So mad at the teacher

I have had plenty of issues with DD's teachers, to the point of filing a state complaint because they refused an evaluation. I would go ahead with the eval, get an IEP, and then you have alot more control/contact

THERE IS SOMEONE ABOVE THE TEACHER AND PRINCIPAL AND I WOULD BE CALLING THEM NOWWWWWWWWW.   YOUR CHILD BY LAW HAS A RIGHT ESPECIALLY WITH ADHD FOR MORE INDEPTH TEACHING.  IF THE CHILD WAS SUPPOSE TO LEARN THIS GOAL THROUGHOUT THE YEAR, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED.  (THE TEACHER HAS JUST MADE HERSELF LOOK BAD WHETHER SHE KNOWS IT OR NOT).  DOES YOU CHILD HAVE AN I.E.P. AND A DIAGNOSIS?    THAT IS TO BE INCORPORATED INTO THE EDUCATION PLAN.  DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS DELAYED IN ANY AREAS?   YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO COMMUNICATE WITH THAT TEACHER AND IF THEY THE PRINCIPAL IS JUST AS BAD -- HUMMM, GET THE CHILD INTO ANOTHER SCHOOL -- REQUEST TESTING AND PLACEMENT NOW!   ITS A LOT OF CALLING AND FIGHTING, BUT THE CHILD'S PARENTS ARE HIS ONLY ADVOCATE.   

PERSONALLY, I HAVE COMMUNICATED WITH OUR SON'S TEACHER SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK EITHER BY EMAIL OR WHEN SHE WAS AVAILABLE TO TALK. 

GOOD LUCK

So frustrating. You just want to get a megaphone and yell some sense into them!  I think it is a very good idea that NoTellin said to look up the state's standards.  Trust me when you have to fight it is always beneficial to be prepared, know the requirement's, know the laws.  I might be wrong but they may not be able to hold a child back without your permission.  Especially since they know you have testing scheduled so you can truly see where she places. 

You still do have some time before the end of the year to get her up to speed.  I think trying to make a game out of it makes it easier and is less frustrating.  Does your dd have poor handwriting skills?  My son gets so frustrated when he has to do alot of writing.  Do you have an United Arts and Education store or teachers store nearby?  They will have some different tools/ideas that you can help her.  There are probably some great website too... maybe Scholastic.com

You truly are wonder woman!! You do all this alone - I send you hugs and so much credit for all you do!

Have you ever thought of talking to a doctor for yourself? You need to take care of you so that you can take care of your daughter and son.

You have mentioned in some posts that you are depressed, I wonder if you may want to take something to help you relax.

You have so much on your plate and I quote you, "my children are taking over my life"

You obviously live for your children, which I commend you for, but you need "me" time for yourself!!

I think it is great that you how you feel, I think that is healthy!

I would talk to someone because it does sound like depression. And with everything going on and being a single parent, you have quite a bit!

Keep us posted!!

Beth

Dear Wonderwoman:  You are exactly that taking care of an ADHD child on your own is very difficult I'm sure.  And to tell you the truth although I am married I do most of all of the things to help our son myself.  It's not that my husband doesn't care but he's just not good at any of this stuff.  Don't think you are strange for feeling down I've been there myself too.  The truth is it's very very difficult to have an ADHD child.  There have been times I'm so drained from all the problems I hear about him in school.  I do feel though that as we go for help and try meds or other things we at least are working towards making things better.  It has been a relief for me the past few weeks just not to hear my son's teacher complain about him.  He sitll is very difficult before his patch kicks in and he is very difficult after it's removed but we are proceeding.  My son and I have a way of talking to each other when we are trying to get things accomplished no matter what it is.  We both say the things and say check.  And that's how I feel I think to myself make doctor appt., take him to the appt., get him on meds, get the resouces room help, push the teacher for a 504 plan, take him to the tutor.  Check, check, check, check and check.  Then I think what can I do next, find a behaviorist to help and go there join Chad, read the attention magazine.  It's just a series of things we need to do and try to keep your chin up.  Perhaps you could take a bubble bath when he is gone to bed like Calgon take me away.  Try to find some time no matter how small to read a good book about something other than ADHD too.  Keep us posted and you are not alone.

Check these sites for your son's rights to an education:

www.wrightslaw.com

http://www.schwablearning.org/resources.aspx?g=4&s=6

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.  It can be very frustrating.  I have to ask you though to take a few breaths and think about what they are suggesting. 

