family therapy? | ADHD Information

I have 2 children with adhd.  My daughter is 12 and inattentive and my 10 yr old son is inattentive, impulsive, and slightly hyper.  Anyway, I know it would be helpful for us to see a therapist--just to help us (parents) in dealing with certain situations.

How do you go about finding a good therapist?  WE've been to 2 of them recommended by drs and they weren't helpful.

Thanks for any advice,
Lisa
You could always try calling your insurance company or going to their web site to find Therapists covered in your area. As for me my children are currently on Medicaid and it took two tries to find one. I went through my EAP/Employee Assistance mental health plan.  I called several of the recommended ones and interviewed them over the phone.  Met with the one I liked over the phone to make final decision.  My insurance covers the visits and we have been using my son's therapist for over a year now. 

I feel for you.  We are going through the same thing.  We, also, have had two therapists and there was very little therapy.   I think, unfortunately, it's trial and error.

I posted a similar thread last week.

The first therapist I went to I got the name from my GP.

You could try the school psychologist or special ed depart.The one I'm currently seeing, but not happy with, I got from the school.  Actually he gave me several names and I just happened to call the wrong one.    They can be very helpful.  I intend to call others on the list too.

I have a friend, who is a nurse, who knows what is going on who is going to give me names.

My husband and I are also looking for some kind of family therapy and ways to deal with situations. 

 One thing we have learned now is that when we do find another one and meet with the next therapist, we are going to tell him exactly what we are looking for and if he doesn't feel he can do that, we will move on.

 

 

 

I always call around  if i get the standard prompts

well what can I say    I've already had standard treatment.

 

If I get someone to answer three questions that Im seeking as senarios , prior to an in person session .  then I go to that thereapist,   I dont have to love my thereapist but I need a good chemistry , If they dont talk my talk - I cant walk thier talk      iItell them up front I cant afford more than six sessions  or they can layout thier concept for me if they want me to continue with them beyond those six weeks.

 i preferre goal treatments . if they dont work and thats the best they got or cant explain  an exit plan for treatment . i look for another

 basically i interview my therapists bfore i buy  and grill em like its my last  meal cause some bad advice could lead to just that.

the only sadvice i have for anyone is a family  to be in the same boat and the captain has to share the same fates as the crew.

kids got to help parents with goals  and the kids got to work their own priorites to work things out for themselves. but parents gotta help in every way  but not like marinnettes ordrill seargents or worse   naggs.

i understand the nagg mentality  i lived under the thumb of one   opps    going too far  SORE THUMBS ARE SORE LOSERS  if you kbow what i mean

i  suggest also keeping a journal of what exercises a therapist suggests    --  notice i didnt say demands   sometimes exercises can be useful years later  when/as family stresses increase and decrease.

i found myself a few times thinking quack quack quACK.  

only to realize later that i was the daffy  and he was just speaking to my issues

 

its been my experience and opinion that families with lots of crisis need to fully understand the entire scope of thier problems.

meds , behaviors , interventions -practices , what needs a little bittyperson has before during and after trouble times. 

 i feel for parents that have kids that disrupt thier homes.  just remember they need help its ridicules to think that a parent will be the only way a child to get help , especially since the perents need help too.  the worst thing that can happen is one to one parenting where the one parent is authoritarian .

heres my scary scenario   i know some of have  mentioned i go in the deep end sometimes, but if you dont think this can happen them im sorry      but it does happen

a troubled child goes to school ,  one or both the parents die in crash later that day.  sometimes the surviving parent is the one that doesnt understand the problems  . overwhelmed by the stress , the new guardians turn them over to the state.  they get treatment there , and lots of regulations to keep thier bodies safe and healthy. being housed with others just like themselves is hard    peer pressure  and kids being bullies to eachother , not permitted but how do you stop 5 bullies from not bulling the rest when they dont understand thier feelings.

I say the parents love, compasion, and understanding goes much farther , 

help teachers with your children and attend class when they are young  if there is not a clear method to handel behaviors they will simply continue it indefinatly   - being in trouble only teaches how to cope with being in trouble  it an isolating cycle.  a method must be used when children of special needs get calmed down ,  not just a stop the behavior and come back when you can behave.      side note   - i hate the teachers that act like the kids are need to  be sent away and forgotten . fact is whatever the lesson is that day  more than likley it will taught agian next year too . further those same kids will be togther that next year     the whole class has to learn how to deal with the situations .   peer pressure usully sets em off or a teacher that wont stop interogating  to point of rage   . help everyone that wants to help understand what to do . they eventually  need to be as good as you are in help the child development emotionally.they could someday be the gaurdian  of child whose lost parents and still has special needs , in a new envirnment , with all new people and all new freinds  . its traumatic   so find god parents that can do the job !  more importantly having a relationship with these adult in crisis situations brings on a more comfortable rapore . when a parent need a break   -  tempting god guardians with thier favorite foods on evenings when thing are going well alone  with kids routine        and on evenings that their the kids are in crisis  with you showing them what works . get that will prepared. the kids may really need you too do this. understand meds  get everyone to understand the meds. what thers for and how to see the bad effects when the meds themselve become a problem. find a way to get the teenagers to understand that illegal drugs can hurt them more than they can dream of -   this really should be the  most importat but   ... have an insurance contingentcy plan wether death, injury or , loss of job, make sure the child has meds  even if you die.  structure is more important than meds  , without structure a child is dodginging thier environments . if the enviroment is more chaotic than the disorder then the meds will be hit or miss.   its ok to be sick and fed up    but not to express it in front of them. parents have fit into the structure   inconsistency will make a child confussed when one day a parent is engaging and the next day theyre not its ok get in a funk      hopefully a routine can be an aid for tired or disheartened guardians but not a crutch many activities and games create scenarios where children have to learn how to make choices. and behave    .   understading how your child behaves while playing with others is a great chance to get others involved. getting a spouse potato to take the reigns is the highest priority of parenting IMHO.   they simply cant function and make dreadful trust issues develope when thier not consistent.      play the hot potato game with your spouse and kids. how do ya get this dam bullet thing offf    crap sometimes spouse potatos have to do a daily routine you can even teach the kids to    TEACH  the routine to the potatoes warm up a potato  and toss it to your spouse as your walking out the door " hey just cause you watch tv with youre free time doent mean i have to spend my free time the same way" one potato 2 potato 3 potato four heres a list of what to do as im walking out the door.         & amp; amp; nbsp;         & amp; amp; nbsp;         & amp; amp; nbsp;         & amp; amp; nbsp;         & amp; amp; nbsp;        

