people in stores | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=chasesmom79]....it is much better in my small town than in say....Ft. Wayne, a few miles (30 some) away. In my town, we mostly know each other at least as aquaintances, and that makes it easier to accept help as it is intended....
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you are not kidding!!!!!!!!! (to the rest of you that don't know, I live in Fort Wayne)
I can't tell you how many bad experiences I have had. The worst one recently was when ds was did his high pitch blood curdling scream, was hitting and kicking me. Here I am pulling the cart with one arm, restraining him with the other and people in the aisle just stood staring... Hey, do I have to tell ya to MOVE!
kemi39177.5292939815I have to say, I don't like most people, and I especially detest those judgemental farts who glare or purse their lips at parents in the store. I just want to yell,"Oh, get a life! Like this never happened to you. Ha!"
Yes, don't you love those people that don't have enough going on in their own lives that they feel the need to interfere with their off-handed comments to your child when you are trying to diffuse a situation!! UGH!
The psychiatrist is trying to figure out what will work STILL. Wednesday we will get something else. The NO EATING scared us to when the doc tried Ritilan. He just about didn't eat for two month. Once in a while. I cried (i'm a whimp), and we gave him quite a bit when he did want to eat and a vitamin. But the Ritilan as it wore off made his behavior WORSE and just stopped working so they took him off. Just recently tried Adderall = bad for him. Made him worse. So not sure what is next come WEDNESDAY. Risperdal is making him GAIN weight now and depakote helps with the mild seisures he has and the bipolar moodiness and hyperactivity which i think could come from Prevasive Developmental Disorder. He clapps his hands alot for no reason. Now when he gets mad cause he doesn't want anything to do with time out he will try to bang his head on the floor. We have sooooooooooooo much to talk to the Psychiatrist about, but she gives us a "FEWWWWWW" minutes. Not right.
STORES can be a DISASTER. When his medicine worked we had no problem and he at times was rewarded. Sunday was horrible at Walmart and everyone looking at me as to "what are you doing to that child". ABSOLUTELY nothing! He screams and yells because he "wants this" "wants that" NOPE. We explain why and he doesn't care. He pushes my LAST BUTTON and I get mad. It's like he's won again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He didn't get anything but he got me raged. The doc said to work on not letting him "get to ya". It is reallllllllllll hard.
I told him the other day when we left dad at home and him and I went grocery shopping that do not ask for anything please and you can help mommie put the healthy foods in the cart, ok and he says okay. She he end up saying "lets get these little cup cakes and ME AND DAD will share them". He wins again. If I would have said please put those put those back -- all heck would have broke out.
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ANY MOMS OUT THERE GET HIT AND HIT AND HITTTTTTTTT AND SCREAMED AT BY THEIR CHILD? YOU LOOK AT HIM LIKE IS THIS MY CHILD? OUR SON JUST TURNED ANGRY ABOUT EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!!! THEN AFTER HE HAS HIS CLONIDINE. AN HOUR LATER HE LOVES US AGAIN.
I understand. I usually say something back to the people that are rude to us. I will apologize if our son does something totally inappropriate but that fabric lady probably didn't like where she was working and took it out on your son.
What meds is your son taking?
My son always acts up when we go out shopping.. Pretty much have gotten used to a outburst of somesorts. People look at me and my husband all the time with nasty looks. I usely be very nice to them and tell them that "If you thank you can do better by all means, here he is." They usually just walk away and dont know what to say. Our son's psychiatrist said taking an ADHD child into a store is a no no, especially if the meds aren't right.
