I'm sure they are talking about me and him behind our backs but the reason I haven't said anything is because I know they will tell their kids to be mean to him and not play with him anymore and that would hurt his feelings much more than a comment here and there from one of the parents. This is why I have sucked it up for so long.
Like I said, I don't hide his issues from anyone but I get the comment, "send him to live with me for a week", in other words suggesting that my parenting skills aren't up to par and he's a brat.
I would stick up more for my child than care about what the neighbors think. They probably talk about your son behind your back as well.
Since you mention that they always have to make a comment or blame him for something even though their own kids are doing the same thing, why don't you point that out. And ask them what THEIR problem is.
I hate to be so blunt, but I really feel bad for YOUR son! These neighbors are picking on your son.
HOw could you like them? They don't sound like very nice people. Do you need them?
The only thing to consider is your son will be the one to take the heat. The other kids will be told by their parents not to play with him or include him. Are you ready for that?
EVen that last comment that they make is disgusting!
ADHD is out there as far as people knowing of it's existence. They even have famous people talking about it and doing commercials for adderall!
These people are ignorant.
I feel bad that your son has to take their abuse just so he can play with their kids!
Maybe you could try pointing out everything that their children do wrong, but do it a "helpful" way. Something along the lines of "Gosh, I saw little Johnny throwing sticks this afternoon. I just thought you'd want to know since you're always so helpful in letting me know when my ds is acting up."
And as far as comments like "send him to live with me for a week"- take them up on it! Tell them you've got stuff to do this week and the next, but the week after would be great, thanks so much! Or else you could take them discretely aside, squeeze out a few tears, and tell them that you know they didn't mean to be hurtful, but that you're trying very hard- and this is the point where you have to decide to finish the sentance with "considering he has adhd he's doing very well" or "I'm just sorry that I haven't been able to get his behavior up to your standards" (of course this should be said with the utmost fake sincerity for full effect).
I sort of have the opposite problem in my neighborhood. My son is mostly well behaved when running around outside, but there's a boy who comes around to play sometime (he doesn't live here, just has family in the neighborhood). I think he's probably ADHD, given what I've observed, but I don't know for sure. His behavior is horrible when he comes over to play with my son- he's taken playdough from the little ones I watch and thrown it all over my house (while I was right there telling him to stop), he's intentionally hit both my children on several (he's 9 and outweighs my son by 20 lbs), one day he was at the corner waiting for the bus to drop the kids off and he kept jumping into the street in front of cars (I literally took him by the sleeve, drug himout of the street and told him that if he did that again he would not be able to play with my son that afternoon ), he will go into my son's room with him and shut the door and then when I tell him that the doors have to stay open in our house he'll argue, talkback, and get nasty about it, and then as soon as I walk away he'll walk over and shut the door again. I could go on and on. Why my son likes to play with him, I don't know. I've had to ask him to leave my house on several occasions, but I always have to remind myself that I should be patient with him, that he could be the child of any one of us. At least I know it's not the parenting- he has a perfectly polite, well behaved sister who comes around too.
but I get the comment, "send him to live with me for a week",
Aaagggghhhh!!! How do you NOT blow a gasket? I would have to very snottily point out their extreme ignorance about children and suggest to them that they try live in his brain for a week, and tell them to attempt to dredge up a little Christian compassion, as I'm sure they're the kind that love to tell people how God wants children to behave and how very Christian they are. I detest these kinds of people.
Alot of parents can't see their children in any way other than the way they want to see them. They find the kid who is acting worse than theirs and it makes them feel better. Soothes their egos. There is nothing wrong with you being a cool distant neighborly neighbor. The man was rude. The next time he is I would tell your son not to pay attention to the rude man loud enough for him to hear.
I quit telling people about my son's adhd. I only tell the ones that it important to know about it. It isn't anyone's business and if they are going to think my son is an out of control monster with a horrible mom who can't disapline him then let them. They're going to think anyway because unless you are walking in our shoes you don't have a clue. I have heard to many times that adhd isn't real, that it is an excuse for bad behavior. One was my ex boyfriend. Maybe that explains the ex part.
