crisis - school called | ADHD Information

Hi rswf,

I have a 14 yr old who is dx'd with both ADHD and anxiety.

Over the years we have been completely honest with him about his ADHD and so have the team of professionals who work with him. It helps a teen accept the situation if it comes from someone other than mom and dad.....someone neutral to the family. Like the doctor. Or another trusted, respected adult. Do you know who Mel Levine is? He runs the All Kinds of Minds Institute and has written lots of excellent books on this topic. Read this article about what he calls the very important step called "Demystification".

http://www.allkindsofminds.org/ArticleDisplay.aspx?articleid =16

I personally feel that when your son goes through this step with an objective professional, he will eventually come around and accept....then the anger and rage and anxiety over acceptance will diminish. I know it is hard....our kids just want to be "normal" like everyone else. They hate the whole scene....medication, school struggles, etc. Does your son take meds? My son is on a combo of Zoloft/Tenex/Concerta and is doing pretty well with it and he is also in therapy on an ongoing basis. He happens to really like the male therapist we are with. Don't give up on therapy .....sometimes it takes several therapists before you hit upon one that "clicks" with your child. When my son hit puberty, I transferred him from a female to a male therapist and it worked out much better.

Okiemom

BPQW is correct, some things are not related to a diagnosis. Even if they are, my daughter is ADHD too and can become moody and uncooperative especially when our meds are not working. We just try to still make her responsible for her actions. She still knows right from wrong. I would call the doctor if behaviors are getting worse though. Yes I would call the pyschologist also. Any advice will help you. You do have to keep plowing ahead and unfortunately things DO quite often get worse before better. You need to keep the communication open if you can with your son and try to work through his feelings, but help him understnad why school has to do what they have to too.

The anxiety you described in a previous post may be getting worse. Stress and anxiety makes the brain function less effectively than it should, and kids can act out under the stress. My youngest gets defiant when anxious, and that is how we know that a med change we tried recently was not right (the defiance and anger took 4-6 weeks to build). I would call the psychologist and tell him what is happening, and see if you can get in right away. There may be options he can facilitate.

My son never exhibited his ODD in school.

Well, he was supposed to go to his math tutor after school. He didn't want to go which was one of the reasons he started raging in the a.m.

He called my husband at 2:30 saying he couldn't stay after because he hadn't eaten anything since 8:30 a.m. and he was framed. ???

My husband called the guidance councelor - he was thrown out of lunch for throwing things and he was kicked out of English class. The teacher put him in a group with A students to help him and he refused to work with them and was being disrespectful.

I don't know what to do. Do I call the pediatrician again and say, help? We can't wait for the neuropshychological exam?

Do I call the psychologist and tell him we are in crisis?

I don't know what to do. Everyone sayd I'm doing the right things but I seem my son going down hill instead of improving.

How old is your son? Unfortunately, sometimes things get worse before they get better. Are the things he did things that other children in his school have never done? Can I guess and say that your son sounds like early middle school age? Defiance at that age isn't reserved for kids with ODD, I have to say. All I can advise is to keep working and stay on his side, as I'm sure you will. Be careful not to characterize all of his actions as relating to a diagnosis. Sometimes kids will be kids. Good luck to you. The fact that you are paying attention to his school life means that he's going to be okay.

Thanks everyone. Vickie - you are probably right.

Well, what worries me is my son's denial. The incident in the cafeteria was described as an accident.

He has now learned that if he acts up, he pretty much gets his way. At 13, it's pretty hard to force him to anything.

He explains getting kicked out of English as "she is picking on me" I didn't do anything." He really believes this. I truly believe the English teacher is probably at her ropes end with him, but she certainly isn't picking on him.

He got an extension on his research project. In fact, he got the extension for the entire class. His grandfather is coming over tonight to help him. He is the only adult he will work with.

This a.m. I got an e-mail from the Guidance councelor that he passed in his missing English assignment so his teacher said "all is right again in English"

Last night he got into my e-mail file. He asked me if he had "ADD." ? I asked why he was asking and he said because he read an e-mail.

I calmly said, "yes, you may have ADD, but it's really no big deal."

He got mad, "I don't have ADD." I said, "How do you know"? He say's, "I know my body."

I said, "well, explain your behaviour - how come you lose things all the time. How come you are so messy." He say's "I want to."

I mentioned all the executive functioning problems and he gets mad and says I make him made by reminding him of that.

