People Addiction | ADHD Information
I would love to be horrible to him. But, I blew that chance because I wrote so much that I made myself look like an obsessed weirdo. Ok, that's what I AM, but did I have to confirm it?It's been a bad day today.
My doctor prescribed Zoloft for me yesterday to help me. He said I am using sheer willpower to fight against my own brain and currently PMS. He said I'm working far harder than I need to. Wow...okay. I thought I was just one weak DOB (daughter of a bastard - LOL).
I did do this:
*Haven't called him once.
*Removed his phone number from my cell phone (I don't know his number by heart)
*Haven't written, but did write what I would have LIKED to send and just saved it.
*Blocked his email
*Closed out the email account we used to share
*Threw away something that was very sentimental
*Moved all of my emails to/from him to a location on my computer where it won't be the first thing I see.
Now I wish my mind would catch up. I don't deserve to feel this way.
Just dont throw away anything that is worth something, you may need to hock it at a future point. 
Sounds like you are on the right path. Dont throw too much away tho. I regret throwing things away. 10 years down the track it is nice to come across them again, So you can kick yourself .
I completely agree with some antidepressants, that would definately help you focus a little better to make some good decisions.
Bluebird, you deserve to be loved and cared for and cherished!
[QUOTE=Rae70]Sounds like you are on the right path. Dont throw too much away tho. I regret throwing things away.
[/QUOTE]Thanks for your support, Rae.
And, no worries....sentimental = cheap.
bluebird3838297.429224537
OR, you could be really horrible to him !. I had the fortunate experience to be able to turn the tables. I told everyone about the relationship i had with him, he was furious. Because he had been hiding it all. Told him parents and friends.
Then I removed myself from the entire scene. The next time I saw him, he just laughed, it was kind of like a way of saying 'good one, you got me that time' and I laughed back to say 'yeah like you deserved it you arse' and we just went our separate ways. That was it.
I havent looked back. Occassionally I wonder about him, but more in a fashion of OMG what was I thinking. But he is only one of 3 impulsive relationships that I had, where I think back going OMG what was I thinking
So dont worry, I was a slow learner too. Happy now. Married content.
[QUOTE=Rae70]bluebird, When I was married to my first husband I
had that same thing going on for this other guy, He was schizophrenic
by the way, I really know how to pick em.
It was weird and just like you describe too. We had this really amazing connection thing, almost like a past life connection. like we know each other intimately and deeply at first site.
Now I look back and think OMG, I was such a dickhead. He was just using me, because I was hooked on him. And I was feeding his ego. He knew I was there for him when ever he wanted and used it. And behind my back, treating me poorly. I never knew this for a very long time. He was a good liar.
So this experience, I put down to a learning experience. Bluebird, FREEE YOURSELF, fly fly away.
[/QUOTE]Rae, thanks. I hear you loud and clear. I feel so ashamed that I can't seem to do better than this. From the stories I have been hearing of other women, it seems I should consider myself extremely fortunate that he hasn't asked me to marry him.
Also, just from a recent experience of being hit on by a married man, it should also tell me that whenever there is secrecy, it is probably something I don't won't want to know about or be mixed up in--just stay away.
It helps to hear stories like yours. It's still so hard to truly detach and get rid of all the hooks; the hooks seem to have me by the fibers of my nerves.
I understand that an active alcoholic, for example, has alcohol on their mind almost throughout an entire day. I have known several alcoholics and I have noticed this too--at some point alcohol is brought into the conversation at some point in the day (usually said in a joking manner). I'm not an alcoholic, so I might never mention alcohol unless I am actually ordering a drink on the rare occasion when I go out.
This is how it is for me--this "subject" is on my mind as people are talking to me, etc. I'm looking them in the eyes and wondering if I should go check my email, etc. I have an appt. with dr. today, so I will defintely let him know all of this.