 Think about the report cards you have seen coming home this year.  Were there red flags grade wise on those cards?  Were there reading level concerns this year? These things alone should set off an alarm that something isn't right.  In most schools you don't start to hear word retention until at least March or April because most schools try to do their best from retaining a child.  

 Most cards have reading level information on them from my experience.  When we get a new student from another school we look at the records and almost always the card will say they are on level, below level, above level, or even give you an exact reading level.  At my school we provide reading charts for our parents.  A visual aide for them to see where their child is on the spectrum.  This is acutually done district wide. 

I have to say that in my own case as a parent when I attend my son's conferences I find that sometimes as much as I would like to claim I am listening to every word the teacher is stating, I'm usually not.  Especially if she is talking behavioral items.  I find myself become naturally defensive because that is my son and she is saying things about my son that I don't always want to hear.  I guess what I'm saying is, do you think your husband was told of the school's intentions, but because he the teacher may of started off her conferences with the behavior or combative items first that he may of missed the things such as "
retention?" 

I'm not trying to cause a problem or be too boad here, but I think that it might be a good idea to sit back and really reflect. Do you as a parent think that your son would benefit from a year of maturity? A year of learning because he missed so much do to add this year? Ect... 2nd grade can be a hard year for kids.  If you are missing the basic foundation in 1st grade it can be quite hard to make the gains in 2nd grade.  It would mean that your child might have to make up 1 to two years of academics.  Kids can fall farther behind when forced to move to another grade level before they are ready.   Honestly, retention is not usually considered unless the teachers adn schools have exhausted all tutoring or special assistance during the day.  Also, if you retain you would rather do it in 1st grade than to wait until a later age.  It can be much more detrimental for an older child.  Younger children usually don't think anything about it unless their parents make a big deal about them being retained.  Children are pretty resilant (sp) about things like this.  Of the kids that I have seen retained in my school I've noticed quite a bit of success for them.  Very few has it been the wrong decision for.  And I can honestly say we don't believe in retention unless we have exhausted all our avenues. 

Good luck to you and your family. 

Hi, My friend just pointed this board out to me. I am so frustrated with my son’s school. I knew my son was having behavior issues. I knew he was giving the teacher issues when it was writing or reading time. But I didn't know it was so bad that they suggested holding him back. Every week my husband was in there to see how my son was doing and she only mentions his behavior. I called the principle a couple of days ago to see why my son wasn't getting extra help in school and why doesn't the school have programs like this. She informed that they did. The teacher told us that the school didn't have them. The principle said she would check and see why he isn't in these programs especially if his teacher suggested holding him back. She called me today to say they do have the program and because my son is on the borderline of passing for reading he didn’t qualify for these programs yet. Why wait??? She told me that there are other kids who are scoring lower than him so they are getting the help. Then she went into the crap about funding and Michigan issues with this year budget and how their funding got slashed so now they only have a part time teacher and not a full time. They can't help everyone. But she would speak to the reading teacher and see if she will take him for the rest of the year. As my husband was leaving the school today, my son's teacher stop him and said that she thinks with his size (he looks like a third grader) if might not be in his best interested to hold him back. She thinks he will do just fine. I don't know how to take that. I need to find out more about the 504 and IDEA. We are requesting testing at a clinic to make sure he is on the right meds and to see if he has a learning disability. Is there anymore I could be doing? My son is in the lst grade and was diagnosed with ADD in November. Meds have help out with his behavior but it seems like after a couple of months, they don’t work as well. We just up them a month ago.

It was probably wrong of us. But we wanted to see how our son felt about repeating first grade so we asked him. He started sreaming and crying It's not fair. It's not fair. I did everything they asked. He cover his ear and then went in his room slamming the door. He sat in front of the door for an hour so we couldn't get in. We have never brought this up to him again. He hasn't asked about it since and we are hoping that he has forgotten about the whole thing. It hard to make a decision like this. But I think we should start getting him help now and worry about what grade he will be in later. we have set up appointments for him to see a child psychiatrist to make sure he is on the right meds. His peds doc put him on the meds he is on now.

