If the behavior is that bad, there should probably be a re-evaluation of the meds. What kind of doc manages the meds for your ss?
Also take a look at ogram's marble system (top thread of the parent's board) for a positive reinforcment behavior plan.
I agree he may need a medication change. Maybe some family counseling together. Seems like everyone is kind of defensive at this point and defensiveness is anger that should be resolved. He is only 8 and isnt going to know how to do this on his own. He really needs his parents guidance. As Vickie asked what kind of doctor manages his meds?meggiejo, is he on any medication? My son was very impulsive and very hyper. We started medication when he was turning 7 and it really helped. If I had waited any longer, I am sure that things would have progressively gotten worse. My ds is also very smart, but he was his own worse enemy. He just couldn't control his impulsive behavior, and back talking, argueing, swearing, etc. is all impusive behavior.
If he is on meds, then they need adjusting. If not, I would seriously consider starting to help him, as well as your family.
I don't mean to sound like a med pusher, but it truly saved my son's life!!
regards,
Beth
Loner Girl -
Yes, my post was certainly misperceived. My husband and his ex did not part on the best of terms, but both agreed that the children should stay with their mother. So, six years ago, she took the kids and he moved across the country to get his life on track after the divorce. He kept in contact with the kids, but when the ex was unable to care for them (she is a worthless excuse for a mother) and was pregnant with a third child, her parents took over. Once my husband was on his feet, he took them back. He has done everything his in his power to provide a good home for his children and is very thankful that I am there to help him. I do think of them as my own children...was just having a very bad day with them.
I would never want to brush off my husbands past...when they were at their grandparents, we would send them gifts as much as possible. Now we have even added two new bedrooms for them to each have their own room and realize they are just as much a part of the family with the new baby coming. My fear is that the time currently dedicated to my ss will be absorbed by the time required for the infant -- how do you juggle that?
I am even open enough to talk to his ex and do my best to ensure we never speak of any of the negative things about her (drugs, stripping, suicide attempts, etc) to the children, as it is not their fault and we don't want them to worry.
So, yes, please do not assume my husband takes no responsibility and pushes his children off onto me...he does as much with them as humanly possible.
Yah I agree it takes incredible practice not showing too much emotion with your child, especially if you are dealing with the same stuff every day, all day. Believe me practice makes perfect, and you'll fiind that he doesn't escalate as much if you don't. Good for you all for going the route you are, and it looks like you are very much committed to improving things. I agree its not going to be easy. This is a good place for support. Take care
Hi Meggiejo79, I only know that we tried the patch at 15mgs 2 weeks ago only to call the psychopharmacologist to tell him that after 3 hrs it never kicked in! We couldn't wait! We gave him his concerta so he could play baseball!!
Daytrana is still being experimented on, that is wht you can get it for free with a prescription. The stickiness is part of the expereiment as well as how long it takes to kick in! 3 hours is too long and I am not giving him something to get him through those 3+ hours!!
This is becoming more difficult than it has to!
Thank you!!
Beth
BETHANN39226.4776736111You may be having more problems because he may have never bonded properly with anyone, and if he did they arent' a part of his life. He's kinda been a throw away kid. He's probably pushing everyone's buttons because he needs proof that you and his dad are going stick around. Dad definitely needs to step up and work on having a relationship with him. No you sign up for an ADHD child, they are pure hell on us parents who were bonded with them as infants. I can understand how difficult it is for you. Take as many parenting class' as you can with your husband in tow. Make a plan regarding his behavior and what you are going to do about it. Then do it every single time he does the negative behavior, without showing exasperation or any emotion. Then totally enjoy him when he is being positive.momiss239226.271412037Momiss 2 --
One step ahead of you;) My ss and husband are both in counseling at the same counsel to help them get along better -- and help with my ss ADHD. We all go as a family as well to help everyone handle the situation.
The worst thing we have done is allow our emotions to escalate as he does with his behavior. It is so much easier said than done when it is a weekend and he has been going strong for 8 hours while his dad is at work. But, not all days are like that. Some days, particularly ones that he understands I need extra help (have been on bedrest recently) he will be very helpful and caring...very calm.
