For my daughter I make check lists for her to do things... homework and getting ready for school and bed... go over schedules works well for her.
Also... I don't know if you are thinking of meds.... but for us... it was a amazing to see the difference in her report card from one trimester to the next. She is in the 2nd grade... she was reading 10 workds a minutes with 30% accurately to 30 words with 80% accuately.. also first grade readers to second grade. So .. she and us could see the difference.
We too still have to remind ourselves that some of the things she is doing is not on purpose, but just the way she is... the non-stop talking the fidgetting. The forgetting of things... etc... We have to find ways to help her cope with the way she is.
I can relate to the whole guilt thing... thinking it was my fault... as many people have told me on this board.. its not you fault.
Good luck to you and your family.
Buy a wonderful book or audio book called Transforming the Difficult Child, by Dr. Glasser (I think that's his name). It changed our life and that of our DS. It shows how to discipline a child with ADHD or other LDs, while giving her the love, support and understanding she needs. It'll make both you and your husband very happy, and will end half of your disagreements (or more than half).
Good luck.
There is a lot of info here:
http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/wwk
and here:
http://www.russellbarkley.org/
Also, if you look around at the family tree, are there relatives that have ADHD symptoms? This might give him an idea of the dificulties that someone growing up with ADHD can face. We recognized this in ourselves, though not to such a debilitating extent, as our youngest. We also have the absolute life failure of a close relative that fits all of the things that can happen to someone that is untreated for ADHD (accidents, trouble with the law, failed relationships, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, school failure...). It is a wonder he is still alive with all he has gone through.
Hey noodlesmommy, do you think your husband may have adhd? Being a genetic condition it either came from him or you, or both.
I wonder if he has it and this is the way he was treated growing up. Being in the military, he craves structure, which adhd'ers do well with. I believe a lot of military men have adhd! I also learned that a lot of athletes have it as well!
My husband has the adhd and had a horrible life growing up. His whole family has it, including other things. He put himself in the military because he knew he needed it! I wish he would try medication because he would be so much better at his job, but he won't. He is so smart but loses everything all the time. If his head wasn't attached he's have lost that!!
Your husband needs to get on board with you AND your daughter. I had this with my husband and our son, who is now 9 almost 10.
I am very sensitive to my son's condition and everything he has been through in his short life. We have literally been from hell and back!
Explain to him what she goes through, how she struggles in school, friends, every day life and she was born like this, she did not ask for it! He needs to support her for her self esteem, especially being a little girl! Keep talking to him and telling him how difficult it is for her in life. Maybe he'll come around. Mine did.
Mine was against the medication! Now he's the one giving it to our son every morning! He also the one now talking with the prescribing doctor. He is very involved because he sees how it has helped our son's life.
Your husband has to get on board with your and your daughter, bottom line. And if he is career military, that may be his problem with accepting her disability.
Best wishes!
Beth