It sounds like you guys are on the right track.  I agree finding as much  help as you can and making sure meds are right dosage and all are very good first steps.  I agree it is hard to make decisions for our children.  We don't want to do wrong by them and you know what? More often than not we usually make the best decisions for them.  We just have to remember that it is for them and not us.  Success and positive attidudes etc... are all any of us want for or children. 

take care....

aus10, I agree that the parent should go to the school district to see what is available and I agree that it is amazing that in this day and time there is nothing in place at the school.

but... aus10  I have to say that it is unfair to say teachers want to take the easy way out.   Matter of fact, retention is the last thing any teacher wants to do. Most schools strongly discourage this. Most schools try everything to prevent this.  Special programs, tutoring, etc.   Teachers are not perfect as I am one and I have my faults, but I can honestly say that retaining a kid is heart breaking and something not even the less effective teacher wants.  These kids are with us for most of the day and for well into 183 days take a day or two depending on where you have your child in school.  We live and breathe them.  Our jobs don't stop just because the 3:00 bell rings.  Often we are at home doing work after our own children go to bed.  We work many hours in the summer time, believe it or not preparing for the next year.  You will find very few teachers that don't do some sort of training or planning in the summer time.  Our job is year around.  We don't get into this profession just to retain children.  Quite the opposite.

As far as retaining in 3rd grade that is why I mentioned in my post that if retention is considered that it is best to do at an early age such as kinder or 1st grade.  And I feel that it is all in the way the parents/adults handle it with their chilldren. 

Hi smilecme, I too have a big boy for his age. He will be 10 the end of June and wears a size 16 pant and is very tall. He looks like he is in Middle school. DS is the youngest in his class! He is also very ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHHD. He is impulsive, hyperactive, and immature. He also has a speech delay and sensory issues, which qualified him for an IEP. He was very smart in kindergarten but still very immature.

I STILL think about whether he would have benefited socially if we had him repeat kindergarten. I did talk to the teacher about this back then and she felt he was too smart to repeat.

He had a really bad first grade until we started meds at the end of the year with the help of his teacher. She had taught forever and knew he was a good boy but was ADHHHHD.

Once we got the meds where they needed to be, he has done so much better. It took us a good 6 months with different meds and dosages. He finally leveled off and is still at the same dosage.

He did get labeled unfortunately, however, the kids you want your children to play with have forgotten and moved on. He does not have a great social life outside of school, but he is happy and that is what counts. He plays sports each season and joined a train club in town that is his favorite hobby. His grades are all A's and B+'s. He even exceeds the school's expectations in Math, as well as other areas that they are graded on.

All being said, I think you need to go back and focus on his medication. That can really help your son have a successful day and be at his full potential both acacemically as well as socially. I know my son wouldn't be where he is today both academically and socially without his meds helping him.

Regards!

Hey "WONDERFUL WOMAN",

You are beautifu! Remember that. Everything you are doing for both your children make you a fabulous mother!

I have to tell yoiu, I walk! I get out there and sweat off the 40 hrs of my overnight shift and the feelings that are bothering me. EVERYTHING sweats out of me for 60 minutes.

Sometimes I even cry when I am walking and thinking. It is the best 60 minutes of the day when I walk! It's like I'm cleansing my soul!

Besides the great feeling, you can loose some weight!!

Nothing wrong with that!!

Regards,

BEth

I sympathize with you all, as we've had some really bad experiences with teachers in the past, too.  My brother, who is severe ADHD, when he was young, was actually MISPLACED by his teacher!!!  They had the police out looking for him, and then when they found him in a nearby field, hiding and crying because the teacher wouldn't let him run to the bathroom and he wet himself, the police went to our home and told my mother, "We found your son in a field"...she thought he had been murdered!

Uggh, the list goes on.  I've even written a couple of articles on the subject of bad and abusive teachers, how to recognize if your child has one, and what to do about it if they do.

The first one is titled, "Does Your Child Have a Bad Teacher?"

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/224173/does_your_ch ild_have_a_bad_teacher.html

The second one is titled, "Abusive Teachers".  Hope these help somebody!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/193830/abusive_teac hers.html

Take care, everybody!

