Out of Control stepson | ADHD Information

I'm just sort of a bystander here, gathering bits of information to help my son.

I want to say that I feel for your situation, VAstepmom.  Also, I would like to mention to the three women who posted, that your advice and support is incredible.  It's so nice to have these words of comfort and assistance. 

- Leslie

I agree with the other ladies. 

 Also, my son is ADHD, and he has cognitive problems.  When he started school, he barely talked, his twin sister and I completely understood him when he did talk, but no one else did. He was put on meds in kindergarten, and it really helped, but what helped more is my son's and I connection, I too am ADHD, when he says its too noisy, I stop and pay attention ...know what? it IS too noisy, but as adults we have learned to tune noise out.  Or when he says, he wants to be alone, I look around, and there ARE too many people around, again I have tuned it out ....I HATE crowds.

  My son has taught me more of what I FEEL like, but have tuned out, because I'm adult and I can't flip out!  I also show everyone around him, look at it through his eyes, I'll explain it, and they see it too, and my son gets understood just a little more.

Next time your stepson starts to act up ... stop and look around, is it too noisy? too bright? too many people?  ADHDers cant handle all that extra stimulas, luckily as children then can tell us, it might not be the "appropriate" way ...but its the only way they know.  We/they also over-analyze everything .... he was probably acting out, because he was worried about what he was doing, and how upset you were going to get, which in turn got him more upset, and so he ended up doing exactly what he was stressing out about, and the outcome was exactly what he was stressing out about in the first place.  I've been there, still do it, I'm 44 !!!!!! its a viscious circle, and we are our own worst enemies, with loving support we at least get a reprieve once in a while.

Sorry this is so long, but I have become quite the advocate for teaching people how to handle people like us, I don't want my son's life, or any other child's life crushed because of ADHD, like mine was, and so many others like us ...we are not bad, or embarrassing, or a shame to be around ...we are human with more feelings than you can ever imagine, and we stress out when we see others around us getting annoyed.  Stress=overload= meltdown.   Patience and praise works best, no matter how old you are.

Sorry, now I'm preaching ...lol   I'll stop now

I'm in total agreement with the other posters! They are spot on. One - Your SS sounds just like I did when I was going through this as a child. I didn't understand what was wrong with me and to top it all off my mother hated me for it. Our relationship was not good and she continually punished me not because I needed it, but I believe she was looking for a way to get me back, so to speak. It was tough and in all honesty I'm not sure anything could have helped. I was hell bent on doing what I wanted. I was 14. How old is your SS? 

I also want to reiterate that the meds could be causing some of the problem. My son was also very mean and angry on Adderall. We switched him to Daytrana. He is a brand new kid. I am loving it!

I wish you lots of luck!

VAstepmom, if your ss is on adderall xr, I can say that it was absolutely horrible. My son became another child! He was argumentative, got in kids faces, miserable, and wouldn't eat!

He freaked out in front of the pediatrician and we stopped the med immediately.

He started concerta and all things changed for the better. It took a while to level off but it was worth it. We added guanfacine per his psychopharm for his "easily overstimulated" personality and vuola!

Hang in there, and re check his meds!

Thanks,

Beth

Sorry, but I'm not sure what an ss is.  I went to the acronym help post to find out, but it wasn't listed there.  Thanks!

No problem at all for my son on Adderall. We had big problems on Concerta though- I might as well have given him a sugar pill.

I also agree with everyone else here. You may want to get a further assessment of his behavior too. Wow how did he loose 20 pounds that is really scary. I think I would have taken him to the Dr. a lot earlier, even 5 pounds on a kid is too much.

Your child is screaming for help because he did say more or less that he wants them to find out whats wrong with him. Its embarrassing, but at the same time he knows he's out of control and needs help.   Good Luck and you might do some screaming of your own to get him the help he needs before it gets really dangerous.

I read mommiss2's post.

Good luck with the mediacation, everyone is different. I still feel the way I do about what happened to my son, in fron t of his pediatrician. That is what referred us to a psychopharmacologist. Since then, all is greatt!

I still feel that you need to know what med is right for your child. I would be doing an injustice at this board if I didn't say that.

Good luck!

Beth

Had to take SS to doctor this morning because we have been having real problem with him and eating - he refuses pretty much to eat at all. (So in about 3 months he has lost 20 lbs). Anyway I was actually embrassed and ashamed to be with SS all morning. He yelled inside, he backtalked me, he didn't listen, he tried his hardest to be horrible. He even at one point ran out of the doctor's office and I had to make him come back in.

Doctor said in addition to needing blood work to make sure no problem he needed more consueling (big suprise), his actual words "it looks to me like you have a big problem here on your hands!"

At place for blood work he repeatdly hit himself (whether hitting his head on wall or smacking himself), etc. He swore and threatened that if they didn't find anything wrong he would come back and beat the crap out of people.

I was and still am ashmaed of his behaviour - no matter how much I talked or yelled at him or anything it just didn't have an affect.

Behaviour is always an issue with this kid - school he is having lots of problems, everyday is in trouble. At home is unruly, talks back and never listens to a thing.

I am at witt's end. He has now lost all extracirciculars and is on punishment but I can't handle him everyday. DH going to talk to him once again but it doesn't do any good. I don't hold much hope out for therapy - he lies to them and they don't get anywhere according to his lies he lives the perfect life and nothing is wrong.

I am supposed to take care of him all summer - aside from a week here and there when we have arragned camp but I am dreading it. I won't be able to do it.

Any advice?

A couple of things. Taking more away at this point probably wont help. If he's already lost most privelege, nothing is going good for him, no need to even try to do better. When you "hit bootm" like this the parent usually has to open a window of hope. So start small and give him ways to earn back provelges. Make it easy and something he can do and will succeed at. If he starts to see positive rewards it will hlep get you on the right path.

Is he taking a medication? What is his diagnosis? Is his medication causing the refusal to eat? 20 pounds in three months is a lot of weight for a child. Has he always behaved this way or has it changed since meds?

Who is your ss seeing for med managment (I saw on your other post that he is on adderall)? It sounds like the meds are not right and need adjustment. He may be having anxiety from the med or from school or other problems. This can come out as anger and defiance. Also, ODD and other issues are not uncommon with ADHD.

It is posible to add something like guanfacine and reduce the stimulant to increase appetite and give him better control of his impulsivity and defiance.

Also, try a positive reinforcement behavior plan like the marble system (first post on the parent's board), and a book called 1, 2, 3 magic.

squirrelgirl,

ss= step son