To tell or not to tell relatives......... | ADHD Information

Hello everyone,

I have been struggling about the whole who to tell and not to tell about ds ADHD. My husbands family are gossips and I am not comfortable telling them. They think like most that ADHD is not real and he just needs a good spanking

The reason I even think about telling them is when we are visiting and they my see us giving meds. Should I just lie and say allergies or should I buy books to give to them and get ready to convince and educate yet another person about what ADHD really is and how serious the condition can be for a child. It becomes so tiring having to teach people about it and defend yourself about the medicine.

I must say I thought ADHD was over diagnoised and had no idea how serious it really is with co-existing illnesses and the rest.

How have you guys handled it.

P.S. for those who were wondering about the zyprexia it is working very well so far for the sleeping and anger. The Doctor said the eating should improve after about 3 to 4 weeks. I will keep you posted.

Thanks,

Gail

The telling is a personal decision. I am one of those people who tells probably too much. I dont really have the behavior issues though. there will always be people who judge and criticize, so you cannot change them. I personally would not lie and say it is allergies, but that is your call. If they ask about the meds I would just tell them. If they comment then tell them you would rather not hear it. When they can walk in your shoes, they can have a voice about this, buth otherwise it is your family and your decision. You feel you are making the best choices for your family and if they cannot be supportive to keep their opinions to themselves.

Diane

I am glad things are improving in the treatment of your son.

I would not tell them unless you find you have to, and only after they see positive results. I explained to my kids that they take medicine for medical issues and thier medical information is private. I also explained to them that some people are ignorant about medical conditions and can make stupid comments because of thier ignorance. If there are other children in the family that are having problems (this is genetic), you might start the education process with that child's parents as they see improvement in your child.

People use to really look down on families that were facing cancer. This was due to fear and ignorance.

It's a personal call. If you don't need to tell them, don't.

I have told close family members - my parents, my sister and brother My parents are a huge part of my son's life and my sister and I are very close.

On the other hand, no one else in my extended family knows. My husband's folks are gossips. I can't tell you how many times my MIL has said "don't tell so and so that I told you." That is how I found out a cousin has touretts and another schizophrenia. I would love to reach out to them and give them support, but I don't know if I'm even supposed to know.

If you think your family members will judge you and not give you support, don't say anything. It's not there business if you give your child drugs.

I have told friends and it's amazing the support I get.

My husband and I have always held to the 'need to know' belief. We ONLY tell those who need to know. He is doing so well on meds, but he is only 8 and sometimes 8 yo's do things - ADHD or not. I don't want him judged, criticized or scrutinized for the rest of his school years. Little kids and parents have long memories and will make judgements. I can't educate the world about this, but I can protect my child.I told, hoping for compassion and understanding. Instead I got the opposite. Not close with my family anymore. Too many episodes. I have to protect MY family.Hi everybody...I have been reading most of these discussions concerning ADHD

We are in the same boat with my in-laws. We have not told them yet, because they are older and very judgemental, and they will not really understand how real ADHD is. I also do not want my son and his medical condition to become the topic of extended family discussions, and I do not trust that they won't do that. I don't think that they would do or say things to be hurtful, but they are hurtful sometimes without even knowing it.

What we have done is tell the people that we think will be helpful and supportive to our family. I told a group of my lady friends that were over at my house for our monthly gathering because we were in the middle of our meds trial and I was not sure how my ds would be as the evening wore on...as it was he was great, and they were very helpful and supportive.

I am glad to hear the your son is doing better.

I have told my whole side of the family with positive results. I have at least 2 nephews with the disorder, probably more on that side of the family.

My MIL does not know....she is over 80 years old, and would not only hold the 'old fashioned' view of ADHD meds (uppers, addicting), but would worry herself sick if she knew any of her grandchildren were taking a daily med for anything, least of all ADHD. My FIL is no longer living, but I think that he would understand...one of my 3 SIL on that side knows, as does my one BIL. The other 2 SIL would also not get it, the BIL has a girlfriend with a child just Chase's age that is also medicated for ADHD.

It all depends upon if telling them would be a positive thing...if they are just going to make things worse, then don't bother telling them.

I have to say that my mother told me I was a bad irresponsible parent for medicating my child and that my child just needs more attention from me and his behavior is my fault. She has also told people in the family this. I say only tell what you have to.Ihave pretty much told everyone in the family and some friends. I pretty much have the support from everyone but more importantly I can not believe how much support my son is recieving at school now. He has one person that works with him everyday all day. The school also has given him his own reward system. So people may be judgemental but let them until they can say they have walked in your shoes and dealt with this kind of situation then just tell youself you don't care what they think as long as you are doing what is helping your child.

I have always felt that education is the basis for knowledge and getting rid of the stereotypes about this disorder. This is not a diagnosis to be ashamed of and hide! This is a real medical disorder and until the world is education on the reality of this, nothing will change. I DO NOT want my son or my other children to be ashamed of this. After educating them about ADHD, what others choose to think about ADHD, myself and/or my family is THEIR problem not ours. That said, my son is now 11 and has a say on who knows and who doesn't. I have to respect that. I still educate but I don't advertise but my main purpose is that my son is a boy that happens to have ADHD and that is something he will have to live with for the rest of his life. I don't want him to be ashamed of any part of himself.

Jorgy