Empathy problem | ADHD Information

I would agree that it may be more of an impulse situation than an empathy one. 

My ds was a bit aggressive, esp before we got him on the meds, and I would try to talk to him about how he thought his friend felt when he hit him...to make him realize how his actions made others feel.  I would also ask him how he thought he would feel if one of his friends hit or pushed him like that - he always knew he would feel bad or sad, but couldn't always control it.

We did a lot of role playing too. 

I agree with Chasemom and his action sounds more  impulsive but, if you are concerned about empathy, perhaps just  a few more talks about "how would you feel?"  would help him understand the point of view of others and animals.  I know this is crazy but we try not to even hurt bugs  and if they are not the stinging variety we shushh them out rather than killing them.  I always tell my ds, that bug could be someones momma.  Also, you could help your DS help others that are less fortunate .... he could donate some of his old toys to kids in need or help in another volunteer situation.  My DS ( age 7) helped other kids/adults at the Special Olympics as a volunteer. Your son is still young not many children have empathy give him time.  Talking to him was good. I did test my ds. I think he has some empathy. I would agree that he is impulsive also. He was good with the puppy today. They were alone a few times in his room. I was in the shower once. I was a little apprehensive since I was in the bathroom when he hit him the day before. Anyhow I told him this morning that I would give the puppy away and take away his PS2 if he hurts him again. I am beginning to think that ds has more difficulty controlling his impulsivity on weekends and holidays when he in unmedicated. Of course we have had the puppy for 2 months and this is the first time he has intentionally hurt him.

my dd shows much more empathy on ritalin than she did before ritalin.  she treats her cat so much nicer now, she's more in control of her actions, before i think it was just more of an impulsive issue.  i try to praise her often when i see nice behavior to her cat:)  i would continue to talk to him and monitor him while around the dog. 

 

shelley

I asked my mom about the situation also. She is a former teacher and principal. She said that I should give the puppy to a friend for 2 weeks and ds should have to earn him back. Then if ds hurts him again to give him away for his own protection.

Yesterday ds hit our puppy in the head with his bicycle lock. I heard the puppy yelp and he came running to me. I was in another room. I asked ds what happened. After telling me that he had hit him, I said  was going to get rid of him. He immedately became upset. Then I asked him asked him why he had hit him. He said that the puppy was trying  to bite his lock and steal the keys. After I calmed down I  told him that the puppy is smaller then him and that he had really hurt him. Then I asked him if he would like someone that much bigger then him hitting him in the head with something. He said no. I emailed my mom and my dad to get their input. I am a single mom. My dad emailed me back and put into words just what I was afraid of. He said that ds has no empathy. He said that I should tell ds that if it happens again, I will get rid of the dog and something he really values.

Does anyone else have a child with little or no emmpathy? How do you get help for your child? 

oh boy, this is a tough situation. My only suggestion is to try to not leave them alone unsupervised. Avoid the situation. Puppies and children are a tough mix anyway, it is even more difficult with these kids .

I googled ADHD and empathy. According to one study done, boys with ADHD have much less empathy then boys without. They haven't done studies on girls. Another link said that children with intellectual difficulties have less empathy. Ds has a double whammy there.

DianeV I can try not to leave them alone. I may have to ensure they aren't. I'm not too sure what Ds's maturity level is with the ADHD and the intellecutual problems. I wonder if there is a way to find out.

Maybe it is not a lack of empathy. Is your son impulsive? It sounds like your son got mad at the puppy and hit him probably before he could even really think about the fact that he could really hurt the puppy. Both of my kids have ADHD yet are very empathetic. My oldest who is a ton more impulsive than my youngest sometimes though does things with out thinking. It is tough but it sounds like you are on top of it.

Good Luck!!

I was wondering as well.....was this an isolated incident, or has he acted in this way several times in the past? 

I think if he lacked empathy, he would not have become upset when you talked to him....

It could well be that his ADHD immaturity and impulsiveness got the best of him this time....

My ADHD son has more empathy than his non ADHD brother...he feels things very deeply.

Well my oldest is 12 and I'd put her maturity level around 9-10. She has ADHD, LD. We do not have any empathy isues though. I have a 5 year old, no diagnsois, but she is quite rough (getting better). We have three dogs. 2 of which we got as puppies since we had her. We quite often have had to separate them. They are small and she is too rough. She has been nipped at and that is just not ok. It is not, however, the dogs fault as they are frightened. It is a challenge keeping them apart, but if she's worked up and on the dogs I have spent whole days only letting them be in the same room with adult supervision. Hi 'lovemyboy', notice my name!   We have the SAME problem with our ADHD son.   However, he is very compassionate. I think they're impulsiveness just gets the best of them. We have to remember that they're still little boys, too. Boys are tempermental, when you add the ADHD to it, well...it's hard for them. Expressing themselves the right way is hard as it is and I feel our boys just have a little more against them. talking to him empathetically won't hurt but it well HELP the situations that arise. It's good to talk to him like that. We're really trying to work on 'think before you act' right now. They'll get it.  Show your puppy the empathy in front of your son, make your son hug the dog (show it attention) for mistreating it. Just an idea Hope this helps.. ilovemyboys39234.2726851852I have thought about having ds take him to puppy classes. I am going to call and see how much they are. Benji is 41/2 months now so I think he is old enough.  He needs some training anyhow. LOL I think obedience classes are a great idea! It's common for children this age not to know how to show empathy the way we do. I would certainly not label him in anyway with an empathy problem. Big mistake.

Last year when my son was diagnosed w/ adhd, his teacher made the comment that he doesn't seem to care whether he succeeds or not, behaves or not, gets punished or not... This made me think and she was so right. We put him on focalin and it helped immensely with his bahvior and somewhat with his studies, but saw only a little improvement on his self-esteem. I have spent the last two years focussing on this.

I am the secretary at my children's school, so I have unrestricted access to teachers, behavior consultants, etc. I also know our 200 or so students like they are my own. WHAT A REVELATION! Since i have begun learning about adhd, etc., I can see like behavior in a heartbeat.

As for empathy and self-esteem - we have one little boy in my son's class (2nd grade) that is classic adhd, impulsive, inattentive. His behavior with the other children is so bothersome and disruptive in class that none of the other students want to be around him and the teachers and staff are losing their patience with him as well. Me, I just put on my adhd-mom voice and pray for a creative way to deal with each situation. My concern is that the students taunt him, teachers are clearly frustrated and attempts to convince parents to get him tested have been futile. What must this poor child think of himself??? I believe much of a child's lack of empathy may come from his early treatment by others and how he is accomodated both at home and at school. My own son had his share of this before meds and I know how painful it must be for a child to be ostracized for his bahavior when he truly may not have any control over it.

 

 

I think that puppies need extra protection when young children are around, in general. ADHD thrown in the mix just makes it that much harder on the pup. Maybe your son could take the pup to puppy school? I think that is a great thing because it explains to the OWNERS how to motivate a dog to do something. Puppy school really is for the owners.cr12345mr, puppy school is a GREAT idea!!!! It is for the owners and develops a great bond between puppy and handler.