We started the marble system for our two kids (one adhd and one not) and for a few days it was working great. The problem in our family is with two parents that work full time, it is often (I feel bad saying this but it is the truth) very inconvenient to be keeping track of marbles and taking them away, esp. since we write down what goes in and what comes out. So we screwed it up by being very inconsistent for starters.
THEN our ADHD son would say things like "I don't care" or "fine, so what" when we would take marbles away. It just got very exhausting, for me more than my husband (I am the kid's new stepmom). I am considering taking things away that I know he values (like video games, etc) and having him earn them back with good behaviour. Lately he has been lying about things at the drop of a hat and almost everything that comes out of his mouth is talking back or arguing. Is it too negative to take things away when I think he needs a serious adjustment? The talking back is out of control and I feel like he is always getting punished.... Would having him earn some of his favorite things back be a bad idea??
STEPMOM NEEDS HELP
First, it is not unusual for them to rebel when being held responsible for thier actions (my youngest did this and I had been warned by the psychologist of this posibiltiy). Mine says she does not care when she does not anyone to know how much she really cares. Then the anxiety of failure at things comes out as anger (and in the past rage).
It can be hard being consistant. The marble system forced us to be more consistant. And you are right about how hard it is to keep up with jobs and kids activities. The marbles (tickets, points, stickers) are only a tangable thing to help the child get used to the concept of consequences and rewards (makes it less abstract and more real). For us the marbles have a value of 10 cents each and these have real value and are not just a concept. If we take something away, it can be earned back with marbles. We have been able to transition some of the behaviors to natural consequenses (the goal).
Charts might work better for you. Could you make a weekly chart for each child to put stickers on for behaviors? There are some web sites that help you make a chart (or just use Word).
http://childparenting.about.com/cs/behaviorproblems/a/behavi ormod.htm
Then at the end of each day, if they have more than a certain number of stickers, they get a bonus reward (extra half hour of tv or a game with mom or dad, or other small reward). Then at the end of the week you add them up again and have another bonus for achieving a certain number of stickers (rent a movie, got to pet store to play with puppies, etc). Make a list of good behaviors and rewards for each and a list of unacceptable behaviors and a consequence for each. Try to keep it to just a few behaviors (add later) and make sure the rewards out number the consequenses (that is the positive feedback part). Black out stickers for the unacceptable behaviors.
You also need to make sure these are things they can do. Lack of impulse control and ODD can make this hard to work. We were able to make improvements before meds, but after meds, the program worked even better and we are transitioning some behaviors off of marbles and onto natural consequenses and rewards. An example of this is "if all the homework is done (and you cooperated with dad) by time I get home from work, you can stay up 1/2 hour extra". That used to be if the homework was done there was a 2 marble bonus (plus the 2 for the homework); it would cost 3 marbles to stay up a half hour.
Sorry about the length of this...
vickie39198.408599537When you say blackout stickers, what significance do they have? I'm thinking I will create my own chart with all the behaviours I expect (clearing table, taking out the dog, taking a shower) and then maybe work on one or two of the very bad behviours from my son like talking back and each time he talks bach he puts a blackout sticker in the square. How would I tie that in with good behaviour though? I could use some more input..... I really appreciate your post!dreamaway23---we also have a two income household and are very busy so I had to simplify the marble system. I was also getting the "I don't care attitude" when they were taken away as well.
Now I only give, but do not take away marbles. Together we write a list of rewards, and then I assign a marble value to each. He is rewarded for a small number of behaviors at a time--perhaps 3 that I am working on.
Consequences have also been simplified. Not only did taking things/privileges away not work, it made him angry/resentful. The only consequence now is timeout. I use the one described in the 1-2-3 Magic book. The child misbehaves, you say nothing except "that's one." If you hit three, they get a timeout. Some things are an automatic time out. There is no lecture after the time out.
For what I call a "bad attitude" -- which could be lousy tone of voice, back talk, arguing, overly negative--I don't give a time out. I ask him if I need to tickle the bad attitude away. If he does it one more time, that's what I do. I tickle him until he begs for mercy. Works like a charm.
NoTellin39198.5303009259Blackout was meant to mean remove or cover-like taking away marbles.