Most of his bevhaior actually falls in RAD, as the bonding did not happen appropriately. He and I bonded very quickly upon his arrival, to the point that we were concerned.
I know some of this is a parent child thing and being put into a situation to be a parent with no prior experience and all of the sudden have an 8 and 5 year old with emotional problems was not the easiest. The kids are happy here and have said they want to visit the other family members, but don't want to leave here. For the first time they have a home that has put them as a priority and two parents who are actual parents...not grandparents with a mom stopping or staying off and on.
It will be a long road...and I need all of the support I can as some days it is just overwhelming...others are the most rewarding!
meggiejo79,
I noticed on another post on a different topic you posted that your ss is on strattera. Strattera does NOT help with Hyperactivity, or impulsitivity. It is NOT a stimulant.
My son added strattera along with his concerta because strattera stays in you system, is weight based for the dosage and has to be weaned off due to building up on the blood system. So we thought, "great, something in his system at all times!" My son became so depressed, at 8, that he said he wanted to kill himself. We stopped giving him strattera immediately. Depression is one of the side effects. It went away immediately, he doesn't even remember! I wish he didn't wake up so hyper and crazy some mornings, but his well being is most important!!
Strattera also will NOT help your ss with hyperactivity or impusiveness. It is good for the ADD, no hyperactivity more of an inattentive child. Your ss sounds like he is more of the ADHD, hyperactive and impulsive when you describe him.
Just an FYI,
Thanks,
Beth
Beth --
Thanks for the insight...I will bring this up with his pediatrician. Do you know anything about the new patch for ADHD?
Thanks,
There is quite a few posts in the medication forum on it..do a search for 'daytrana'.
I really hope I'm not offending you when I say this, but your post sends up a lot of red flags for me.
For starters, I'm not understanding why you even bring the grandparents up. It's not their responsibility to raise your husbands children. It's your husbands responsibility. Where was he for the first years of their lives?
Secondly, I'm a little concerned for the child's self-esteem. It doesn't sound like your husband wants much to do with the child and your post doesn't hide the fact that you wish you weren't bothered at all with your husbands kids. Sounds to me like you want to write off your husbands past including his children and start your 'new' life with your biological child.
And thirdly, I'm not sure why you would want to get involved with a man who doesn't want to take care of his kids in the first place.
Now, if I've said some things that are perhaps out of line I apologize. I'm just concerned that these kids aren't getting the attention they deserve. Dad needs to get involved not push his responsibilty on you.
Taking care of a child with ADHD is a FULL-TIME job! I know you are probably beat seeing as you are pregnant. And I fully understand. I've been there myself and it's the hardest work you'll ever do. But, you are going to have to get Dad on board to help you sort this out. You shouldn't be taking on all the responsibility. I wish you luck. You've got a long road ahead of you.
Yes, he is on medication and has been for four years. He has been in therapy off an on and currently is on. His first session with the new counselor he decided to tell all of these horrible stories about his father, as if to make him look bad. Fortunately, my husband sees the same therapist (long line of issues there) and understood the child was on a power trip, trying to create negative situation -- it didn't work. Once my husband new what was going on, he truly just backed off of anything and let me handle discipline -- more stress!Hello all...I have reached the highest level of stress in dealing with my 8 year old step son who has ADHD. He and his older sister (11 now) came to live with us three years ago. My husband and I firmly believe that had it not been for the boy's behavior, then the grandparents who had them would not have handed them over so easily.
The child is intelligent, however his inability to control impulses, stop the back talk/arguments, and the desire to make every situation negative have completely negated any positives about him. He can be very endearing at times, but most times I would rather not have to deal with frustration he brings.
I am expecting my first biological child in a few months and I so desparetly wish I did not have to deal wtih a newborn and an 8 year old that requires just as much attention. I am going out of my mind when my husband isn't home..at least there is someone there to share the pain!
Oh I am so sorry you are going through this. And pregnant too! That alone is enough stress .
Is he being treated by therapy, medications?