you did the right thing especially since a visit was imminent.  However, he is going to have to accept all those diagnoses at some point.

Okiemom

Well I decided to try a simple approach. I bought a pill case, prepared the meds and just told my ex to give the meds in the morning on the days instructed. He didn't question me. What a relief. I decided not to give my ex the letter from the Psy and to keep it for future purposes. Only because seeing all of her diagnoses would probably freaked him out. I called her yesterday and she seemed in good spirits. What is soooo funny is that as much as I have needed a break I miss her terribly. But this weekend has given me a chance to spend time with my son. He often feels pushed aside because of my daughters needs. Anyway, so far so good this weekend.

You need to tell him that he can be endangering her if he abruptly stops her meds.  Have the psych write the dangers in a note to him.  I would say that if he refuses to give her meds that are prescribed to her, that would be a pretty serious thing, and could be held against him for future visitations.

I don't know about getting a court order...that would be something for you to ask your lawyer, I would imagine.

You have not just given her these meds willy nilly, they have been prescribed by a professional after testing.  The school has had problems with her as well, right?  He (your ex) does not have a medical or psychiatric degree to qualify him to make that decision to stop her meds or declare that she is not ADHD....

I would definitely get a letter from the doctor or even better ask your ex to meet with the doctor and you so that he can here first hand the reasons for giving your child meds.  I found that when I included my ex it helped me somewhat.  I can't remember if you live close by your ex or not.  If you don't some doctors will do a phone conference.

I agree with chasesmom that it wouldn't hurt to talk to your lawyer.  If you have insurance you can always use your EAP/ Employee Assistance Program through your employer. 

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.  I know it is easy when there is an ex involved.  Stay strong .

Take Care!

I am nervous about the coming up weekend. My dd is supposed to go to her dad's for the weekend. As some of you know he does not like the fact she is medicated. For a long time I told him it was allergy med. I know that wasn't right but I didn't feel like I had a choice. Well, I finally told him what it was for when we switched to Adderral. The pill has the name very clearly marked on it. Now she has three meds. The Lexapro, Concerta, and Tenex. The Tenex and Lexapro have to be split in half. I can do that for him, but I am so worried he won't give it to her. I know there are side affects from abruptly stopping the Tenex and Lexapro. I don't know what to do. He thinks I have her medicated because I don't know how to disipline. He HATES the fact she is now "labeled ADHD"  Is there a way to get a court order or something to insure she gets her meds?????? I am calling the Psy tomorrow to see what she can come up with. AGHHHH Please help!!!!! My anxiety is kicking in overdrive!!!!  oh but some of these meds are dangerous not taken right?  I can give my son med breaks with adderal and if I had an x who wanted to deal with him off meds, I'm all for it and let him deal with him. But if it is a med that you cannot take off and on, I would have the doctors completely involved and letters written and attorneys involved and until I was able to ensure that child received the meds, my child wouldn't go. period.  What about having your child returned to you when the meds are needed? is that a possibility?

If a doctor has prescribed a medication and the custodial parent is on board with it, and the other parent chooses not to administer the medication (especially for those meds that are dangerous if not continued) it can be considered Medical Neglect and can absolutely have an effect on visition.  I had a student's parents in my class go through this and the noncustodial parent now can only have the child from 10-8 on a weekend day so that the custodial parent can give the meds.  No more overnights.  The noncustodial parent continues to refuse to give meds.  Hope this helps.

Sorry, Just a question...does your child have a law guardian?  This can be requested through the court to ensure safety is being considered and their job is to advocate for the child.

If the Dad can't comply then there shouldn't be any visit.   If your child has been evaulated by a psychologist and a psychiatrist is dispensing medicine.  Then there is a need.  If your the child's dad just gets mad and doesn't give her her doses he can make the situation worse.   He needs to be involved in the doctors and visits and know what is going on.  You keeping it from him is wrong and can make matters worse.   Our child has Bipolar/ADHD mixed type, P.D.D. and we are still working with the behavior issues and meds.  It is very frustrating and stressful.  But both parents HAVE to be on the same page.

 

I agree with hiker.

If her father cannot or will not comply to what the professionals have prescribed, I wouldn't allow a visit. Period.  I'd think a lawyer would consider that a slam dunk.

Since he has major issues with the whole diagnosis, I think you as the mother need to protect her legally and talk to your lawyer about what the next step would be to either force him to get on board, or to eliminate visitation if he refuses.  My guess is he cannot handle your daughter any better than you using "his methods" and will probably be either sending her home before the visit time is up or eventually avoiding visitations.   This "yo-yo" relationship ship between your daughter and her father isn't a good situation. She doesn't need to deal with that kind of issue on top of trying to live with ADHD. ADHDers need consistency....badly.

I'd get some legal help on this one.         &n bsp; Okiemom

YES, CONSISTENCY IS A MUST.  PLUS THE CHILD CAN SENSE FROM US WHEN UPSET TOO.  FOCUS ON YOUR CHILD NOT YOUR X IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO COMPLY. 

FROM TALKING TO DOCTORS AND RESEARCHING EVERYTHING.  YOU DON'T TAKE BREAKS FROM A MEDICINE THAT HAS BEEN ADMINISTERED FOR ADHD OR BIPOLAR.  THAT IS BAD.  IF ANYONE ELSE CARES FOR YOUR CHILD.  THEY HAVE TO GIVE THE MEDICINES.   OR DON'T SEND YOUR CHILD.   ADHD CHILDREN DO NOT LIKE TURMOIL AND ARGUING.  THEY NEED HEALTHY, STRUCTURED ROUTINES.   WE HAVE TO THINK OF WHATS BEST FOR OUR CHILDREN, THEN US.

 

I'm in the same boat Wonderwoman. My Ex Swears he has given my DS meds, but it is SOOOO clear to me and others that he has not. I don't know what more to do. I need a break too and the only break I get is when he is gone to his Dad's house. It's such a tough predictment to be in. As a matter of fact, he had my son over the weekend and right now he appears unmedicated. Sigh...