[QUOTE=BL Moretti]I like that! I was in the fabric store a couple years ago with my son and he jumped up on the huge cutting table so he could see what was happening. The lady cutting our fabric yelled at him and actually said "If your mother can't controll you I will have to!" Before that incident he was jumping over a whole row of empty gondolas (those fabric tables with the tall sides) like a track star! Very coordinated and graceful! At that point I held him while I chose fabric while he wrestled and fought to get down. He used to scream "You're hurting me!" When I knew I wasn't. Not that I didn't want to! Anyway I finally wresteled him and my fabric to the table and didn't think it was so bad that he jumped up to see. He was right by me and I had my hand on him to keep him in place. Well she yells at him and me indirectly. On my way out I had to hold back my tears I was so embarassed! [/QUOTE]
I would have had to say to the lady, "I dare you to lay a hand on my child." Because you are a customer, and she had no right to say that to your child. I would seriously have let her cut the fabric, then walked out without it, telling a manager just why you were not purchasing it. A better thing for the attendant to do would be to try to occupy his interest....keep him busy.....redirect him from his active antics.....but, she obviously was not smart enough to think of that. It is not like he was dancing on the table or anything.....jheeez!
Our son took Ritilan for two months and his behavior got worse, especially later in the day when it wore off. We had to take him off of it.
A friend of mine with an "active" 4 year old , has a great reply when the child is performing!
I'm just the nanny and I'm new this week!!!
A bit naughty!!!
I like that! I was in the fabric store a couple years ago with my son and he jumped up on the huge cutting table so he could see what was happening. The lady cutting our fabric yelled at him and actually said "If your mother can't controll you I will have to!" Before that incident he was jumping over a whole row of empty gondolas (those fabric tables with the tall sides) like a track star! Very coordinated and graceful! At that point I held him while I chose fabric while he wrestled and fought to get down. He used to scream "You're hurting me!" When I knew I wasn't. Not that I didn't want to! Anyway I finally wresteled him and my fabric to the table and didn't think it was so bad that he jumped up to see. He was right by me and I had my hand on him to keep him in place. Well she yells at him and me indirectly. On my way out I had to hold back my tears I was so embarassed! Thank goodness the fabric incident was before meds. But the thing is these people think, in their small brains, that I have not tried everything I can think of. Like I am just letting him be out of controll like I don't care or something! How many times have you heard it? "I wouldn't let my child say that, or behave like that!" I can hear in their tone "Just give me one week with that child!" And just what would they do? Beat him? I have tried that!!!!! Lock him in his room? Well I have put him there!!! Beg? Plead? Cry? Tried it all!!! Maybe I could tie him up????
When I see an out of control child I try to smile kindly. Make a joke like "you think it's bad now wait till puberty!" Some times I ask if I can help. Like put the items on the check out belt while she chases the kid down or holds him still.
One time my son, pre med, was at the airport in the middle of a huge temper tantrum lying on his back and skooting himself around the floor screaming. An older man came up to me and said..."I know this seems terrible right now... but some day when he has made you really proud... and he will make you proud...think of this day and be glad you did not kill him. I have raised 5 boys of my own. I know what I am talking about!" I love that old guy and wish I could tell him how many times his words have gotten me through!!
What the old guy did not know was that I had just gotten that son, age three from and orphanage in Russia. We were in LA on our way home.
What a wise, sweet man! I do the same....if a child is acting up, and my child/grandchild is looking....I will comment to my child something like..."Oh, that liitle guy/girl is upset, but his mommy/daddy will take care of it, remember that you sometimes get upset like that too?" And smile understandingly at the mom/dad. I know how much that little bit of support can mean in a stressful time.
I agraee with chasesmom79. By dong what she describes, you are supporting another!
I find myself doing the exact same thing. I look over and smile so the mom knows she is OK and things will be OK.
Society unfortunately offers no support, but that is where we come in!
Good job chasesmom79!!
Yes. I support others too. It is hard being a good mom and dad, but one day if not tommorrow, we will be proud.
Ok so let's share ways we have helped other parents in distress and ways we have been helped. It would be great if the hundreds of us on this forum started a different way of dealing with children in general in our country.
When I was in Russia at the back of the line to board a plane the adults would shoo the moms with kids to the front of the line. As I was holding my squirming child they would push my luggage along. They would stop and pull my son's snowcap more firmly over his ears. It was amazing and I felt such a difference from the states where they just give you evil looks.