I would say with neighbors, you have to bite your tongue. Maybe he was having a bad day and snapped toward your son. After all, they had you over the night before? That's a great neighbor! Maybe when you heard him say that, you could have said, Hey, Joe, sounds like you could use a beer! Or something like that....keep it light, and keep your sense of humor!Have you tried talking to the parents about their attitude towards your son? Even if his issues are well known maybe they just dont understand.I live in a nice neighborhood with lots of kids who are always outside playing together (including my 7-year-old son). His issues are not a secret and he can absolutely be annoying at times but has never done anything any of the parents to treat him rudely but every time there is a party or they are all playing together, the other parents always have to make a comment about something or blame him for doing something wrong while their kids are doing the same things. We were out yesterday (my son finally learned how to ride a 2-wheeler) and the neighbors decided they needed to teach their 4-year-old at the same time. I purposely made my son stay out of their way because he's still not real stable on the bike and god forbid he would've hit their kid it would've caused world war 4. Anyway, their son comes riding over by our house so my son turned around and said good job, watch me. So real nasty, his father said don't listen to him, listen to me and keep pedaling. These are the same people who had us over for a party the night before and we socialize with all the time but this isn't the first time he has made a nasty comment to my son. I really can't take this anymore and I'm about ready to blow a gasket and tell them all to leave me and my son alone. My only fear is that if I decide not to bother with any of them, my son will suffer the consequence as I'm sure the kids will be mean to him when he's outside so I've kept my mouth shut about this stuff for the past few years. Not sure what to do. Any advice?
Ok, here's your chance at an awesome vacation. Next time someone offers to take him for a week, say how nice of you to offer. We need someone for him to stay with while we go on vacation. Ha ha. They would probably learn a lot.
Kidding aside. This frustrates me for you. I personally couldn't allow someone to make rude comments in front of me. I would respond in each situation as necessary. The give him to me for a week comment, I'd definitely say ok and see what they said. The don't listen to him comment, I'd say Thank you, but I can handle any discipline my son needs. In fact, my son said "good job, watch me" Then say to son, I'm so proud of you for cheering so & so on."
But, alas, I'm wondering if we too will soon have issues with neighbors. We just moved in August. People next door have kids ages 6 and 8. The 6 year old plays with my daughter some. Over spring break, next door parents went on vacation while aunts/gmas baby sat them. Our back yards aren't fenced. The kids were running around in both yards, and apparently my 5 year old son got over onto the property next to them and threw some dirt at that house. The older retired lady came out and told him to stop, and he said she wasn't his boss and stuck his tongue out at her. Definitely all wrong for him to do. The problem was she never told us this. The week after spring break, our neighbors started shunning us, and we had no idea why. Their kids would go in when ours would come out. Didn't know why. My daughter went over to play with their daughter who was outside and was told she didn't want to play with her anymore. My daughter has done nothing wrong.
This all happened 6 weeks ago, but we didn't know it. Fast forward to last week....homeowner's association meeting. Dh went. Old lady from 2 doors down says I don't mean to complain, but your son....bla bla bla. You get it. She meant to complain. This is how we found out what he did that day 6 weeks before. She essentially said keep your dog on a chain in your yard. Our community is a small one of only about 10 houses at this point. Hardly anyone has fences and only 4 footers are allowed. We probably won't be building one, but it makes me sad that we are getting this treatment and that my daughter is suffering for it as well. I mean, why didn't the old lady come tell us when it happened. Instead, I think she told the neighbors and they don't want to be associated with us anymore, and we weren't even aware it happened. We oh so rarely let our kids out of our sight anyway because of the risks in today's society and the fact that this happened in the 5 minutes I couldn't see him from my deck just makes me sick.
The neighbors with kids were so excited when we first moved in because their daughter is the same age as ours. My daughter turns 7 next week, and we walked over an invitation on friday to her birthday party. Her dad let the cat out of the bag that her birthday was 2 weeks ago. I guess our daughter wasn't invited. My daughter has done nothing wrong but somehow now is being punished for the sins of my son? I'll be curious to see if they show up to her party.
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