Cried myself to sleep - AGAIN! | ADHD Information

How old is your son?  Also I would talk to your pediatrition and get a referral for a psychiatrist or psychologist to help you with a behavior plan for if you cannot take control it would only get worse.  My heart goes out to you and I am lucky my child is not the hitting kind.  How about instead of time out have a privilage taken away instead something your son loves and he has to earn it back by good behavior or give him a chore to do to earn it back and that gives him the choice and power to make good and the punishment will last as long as your son wants it to last for he decides when to do the chore.  stick to your guns and do not give second chances.  I wish you the best.

 Got a call today - finally - from a psychologist that we had been referred to by our ped.! Of course now I have to wait to get the paperwork in the mail, fill it out, send it back, then they will call me to set up an appointment. She said it's looking like the middle to end of May! Long wait, but what's a few more weeks? Every step we get closer to an actual diagnosis and some help, the better!

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Who is helping you?  Do you have a good doctor to talk to  about these rages? Maybe a children's hospital that has someone working with violent kids.  You shouldn't be facing this punching.  There must be something to calm him down.   I was going through the 2 years ago - but my son was 12 - he would get a bat at my head and start swinging it.  Wrong medication!! I'd pick him up in the afternoon and he was simmering.  So uneasy in his own skin!  After 2 weeks of these nightly rages that would last up hours, I was a total mess.  Changing the medication worked.  Ring the doctor and demand help - you don't have to put up with this - someone has to help you.  You probably already have but keep up the pressure.  It not acceptable.

Take care - don't blame yourself.  Being depressed didn't cause this.  And as for now - you are amazing that you are still there!  Find some help.  I remember ringing a crisis line at 2 in the morning because he was still raging.  Someone to talk to!!

My friend with her son rang the police.  He stopped.  Seemed drastic but it worked.  Don't be ashamed to ask for some help - this needs to be stopped before someone is hurt.

Whenever I see a baby I want to cry - because I would love to have him be a baby again so I could start over and maybe things would end up different,

With an ADHD diagnosis, chances are, nothing would be different, because you haven't done anything wrong!  I am sure you have made mistakes along the way...show me a parent who hasn't.  When dealing with a child who is challenging, it is easy to get frustrated.  I just recently said to my hubby, why can't we just take him out to lunch with us and not have to be embarrassed.  I agree that you should visit with a counselor, minimally.  They can listen to you, your concerns, and give you some suggestions.  (Not your son's counselor, one for just you.)  I have also used anxiety meds during my DS worst years.  It was a godsend!  My prayers are with you!! You need to take care of you because you are an important part of the equation. 

 

Thanks so much for all the wonderful words of encouragment. I'm already on Wellbutrin for anxiety, but maybe I need the dosage upped - I'm sure my Dr. would understand why!! I have pretended to call the police before and it did work a little. But it all feels so complicated - everything we do is like a double edged sword and I think that's the part that really gets to me. If I pretend to call the police it will get him to stop - maybe - but will saying that I'm calling the police scar him for life? I always say - jokingly to people who don't know - that we aren't saving for college, we are saving for all the therapy he's going to need as an adult! I can't decide if that's sad or funny!? Today was terrible and he didn't even really do anything wrong. It was just so obvious that - right now - he doesn't like me. Any time I said something I would get a sassy remark, if he had to talk to me it was with attitude where as with everyone else he was plesant. It just makes me feel so bad that my own son doesn't even like me - right now! I know, this too shall pass and next week he'll love me and be rude to someone else I'm sure.....How did all of you get thru this? You all seem sane!! I just want to run away! It so hard to be treated like sh*t every day and still put on a (semi)happy face and be his cheerleader. Deep breaths.................Sometimes I just get so mad at my sorry little self and need to remind myself to grow the f** up! You're a big girl, toughen up buttercup! HA! Sounds good tho, right?

On a different note - I saw a quote that I thought was so cute and wanted to share it with you. "It's o.k. to be a Frootloop in a world full of Cheerio's"  HA HA HA! That is so me!!!

 

Have you tried getting your son some play therapy?  My son used to hit me and call me names before meds.  Now with therapy and meds I haven't been hit in over a year and 1/2 and no name calling.  Just  a thought.  I have found that it is an outlet for my son and I really feel that it has helped him to learn coping skills and expressing his thoughts rather than use hitting or name calling. 

 Hugs to you and don't forget to take care of you.  Something my own counselor reminded me to do.  If we don't take care of ourself we won't be any good for our children.  I also found that my counselor was able to give me some advice along with my son's play therapist on how to handle difficult situations. 

