too smart | ADHD Information

Thx - she hasn't tried the window smashing since the other night - maybe it was attention getting and since it did not work, she's decided not to try it again. I asked her what she was trying to do when she broke the frame and what the bucket was for, but she said she did'nt know. My other theory is she saw friends walking by and was trying to get their attention but didn't stop to think that she could break the window.

I, too, have found that my staying calm keeps her under better control. I was tired of my yelling and screaming, and so stopped. One night shortly thereafter when I calmly sent her to her room, she started screaming, "Why won't someone get mad at me? i want someone to be mad at me!" I realized then that I had just been feeding into her. Now that I am "on" to her, she is may try other tricks to see if she can get us mad.

I have started docking her allowance, however, for the name calling. I have a "respect" chip she can earn if she does a good job not hurting herself or others - I have added not calling people names to the list of things she must do for the day to earn the chip worth 25 cents. I just calmly let her know she can't talk/hit etc to people that way when angry and that she won't get the extra allowance she could have earned if she showed respect. I also made her pay for the 10 minutes it took my dh to repair the window frame.

Good for you! Sounds like a great plan that is working. It is SO hard, but they just respond so much better when we stay calm. I am not always able to do it, but I pat myself on the back when I get through those moments being the calm grown up! .

Yes - it does help - a sense of humor, too! One night, my dh came downstairs after what sounded like a particulary trying "get to bed" conversation with our dd. I asked what the fuss was all about and he said "oh, basically (her little sister) has more air to breathe than she does."

I also had to bite my toungue to keep from laughing when, after I had calmly reminded her to pick up her shoes from under the dining room table before bed, she looked at me, totally exasperated and said "Mom, please stop screaming at me!" Hey - at least she said "please" and disagreed respectfully........

 

It may also help you, it sure does me, to know that you are not alone!!  We're all trying to stay sane!

 

There were times I had to literally stand outside my daughters bedroom door. Every time she opened it, I'd be there and without speaking would close it. So she knew I was there. Maybe she felt she won a little becasue she DID have my attention, but I did not speak or fight with her. Every single time she calmed down I then would either go in and sit quietly on her bed and discuss hwat had just happened. Now if she gets send in there for not behaving appropriately in the main part of the house with everyone else, she is not allowed to come back out until she can sit and talk things over calmly. Some days I have to walk her back to her room three or four times, but by now she knows I wont let her stay out unless she can be calm. Of course some days she comes and intentionally yells a tme then runs all over the house. I always walk after her, no talking take her hand and walk her to her room. Every time. Keep trying. Give it a few days. If it doesnt get better talk to her doctor. Obviously though she needs to be safe so if she is really breaking windows and stuff, you may need to call the doctor now.

Thanks - but now I am scared - this morning after her outburst, I got her to her room and shut the door. After, I heard some loud thumping, which I ignored assuming she was just trying to get my attention. After about 45 mins of being on meds, she finally calmed down. 

Tonight, at bedtime, same scenario, she was trying to get jabs in at supper so i had sent her to her room after  she had enough to eat. She was quiet, so my dh went up, then noticed she had broken the removable window frame from her window. I also noticed a hard plastic bucket in her trash. We normally keep the bucket in the girls' bathroom for baths. I think the loud banging I heard in the morning was her trying to break the window with the bucket!

Sometimes, I have had to tie her bedroom door shut to keep her in her room. Tonight, once I suspected she had tried breaking her window this morning, I decided to leave her bedroom door open. The whole time we were reading to dd age 4, dd age 7 kept hollering down and saying it was bedtime, but we just ignored.

I am beginning to think a straight jacket might be warranted! I must admit, I often think those dog shock collars might come in handy some time as well!

Yes - you are right - my dd age 4 yrs deserves her time in the sun. Luckily, she is easy going and happy - nothing seems to phase her. She came like that or I would think it was a defense mechanism and feel really guilty. I started my quest for a non-confrontational approach to dealing with dd age 7 because of my youngest. Her preschool teacher said she was a natural leader and very compassionate, but that she was noticing an aggressive streak starting to surface. DH and I know EXACTLY where that is coming from and want to do our best to protect our youngest from it!

 

I agree. Do what you are doing and let her get her jabs in. Who cares who gets the last word, she just wants to control the situation. As long as she is doing what she is supposed to, let her yell. She'll get tired of it if you ignore it. Even if she starts to not got to her room, I'd still ignore it,  just walk over without saying a word and guide her to her room and walk out closing the door.

Then go scream into your own pillow to let it out .

I hate to hear this is going on! How hard and exhausting for you!  I think the above replies are right. You're really going to have to hide the anger and frustration and HURT that she causes with her jabs. For two reasons. One, when your child is getting called names or harrassing comments, you say "Ignore them and they will stop. don't let them see that it's affecting you." Same applies here, she WANTS to get a rise out of you. Second, for your other daughter.  She needs some calm in her home and her life. She needs that at home. TRUST me, I know, I have the same issues in my home. My son is ADHD and is the middle child. He has two brothers. It's very hard on them, as well.  Maybe when she starts her outbursts, you should guide her in her room (suggested previously) and then go straight to your other daughter and spend just a few quality minutes with her. It helps.  I TRY to do this. SOme days it's easier than others. Best of luck to you.

Amber

My dd age 7 with ADHD is too smart. I have gotten her to the point where she will go upstairs to calm down, but she has learned that on the way, she can cause grat chaos -scream, holler, call me names, try to kick her sister etc.....If I do 1,2 3 for small infractions to get her to calm down, she also tries to see what she can get in, as fast as she can in that 3 seconds... This is all when she is off meds at night and in the am, thank goodness! I do have a reward system so that if she does NO name calling, hitting, etc, she is rewarded. Ihave her lose that when she tries to sneak in the jabs. I thin it has been really bad this last week beacuse school is about out. Anyhelpful hints?She is doing it for attention or to punish you. I say don't buy into it, just ignore her. You don't want to escalate further than it already is. If she sees that these jabs are working, she'll keep doing it. Model the behavior you want her to have. Teach her acceptable ways to let off her frustration, such as punching her pillow. Good luck!