Feelin’ Guilty | ADHD Information

Taking a break so you can come back with fresh perspective and patience is not a bad thing. You and your son both need you to be at your best. And if the marraige suffers, you cannot be at your best. Do not feel guilty for not being able to take all the stuff that comes with ADHD.

Keep working with the dosage until you find effectivity. My kids are on 15mg and 20mg doses of focalin. Hopefully you will get to the effective dose quickly.

If you have not done so already, look at ogram's marble system (at the top of the parent's board) or other positive reinforcement behavior plan. A good behavior plan is important in the treatment of many with ADHD.

Remember the focalin only covers the school time (which is a major improvement), and after an effective stimulant dose is found, you may have to look at something for the rest of the time. ADHD is with these kids 24/7 and with some of them it is so bad that they need additional treatment for success with relationships (family, friends). A kid with poor relationship with friends and family is likely to head into self esteem issues and more problems. My youngest takes guanfacine with success for the times when the focalin is not in her system.

You will get there and be able to look back and wonder how you made it.

EVERYONE needs a little time for yourself.   Don't feel bad.  Easy to say.  Cause I would feel bad too.  

Sounds like you need to take him back for a reevaluation with the doctor to get a med that works.  If it use to work and now its not, then you need it changed.  Ask about Clonidine.  That helps to relax and make him sleep.  If my son is having a horrible "episode" with the hitting, kicking - flippin out, we will give him a little clonidine and our loving, calm son comes back and apologizes for his actions - poor kid.

How old his your son?  What is he diagnosed with?

 

 

Oh my gosh - NO! You are not wrong! Every person on here and every book you read says you need time to yourself. Even more so than parents of "normal" kids. We can't help them if we don't take care of ourselves. I know what you mean about feeling guilty - it's so hard for us and we're the parents so how can we expect our parents/niece/uncle/friend to watch them? It's just too hard for anyone else to handle, they won't know what to do. But you know, my son is always better for someone else - not great, but better :) And if you feel that it's too much for others and you always end up feeling guilty - which diminishes the quality of time away - then hire someone. I know, you don't want to pay, but the way I see it is that if you pay someone it is their JOB so you have nothing to feel guilty about. You can't feel guilty for making someone do what you are paying them to do, right? Just a thought........

My husband and I go out together once a month - due to his shiftwork he only gets one weekend off a month - and sometimes I do feel guilty cuz it's usually my mom that watches him and it seems like she has to make sure for that one weekend she doesn't have plans. She never complains and if she really can't do it then I find someone else, but I don't feel guilty for wanting to get away from him. When he was a baby I wouldn't leave him at all - I was a bit over-protective (or paranoid) and now I realize that I would have been a better parent to him if I had gotten time to myself.

It's so important. Don't put yourself last. Put yourself first and you will see the difference in you patience level!! And enjoy your time away - DON"T FEEL GUILTY!!

He's 7 and is diagnosed ADHD.  We have only had him on meds for 1 month.  Started at 5 mg for 2 1/2 weeks, went up to 10 1 week ago.  We go back to the DR today.  I guess I just expected too much too soon, after waiting too long to take him to the DR.  It just really scares me, so i dealt with it without meds for a while.  Now I feel like I am expecting miracles.  I can deal with the issues at home better than I can his behaviours at school.  Thanks for the support!  

Feelin' a little guilty here, and a lot like a bad parent.  I made arrangements for my parents to keep my son on Friday, since he had no school and I had to work.  Then I called my niece to keep him Friday night and Saturday, since Saturday was my wedding anniversary.  Needed to get away and reconnect with my husband, and have some time away from the stress.  Needless to say, he was a total terror, and my phone rang constantly.  After awhile I quit answering it.  My parents kept him instead of my niece, and they are just too elderly to deal with him for more than a few hours at a time. I still haven't figured out how or why they kept him instead of letting my niece take him as arranged. He is still not on the right dosage of medicine, as he is no better than before.  He is on 10 mg of FocalinXR, and I see no difference.  So my mom had an attitude when I picked him up Staurday evening, and I just couldn't feel guilty for taking the time away.  Now, after thinking and thinking about it, I do feel bad, and feel like a horrible parent needing to "run away" from my son.  We are new at this, and I guess after dealing with the years of bad behaviour for so long, I thought the medication would fix things.  Now I am realizing it is a much longer process and this is for the long haul.  I guess the full brunt of it has finaly hit me.  Am I wrong for taking the time for myself? 

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent a little.    

Hang in there, it takes time to find the right med and dosage.

As vickie said, sometimes a child needs more than just the stimulant...and my son does wonderfully on a stim (in his case ritalin LA) and guanfacine.  The guanfacine mellows him and makes him better able to cope socially, the stimulant takes care of the focusing issues....and the guanfacine is in his system when the stim wears off, making rebound a non issue.

I hope the doctor's visit went well today!

Dont feel guilty, if you never get a break you won't have the strength to be a positive role model.  I know it's hard but it will all come together through trial and error, just hang in there.  You needed that weekend, and I hope it makes for a better week.  I myself just went on a filed trip with the 4th grade class for 8 hours and my ex took them tonight.  I'm exhausted, mentally after spring break with no meds all last week.  I need this evening to refuel.  I know how you feel, and ofcourse I get on here and refuel!  It makes me feel so much better when I know I am not alone.  I hope you had a great weekend with hubby! you deserve it!

 

Thanks to everyone!  The support means so much.  After the dr's visit, he put him on Concerta, strating at 18mg.  We will check back in 3 weeks and probally go up from there.  I'm new to this medication thing...it kinda worries me, but I have trust in his pediatrician, so we'll just see.  I know the Focalin did not work AT ALL on him. 

Thanks again to everyone.