10 year old stepson ADHD | ADHD Information

I really don't know where to start. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. A 2nd marriage for both. I have a 10 year old daughter. He has a 10 year old son diagnosed ADHD/inattentive about 6 months ago. He is not a classic case so I wonder if something else could be going on. When he is at school or around people he does not know. He will not speak or make eye contact. My husband says he is just shy. At home or somewhere where he is comfortable, he is out of control. He has a smart mouth, is always mad, is mean to my daughter. He is just rude and disrespectful. He is either mad or crying all the time. I have never seen anything like it. He gets obsessed about things. For awhile it was utitlity poles, then it was light bulbs, now presidents. Has anyone ever heard of anything like this? He was diagnosed after his teacher suggested it. He was having trouble with school work. He has no interest in sports, has few friends, doesn't really have an interest in anything other than whatever his obsession is at that moment. Anyone have any advice for me?

Just from reading your post, have you ever heard of aspberger's? It is a mild form of autism.

I am NOT a doctor, I am just a mother. I am familiar with this disorder only through children in my daughter's class and from reading.

There is also a very important case in the news currently involving a 16 yr old aspberger child being tried as an adult, which touches my heart. I have been doing so much reading on it for the case that you actually describe so many characteristics that fit.

I may be wrong, but I would consult with a professional. I would mention everything that you mention in your post, it is quite informative.

Reading your post breaks my heart, just like this case here in Massachusetts. So many people in society are still so ignorant to autism. What a disgrace!

I would call for an evaluation with a pediatric neuropsychologist. They will be able to rule out anything, such as autism, and even figure out what IS going on with your S-son

Many regards,

Beth

Thanks for the reply. I have heard about aspbergers. I have not heard of the case of the 16 year old. Where can I find it?

There was just a piece last night on nightline about aspergers...that is what clicked into my head when I read the original post too. I would have him evaluated for that and seek some therapy....in the piece last night there was an awesome school program involving "typical" kids that volunteered (it was a coveted opportunity, the kids had to try out to make the cut) to participate in a social skills class with the aspergers kids and other kids with disabilities. The kids with disabilities then learned social skills, and made friends with typicals, which opened doors for them to make more friends. The program also eradicated the social bullying that usually happens in school settings.

Perhaps you could go to abc news website and check out the nightline piece? Sometimes you can watch things like that online.....

It happened here in the suburbs of Boston, it is a real tear jerker for me. He should NOT be tried as an adult, he is only 16 yrs old and is proabably at the social level of a 10-12 yr old AND had been bullied for years.

let me post a link to sign to have him tried as a juvenile, not as an adult.

As a parent of an ADHHHHHD almost 10 year old, it really saddens me. The media here in Boston is awful when it comes to their stories. I would never put a child with autism, aspbergers to be more specific, in a prison with hardened criminals. But that is what they are trying to do - how disgusting!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/681310220/inserted ?visitID=0&oi=3,70&ltl=1175787866

click on the petition at the top after reading about what is happening to John Odgren. You can decide what you would like to do.

It is a horrible case either way. A 15 yr old lost his life, but a autistic child is going to be tried as an adult!? That makes no sense. John needs to be placed in a hospital to treat disorders such as his for a period of time, not life in hard core adult prison. They will not only rape him, they will abuse and kill him.

Social skills do not exist for aspbergers. This child has no social skills and cannot seperate fact from fiction!

Please help John Odgren!

Thank you!!

Thank you all for your replies. My problem is that my husband just doesn't see what I see. I know it is hard to admit when your child has a problem. It is really putting a strain on our marriage. I have joint custody of my daughter so she is with me half the time, my husband has just regular visitation, once a week and every other weekend, more in the summer. It is a battle from the time he walks in the door until the time he leaves to go to his mother's. I don't know how to talk to my husband about my concerns without making him mad.

Here is the link to nightline...if you look down the right hand side, there is a category titled "Nightline online webcasts", click on the one about living with aspergers...you can watch the video that was on the show last night....the program that school had was awesome and should be modeled in all school systems IMO.

