So mad at the teacher | ADHD Information
I am so upset with my dd's teacher. All year I have tried to get my dd's teacher to get on the same page with me and to communicate with me. Not only has her teacher ignored me but the school system has totally ignored me also. All I have wanted was a little cooperation in knowing what skills my child has to develop to move on to the first grade. There are now two months left until the end of school and I get a letter from the teacher stating the my dd can not write her numbers 1-30 and this has to be done for her to be promoted. I have read so many articles about the negative impact on ADHD children that are retained. I do not want her to be held back . I do not think that it is her capability to master the thought process, I think it has more to do with processing it on paper. She is up for testing in May for learning disorders and so forth. We had it scheduled earlier but we had a med change and must wait until they are stable. AGGGGHHHHH...I am so frustrated. I have gotten no response from the school all year and now I am at a point where I am bewildered. I don't want my baby girl to have to repeat kindergarten when I know it could ahve been prevented with better communication from the school!!!! What do I do now??????? Well the big day arrived. Over the break (we just finished Spring Break) I e-mailed the head of special education programs at the Board of education for our county. I received a phone call from the principal of our school on Monday. We had a conference today with the teacher. My daughter is actually not doing as bad as I thought. The main problem was that I have not had any communication all year, and then I receive a letter that my daughter could not finish her writing her numbers 1-30 and she had to do that to go to first grade. This alarmed me as I think it would have alarmed anyone. They put Gabby in a short term intervention to help with her weaknesses which is the first step to a 504 plan. I am just so frustrated and put out. I am doing this all on my own. I have no support. I am in a real bad place financially and the stresses of Dr appts, baseball, school, work is really getting to me. I am not enjoying my life right now. I feel so lost and helpless. I just took vacation and I do not feel the lest it relaxed. Matter of fact I think I am more stressed now than I was before my vacation. I guess I am just down in the dumps. Sometimes I feel like my children are going to take over my life. I love them so much and that's why I keep at it. Fighting for them to have a better future, but I am soooooooo tired and the constant worry over finances is draining me. I guess I just needed to vent. Sorry for all the babbling, but thanks for listening.You truly are wonder woman!! You do all this alone - I send you hugs and so much credit
for all you do!
Have you ever thought of talking to a doctor for yourself? You need to take care of you so that you can take care of your daughter and son.
You have mentioned in some posts that you are depressed, I wonder if you may want to take something to help you relax.
You have so much on your plate and I quote you, "my children are taking over my life"
You obviously live for your children, which I commend you for, but you need "me" time for yourself!!
I think it is great that you how you feel, I think that is healthy!
I would talk to someone because it does sound like depression. And with everything going on and being a single parent, you have quite a bit!
Keep us posted!!
Beth
Dear Wonderwoman: You are exactly that taking care of an ADHD child on your own is very difficult I'm sure. And to tell you the truth although I am married I do most of all of the things to help our son myself. It's not that my husband doesn't care but he's just not good at any of this stuff. Don't think you are strange for feeling down I've been there myself too. The truth is it's very very difficult to have an ADHD child. There have been times I'm so drained from all the problems I hear about him in school. I do feel though that as we go for help and try meds or other things we at least are working towards making things better. It has been a relief for me the past few weeks just not to hear my son's teacher complain about him. He sitll is very difficult before his patch kicks in and he is very difficult after it's removed but we are proceeding. My son and I have a way of talking to each other when we are trying to get things accomplished no matter what it is. We both say the things and say check. And that's how I feel I think to myself make doctor appt., take him to the appt., get him on meds, get the resouces room help, push the teacher for a 504 plan, take him to the tutor. Check, check, check, check and check. Then I think what can I do next, find a behaviorist to help and go there join Chad, read the attention magazine. It's just a series of things we need to do and try to keep your chin up. Perhaps you could take a bubble bath when he is gone to bed like Calgon take me away. Try to find some time no matter how small to read a good book about something other than ADHD too. Keep us posted and you are not alone.