The psychologists wants us to point out all the behaviours that point to ADD or problems to help him break the denial. My son denys the denial.

I say, "how come you argue with adults.?" He says' "I don't"

I asked him" How come you can't control your emotions." He asked me to give times and I listed them. I asked him why he freaked out and raged when I took him to the mall to get pants. He says because he doesn't want to go the mall with his mom anymore.

Granted, that is a teen thing, but to throw a temper tantrum, bang things and throw things?

So, I think it's a good thing he saw the e-mail because now it's out in the open. I was waiting to tell him if the neuro test confirmed it.

At the very least, he definately has anxiety issues. I will speak with my pediatrician, after I speak with the psychologist again, about medication before the test results. My Dr. is very cautious and I respect that.

My husband feels 99% of my son's problems are ODD. My son acts like a teen but everything is magnified 150%.

If it mkaes you feel better my daughter actually did BETTER at overnight campo. Probably becasue I wasnt on her back

. Or I wasnt there to notice that she wore dirty underwear or whatever

You guys made me laugh. It's funny about under the bed. How do those things get there?

We learned the hard way about little pieces. We finally have the legos somewhat under control, although when we cleaned up the room, there were legos everywhere.

My dad made the mistake of buying him this mosaic magnetic tile art kit - you already know what happened, don't you? I had to take the thing out of his room because he got frustrated with it and the tiny, tiny tiles were all over the place.

My son doesn't wear glasses but I'm sure if he did, they'd be misplaced. I'm dreading overnight camp. He will be away for two weeks and they get to send their clothes to the laundry at the end of the first week. If my son even bothers to wash, let alone change clothes, my husband and I expect him to lose half his wardrobe.

He once lost a pillow at his old daycamp when they had an overnight trip.He also lost a jacket.

He jingles when he walks; some how some loose change fell through a hole in the interior of the pocket of his sports pants and I can't remove the change

I can't get rid of the pants because they are his favorite and you know how our kids are with their favorite clothing. I immediately toss anything with holes - but he will wear his favorite things until they fall apart. He will even take his favorite shirt out of the dirty clothes and go to school wearing it until I catch him and make him change it.

When you think about our kids habits, they can be exasperating but somehow looking at them in a humorous light makes them seem a little more tolerable.

We cleaned his room this weekend - we told him we found bugs Ofcouse we didn't but we had to get in there. I found under his bed some of the following:

1. current agenda book;

2. current homework folder;

3. spanish homework - (I got a note from the teacher that he hasn't turned anything in.)

4. various assorted books and pencils and pens;

5. every book and paper he ever needed for religious school.

6. lots of socks;

7. an entire set of dominoes and legos and pieces of toys and stuff that he probably didn't even know he had;

We vacuumed and just put things we weren't sure of in containers on his bed for him to organize. When he got home he was so upset he just cried. He told my mom that we cleaned his room and now he can't find anything. How did he find anything before

His room is possessed. Not one day later, the papers and things are slowly filling up the floor. I looked at him, picked up the paper and started to laugh and told him that I loved him and he started to laugh too.

I take it one day at a time. I went and re-read my book and ADHD and teens. I ordered him a book from Amazon that has stories from teens 13 -18 and their survival stories with ADHD - the table of contents reads like a snapshot of my son.

I'll just accidentally on purpose kind of hide it out in the open for him to find.

One day at a time. I'm just happy school is over next month and atleast he'll have one less anxiety to deal with.

Thanks for all your support.

His room sounds soo much like Chase's room! He got a building set from grandma for christmas and leather kits to make wallets, belts bracelets, etc, and the paraphenalia from both of those is all over his floor, despite my buying him containers to store it all in...I went around this morning, and picked up the stray clothes from the debris...still haven't found his glasses...he is wearing last year's pair for now...

I am happy that school is over soon, for us on May 25th! YIPEE!!!

oh we've worn last years glasses a few times too. I have had to start keeping the bead making kits and anything with small pieces OUT of her room. WHAT do they do with all these little things? I find things under her bed that have been missing for months. I dont know how they turn up there. She must go all the wya under that bed when I am not looking

. We have school until June 19th, hope we make it!

You guys made my whole day!

My apartment looks like Warsaw after the bombing.

Next week my doc gets the strattera for me so I'll let you know if it moves up to "better homes and ghettos"...
[QUOTE=rswf]

Metisrebel - I think you are right - he may have been comforting - I love to hang in my yoga pants.

