HELP ME | ADHD Information

Update:

My son told me that he intends to invite this child to his birthday party.  I told him that it was not a good idea.  He stated that the girl is being nice to him now and that he can invite anyone he wants.  I explained about how sometimes the parents dont get along etc...  He then stated that he knows he will be invited to her party.  I then told him that she had a party one month ago ( true) and he was not invited.  I then put my foot down and told him that this child was NOT to be invited.  If he does, she will not attend ( thank god) and then will probably brag to others that she didnt go and start up on him again.  He is admant.  Any thoughts? I can NEVER get along with those people.

Hey Longsally!

I agree with you because from reading your posts, and having a similar experience, you all will NEVER get along. Something negative could even come out of inviting her to the party to make things even worse. Plus she may not rsvp or not attend, and that may make you all feel bad.

Even though we all want to get along with everyone and always do the right thing, like that awesome guy of yours wants to do, sometimes it isn't the right thing for the right people, like these ones. I hope that makes sense.

The last you and your son want to do is make things worse. He obviously has forgotten how mean she is and wants to move forward. How mature of him. He is a better person for that. But these folks won't get it, nor change.

I agree with you, do NOT invite her.

Just my opinion!

Beth

Beth, that sounds like what has happened here. I was friends with the mother.  gave her a new bed and some chinese shades we were getting rid of, free prescriptions through the ER where I work, etc.. She turned on me, complained to her brother who lives at the end of my cul-de-sac, he started to bad mouth us and the neighbors LISTENED!!!  People we never had a problem with suddenly didnt talk to us anymore.

After the two parents told their daughter NOT to play with my son and said all those terrible things in front of their daughter, they had the nerve a few months later to tell my son at school when they saw him that he was a big kid and the two of them should work it out.  WORK IT OUT?  they already told their brat to stay away from him!!! 

My son then told me that the father went up to him at school and tried to talk to him.  When my son didnt, he told him that "it was ok, I know your mommy told you not to speak to me.  You can just give me a thumbs up and it will be our secret". I told my son he should NOT do that and he should just walk past and ignore him. Today, when I picked him up, he stated that the man walked past him and make funny noises trying to get him to laugh. 

I have already spoken with the principal and she is aware of the situation. What amazes me is that the woman got her child a special exception to go to the school stating that she is on Klonopin and therefore cannot drive to her child's designated school because it is too far away and she could have an accident.

Longsally,

I too would have done the same, and I have to be honest with you. You sound like the same town I live in.

We had a neighbor make up lies about us and our children BEFORE we moved in! She did it while we were building our house and wouldn't sell her our land!

The worst part, is the neighbors BELIEVED her! Plus having an ADHD son only adds to people's beliefs!

She like the bully she is, ran away(she moved) leaving us to live with this, in the house we love, but the town we hate.

We had to go to the teachers and principal eventually. I suggest that for you.

Tell the principal and current teacher every year to keep that girl seperate from your son and TELL them what has happened.

This girl's mother is disgusting and this girl will grow up and be more like her each year!

Stick to your guns, you did the right thing and your "friend" doesn't get what has happened to you and your son because she hasn't had it happen to her, YET!

Hang in there, that's what we have done!

Beth

Personally, I would have handled it the same way....it is obvious that he and this girl will never be able to be friendly if the mom is stating things like the statement that the little girl freely repeats.....no matter how much the kids may want to play together, that mom is never gonna go for it.

At least you corrected your son when he began to do the same thing to her...

I would say to your son that sometimes mommies don't get along together just like sometimes kids don't get along together, and that when mommies don't get along, it is best sometimes for their children not to be playmates.  BUT that it is rude to speak badly about anyone, and if other kids want to play with her, it is okay.  But if someone asks him why he isn't playing with her, I see no reason for him not to be truthful with them...."I don't play with her because she said things that were not true and hurt my feelings"

I really wish that parents would stay out of kids relationships....that mom should never have spoken so about you in front of that little girl....

I am so sorry that your son has to deal with this....I would also maybe talk to the school if she spreads these kinds of rumors again.  It is a form of bullying and should be nipped in the bud.  Fortunately at this age the kids she talks to will freely tell authorities if questioned who told them the tales....and will take quickly to authorities redirecting them....

I feel like I have done an injustice to my son...  Here it is in a nutshell.  ( some background) Had a friend whose child was in my sons pre-k last year.  She got mad at him and ostracised him, telling others he was nasty, ate his boogers, etc.. Son had NOONE to play with, came home crying everyday, told me that noone at new school would like him.  He started school this year( we got him an exception to a different school) and THAT kid was there too!!!!  Had them placed in seperate classrooms. Told my ds to stay away from her.  I admit, I was upset with what this kid did.  She even told some neighbors on my street  ( while playing with their kids) " I am not allowed to play with Paul anymore, my mommy says pauls mommy is a B***tch" etc... Remember, this is a 5 year old girl.

I told my son to stay away from her, not to speak to her, to just pretend that she doesnt exist.  Last night, the child was playing on our street with some neighbor kids ( she doesnt live here but has no friends in her own neighborhood) and my son told that neighbor kid not to play with her that she was mean.  The girl heard it and made some statment to him, not sure what.  I made my son come inside.  I was upset, telling him that he did not need to talk to her, about her or anything else. 