Hi goinnutz

Don't you love how they manipulate!  Last year when my son was in a rage, I rang a counsellor because I was just distraught.  She was wonderful and told me to go and tell him calmly that this behaviour was not acceptable and that if it didn't stop then I was going to ring the police and they would take him to hospital where they would calm him down.  I would put the timer on for 10 minutes.  So I did.  Then I walked outside and rang her back and wanted to know what to do if he didn't stop.  Ring the police!!!!  I told her that I couldn't and she argued back saying that he couldn't keep up this behaviour and he had to realise that I was serious.  The little devil stopped 9 1/2 minutes before the timer went off.  When he was totally calm I discussed this behaviour with him.   He knew that on previous occassions I had bluffed it, but this time he knew I was serious.

Your son is so young but if he is manipulating you it has to stop.  All systems are different.  My friend who followed through, talked to the police about the situation before it occurred again.  This way they knew what it was all about.  The psychiatrist  also was on board and was the initial one to suggest it. 

There are days when we all feel like sh*t.  I am finding it so hard to just get up in the morning.  We have a program called Triple P parenting in Australia which is  about changing this behaviour around.  Looking back now, I know I could have been more consistent and I gave in.  He plays me like a classical guitar at times and it is so annoying. 

That's why this board is so good!  We have  good days and bad days and days that were just right off the planet.  Then there are days when you have a great hour and a shocking hour side by side!!!!!!!!! 

I've always tried the marble system both in my classroom and from when my son was about 4.  He's now 14 and I only stopped using it last year.  Reward good behaviour often and ignore bad behaviour.  I watched a video where it was every 5 minutes in a classroom.  The teacher had a buzzer in his pocket and would immediate turn to the child and think of something positive while they were sitting there. 

All of these things sound wonderful but when you are in the grips of a rage and a boy hitting and swearing at you, you need to have a back up plan.  You don't want this behaviour to develop - not when he is so young

Cheer up buttercup!!!!!! It's not your fault

 

I guess I just need to vent. I am so sick of crying! I'm so sick of getting hit! It's so frustrating cuz if I was getting hit by my husband I could hit him back or leave him - there are options! But when my 5 year old son hits me I'm supposed to remain calm! I knw he's only a child, but it hurts my heart so much everytime he does it. It's automatic tears for me! I got punched in the face 3 times yesterday while trying to get him in his room. Tho I do have to say we didn't have to lock the door at all yesterday - I think he had 4 timeouts - so that's good. Not that there's much left of the door - he has put 2 big holes in it and probably 100 small dents in the wall from throwing things during his rages - which last on average 45 minutes or longer! I'm at my wits end! The rages are getting closer together - seems to be every 3-4 days. They aren't getting worse at least. Well, not yet. Ask me again in 3 days! I literally cried myself to sleep last night - hubby's on midnights so it was just me and the pup. I just couldn't shut my mind off and every time I tried to think of something happy my mind would just float back to my  son. Every little noise I heard I would think it was him coming to abuse me some more - even tho he NEVER wakes up during the night. I was reading another post and you all were saying how God only gives us what we can handle - well, apperantly he hasn't met me cuz I CAN'T HANDLE THIS! Whenever I see a baby I want to cry - because I would love to have him be a baby again so I could start over and maybe things would end up different, because of all the hopes and dreams that mother has that I once had but have since realized are out of my reach and because it's just not fair! When he was born I was depressed for about 4-5 months - didn't really realize it, but when I did it seemed to get better. Well, I am now having the same thoughts as I did then and I just realized it last night between sobs! Don't get me wrong, I'm not some nut case who's going to freak out and blow up the house or something - I'm rational! It was just such a shock to realize that. I remember hating feeling like that - I didn't enjoy him, I was paranoid and crabby and in a slump! When we had talked about having another baby - long time ago! - I remember saying no - I didn't want to feel like that again. Of course as it turns out I don't have a baby but still feel like that - OH JOY! I know that you all are going to tell me it will get better - cuz I am rational and I know that, really I do - but it just doesn't seem like it. Life isn't supposed to be this hard, raising a child isn't supposed to cause this much pain - at least not when you dream about it. I just don't know how I'm going to handle it. I'm not a strong person! And , I know, it'll get better once he's on some meds, but if you think about isn't that sad. My life will be easier when we medicate my son?! And getting there is a whole 'nother story. Oh gosh, this got long.......I'm sorry. I just needed someone to talk to and this is usually easiest cuz i always cry and god forbid I talk to my friends about this! Again, I'm sorry for the pity party - it seems like that's the only time I post, doesn't it? I know, today is another day! We can only hope it will be better than the last.......

  You made me think of me a few years back.  I was depressed after the birth of both of my kids, and fell into it again a couple of years ago along with having panic attacks.  Please see your doc- he can get you evaluated and on an antidepressent.  It is really impossible to effectively parent a child with these kind of issues while you are depressed; I know from experience.

Don't feel guilty about realizing things will be better after he's medicated.  It's true, for both him and you, and nothing is wrong with that.  His brain is wired differently and meds are what will help him- you wouldn't think twice about insulin for diabetes or glasses for near- sightedness.  Hey, my panic attacks stopped after my son started meds.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Hang in there.