The only way I got him off the couch was to offer him icecream. Now, I'm not suggesting medicating with food but he is quite thin and could handle it.

Hey, if it works--go for it. I once got a foster kid to agree to go to the hospital by conning her that the hotdog cart outside the hospital had the best hotdogs in the world and I would buy her one if she answered the nice doctor's questions

I think it wasn't one specific thing going on. He had an anxiety attack in the a..m. because he was getting ready for a competition but he couldn't find his belt because his room is a dissaster. He needs new dress shoes but this is the first I heard of it. He didn't eat anything so his blood sugar was low. He was dealing with the bad behavior from the previous day and reading my e-mail and dealing with maybe having ADD.

Friday he is going shopping with his dad for new shoes - I'm not going through another shopping trip.

I don't think my son knows the correct response in situations. I think that is part of his problem.

We try to teach him and point out incorrect responses but he just gets defiant.

When frontwards doesn't work--try backwards.

"And DS, what response in this situation, do YOU think, might have got you what you wanted?"

I was thinking.... I have books on ADD and a great book on teens with ADD. I just might leave the book out "accidentally" on the coffee table opened to the page with all his symptoms.

Sounds good--let him ease his way into the idea. Can't hurt!

In the beginning of therapy, the therapist made a copy of a page from a book showing kids in a cartoon and the caption was basically that sometimes kids hide their true feelings and put on fronts to hide problems in school.

My son found it and promptly threw it on the floor.

Doesn't sound like he's hiding his feelings at all--that's probably why he felt insulted

[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=okiemom]

Rswf........ your son sounds a lot like mine, who is 14 and has anxiety issues, is extaordinarily disorganized, and when overwhelmed tends to withdraw to the things in his life that give him "comfort".....his home, flannel blanket, comfy clothes, etc.

If you think about it.....we all do these type things when we are overwhelmed and need comfort. Our ADHD kids just tend to get overwhelmed a lot more than non-ADHD'ers.

Just this morning my son had to leave early for a band competition....dressed in a black tuxedo, etc.... and it was a nightmare trying to get him out the door by 6:40 am. If I had not organized his clothes the night before....it would not have happened. I had to help him lay out his belt, bowtie, socks, shoes, etc..... it HAS to be layed out where he can visually see everything he needs at once.... or he just can't dress himself in time. He screwed around and wasted time and ended up leaving with only ONE contact lens on because he couldn't get the 2nd one in right and didn't have time to mess with it anymore. I am always thinking to myself...."good grief, you'd think at age 14 he could do this!!!" But....he just can't.....maybe in time, but he is NOT there right now. So......I help him. It is so hard to try to figure out home much to support, and how much not to, when it comes to the older kids.

Hey, I'm 49 and forever losing my glasses

About the denial thing..... how you approach this is key. Try not to wave reports in his face and tell him...."see....it's here in black in white!" Best approach I feel would be to do it lovingly OVER TIME by stressing what he is GOOD at, i.e. what his strengths are......and tell him that EVERYONE has weaknesses and he will learn to work around them OVER TIME. Nothing is going to "get fixed" over night, or even over one month, or one year. Acceptance and learning to compensate takes YEARS! Okiemom

Good ideas Okiemom!

[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=MetisRebel]

You guys made my whole day!

My apartment looks like Warsaw after the bombing.

Next week my doc gets the strattera for me so I'll let you know if it moves up to "better homes and ghettos"...
[/QUOTE]

OMG - I am ROTFLMAO

If you think about it.....we all do these type things when we are overwhelmed and need comfort. Our ADHD kids just tend to get overwhelmed a lot more than non-ADHD'ers.

Thanks Okiemom, this advice is sticking in my head too. As I sent my 12 year old off today, in clothes that don't quite match, and hair that wasnt quite rinsed, because it took her so long to get ready for school we couldnt redo any of this. It gets discouraging. She is SO tired by Friday she is sort of "out of it". (Mom too). It's comforting to know others are usure when to do it for them and when to just let them be. I can't seem to unblur that line for myself. parents hang in there it will eventually get better we had to shorten my sons day in school so he dont get so frustrated and it seem to be working and he doesnt have so much anxiety but with this fish oil supplement he dont seem to get mad as easy he will walk away from arguing and that a relief for me cause my house has been in total raging here lately without this fish oil is is nice still small argument but not as bad he seems to be listening better

[QUOTE=rswf]