If I read my own story I would be thinking "this is a no brainer" but it is a stubborn, stubborn problem. I have forced myself at times to get out and meet other people, etc. and then something will trigger me and I am right bak to square one, like I am right now.
This time I want it to be gone. I am fighting a lot of sadness that it wasn't as special as I had always made it out to be. I guess I needed that when I was y ounger maybe? Turns out that he's just another common dumbass, I guess. :o(
I have made it a couple of days without emailing, but this morning I checked the email account. So, that was backwards. My goal today is not to check again adn to find a book to read or get out ro something.
bb
bluebird3838295.4647453704One thing that always works for me is to find a new addiction.
Try a lot of interaction with other people, friends, groups, activities, family, etc. You won't feel lonely this way.
If the addiction is primarily sexual, that is another story.
If you cannot control your sexual attraction to him, just marry him and it will go away. 
I normally don't have a problem with this. When a relationship has been over, it's just over and I move on. A few have been harder than others, but this guy feeds my addiction sometimes and has for a long time. I didn't see it as an addiction before--I just always thought he was the one that I really "wanted."
Does anyone have any good suggestions for how to cure addictions--especially one like this--and especially for someone who feels completely weak?
Thanks,
bb
Instead of just jumping into another relationship now that this one has ended I'd say you need to be on your own for awhile. If you can't learn to live and function without a partner any relationship with one will just end badly.
I always say thats what I will do, and it makes so much sense......then emotions
always take over and take control. I seem to do everything my emotion (not a good thing)
That's fine. I don't have a relationship to jump into anyhow. I'm not really that way. I need a way to handle my addiction...a way to really eradicate the roots of this weed from my mind, I guess.
I have been white knuckling it all day long not checking my email. Is there ever a time when it stops being "I have been clean for 6 mo. - haven't checked my email once"?
Sorry not much help I've never been addicted to anything so it's hard for me to offer any real advice. But if you ever need to chat I'd definately be willing to listen an offer whatever support I can. [QUOTE=Chazinmo]
Try a lot of interaction with other people, friends, groups, activities, family, etc. You won't feel lonely this way.
If the addiction is primarily sexual, that is another story.
If you cannot control your sexual attraction to him, just marry him and it will go away.
[/QUOTE]LOL Chaz! No, it is not sexual at all. It is actually a long-term, long-distance relationship. We don't get together to have sex; we don't have phone sex. I have always tried to insist that we don't cheapen things by doing this, but I'll admit I have slipped up a couple of times. He goes with whatever I say on this subject.
He's the one I wanted to marry, but he's been doing screwy things that just don't add up; things that are not congruent with the flowery stuff that he tells me. It is not healthy and I have an addiction that has taken many forms over several years. At the moment, it is that I am compulsively writing him and checking my email.
This is a really hard, embarrassing thing for me to talk about openly, so believe me when I say that every sentence is hard for me to write. I never admitted to myself or anyone until this morning that I have a full-blown addiction because of the very fact that nothing good ever comes from it.
The cycle is:
*I build up and look forward to my next interaction with him.
*He comes through a little.
*He disappears.
*I crash and behave like a junkie who has been denied a fix.
*Time goes by.
*Repeat.
I wish that I could stay in a relatiioship. I have a pattern.. go full force
into a relationship without getting to know the person and it never
lasts. I would love to have patience to get to know a person first!
bluebird, When I was married to my first husband I had that same thing going on for this other guy, He was schizophrenic by the way, I really know how to pick em.
It was weird and just like you describe too. We had this really amazing connection thing, almost like a past life connection. like we know each other intimately and deeply at first site.
Now I look back and think OMG, I was such a dickhead. He was just using me, because I was hooked on him. And I was feeding his ego. He knew I was there for him when ever he wanted and used it. And behind my back, treating me poorly. I never knew this for a very long time. He was a good liar.
So this experience, I put down to a learning experience. Bluebird, FREEE YOURSELF, fly fly away.
