I think I heard someone say have a plan of action: in regards to behavior and let him know ahead of time. They got good results there, but it doesn't necessarily mean they changed him. Being prepared as much as possible is the best method, and expect him to test limits and see how much he can get away with. I've learned you can never let them away with anything or you and everyone else pays the next time, or the next 5 times. Yes its enormously difficult. I have a 16 year old that is both ADHD, and ODD. There's no giving an inch when it comes to rules and routines in the home. Don't talk when he's misbehaving act i.e. Go to your room for 10 minutes or loose video games for the next hour. Its up to you to decide what you want to do. And that would be the end of any talk whether he's argueing/ screaming or not. Don't talk and don't back down about the choice he's made.
Sounds easy but its not and takes alot of practice. Only take things away for really short periods of time. Too much talking, nagging, moralizing can kill a relationship between parent and child.
Yep, sometimes the whole thing can be overwhelming. Sometimes I have moments of self pity -then just step up and deal with it. Yesterday was my pity day, today I move on.