He finally punched a hole in my door | ADHD Information
It is SOOOOOO hard seeing our kids act like this, living with this, and I just can't even imagine how it makes the kids feel internally, living with this constant anger & rage.
Jaderock, you handled an extremely intense, emotional, situation in an amazingly AWESOME way!!! Kudos to you! You helped your son realize the potential dangers of his violent behavior, helped him come up with ideas to better direct his anger in the future, held him accountable for his actions, and showed him love and compassion through it all! Absolutely awesome!! Great job!
MamaBear39187.5038425926
you didnt say which meds hes been on or for how long or much he's grown since his last med change.
i think your both lucky to have eachother a son that owns up to his behavior and mothers that puts his needs above her own
at least you know now that youll be able to see him boiling before running over.
its likely to happen agian . so getting pro advice is my suggestion and looks like you would be a good candidate for taking some classes on how to deal with his issues without being judge mental. believe it not in my opinion the parents are bigger than the meds cause the parents got live with the behaviors wether the meds work on everything or just education.
not saying youneed parenting classes because how you recated is exactly -well - sincerly benifical to your son .
youve got the biggest piece of the puzzle that some parent / child relationships have a deficit of TRUST as long as he knows he can trust you no matter what he does he doesnt have to graple with questions like " why does my mother hate me' on top of his issues too. he knows there will be consequinces so you may help him find those feelings that rise up before triggers without having yelling matches and control battles.
sounds like meds to me but im just a guy on the net so get a pros advice please
may your luck continue
-------------
check this out i just found it and i thinks totally cool ssshhhhh dont tell ms.mom
http://www.changar.com/archives/go.html
Sammo, he's on Focalin XR 20mg. He's only been on it since December, and we're loving the results. The outbursts are much less frequent than they used to be- at age 4 it was daily, now it's only occasional. He does see a wonderful therapist weekly and I have to credit her with much of his success (and ours as parents). We actually pay out of pocket for her, since she won't deal with insurance companies- she that good with him!
I learned a lot about how NOT to deal with this behavior from watching my parents with my brother. They would punish and berate him and it only made everything worse. He's 32 now and finally getting help, but seeing what living with undiagnosed ADHD and parents who thought his behavior was willful was like for him has influenced my decisions on how to deal with my son's problems.
I too am very impressed with how you handled this situation. I think it was awesome that he was able to own up to his actions and make a plan to fix it. To me if they can do this then we have done our jobs by getting our children the right help including therapy. Isn't it amazing how we learn from the past. I myself have learned so much over the past 2 years since leaving my husband. I learned from the pain that I suffered, and I feel that I have a better grip on the future.
. . .and oddly I'm not even mad.
I was driving ds (9) home from a playdate at his friends house and he and my daughter started arguing because he said the elementary school we passed was a high school. My daughter asked me to settle it and he totally lost it when I said that it was an elementary school. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, pounded on the outside (brick) of the house on the way in and continued screaming/throwing/kicking things till he finally punched a hole in my linen closet door!
I had gone to use the bathroom (hard to deal with a tantrum when you have to pee 
) and when I came back he was curled up on the floor, pulling at his hair, and crying hysterically. He kept saying "I can't control my hands" in between sobs. 
I sat rubbing his back till he calmed down enough to talk, at which point he said to me "If I told you I broke something would you lock me in my room forever?" And then he showed me the door.
I thought my reaction was strange- I felt like I should have been angry, but I was so sorry for him. I just wish I could help him regain control when he's like that.
We did talk, and I reminded him that my brother broke his hand punching a wall a few months ago- my son and my brother are frighteningly similar. So I think he understands that he could get hurt doing that, but I don't really think it matters when they're out of control.
We decided he has to pay for the new door, help paint it and hang it. He also has to come up with a list of things to do when he's angry that won't hurt any one or break anything. I have to admit though, as I was coming up with a list of chores for him to do to earn money to pay for the door I got a little excited at the thought of not having to clean the bathroom for a few weeks. 
He does see a wonderful therapist weekly and I have to credit her with much of his success (and ours as parents). We actually pay out of pocket for her, since she won't deal with insurance companies- she that good with him! [/QUOTE]
You don't happen to live in the DC area, do you? I'm in Maryland, and I would love to find a great therapist.
jaderock, I think did a great good in this situation. My 10 year old also has an explosive destructive side and I know how difficult it is to deal with. I think you made a great decision by explaining what your brother did went he was young and what could happen. Also paying for the door etc. Thats great, my son once through a rock at the sliding glass door. I told him he would have to pay for it, but I didn't follow through, but I know how bad he felt, since it was kind of an accident. I did take him with me toorder the new door. He wasn't mad at the time, just being a boy, so I felt he learned he lesson. I didn't buy him things for quite a while, telling him that the door is costing me to much money. He I think learned his lesson. But I do have dents in his bedroom walls, maybe I should have him spend a day patching and painting. Painting might not be such a good idea, anyway, I think you handled it very well, sometimes we have more patience than we realize! Sorry about the door, but I think it was a good lesson in controlling anger.
jaderock, have you looked into the tenex (guanfacine)? I know you have probably read my posts on it.
Chase was never quite as explosive as your son, but he did blow up verbally all the time about silly little things...well silly to me and you....
This med calms and helps a child to cope a bit....stops a lot of the impulsive behaviors....I think vickie was dealing with rages before her daughter was put on the tenex, and with it things are better for her as well.
I cannot remember the last time Chase screamed at Jake, which used to be a daily occurrence....some of that is Jake learning to be more aware of what Chase can and can't handle, but a lot of it is the guanfacine, I am certain.....he can now handle the bus ride home in the afternoon as well which before guanfacine, had him in tears every day....
I am so impressed at how calm you stayed and the punishment totally fits the deed....when I read the topic, I thought the same thing....."I hope he has to pay for a new one!" He definitely did not need mom to fly off the handle at that moment when he felt so out of control.