 

 

 i simply cant trust anyone    period     i can pretend i do,   but i cant  - not even any of you my peers  i feel sad  instead of trusting .   its hard to seek help  when you think everyone is just into themselves and cya even worsr i dont even trust myself which is the bizzare side of my life.  much therapy ive had on this    i dont trust the therapists either  its flustering. i could win an olympic event for biting the hands of those who try to help me.

so why am i here on this board trying to ?????   

i cant save anyone , nobody can help me ,   but I learn , change and grow by sharing my thouhgts and feelings.    

this takes me to my biggest  point    i always make this point

kids got to figure it out for themselves.  parents got create the environment and scenarios that children stumble on.  helping the children be concious of their feelings that come before outbursts. helping be aware they make choices  when they feel certain ways. -- i know its a broken record method  but its the only one that makes sense to me.    but there are many other methods      i think sometime there isnt enough importance placed on the parent role as the daily therapist if you will.

i mean no one can afford to have a therapist in the closet at a beckoned call , but kids do need that redirection alot.

 finally   i say    if both parents arent there in the therapy session       its equivilant to asking someones else to goto work for you everyday for a year    how can a boss , spouse , child , trust  you. how can you recover youre self esteem .

oh believe me      getting a little nap , some good food , a great show , a little sex. a nice bath , and clean bed are are so comforting   after work  . well who wouldnt like that          what youre child hert someone that day  , would you wonder what they were feeling the day before would you know what say to a hild if you knew they felt that way.

a therapist deals wth all kinds of people. they cant make anybody do anything  , unless their bound by law to do so.  so they have to through thier hands up after people leave. believe me theyve seen your situation before.     many behavioral issuestcake many repititious consistent practices to redirect   .   sometimes years  .

while being the parent of adhd  it not a fault of a parent for that. just like being a boy or girl isnt a parents fualt.

turning into a  spouse potato     that has blame all over it   .

the kid will blame you foreverything else too

 

im AADD and still dont have the answers but i HATE my mom!

but in fact i know she tried to help ,

 help too much get hated

 help to little and get blamed and heart broken and feel guilty.

Do what makes you keep your heart and head  up high knowing that no matter how things turn out you did youre very best    priceless  

 be    vigilant     its hard to blame an alpha parent or feel guilty that you put thier needs above your own

with that being said.  kids need good parents      parents that try to do it all themsselves     tend to breakdown more often  even a spouse potato shoulb be good for  three hours after you serve dinner to get a massage ,  see a friend.

 come home after the kids are in bed no matter what and get some sleep  ,hardest thing for me is get my wife to take some time away. i do it too .

im so tired sometimeseven going out to relax is a chore. but my dd gets my moods if im not healthy  so i go through the paces of relaxation a few times to keep out family stucture going    6 weeks of the year i dont want to go out of the house alone    but the other 46 weeks i sure as hell do.

the one thing in hindsite  that i wish my mom could of done , was to be honest with herself  , grasp the concept that she held biased towards my brothers ( i really shouldnt blame considering the hell i put her through   i was smart kid that got into everything and loved to play with fire.   no lighters at my home   i jusyt go borrogh them from nieghborsor get one from the store. as a kid i burned alot of other people - not with gas  but with matches and stuff     anyway my point is i think that she resented having this stress everyday ,  

 so what i wish had done was give me over to other people that could relate .

not give me away   , but trustable dependable people that werent horrified  when i would pull out a bug and burn it to ashes  .  so those people could help me understand empathy   she couldnt  so she isolated me from hurting others but i never connected my feelings about a friend that got badly burned and never saw agian.   what happened before the event and what happened after    too much for a stay at home 70s mom -   to keep from picking favorites. so where was the person in my life that i was their favorite.  uncle charlie would take me hunting when i was seven , he wasnt the that molested me.  we would catch things and kill them humanly . roast them over a little fire . pray with thankfulness and bury  the carcuses in his garden. many other things he didto teach me about how life grows and changes and that there is no such thing as fair. but that life needs death to keep going enternally. pretty big concepts    i was allowed to burn trash with brothers if i didnt hurt anyone  but i was always allowed to be the one to put it out .  my fireman dads idea .    he he he

 i rarley used water .  

this  also brings me to a point

im not ever telling people what do.  im not authorized in any wat shape or form to tell others any advice  .

just because my parents didnt treat my adhd  and i lived to tell about it doesnt mean i know a damn thing about you  and yours.  i just share my opinions and experiences..

 

 

 

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ok somebody chime in  already

 

Sammo39188.6709375I'd recommend finding parenting classes targeted at parents of children with ADHD. You can find them through ADHD clinics and children's hospitals.