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/

Oprah is about families living with autism today too...I just saw a commercial.

chasesmom7939177.3959606482I went and signed the petition....

thanks chasesmom79! I can't tell you how horrific this is!

I feel having and ADHHHHHHHHHHHHD son, I feel so much for the family.

Thank you so much! Please pass it on!

JP74,

I am not a Doctor either, so this is simply my opinion. Asperger's was also my immediate thought when reading your post. I work with some Asperger's & Autistic children. I would definitely have your S-son evaluated.

Best of luck!

Sorta sounds like P.D.D. of some sort, but not 100% autistic. Keep a log for a couple weeks or less and take it with you to the doctor. If he is a loving child that will hug and kiss ya and say he's sorry, he is not autistic. Sounds like he is depressed/OCD and divorce and remarrying can cause a lot of emotional problems for a child. I've seen it. Is the child on any medication? He needs to be evaluated if he has not been. Some parents don't want to admit there is anything wrong. But you don't want to carry on like that for very long. It just hurts the child.

omg

the first thread described me to a T

obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog obsession fog

depression

Hey JP74, your stepson is very lucky to have you! It is so nice to read about a step parent so interested in her step son. He really needs you, and what you are doing. All your worries are only going to HELP him!

You are awesome!!

Hiker, I hope everything works out on your camping trip. We have kids this weekend. I thought I would start a running journal on stepson and let husband read it. Maybe that will be a start. Thanks everyone for your support, it's nice to have a place where I can come to talkBethann, thank you so much. Sometimes I feel like the "evil stepmother" because I have such concerns that everyone else just seems to blow off.Hiker, husband and ex WILL NOT admit that there is a problem. I tried to tell husband from the moment I met son that something wasn't right. They only agreed to have him tested AFTER his teacher said his grades were poor. Then, they went to a doctor, doctor asked some qustions, diagnosed, medicine, that is it. No therapy, no here are some books I recommend, no nothing. Husband has sister that knows something isn't right too as does my family, but Husband, ex and grandparents won't see it. He does have sleep problems. He would stay up all night long if you let him. Never seems to get tired. Stays in his room alot and mumbles and talks to himself. His teachers don't see the blow ups and crying. At school he is very shy, reserved and won't speak unless spoken to. Same way out in public. He won't make eye contact and will hide behind an adult he is comfortable with. He was an only child until we married and Husband and ex have no other point of reference. They just don't want to admit to a problem. Divorce was messy and they still won't work together so that makes it harder. I have asked husband about a therapist and he tells me there is no way son would open up to a stranger.

He definitely needs therapy poor kid. Not sleeping is ADHD. If he has calm times he is mixed type not total hyper. But the moods is a combination of ADHD and Bipolar. Are you friends with the mom? Maybe the both of you could help him.

I noticed right off the bat with my step daughter when I met her something was definitely wrong and her mom was like. No there is nothing wrong with her. Duh, took a few years and troubles to finally admit there is a problem. She was extremely moody and hyper. She too has Bipolar and ADHD. MEDICINES HAVE TO BE REGULATED. The doctor that just dispensed that and keeps giving it is at fault too. Everyone needs the therapy when you have a child with needs like this. It has helped us. IT IS STRESSFUL watching a child in fits, or crying, etc. They are CRYING FOR HELP too.

I agree with the general consensus that it sounds like something other than adhd, perhaps some sort of autism, or bipolar, or a mix of both. Unfortunately, unless you have adopted your stepson, I don't think you can countermand his dad in this. Do you ever contact the Dr.'s office with his knowledge, say to make or confirm appointments? If so, you might be able to make the suggestion that they look at other things at his next appointment.

When we had our husband's daughter, his x gave permission for calling doctors or taking to hospital. With something like this everyone has to be on the same page. He definitely sounds like a mix and it isn't healthy going from day to day feeling that way either. Has he ever tried to hurt himself? Pediatrician refer you to a pshychologist, then to a pshychiatrist that dispenses medicine.