I do know what it's like to feel addicted to someone.. It's part of my hyperfocus adhd lifestyle i think. but i really don't feel as if i want to be sexually involved with anyone anymore. I feel as if i've lost interest in relationships, all the include is rejection, dissapointment, and that f**king phrase, " i dont think this is working out".
Sorry went off the point.....neway it's part of adders to be addicted...it's also part of our hyperfocusing nature...we just can't let something go and we continually think about it and go on and on......don't worry i'm the worst person from suffering from person addictions to the point where i begin to mimic them, and i begin to hate who i am then coz i think they are better etc.
Thanks boggled and wildlad for your support. That really means a lot to me. Boggled, you are right...I will just gut it out and have faith that the time periods get longer. And I do NOT want to go back to square 1. He's sucking you dry.loving evry moment you spend fixating on him. It's all empowering to him.
Bite the bullet, dump him and get on with your life. There are so many more interesting people out there. And guess what, you don't actually need any of them to have a fufilling life of your own.
This is from a thrice married person,who got off on gullible women who would feed my ego.
See, he's the addict too.
[QUOTE=wildlad088]
I do know what it's like to feel addicted to someone.. It's part of my hyperfocus adhd lifestyle i think. but i really don't feel as if i want to be sexually involved with anyone anymore. I feel as if i've lost interest in relationships, all the include is rejection, dissapointment, and that f**king phrase, " i dont think this is working out".
Sorry went off the point.....neway it's part of adders to be addicted...it's also part of our hyperfocusing nature...we just can't let something go and we continually think about it and go on and on......don't worry i'm the worst person from suffering from person addictions to the point where i begin to mimic them, and i begin to hate who i am then coz i think they are better etc.
[/QUOTE]Wow, that's really interesting. Thanks for being so honest. I think I actually mimic people too! (Usually if they say something in an interesting way--so weird.)
I'm getting a little better about this whole thing (it's about time, huh?) I thought back to when I was younger and asked myself "what did I need to know about dating?" I thought through all of the people I went out with and how I fell apart when things broke up. I realized that what I needed to know what to "just let go." Let go, let go, let go. Cause the funny thing is, I would never be interested in most of those people now anyhow. Ha! So, I just keep telling myself "let go."
[QUOTE=monk]
He's sucking you dry.
loving evry moment you spend fixating on him. It's all empowering to him.
Bite the bullet, dump him and get on with your life. There are so many more interesting people out there. And guess what, you don't actually need any of them to have a fufilling life of your own.
This is from a thrice married person,who got off on gullible women who would feed my ego.
See, he's the addict too.
[/QUOTE]
WOW. This was a really interesting post too. Thanks. Yah, I was sort of starting to figure this out too. Was wondering WHY he keeps coming back, but it makes sense that he would be addicted too.
I did bite the bullet and no matter how compelled, I will never have anything to do with him again.
Thanks for all of your responses. They gave me help without making me feel like a bad person.
:o)
bb
well i guess it's part of our nature...you see the thing is most people are similar to us in some ways...only our impulsive nature makes it more obvious to people. i hyperfocus on stupid things even like warning lables lol..i don't think many people are li;ke that. mayb ritalin will help a big deal for me.
One foot ahead of the other, and keep on going, you can do it Bluebird! Good for you! 
I have overcome quite a number of addictions (the number grows each year in fact ). Smoking was the hardest one for me to beat, personally. You may have to tell yourself every minute that you are doing a great job because you haven't given in. Just be sure in your mind that the length of time between those thoughts WILL get longer. And tomorrow when it is 5 min. instead of 2 min. between times you thought about your addiction, remind yourself you are doing a great job and have already improved. The next day it will be 8 min., etc. If you slip up, you will have to go back to square one (and we really don't want to do that all over again).
I can think of a couple of addictions where the pain of quitting carried on for a couple of years, but most don't. Unfortunately I usually just substitute a new addiction for the one I quit. 