gossinger, I hear what you're saying, but the two-year-old can't be allowed to run your house. There has to be a way, whether it is convenient or not, for the younger one to get to bed before the others. Put her in bed and continue to put her in bed without any stimulation or engagement until she finally stays there. It might take a few weeks for it to sink in that her demands and crying aren't going to get a reaction, but she will learn. Seriously, don't talk to her or smile at her or get her anything or do anything other than put her back in bed. She'll get bored with you fast, or so ticked off that she cries herself to sleep, which won't hurt her. Before you know it, she'll be going to bed without a peep. Again, I realize that it's easy for me to say since I'm not there, but I truly believe that it will work. It worked for me with my sons and during ten years of naptimeand hundreds of children at daycare.
"I just get so frustrated and stressed with the constant battles over the tiniest of things." As for this, it takes a shift in thinking and attitude, but maybe you can teach them not to sweat the small stuff by picking your battles carefully yourself. If you won't engage, they will have no one to battle with.
Just so you know, you're not the only one stomping around in the evening saying "I HATE this time of day!"heres 45% of the problem stimulus
give them the fun and exciting stuff early like real early.
learn and use non verbal ques and dont speak 1 hour before bed
turn the lights out or down in a line to the bed room .
give them non stimulating things to control .
make bath time as early as possible and no tv or games after dusk.
when dealing with a leader to get in bed time i generally just stand at thier punishment place and point they get mad and defy me which is my que to ignore them . they got what they wanted control. i cant stop it but i can direct it.
while they stomp around being the center of attention. i corner the others taking away all audience then occasionally they all settle in to coloring or journaling or playing cards in the dim light. i have two lights in almost all rooms the normal bright light and a dimmer bed time light . the dimmer light also helps when theres been a disruruptive out burst so i can bring attention that it now quite time.
With both my dd and my ds, reward systems lose effect real fast. Even after my dd earned her money with the marbles the first time...that was it, knowing she could earn more.
As for the 2 y/o I would LOVE to have her bed before the older ones. She too is very difficult to get in bed. I can attempt to put her to bed at 8:00 and at 10:00 she is still getting up constantly, still fighting, still screaming, all the while the other 2 are constantly making some sort of stink that keeps the 2 y/o from going to sleep b/c she knows THEY are up and about.
I would be fine not giving them a bath nightly, it is my husband who insists usually they have a bath nightly especially during hot weather. In winter we do let them go w/o bathing nightly.
I have not tried melatonin, but sounds like something I may need to check into.
Even mornings are not good with brushing hair/teeth. I admit though, I do have a very difficult time staying CALM! I just get so frustrated and stressed with the constant battles over the tiniest of things. Im just at my wit's end.
My 2 kids (9w/adhd, 6 w/out) are never ever allowed to get ready for bed at the same time- that's helped a lot, cause now they don't feed off each other's misbehavior. I have my daughter shower in the morning now because it helps lighten the load at bedtime and because she has long curly hair it's easier to keep looking nice it she hasn't slept on it after washing it.
Usually I make my son get in the shower, and my dd will help straighten up with me and then while I'm doing the "soap check" on my ds, dd will get changed and then head back downstair to read until ds is done upstairs, then she can go finish getting ready. This way they each get my attention seperately, so that helps with the behavior.
Good luck!
Diane V has it right - it is up to you to set the rules and abide by them and soon they will follow. It is all about behavior modification. Yes, it isn't easy getting a child with ADHD used to it but eventually they will. You have to do the work - sorry but that is what parenting is about. Keep strong, calm and direct. Tell them " I need you to take your bath now" - children respond much more to a direct command.Just to be the devil's advocate, do they really need to bathe every night? I know some people go,"I would never send my child to bed without a bath!" But bathing every night, besides being a bone of contention between you all, just isn't good for their skin. Try having them hit the dirty spots, maybe let them all wash their feet at the same time in a few inches of water in the tub, or let them have showers. Then you can reach in and shut the water off. POOF! No more arguments about getting out. Either they get out or stand there in the cold air.
As for their bedtime, I personally don't think it's fair that the 2 yo is going to bed at the same time as the 9 yo. The 2 yo will learn to go to bed earlier, and that extra half hour of awake time for the older kids might be a good motivator.
