he’s winning this ba t tle | ADHD Information

geesmom ? is he behaving this way on meds?We were there before meds and a positive reinforcement behavior plan. It is such a relief to have effective treatment. The whole family is much better without the battles and rages. That 'whatever' attitude could be hiding anxiety and aniety in kids can come out as anger and defiance, not just fear. When my youngest was struggling at school, she would never admit there was a problem or that she cared. She paid an huge emotional toll before we sought help.I am so worn out with the arguing, tantrums, bad language, confrontations, etc... I am beginning to feel numb which makes me have a "whatever" attitude.  I know I do love my son, but I'm starting to not like him.  He's only 10.  Does this make sense to anyone?  How do you deal with it?This makes perfect sense.  We have all been there and anyone who says otherwise is in denial.  My ds will be seven in August and I am already dreading what he will turn into in the next few years.  keep your chin up. I am sending a big hug your way10 was a really difficult age for my son too. Temper tantrums, banging on things, yelling etc., and constant argueing. How I finally dealt with it was to become more consistent, didn't argue, just handed out the short and sweet consequence every single time he did any of the above behaviors. Because he would temper tantrum in his room for an hour, and after dealing with it for a year. I figured what I was doing wasn't working ( 10 min. time out after he was quiet), I changed it to: You get 10 minutes to yell, bang etc. if you quit after I tell you your 10 min.s is up you will just do 10 quiet min.s in your room,  if you keep yelling, then you get an hour in your room once your quiet. It was amazing, and he only got 1 hour in his room. After I changed what I was doing, I wondered why it took me song to figure it out. The best things I learned is not to argue, only explain once and to pretend I couldn't care less.Been there, ate the quart of ice cream!

I agree with all the above advice; do check about the meds and the possibility of a co-existing disorder.

As for you, do you have someone you can talk with who won't give you more to do or react like you're crazy?  We all need support and listening ears.  It's impossible, otherwise!

Gin

[QUOTE=momiss2]10 was a really difficult age for my son too. Temper tantrums, banging on things, yelling etc., and constant argueing. How I finally dealt with it was to become more consistent, didn't argue, just handed out the short and sweet consequence every single time he did any of the above behaviors. Because he would temper tantrum in his room for an hour, and after dealing with it for a year. I figured what I was doing wasn't working ( 10 min. time out after he was quiet), I changed it to: You get 10 minutes to yell, bang etc. if you quit after I tell you your 10 min.s is up you will just do 10 quiet min.s in your room,  if you keep yelling, then you get an hour in your room once your quiet. It was amazing, and he only got 1 hour in his room. After I changed what I was doing, I wondered why it took me song to figure it out. The best things I learned is not to argue, only explain once and to pretend I couldn't care less.[/QUOTE]

Hmmm, I'm wondering if this strategy would work for my child (occasional issues with screaming, throwing objects, etc. after meds have worn off at night).  Has your child willingly stayed in his room?  I'm anticipating that being an issue for my child if we try this technique.

momiss2 wow what a great idea!  I'm going to try it.  Hope the neighbors don't mind!  My son is 10 and going thru the same thing.  This morning he through his chair I asked why? he said, MY BREAKFAST?  It was right in front of his face.  After that he was silent.Gees mom , sorry I am here with you trust me.  My mom freaks out at things I shrug of on a daily basis.Yes, he is this way on meds!  We can't seem to find the right combination.

If the meds were working, then he wouldn't be acting this way. It doesn't sound like they are helping. I would call his prescribing doctor and tell him/her what is going on. Medication can also make children/adults do things that they normally wouldn't.

Do you also think there could be a co existing condition that needs to be evaluated?

Once he has been successfully diagnosed, and the correct medication as well as dosage is found, his days, and yours should be successful.

I would think of reevaluating your son and meds. Something isn't right. Maybe even puberty?!

Just my opinion.

Beth

i right with momiss2  . but even further  keep a hidden journal  that you keep a whole scope on his behaviors.  meds , shcool work difficulties. peer problems, therapies, activities and stimulus's, even television shows . certian chore and resposibilities.    by keeping track of some of these things  while havinve structure and routuine some you can have him avoid certain triggers to tantrums.

keep a visible list  of bad behaviors  that get consequinces and also a list good behaviors  that you can catchj him being good . 

 its also a good idea to find out after a tantrum has calmed down. what they were thinkingand feeling before the tantrum . what the little feelings were that grew into the big ones.  this helps kids connect those smaller feelings and you prompt them to do something else when you recognize those smaller feelings welling up inside before they burstout.

 

and most importantly    you

seeking support when your feelings dont match what you think they should be.

i wish i could give you an award or badge or something     well done

 

ps  would anyone be intrested in helping me create a template for home journal ?

Sammo39196.2156597222Yes, I agree, have him reevaluated. The meds aren't working, sounds like. Never give up on finding the right diagnosis and treatment for him! You can do it!

Love the journal idea about keeping track of the behavior, that would have avoided me freaking out every time he tried something new, or old or whatever.  It may have also made me figure out what was going on faster, and change it.  A bit late now 16 yr. old.

About keeping him time out in his room. Well that is a hole other story. At 4 I trained him to time outs, because the little bugger was already winning the war. I would never have done this without being constantly outside his door every second. I finally made a rule You are to stay in your room. He was coming out, yelling non-stop in other words it was no time out for either of us. I bought a latch hook and put it on his bedroom door. I clearly told him stay in your room, or the latch hook goes on. It was used 4 times and for some reason his 6 yr. old cousin and him got rid of part of the latch hook. Luckily we never needed it again. It sure makes me realize how strong love can be when we have brats like this. Joking most of the time now.