Thank you for your reply. This morning he woke up and all is right with the world. I will talk to his doctor about this...more than anything it is so scary when he says things like this. I think that I need to learn how to not react...and be calm.
Thanks again!!
Hi Imbc and robyn,
Sorry to the delay in response.
Yes....my son over the years (he is now 14) has very much been prone to negative self image and self talk. This got better when the treatment for anxiety began...in our case this was a combo of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Zoloft medication, parent training, and school supports.
My thoughts on your comment on "anxiety driving the ADHD": I myself consider them two separate and distinct disorders from a medical standpoint, however, they become terribly tangled up due to the life chaos they create for the child. In our case I think my son was literally born "prewired" for anxiety (we have anxiety in family history). Unfortunately....he was also born "prewired" for ADHD (his dx is primary inattentive). Mix the two together....bam, recipe for problems!! MORE problems than if you were dealing with "pure" ADHD or "pure" anxiety. In our case, my son was prone to anxiety as an infant and toddler, but it was on the mild side UNTIL he started school and the pressures for academic performance increased year after year......the same academic pressures that were complicated greatly by his ADHD. So.....you had the ADHD making a mess of his school performance, which in turn, SKYROCKTED his anxiety! So you have a whole vicious cycle going on. Other things pressure the child too.....like societal and parent expectations. These complicated family dynamics can skyrocket the anxiety too (example: Dad not understanding his son and just telling him to "suck it up!")
Well.......that is when Anxiety's evil twin sister....DEPRESSION....sets in. Year after year the child is made to feel stupid, dumb, inadequate compared to peers, compared to siblings, lazy, a troublemaker, etc. Is it no wonder by 4th or 5th grade these kids are sometimes in a total crisis at school?? By this time the kids who have hyperactive problems feel like they have no friends and are cruelly excluded from the school social cliques. The inattentive ones who don't have severe behavioral problems sometimes have MORE problems with anxiety, and they suffer socially too. They REALLY fall thru the cracks! In our case....not only did my son get a ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder dx, he got a dx of Dysthymia.....which essentially a persistent "glass half full" pessimistic attitude about life. Dysthymia is not the same a full blown major depression.......but your more at risk for developing full blown depression if you've stuggled with Dysthymia from what I've read.
Oh.... to add an EXTRA measure of excitement in our case..... my son also tests GIFTED and has an auditory and language processing disorder!! OK.....now I've got a REAL mix of problems......an intelligent gifted child who has ADHD, Anxiety, Dsythmia, plus language and auditory processing deficits!!! Arrrgghh!
So what is the result when you mix all this together and your intelligent child who has many co-existing problems starts questioning why they struggle so much compared to the other kids? The result is poor self esteem and self confidence, anxiety, depression, and acting out to get ANY attention.....even if it is negative attention of any kind.
I've heard many negative statements out of my son's mouth and yes....it literally scares the hell out of you. Things like: I hate you, I hate life, I hate myself, Nobody loves me, Life is not worth living (this one gets your attention every time!), I hate school, School is stupid, etc. He also, especially when younger, would constantly ask me if I still loved him (to get affirmation)....and stangely, he would make statements to me like: Mom....I love you more than you love me! He'd cling to me like a vine because he would tell me that I was the only person who understood him and loved him. His perception was literally that no one but Mom could love him!
So yes..... in a way....the anxiety drives the ADHD....and then the ADHD turns around and drives the anxiety! A vicious cycle that usually has some form of depression eventually thrown in there.
This is why it is SO important to seek professional help and do it as EARLY as possible. My son would NOT be doing as well as he is at the age of 14 had we not intervened early with both medical and psychological supports. And expect the professional help to be a ongoing "journey".... just like having the ADHD and anxiety is a "journey". It takes time, money, and patience to find the right help and resources and when something doesn't work out or seem to help, you DON'T give up...you keep trying. Some treatments work great for one child, but don't seem to help another one. But you don't give up.
Okiemom
okiemom39175.4062384259
Thanks okiemom!
We also have anxiety in our family...some of the situations you describe, are ours completely. My ds has tested gifted as well. Says that school bores him, has very few friends....always correcting them...at only 6yo.
This situation can be so frustrating...I try to hang on, but the best is that I know now that there are people going thru the same things. I learn so much from this board. We don't have a support group in our area, so this is the best.
We are getting help with our beh ped., but she doesn't want to treat the anxiety until we have the adhd under control.....just a long process. I feel that his anxiety must be addressed soon, his self esteem is just bombing!
Thanks again for your post.
Thanks okie! I will definately talk to my dd's doctor about this. Yes it is a very long process! [QUOTE=imcbmcc]Okie mom,
I have a ds who also has been diagnosed with Generalized anxiety disorder, adhd hyperactive. My ds occasionally has a bad attitude, I hate myself, bad brain, kind of talk. This shows especially when he has not gotten much sleep. He does wake in the night...only to go back to sleep. Says that he worries. He is on Concerta 18 mg. Not a destructive child. Just gets so negative about himself when we correct him, doesn't get his way, or is tired? I also feel that his anxiety drives his ADHD? Have you found this??? Thanks for your input.
[/QUOTE]
I didn't want to hijack the others persons topic, but wanted to comment on what you had wrote because my daughter tends to do that also...the I hate myself comments and that wasn't my "real self" doing ....... wrong. Oki had you experienced this with your child at all? She usually does this when she does something wrong. Wonder if this is something to look into more. I have made comments to my daughter's doctor about this, but haven't had a real conversation about it.
Thank you for replying to me. It is very frightening for me...I am not sure how to handle the behavior, and like your dd my ds usually does this when he is doing something wrong. It takes me an hour or so to get him out of his funk. I to have talked to his doctor...I guess that I will need to really make this info important as she has not really addressed this.
Some people think he is just manipulating the situation??? Could this be....I just don't ever want to take this lightly???
I have been told by my ds doctor that children who have anxiety are really hard on themselves. They want and need everything to be perfect and when they feel they have "messed up" they take it very hard.
This is my experience with my son. He had ADHD and anxiety and has been on zoloft from aged 8 (now 14). The other day when I was annoyed with him, he told me it was all my fault that he was born. So I deserve to have a problem child.
Manipulation is a harsh word but one I have used to describe his reaction to getting into trouble. Rather than face the issue, he goes into this I hate being me - I wish I wasn't alive - screaming tantrum. It is awful but this is how he feels deep down . Total frustration. The self-esteem is so fragile. Becareful not to give into these feelings - Our son saying he was going to kill himself because he knew that when he said it initially we all reacted so strongly in his favour!!! Then later when I pushed him to find his soccer socks he grabbed a knife and said he was going to kill himself. I was so angry with this that I calmly told him that I would draw the line to make sure he did it properly!! I felt so awful afterwards but I was so angry that he used this to get out of a situation. He hasn't tried that one again!!!!!
Zoloft seems to work well - we have tried other things but nothing takes the edge off his anxiety. Behavioural therapy would be good so that your child can identify the early signs of an anxiety attack. Teaching copying mechanisms would be good as well. Good luck.