Good luck!
What I have seen that works... and the kids can help make it. Get a poster board and write down every step thay needs to be done to get ready for bed.
1. undress and put clothes in hamper
2. get into bath and wash hair and body
3. get pajamas on
etc, etc..... and next to each thing take a picture of you children and put velcro on the backs as well as next to each list thing... so they move themselves to what they need to be doing. and they know what they need to do next.
Another way of doing this is instead of the picture make a grid where they put a sticker so they can check off what they have done... if you don't have to remind them of where they are onthe chart they get a bonus sticker award for the night.
The kids can find pictures of what is on the list..pictures of a bed, tub, PJ's etc.. have them help so they feel like they own the project...
I too, had the battle... get dressed, brush your teeth... now they know and can see what they need to do. I hope this helps.
I had told them tonight if they got their bath w/o fussing and quickly that they could watch a short, quiet movie before they went to sleep. They were eager for the movie, BUT....still there was whining (just not at the normal level) and they had to be told REPEATEDLY to take the bath, then had to be told REPEATEDLY to get out, REPEATEDLY to brush their teeth, on and on until it was over an hour later. I have heard people say figure out what their "currency" is...I still dont know!! I have taken my dd's fav. bunny away (which I hate to do) and it was effective for one night, but after that it lost its effect. Every day feels out of control with them!! It feels like a constant war and I'm losing.
I HATE bedtime!! My dd has finally received the dx of ADHD, though no meds have been started as of yet. Everything is a fight...brushing hair, dressing, brushing teeth, taking a bath, etc. Bedtime is HORRIBLE. I have 3 dc altogether. She (9) and my 7 y/o ds are impossible to get in bed. I cant get the 2 y/o to bed as long as they are up and about. I have tried the marbles for good behavior....they could care less if they earn any money or not. I cant afford much to offer them, but my mother offered to match it if they reached the goal. I cant figure out how to deal with them both at one time as he, being the younger, follows her lead in most things and she is the ADHD child so most of these things are not pleasant things. Bedtime what I am focusing on right now though....any suggestions???!! Please!! Thanks.
Is there anything that would help as a motivator -- if ready for bed by a certain time, getting a few extra minutes on a Gameboy, your reading an extra story, ANYTHING? Immediate rewards are better, but it even could be getting a small special treat in the morning. My child at one point was having trouble sleeping on his bed instead of his floor (allergy issue. I really wanted him back in his bed, which is well protected from dust mites). He got a jelly bean with breakfast if he slept in his bed. That was enough to help him overcome whatever was going on. He was very motivated to get to eat candy with breakfast.This will take work and patience, but worth a try. Keep the movie there. Start bath time at first early enough that they will be able to get to it. They have to know they'll get the treat. Once it is working you can take it away if they don't comply. Let them know right away that as of today there will be no more fighting at bedtime. We have anew schedule and it is not up for debate. Tell them the schedule ahead then no need to repeat it. The less talking during the turmoil the better.
Tell them in advance Bath time is in 5 minutes. Get bath ready at time tell them it's time, if they wont go in there, walk over (without talking) and direct them into the bathroom (let them yell if they want, dont enage). Set an egg timer for 10 minutes(or your time frame). Tell them when timer goes off the water goes out of the tub. If they dont let the water out same thing, walk in let it out yourself (stand there if you have to). Time to get out, no debates (again let them yell if they want do not argue). Teeth brushed while in the bathroom, no disussion. Then movie time, then bed. If they argue then same thing just calmly say no it is bedtime and if need be walk them by the hand to their room. If you do this every single night, every single time, without letting them get you into a battle (hardest part), it will work. Most of this is just looking for that fight.
Have you tried melatonin? Seriously, it will make your bedtime sooooooo much easier. 1 mg before bath or 1/2 hour before bedtime. It is a sleep hormone available at any store with a vitamin aisle. We have our doctor's OK to use this. We've used this on both kids for a couple years now.Melatonin has been a good aid for my son. Since he started treatment with stimulants it has been helpful in getting him to sleep. Actually, one of the reasons I give him melatonin at nights is that it is helping him cope with the rebound effect, therefore he falls asleep easier.