Thank you for the support. I know I am not the only one going at it alone. I just feel so lonely and frustrated right now. I am sooooo tired. I do take meds for my depression and anxiety. The one side affect is that I have gained 15 pounds. Another reason to be depressed. Aggggghhhhhh! I just want some peace. Dear Wonderwoman: Join the club of gaining weight I too have packed on at least 10 pounds over the winter. I put so much of my time and focus on my son that I forget to really take care of me.Hey "WONDERFUL WOMAN",
You are beautifu! Remember that. Everything you are doing for both your children make you a fabulous mother!
I have to tell yoiu, I walk! I get out there and sweat off the 40 hrs of my overnight shift and the feelings that are bothering me. EVERYTHING sweats out of me for 60 minutes.
Sometimes I even cry when I am walking and thinking. It is the best 60 minutes of the day when I walk! It's like I'm cleansing my soul!
Besides the great feeling, you can loose some weight!!
Nothing wrong with that!!
Regards,
BEth
My son has adhd also and he was tested and put into a resource program. It amazes me that their is nothing at your school, in this day and age. I would go to the school district and see what kind of help they offer. As far as holding him back, I myself was held back in 3rd grade. Although I did much better that next year, I had to make a new set of friends and my old friends would tease me. I think that should be your last option. I was devastated. I think maybe its the teachers taking the easy way out. Good luck!
aus10, I agree that the parent should go to the school district to see what is available and I agree that it is amazing that in this day and time there is nothing in place at the school.
but... aus10 I have to say that it is unfair to say teachers want to take the easy way out. Matter of fact, retention is the last thing any teacher wants to do. Most schools strongly discourage this. Most schools try everything to prevent this. Special programs, tutoring, etc. Teachers are not perfect as I am one and I have my faults, but I can honestly say that retaining a kid is heart breaking and something not even the less effective teacher wants. These kids are with us for most of the day and for well into 183 days take a day or two depending on where you have your child in school. We live and breathe them. Our jobs don't stop just because the 3:00 bell rings. Often we are at home doing work after our own children go to bed. We work many hours in the summer time, believe it or not preparing for the next year. You will find very few teachers that don't do some sort of training or planning in the summer time. Our job is year around. We don't get into this profession just to retain children. Quite the opposite.
As far as retaining in 3rd grade that is why I mentioned in my post that if retention is considered that it is best to do at an early age such as kinder or 1st grade. And I feel that it is all in the way the parents/adults handle it with their chilldren.
4myson39194.7725694444I believe that if anyone wants help for their child in school they must put it in writing. The power of writing it out and handing it in makes all the difference. I requested an IEP for my son in writing and I did a cc to the Principal, V.P. Teacher, School Nurse, School Psychologist. I covered all the bases and also requested that I hear back from someone withine 5 school days. Within the 5 days we had a Student Study Team meeting. Then 3 weeks later we had another one by then I had a diagnosis of ADHD. They did turn me down for an IEP because his grades are just above grade average. However they are giving him a 505 plan and they have already started sending him to the resources room for math which has been his biggest trouble. They have a school social worker meeting with him for play therapy which I hear does not really work. But since it's something they are giving me I'm not turning it down. It's important to remember when asking for help to be gracious for what help they do give you. Plus you need to ask nicely and make it seem like they are suggesting some of these things. It's really a matter of knowing how to work the system. And my son's teacher who had been critical and difficult all year is actually really trying to help him now. I think it has even helped how she treats all the kids because Iasked that she implement some positive behavior plans in the classroom and she has come up with some very good plans. Working together with the teachers is what it's all about and you have to go to the top sometimes to make it happen.I forgot to mention above that we have to keep in mind how difficult our children can be. We LOVE our children and that really is why we can work with them and get along. As for a teacher they have around 20 kids in a class and from what I've seen in my son's class I'd say there are another 4 or so that may also have ADHD or some behavior problems that are not quite normal. I can see how my son's teacher could get grumpy trying to deal with him all day when I help out every Tuesday in the class I get upset just seeing how he acts sometimes. Now since he's been on meds for a few weeks he is somewhat better.Hi smilecme, I too have a big boy for his age. He will be 10 the end of June and wears a size 16 pant and is very tall. He looks like he is in Middle school. DS is the youngest in his class! He is also very ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHHD. He is impulsive, hyperactive, and immature. He also has a speech delay and sensory issues, which qualified him for an IEP. He was very smart in kindergarten but still very immature.