 Finally, a friend called and I told her what happenned.  She told me that it was my fault, that I put all the bad stuff in his head and that I should tell him it is ok to be friends with her again. I was shocked. Friends I said? what if she gets mad at him this coming school year ( they will be recessing together) and pulls the same crap again?  Is he supposed to just suck it up?  She said I was teaching my son a bad lesson and that I was ruining him.  Any thoughts on how to handle this situation?  They will be in the same school next year in different classrooms and will only see each other at lunch.

that is what we do. This past Sunday after we ate breakfast, he played at a neighbors house for 1 1/2 hours, then rode bicycles with another child and then 2 more joined in, then he went to another childs house to play for about 1 hour.  It was after all of this that he went outside one more time and ran into the kids and made the statement to the neighborhood boy. 

I spoke to hubby already about the father making noises and he thinks he is just trying to be funny and that if we say anything at the school, that is what he will say and we will look like total idiots.

Chases mom,

I meant to tell you that they apparently speak A LOT in front of this child.  You would not believe the things she says!!! The language alone is enough to make you cringe.  They have been trying for another child and I told my husband that I firmly believe god has seen what a mess they are making of the first one and wont let them have a second to screw up on.

I have dealt with a similar situation as well! Hang in there, smile, and keep your chin up.

I agree with what you did. Your child needs to know that he/she deserves to be treated with love and respect. I tell my dd to smile and be kind, but that she doesn't deserve to be treated badly by a "friend." We also talk about "good friends" and what expected behaviors are between "good friends." You are NOT ruining your child's life, rather you are trying to lay the groundwork for healthy relationships later in life. Not to say, what it must mean to a child's self-esteem to say they have to put up with that treatment!

I also agree that the school needs to know about the bullying. That is what the other child is doing. Don't expect it to change the behavior of this little girl, rather, the other kids who care and/or have parents that care will have their eyes opened up and maybe feel comfortable shoing their concenr for behaviors  as well. That is what has happened in my situation.

 

You know Longsally it sounds like the parents need some help!

I would go back to the principal and tell the parents are harrassing your son on school property. Let the principal know if it happens again you will contact the superintendant AND the police! 

School should take you seriously, you don't know what the parents will say/do to your poor son next - you might need a restraining order - these people are NUTS

Make sure your son stays away from ALL of them, they could be dangerous!

 

oh, and one more thing, try to have kids over to YOUR house for you son to play with. He doesn't deserve this!

Beth

I may be wrong about this but I was told that my school district had a zero tolerance level to bullying.  And if there was to much reported they would loose money and it was federal not state.  It could be state (oregon) so I am not sure.  In light of the tragic college shooting today and another here in Oregon only last week (no one died here thank god) they are less tolerant of bullies because the kids seem to be the ones bullied forever at school that are doing this.  Look into the districts policy on this and write a letter to the principal reporting each time this girl is hasseling your son at school.  If anything they will and should set up some kind of intervention on what is appropriate behavior for her.  My oldest was teased and bullied in grade school and they had all three boys including my son go into a meeting and were instructed on ways not to do what they were doing and how to react in a civil matter.  This was done after I made a stink about it going on and demanding it be stopped.hi long sally, it sounds to me like the problem originated with the girl and even the parents, it is really to bad that their are parents out there who use their children or put into their minds this negativity.  You were right bringing him in, and he was in the right telling his friend not to play with her.  I would talk to her parents if you haven't already, it sounds like there are some problems with her.  I know this is frustrating, I just had an incident at school with my son, he was playing with a group, and with a child who, when he didn't get his way said "REDO,all the kids were tired of this, we'll my child adhd didn't agree, my son threw the ball at him, later I got a call from his mom who I know well.  She said, her son  said my son threw a ball and he hurt his knees.  Come to find out later, yes my son threw the ball earlier, but the knees were the boy going for the ball that was from his bestfriend.  I asked other students before I accused my son, and found out that he caused his own ingury and it wan't my son that did it.  I told my son and other boys who have complained about this boy that they have to make their own game, and not to get near this boy.  I think this boy has a major problem and the parents are over looking it.  I hope things work out ! DeeI didn't read your other posts, WOW, there are some serious issues in that family.  Let it be known

we had a run in with this child last year when all the bullying first started.  She came to our street ( again, she does not live here, here uncle does) and when my son went outside, told him noone wanted to play with him and he should go inside.  I told the child that this was my sons street and if she didnt want to play with him, she should go to her own neighborhood but my son was NOT going inside. 

One time she asked for lemonade and my son asked to bring it to her.  When he did, she started to cry that she didnt want it from HIM.  There was also the b-day party we were both invited to where he went to her, sat down and said HI, she said "stop it".  He said hi again and she got up, went to her mother crying and said my ds was bothering her.  I looked at the mother and asked " are you kidding me?"  This child is a real piece of work.  Anyway, the bullying took place last school year.  This year, they are seperated at all times.  Come August though, they will be recessing together and that is where I am afraid.  If she pulls the same crap, it could be bad, there are over 100 children outside at the same time. She could seek him out and start.

Aus 10,

We are unable to talk to these people.  They are the ones calling me a B***tch in front of their kid. They talk about everyone behind their backs.  Example:  She said hello to my neighbor who has a small child. Then told me that they do not take proper care of the kid and that is why he has a cold all the time and that she saw them drunk driving with their child in the car and she hoped they would be arrested.  The people she was  talking about are an attorney and his special education teacher wife.

We have not spoken a word to them in aboue 1 year. She is the kids to talk about people to others but too spineless to do it to their faces.