Jealousy! | ADHD Information

Just an idea... what works with my daughter (8 yrs) when it comes to her younger brother... give her special little jobs before the party and during... ok.. you are in change of the cups for the drinks... you have to count how many children so I will know how many pieces of cake... give her an idea of what you will need help with.  Some times I just make of things just to give her a reason to do something.  this will put her mind on something else.

Good Luck... have fun

I need help calming the "little green monster." - jealousy - in my 7 yr old dd with ADHHHD. Her little sister (non-adhd) turned 4 yesterday and my dd was beside herself with jealousy.  A couple days before, she insisted on buying her sister a gift - yeah!! All seemed ok, until heading for choir practice about 4:30 pm last night when I told my dd that her sister would get to pick where we would get supper since it was her birthday, and it was all downhill from then on. Of course, she can't remember all the special treatment she has received in the past on her birthdays. 

The night ended with her sitting on her bed, doing her best "Exorcist Child" imitation and hissing/screaming - "I HATE _______." I swear - I was waiting for her head to turn in circles. I closed the door and told her I would be back to say good night when she calmed down, which she did. I gave her a hug and thanked her for calming down, then as I left - she started again, I just closed the door and as I walked away she screamed "Why won't anyone get mad at me - I want someone to get mad at me!"

 I have never seen her this bad off! Yes -she is on meds - Concerta and Tenex, and yes, the Concerta was about out of her system by then (8:00 pm), but jeepers.

This is the first time her little sister is to have a big birthday party. DD has had 2 already. It is coming up this saturday - I am thinking "if giving her sister the chance to pick where to grab supper sets off my dd, what will a big party do?" She does get to invite one of her own friendsand I have told her I will really need her help. I have also put my hubby on alert to be watchful in the event she needs to be taken outside. One good thing is that it is a 1 p- so med effect should be optimal.

Any suggestions? I feel so bad for my youngest - we never even got around to giving her the birthday present last night because of choir, the meltdown, and hubbie working. She is such a happy-go-lucky girl, that it didn't even phase her, but I don't want, for her or my dd's sake, to have a meltdown at the party.

Your dd is probably going to get overstimulated. She is likely to have a meltdown. You just need to have a plan for it. Expect it to happen, just have your plan worked out with dh on what to do when it happens. That's the best thing you can do--be prepared for the worst possible scenario. Hope for the best but expect the worst, etc. etc. Good Luck!!

It must be a trait of ADHDers....because to this day my oldest insists that she is the red headed step child of the family, even though as the oldest she got everything new and before her siblings, including over 6 years of my undivided attention, no job, no sibs... NONE of the other kids got that ever!  Her grandma spoiled her rotten and to some extent still does...she got a new computer at age 7 (this was 19 years ago! Unheard of!), grandma brought her a new doll or toy every week for years....none of the other children got that treatment....I made her dolls and an entire wardrobe for them for her 3rd Christmas....Chelsea did not ever get a home made doll or doll clothes from me.....it is a no win situation....

Her dad (also ADHD and not dx till recently) also believes himself to be the black sheep and less worthy and loved than his siblings no matter how many times he is told and shown otherwise.....

So far Chase has not shown signs of that trait...hopefully he missed that one...

This is so interesting to hear, my son 10 adhd thinks he's deprived.  He , like your daughter, has been spoiled by my mom.  He has everything NEW, game cube, game boy x box, computer I gave him for his 10th b day.  Sorry,    I got a doll or some clothes for my b day.  He thinks his 6 yr old brother who wears his old clothes, plays with his old toys gets more than him.  Not to mention all the hours I've spent doing projects, homework, etc.  I don't think there is any resolution to this, i think they are going to carry this deprivation with them for the rest of their lives,LOL! hope not, i hope they learn what is really important in life.  It's life! Especially after todays virginia tech tragedy!

Thanks for the ideas and the support in knowing that I am not alone. The party went pretty well until opening the gifts. Big dd aqe 7 about lost it, even with her best friend at her side!  I signaled to my dh to deal with it so that I could manage the gift opening frenzy and a friend stepped in and wrote down who gave what gift item.

I, too, feel frustrated that often the youngest (no-adhd) gets slighted on the attention. No matter what I tell dd age 7, she still insists she is being unfairly treated whenever dd age 4 gets any amount of attention. She is very good at manipulating to get almost all of the attention. I think my dh and I are going to start taking turns having "special time" alone with each of them. I don't know if that will help with the jealousy, but at least I will feel better knwoing that dd age 4 is not being neglected!.

Having my son help out has helped with the parties for his little sister in the past.  Try to stress the fact that she is "big" and try to work into conversation all the perks of being older.  It can also help to let her "overhear" you telling people about how great it is to have your dd to help you.

I haven't found anything that works entirely though- my son made it through the party, but when we gave my dd her new bike he lost it.  Never mind that he got a two- wheeler when he turned 6 too.  He actually wanted to throw out his bike because she got one!  He didn't ride it for almost 3 months, but he eventaully got over it. 

I feel your pain I too have the same situation, I have a 10 yr old dd and a 6 year old.  My dd is the center of the family at all time for the most part I feel bad for his younger brother who wants nothing more than to please his other brother.  We had a situation at blockbuster the other day, needless to say we walked out without a movie.  I heard on the way home how my 6 yr old gets everything and he never gets anything.  Not true, My younger son wears my dds old clothes gets his old toys his old everything and the dd 10 years gets a new computer for his birthday and my nice gifts I feel like I'm giving him way too much.  I am having a hard time finding a balance.  I spend most of my time with dd because I now he thrives on it and my 6 year old goes without.  Lucky for me my 6 year old is not very needy.  But I feel a need to explain all that he gets and all the time I give to him, and I did after the blockbuster incident later that night.  I do believe he reflected on the things he has because I haven't heard any complaining since.  I don't know the answer, but I thought I'd share my story.Your not alone trust me.

I have my 7yr old adhder and his 1 yr old little sister. He has been VERY jealous and is always trying to look for attention, so his HHHHHYPER side flourishes very easily when I have visitors, and his dd's first year birthday party would have been an excellent ocassion to make a mess out of him.

I celebrated my dd's first year last October and some of the things I did with my ds were: I let him select one attraction for the party and some of the food (he has never been a good eater, but that helped in making him feel important), and I also let him have a few of his friends for that day.  He enjoyed the day to the fullest with his friends, they were three, I think that he even forgot about the fact that it was dd's birthday party...