I STILL think about whether he would have benefited socially if we had him repeat kindergarten. I did talk to the teacher about this back then and she felt he was too smart to repeat.
He had a really bad first grade until we started meds at the end of the year with the help of his teacher. She had taught forever and knew he was a good boy but was ADHHHHD.
Once we got the meds where they needed to be, he has done so much better. It took us a good 6 months with different meds and dosages. He finally leveled off and is still at the same dosage.
He did get labeled unfortunately, however, the kids you want your children to play with have forgotten and moved on. He does not have a great social life outside of school, but he is happy and that is what counts. He plays sports each season and joined a train club in town that is his favorite hobby. His grades are all A's and B+'s. He even exceeds the school's expectations in Math, as well as other areas that they are graded on.
All being said, I think you need to go back and focus on his medication. That can really help your son have a successful day and be at his full potential both acacemically as well as socially. I know my son wouldn't be where he is today both academically and socially without his meds helping him.
Regards!
Hi Gwen: I like your sense of humor at least. I would definately tell that teacher that he can have no chocolate and that he gets a rash or hives and can't breath well or something. Just to scare her into not giving it to him. I had a problem with another parent giving her son extra chocolates so that he could give them to my son. I was helping in the caf. one day when he started passing out chocolates and there was my son with healthy fruit. Of course my son took the chocolate no matter what I was saying. I asked the other parent after school to only give chocolate for her own son. Her son had brought an extra chocolate bar for my son and another boy. Well, that mom told me I'm not going to stop giving him things to share with friends you will just have to tell your son not to take it. I told her I have him on a special diet and I would appreciate her help. She just repeated her same sentence tell him not to take it. So there are mean parents out there too. And this parent actually asked me one day if my son is a DRUG baby. My son is adopted and I was just so insulted and even if he is one, and we don't know that, it's not her business. I wonder how she would feel if I asked her one day if she did drugs while pregnant. I guess having an adopted child I have heard all the rude things so now the ADHD rude comments don't seem to phase me quite so much. Even during our student study team meeting the Vice Principal said to me - I often forget your son is adopted because you are so nuturing. I wanted to say oh yes I guess you don't thing adoptive parents should love their kids as much as REAL parents. Instead I bit my tongue because I need a 504 for my child and I will do anything to get one for him. LOLI have had teacher troubles this year as well! It took up to maybe a month ago for me to see eye to eye with my sons Kindergarten teacher. I have gotten to the point where she calls me everyday now for progress reports about my son's day. It took a lot of tooth and nail though and next year I hope to be better prepared. I don't think she ever experienced anyone like my son(which is questionable after 10 years of teaching) that has adhd problems. It seemed I had to school her along with myself ....Fortunately though, we had the expectations of what my son needed to know from the very first months of school so I basically worked on these things at home with my son. If I left it up to her I am sorry to say I don't think he would know the skills he needs to know.My son has about a 25 sight word list he needs to know how to read and write and he also needs to know how to write from 1-100, and money currency...In my day we had to know how to paint and cut with scissors...sigh My sons teacher is lovely, she just has a problem when it comes to comunication, she will not tell me when my son has done something wrong, (as she does not want to get him into trouble), she is petty much ignoring what the phy has suggested for dealing with behaviours, and she lets my son have chocolate even though he is not meant to as it puts him on the ceiling....did I say she was lovely...I lied, I cant stand her!!Just look up your states standards in the internet. They are easy to find and list everything your child needs to learn in kindergarten.THERE IS SOMEONE ABOVE THE TEACHER AND PRINCIPAL AND I WOULD BE CALLING THEM NOWWWWWWWWW. YOUR CHILD BY LAW HAS A RIGHT ESPECIALLY WITH ADHD FOR MORE INDEPTH TEACHING. IF THE CHILD WAS SUPPOSE TO LEARN THIS GOAL THROUGHOUT THE YEAR, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED. (THE TEACHER HAS JUST MADE HERSELF LOOK BAD WHETHER SHE KNOWS IT OR NOT). DOES YOU CHILD HAVE AN I.E.P. AND A DIAGNOSIS? THAT IS TO BE INCORPORATED INTO THE EDUCATION PLAN. DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS DELAYED IN ANY AREAS? YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO COMMUNICATE WITH THAT TEACHER AND IF THEY THE PRINCIPAL IS JUST AS BAD -- HUMMM, GET THE CHILD INTO ANOTHER SCHOOL -- REQUEST TESTING AND PLACEMENT NOW! ITS A LOT OF CALLING AND FIGHTING, BUT THE CHILD'S PARENTS ARE HIS ONLY ADVOCATE.
