Son & other parents | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=KarenR]

After the teacher told me this mom called her to talk about Jeffrey, I called her 4 times before she called back. The mom worries that next time her kid will hit back and then Jeffrey will hit Will again and it will turn into a brawl. This could really happen with any kid.

Jeffrey was aggressive in kindergarten and at first it seems like the school is trying to help but by first grade we are trying meds to help and the school is talking about placing him in another school. The schools usually are trying to help at first, then they just want to be rid of the problem, or at least that is how I felt.

Jeffrey was put on home school for the last two months of the year last year and I just worry that it will happen again. Or worse yet that they will say he has to go to another school. Going to another school will only isolate him, the kids are all bused to school and come from all over, which makes it hard to get playdates.

[/QUOTE]

I've read so many posts from upset moms here about a little kid that whacks another little kid and the schools are acting as if the kid is the next Hannibal Lecktor in the making.

Kids hit/spit/yell. Don't you all remember being a kid? Many [and not just ADHD] don't have very strong impulse control for quite a while. And like toilet training, some 'get it' earlier than others.

What I don't understaand, is all these schools making a federal case out of it but let that ADHD'er get to high school and be bullied, abused, beaten and maybe even seriously injured or blow up and cause an injury to the bullies and the whole thing gets ignored until there's a suicide, shooting, or someone's in the hospital.

I don't get it.

I'm not saying it's okay for kids to hit each other. I'm saying that anyone who has been around tons of kids knows that it happens and uses it as an opportunity to teach kids what the ramifications of violence are.

The schools need to chill out because it's not the crime of the century. Teaching responsibity and consequences works better than punishment.

Just my opinion...
MetisRebel39215.5307523148Oh no, there's always so much more to the story huh? Well I feel for you. We've had a rough school year too. My daughter isnt aggressive or fighting, but her teacher just thinks she is not trying and always trying to get out of work, sometimes this is true (obviously she's a kid), but some of it is also just this womans impatience. We have done a big med adjustment this year to help them get her focus and it has been really hard for her with side effects. She put that she isnt showing effort beasue she "actually falls asleep in class". She Actually falls asleep in class becasue she's on so many meds , It is so frustrating. We wait every day holding our breath they make it through the schol day without any "incidents". Exhausting. Hang in and Happy Mother's Day.

we all know you realize kicking is not ok. You stated in yur post first off you agreed with the punishment., I didnt know you knew this Mom, are you comfortable talking to her? My point was in agreement with you that what the discipline is has nothing to with her, it's between, you, your son and school. What do you mean kicked out? Just because they called and are addressing it could just be they are trying to help you work this out and the trigger. My friends non ADHD daughter had quite the issue with school and hitting, pushing, being aggressive to other kids. The principal or teacher called every time. She is only in Kindergarten. They seemed to be , in her case, trying to help.

My son had a bad day after school on Mon, we think he spit out his adderall. He came out of school and was much more active and loud than usual. He and another boy started gathering the bases on the field and then they had a tugging match because they both wanted to bring them all in to the office. I grabbed my son and pulled him away and held him. I then let Jeffrey go to bring his bases to the office and he saw the other boy and kicked him in the shin. Jeffrey then saw another boy, Will and ran over to him and kicked him in the shin. This mom then called Jeffrey's teacher and wants to have a meeting with her about Jeffrey !!! I feel lucky that Jeffrey's teacher told me about this. I then get a phone call from the principal who says that the punishment for this behavior with Jeffrey will be that he has to get picked up at the office for a week and a half. I don't mind but I wish the principal would tell this woman that she is overreacting. I am thinking about asking for a meeting with the principal about this again.

I NEVER said it was OK for Jeffrey to kick anyone, I just felt offended that this mom knows me, always says hi and calls me LOVE and then instead of calling me to tell me what happened she calls the teacher and principal and asks for a meeting to talk about Jeffrey!!!! The punishment is acceptable, but I also punished Jeffrey and would have done so if I was the only one to get a call. It just worries me because I don't want my kid kicked out of school because of a kid fight. He is 8 yrs old

Hi, sorry it was such a bad day for you and your son. but I honestly think having to pick him up in the office isn't a bad thing for him or a to drastic of a punishment for him{which you've stated is ok by you}, but ADHD does not give license to kicking another child. I also understand the other womans reaction and and I think I would react the same way had the tables been turned and it was my son who was kicked in the shin. Any volent behaivor should be dealt with by the aggressor and if the other boy had hit back it would have been in his rights to defend himself. It seems the other child held restraint {since you did not mention if he hit your son back} I hope this can be resolved without a lot of distress to you or your son. Good luck.

I think a conference is definately in order.

I think it's okay that she called the school and complained. But I don't agree that she has the right to schedule a conference. She can convey her opinion and observations, but she does not get to discuss the consequence, past behaviors, or his condition. A quick phone call should cover it.School should adhere to it's discipline policy for all children who kick, hit or whatever.............seems we all agree on that. ADHD or any behavioral disorder doesnt give anyone the right to hurt anyone else. The other mother has every right to call school and complain, but that is it. How it is handled is between the aggressor and his/her parents.My first question would be: How old are these kids?

I'm trying to figure out Jeffrey kicked Will because Will had nothing to do with it.

Has anyone considered having Will and the other boy TELL Jeffrey what it felt like to BE kicked? [empathy training] And help the boys work it out for themselves?

Oh no no no you misunderstand no one said you said it was ok for him to kick anyone. Again I hope that you can get this resolved without anymore distress that you are going through.

[QUOTE=KarenR]I NEVER said it was OK for Jeffrey to kick anyone, I just felt offended that this mom knows me, always says hi and calls me LOVE and then instead of calling me to tell me what happened she calls the teacher and principal and asks for a meeting to talk about Jeffrey!!!! The punishment is acceptable, but I also punished Jeffrey and would have done so if I was the only one to get a call. It just worries me because I don't want my kid kicked out of school because of a kid fight. He is 8 yrs old [/QUOTE]

No, no I didn't mean you didn't know that kicking is not okay. [did all those double negatives make sense?]

I just wondered why he kicked Will because Will had not part of the earlier incident [is it a boy thing? you know a friend thing?]

Again perspective. These are eight year old boys. Have the schools all gone nuts?

I didn't know you knew Will's mom. Have you considered going to the meeting and asking her why she didn't just call you?

Is the school saying they might kick Jeffrey out of school?