Our pediatrian gave our son Ritilan which made him stop eating for 2 months and as the medicine wore off he got WORSE. Come to find that was the WRONG medicine and she said she wasn't a psychologist so she referred us for help.

You will have to get your husband to take a look at child when he is in rage or crying and ask him -- do you think this is normal?

I have no say so in appointments, treatments, anything. Ex does not like me, will not communicate with me at all. I would love to have some kind of relationship with her if she would let me. As far as him trying to hurt himself, he hasn't done this in awhile, but for a time every time he got in trouble or mad or frustrated he would claw his face and arms and hit himself. He has a terrible temper and there are times when I am afraid of what he will do.

As for him being diagnosed ADHD, that is the way that ADD is now referred to.....it is either ADHD hyperactive type, ADHD inattentive type, or ADHD combined type...it is confusing, but that is the terminology these days...my son is ADHD inattentive as well.

There are meds to aid in the way that he is acting, but until you have cooperation from his birth parents, there is no point in detailing them....

One is tenex (guanfacine), another is risperdal, another is clonidine....

If you can get cooperation from the parents, you could research those....

tenex is less sedating than clonidine, but they both aid in aggression, anger, frustration, and calming (and sleep issues), the risperdal is a mood stabilizer I believe.....

From what you have posted I see a lot of aspie traits. Many aspies seem to be just a bit odd, some have real emotional issues. And ,yes, one can be an aspie and have adhd and a number of other co morbid conditions. There is a simple online quiz[just google in aspie quiz] that you can take and it will point out traits. If there is a family history [on either side] of adhd, bi polarism, autism, or the like, the incidence of possible autism spectrum disorders increases.

Now trying to convice daddy is another problem. Men just aren't as tuned into kids the way women are. And they are usually in denial if faced with a potential problem. I guess they think it reflects personally on them.

It is really important to get the dx before the child gets much older. There are accomodations that can be made to help the child in school. And , if dxed, there is a whole other world of resourses available. Believe me, the child knows that he is 'different'. If only he learns and accepts his disability, it is a start. Don't give up on him. Remember every 20 minutes a child is dxed on the spectrum. 1:150 children are autistic. and the numbers are growing..

I am an almost 60 yr old grandmother who is adhd, as well as 2 of my children and 2 of my grandchildren. My dh and I are raising ou adhd, aspie gs. E mail me if you want to talk. I wish you the best.

If any blood to the boy has any anxiety, depression, etc he does too. Just the way the ball bounces. Husband needs to see that when you put a child on medication it has to be monitored. You just don't give it and thats it! Those medicines are known to stop working - any time!! Just like our sons. The behavior can be worse then what it was. Our son has blowups too but he likes to hit and kick and scream and make the whole world look at us and wonder what WE are doing. I feel sorry for your step-son too. Sounds Like Bipolar a whole bunch and that if not treated can be serious. Does your husband know the signs of a child needing help? Would he let you take the child to be re-evaluated?

Does the boy sleep well? You might try Melatonin. It is natural and anyone can take it. It calmssssssss you. It will not hurt you. What do his teachers say about all his tempers and crying? Does he have a counselor to go to at school?

If the ex has mental issues the poor child does too and needs attention.

He is not a real affectionate child. He will say he is sorry, but usually only to get what he wants and it is never said like he really means it. Though what 10 year old does? He is on strattera, 25 mg a day. I don't think it is doing it's job. His school work has improved somewhat, and that is all my husband and his mom are concerned with.

Oh, your the step-mom. That will be hard. But sounds like Strattera is not the total answer. If he has improved in school that is a plus, means he's more focused, but the other needs to be evaluated.

Stratterra is for those with the attention deficit, no hyper activity.

My son has the Hyper, so stratterra made him want to KILL himself! It did nothing but depress him and make him feel that way!

Are you sure his meds are even working for him?

Your husband iss very lucky to have you in his son's life! You are asking all the right questions!