The problem is that sometimes if you try to help it can be taken as an insult. I think you have to remember to ask. Something like your hands are full could I help your son with his gloves? Can I get that door for you? I will sit with him right here while you check out. Are checkout lines the worst or what?
Yes they are...mostly because they put that huge tempting display of candy right there...
It is the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" concept that Americans have moved away from as a nation. We need to get back to that way of thinking. instead of criticizing, lend a hand....it is much better in my small town than in say....Ft. Wayne, a few miles (30 some) away. In my town, we mostly know each other at least as aquaintances, and that makes it easier to accept help as it is intended....
Okay so my son just increased his meds last Thursday so I was going to give him a "med break" over the weekend thinking we were just staying home anyway. Oh my gosh! I took him to Target and he did everything wrong. From telling his brother to shut up, to running off, to just not behaving and losing control from a hyperness standpoint. I cannot tell you how many dirty looks I got. My oldest son who is 10 told the 7 year old that everyone was looking at him. The 10 year old even starting crying as he was so tired of dealing with the little one and had a headache. ugh! I didn't know even what to do at that point. I am tired and frustrated and am going through my grandmother passing away so didn't want to even talk about it in the store with everyone glaring and judging me. I was on the verge of tears and really wanted to just run!
My mom thankfully watches my youngest when I go grocerty shopping if it isn't a weekend at Dad's. But even short trips can be a nightmare. We were at target also once a little while ago. He was good till the end. I told him he would get a cookie if he behaved which he did till we got over to where they sell the cookies. He threw a tantrum for some reason (they all blend together after awhile) and I took him out. He however got out of my hold at the doors and shook the theft alarm stand. A woman made a shocking noise and I just looked at her daring her to say something and grabbed him again and left. He likes to touch everything also. I think I did this to my own mother so I think it is payback for me. I will get him a toy out of the machines on the way out (the 25 cent ones) if he is good, which means he didn't get me upset.
Stores are a nightmare for us when our DS is not medicated. I WILL NOT tolerate this in the store and he knows I will drag him to the car and leave a whole cart there if I need to. I try not to take him for a full shopping trip if he isn't taking his Adderall. I have taken him out of the store by the arm and called my hubby or mom to come get him while I finish shopping and bring a treat home for his sister. I will purchase him something small if he makes it through the entire trip (typically he wants a soda because we don't give him a lot of that.) My son takes 50 MG Adderall and it comes in two 25 mg capsules. I never take DS off the meds completely anymore, but sometimes would give him only one capsule. I have found out, however, that when I do this He has a bad rebound effect on Tuesday. I don't know why. Monday he seems to do fine and Tuesday is harder. lganio39174.7133912037oh that is good to hear. I didn't think about a rebound but wanted a break so he would eat something. He has been on adderall xr for 5 weeks now and 2 weeks into the meds he got very very sick and lost 6 pds. very scarey. wouldn't eat anything. He still isn't eating much so that is why I did it. Yeah I remember before he got meds one shopping trip with my mom to grocery store adn coming home and crying. My DH got home from work 2 hours late cause he went to visit his brother and I just let him have it. I was so upset and tired/exhausted and he had no idea what I went through. Nothing worked. and everyone looking at you like you are a horrible parent. I never will judge someone's parenting again in a grocery store knowing I don't know the situation.My son had trouble with losing weight when he was first started on it as well, and it got quite scary. We started giving him Carnation instant breakfast after he ate breakfast and dinner. Extra calories and some nutrients. We would feed him a big breakfast before the meds kicked in and a big snack before bed...cheese/crackers, popcorn, yogurt, apples with caramel dip, veggies with ranch dressing (not the light kind). Weight is no longer an issue for him. I don't know if he has just adjusted, or if the Clonidine and lexapro he takes also assist with appetite.