PERSONALLY, I HAVE COMMUNICATED WITH OUR SON'S TEACHER SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK EITHER BY EMAIL OR WHEN SHE WAS AVAILABLE TO TALK.
GOOD LUCK
So frustrating. You just want to get a megaphone and yell some sense into them! I think it is a very good idea that NoTellin said to look up the state's standards. Trust me when you have to fight it is always beneficial to be prepared, know the requirement's, know the laws. I might be wrong but they may not be able to hold a child back without your permission. Especially since they know you have testing scheduled so you can truly see where she places.
You still do have some time before the end of the year to get her up to speed. I think trying to make a game out of it makes it easier and is less frustrating. Does your dd have poor handwriting skills? My son gets so frustrated when he has to do alot of writing. Do you have an United Arts and Education store or teachers store nearby? They will have some different tools/ideas that you can help her. There are probably some great website too... maybe Scholastic.com
I agree that finding out what the state requirements are and whether or not they can hold her back without your permission??..... A great website with pretty good prices on learning books/flash cards, etc is www.schoolzone.com My daughter has done this books since she was 3 years old and she loves them. I know how hard it can be to deal with teachers/principles, but try to remember how good of a mom you are being by trying to do the absolute best for your child!! robynnw39189.5576157407Thanks for all the support. When I originally talked to the school counselor I asked about a 504 plan and she acted like she had no idea what it was. Come on I am not stupid. Well since receiving the note about my dd's possibility of being retained I have e-mailed the County Board of Education Director of Federal programs. Through reading on the website I gathered that this person was the director of federal programs in special education. I gave a summary of the events throughout the year and requested an evaluation for a 504 plan to be instated. I also found the State Advocate for Special Education, i spoke with her about a week ago. She told me if I didn't get any progress with the county to PLEASE let her know and she would make it happen. I just don't understand why it is so difficult to have our children's needs met. You would think the schools would tire of irate parents and frustrated children. I just don't understand. Makes me sick
On a different note, around here, there are a lot of kids that are held back in kindergarten for a multitude of reasons. We live in an educated affluent area, and there just isn't any negative stigma about holding back students in kindergarten. I can think of 3 neighbors offhand and really it's no big deal. These days, there seems to be at least 1 or 2 kids in a class that are a little older. Maybe back when I was a little kid in the 60s there might have been a stigma, but I don't think that is true any more. Good Luck!Check these sites for your son's rights to an education:
http://www.schwablearning.org/resources.aspx?g=4&s=6
vickie39192.9419907407It was probably wrong of us. But we wanted to see how our son felt about repeating first grade so we asked him. He started sreaming and crying It's not fair. It's not fair. I did everything they asked. He cover his ear and then went in his room slamming the door. He sat in front of the door for an hour so we couldn't get in. We have never brought this up to him again. He hasn't asked about it since and we are hoping that he has forgotten about the whole thing. It hard to make a decision like this. But I think we should start getting him help now and worry about what grade he will be in later. we have set up appointments for him to see a child psychiatrist to make sure he is on the right meds. His peds doc put him on the meds he is on now.
Hi, My friend just pointed this board out to me. I am so frustrated with my son’s school. I knew my son was having behavior issues. I knew he was giving the teacher issues when it was writing or reading time. But I didn't know it was so bad that they suggested holding him back. Every week my husband was in there to see how my son was doing and she only mentions his behavior. I called the principle a couple of days ago to see why my son wasn't getting extra help in school and why doesn't the school have programs like this. She informed that they did. The teacher told us that the school didn't have them. The principle said she would check and see why he isn't in these programs especially if his teacher suggested holding him back. She called me today to say they do have the program and because my son is on the borderline of passing for reading he didn’t qualify for these programs yet. Why wait??? She told me that there are other kids who are scoring lower than him so they are getting the help. Then she went into the crap about funding and