Beth

Thank you Beth! If only my husband felt that way. My daughter doesn't have any problems other than she is a drama queen. As are most 10 year old girls. She is very smart, very active and friendly so of course when I try to talk to my husband about his son, he thinks I am just being overly critical and saying he is a bad parent when that is not what I am getting at at all. Stepson has had two visits to the doctor. One to get diagnosed, other for checkup, that is all. It just seems that there should be more to it than oh, ADHD, let's medicate and that be it. I guess that is why I am here. When he was diagnosed ADHD, instead of ADD, it surprised me. He is a little hyper I guess, but probably no more so than any other boy, it's the blow ups and constant feuds that I don't understand. I just can't see a 10 year old boy having the temper he has. He has 2 emotions, mad and crying. It just doesn't make sense. I really feel sorry for him because he has to be miserable. Oh, no mental problems on dad's side of the family that I know of, but mom has a sister who is bipolar and husband said exwife probably is too. Any connection?Thank you to all of you for your replies. It is nice to have a place to vent and ask questions. What happens if this goes undiagnosed?

What happens if this goes undiagnosed?

His problems will escalate and magnify. You will end up with a poor student and angry young man. Just think about how difficult it must be to know that you are somehow different and not know why?

Social skills training is very important. Being on the spectrum is a lot like being from another planet and trying to fit in. Things we take for granted are difficult. Many on the spectrum are unable to read body language and are 'face blind'. This makes life more confusing for them. Basic social stories are a good way to start.

You need to convince your husband that if he cares about his child's mental health then you need to find a good psychologist or a two week program where he stays for half the day and they monitor, teach, they inter-act and they FIND what is WRONG and what can be done. THEN HE WILL BE HAPPY. From my experience. My uncle had "depression" all his life and NEVER did anything about it and he ended up shooting himself in the head, now no longer here. At his funeral the family on that side spoke and all got help because reality kicked in that they all too had depression and that too could happen to them. My uncle was worth millionss so he it wasn't from that. WE as parents are the child's advocates so FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET HIM HELP. It might cause an argument or two, but the CHILD is the important one. Go to the library and books on ADHD, Bipolar, behavior/social skills etc. Expecially if you think he could hurt himself. He should be admitted. Insurance will take a child into a mental health program to find out whats going on. What state are you in? Look up mental health programs. Call them on your own and tell them what you see and how he is and what can you do as a step-mom. Gotta start somewhere. Does the child get along with you. If you two are buddies, see if he won't tell you how he is feeling and etc. Record it if you have to.

Clonidine is excellent relaxer and also helps the child not to have sideeffects from medicine. It WILL make him sleep.

Your husband has to give you permission to be able to talk to the boys doctors. If he doesn't then there is something wrong there sorry.

What a wonderful person you are for trying to help him and to even want to try to talk to his mom. Blended families are often difficult. Sounds like you are mature and have priorites in the right place.

I think many times parents have a hard time accepting something could be wrong with their child. We all want "normal", healthy kids. But living in denial will not help that child. It's our job to help them weather the illness is physical or mental.

Someone else above mentioned and I have had to do this with my husband... do you think that is normal? I had to give him all types of examples and situations for him to really get it. With many of these disorders early prevention is crucial. I too have been guilty, oh they'll grow out of it, oh it is just a phase. But as they get older they should be making progress. If untreated they will continue to get worse and more intense.

Many of the things you describe do not sound like a 10yr old boy. Especially hiding behind an adult, shy or not.

Good luck to you and I hope your husband and his ex will start coperating soon.

Their mental state effects EVERYTHING they do in life and how they feel about themselves. Our son is 5- 1/2 and has all the issue i explained earlier. Today I find that he didn't even want to go "Mushroom hunting" ! He loves the outdoors! When my husband called and told me that I just went to the bathroom at work and cried. This is all so hard for everyone that has children with ADHD, Bipolar, anxiety disorders -- cause it can prevent them from enjoying LIFE. My husband and I are on the same page with getting him the help he needs, but the WAIT to see what works and to see him "happy" to normal extent makes us sad and depressed. We all are going camping in may for 5 days and I know the child loves that. I sure hope he still loves it. Guess we will find out.

Happy Easter. And may you have some peace of mind this weekend.