Reading this is like Deja Vu.  My son, who was diagnosed with ADHD this month, is also in the Kindergarten.  We received a note home in January...not 2 months after our 1st Report Card PT conference...stating our son could only recognize 7 of the letters in the alphabet.  Are you kidding me...they didn't know this 2 months earlier.  After requesting a classroom and finally being able to watch his behavior in February I knew there was definitely something wrong with him (I had suspected it for some time as I grew up with Sisters who r ADHD bipolar manic depressive).  At that time I requested that the school SST team evaluate him for ADHD and learning disabilities.  I was told at that time they would get him in as soon as possible, but that could be next year sometime r they out of their minds...next year!!!  In the meantime, my husband set up an appointment with the principal to talk about the cirriculum in the Kindergarten, would you believe he had know idea what they were teaching our child in his K class. What an idiot, how did he get that job?

Anyway, after writing several notes and emails to the teachers and school councelor (sp?) without responses my 2nd report card PT conference came up, mind you it is now March and my son still has not been evaluated as asked, unbelievable?!?! In my conference in March I was told he was going to be retained back to the Kindergarten next year. I was shocked and could not believe that this was the first I was hearing that he was going to be retained, there are only 3 months of school left and the teachers are just now realizing this, this school SUCKS!  I finally took it into my own hands and was referred by my pediatrician to a pediatric behavioral specialist.  Since the school still had not evaluated my child for either ADHD or learning disabilities the behavior specialist tested him for both.  He is ADHD but has no learning disabilities, he just hasn't mentally been there all year to learn what was taught, my poor baby.  Oh, did I mention he has already been to the principals off this year due to bad behavior and defiance issues. Not to mention how many times his teacher calls me at work from the classroom so I can talk to him. I cannot believe she actually expects me to be able to control him over the phone.

We got a letter in the mail yesterday telling us that my son was no longer waivered to attend the school next year (they are out of our zone but my daycare provider is zoned for this school).  I personally think they cannot deal with parents who will question them and are not afraid to go above their heads to the next in charge.  I also feel that they don't want to deal with my son again next year.

Sorry to be so long winded. Once I start I cannot stop. Thanks for listening!!

• There's that old "adopted parents you must be saints" attitude. Well what am I chopped liver here?
• Then there's idiots that say sh*t like "[name something--junkie/alky/mentally ill] must have been wrong with the birth parents--as if kids with their birth parents all have perfect families.
  
• Then there's "So that explains why this kid is different from your others" [yeah I have a a-brother that's different from all the others but they never noticed THAT!]
• Then there's that whole "chosen" bullsh*t like you're some weird Isrealite out of the Bible

Reading this is like Deja Vu.  My son, who was diagnosed with ADHD this month, is also in the Kindergarten.  We received a note home in January...not 2 months after our 1st Report Card PT conference...stating our son could only recognize 7 of the letters in the alphabet.  Are you kidding me...they didn't know this 2 months earlier.  After requesting a classroom and finally being able to watch his behavior in February I knew there was definitely something wrong with him (I had suspected it for some time as I grew up with Sisters who r ADHD bipolar manic depressive).  At that time I requested that the school SST team evaluate him for ADHD and learning disabilities.  I was told at that time they would get him in as soon as possible, but that could be next year sometime r they out of their minds...next year!!!  In the meantime, my husband set up an appointment with the principal to talk about the cirriculum in the Kindergarten, would you believe he had know idea what they were teaching our child in his K class. What an idiot, how did he get that job?

Anyway, after writing several notes and emails to the teachers and school councelor (sp?) without responses my 2nd report card PT conference came up, mind you it is now March and my son still has not been evaluated as asked, unbelievable?!?! In my conference in March I was told he was going to be retained back to the Kindergarten next year. I was shocked and could not believe that this was the first I was hearing that he was going to be retained, there are only 3 months of school left and the teachers are just now realizing this, this school SUCKS!  I finally took it into my own hands and was referred by my pediatrician to a pediatric behavioral specialist.  Since the school still had not evaluated my child for either ADHD or learning disabilities the behavior specialist tested him for both.  He is ADHD but has no learning disabilities, he just hasn't mentally been there all year to learn what was taught, my poor baby.  Oh, did I mention he has already been to the principals off this year due to bad behavior and defiance issues. Not to mention how many times his teacher calls me at work from the classroom so I can talk to him. I cannot believe she actually expects me to be able to control him over the phone.

We got a letter in the mail yesterday telling us that my son was no longer waivered to attend the school next year (they are out of our zone but my daycare provider is zoned for this school).  I personally think they cannot deal with parents who will question them and are not afraid to go above their heads to the next in charge.  I also feel that they don't want to deal with my son again next year.

Sorry to be so long winded. Once I start I cannot stop. Thanks for listening!!