Share tips to control anger/frustration | ADHD Information
I feel like a failure as a parent. I feel like the screaming I do is changing who he is. I want him to have happy memories of childhood, not just people being angry with him.
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Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth twodoodles! "a year from now it won't matter etc..." is so nice to hear quixote cuz I tend to be the one who always worries about the long terms affects of the things I do or say to him. It nice to have it put in perspective like that - my parents yelled at me and it didn't ruin me (i don't think!!)
Well the hugging instead of yelling is really working! The last few days have been way better. I am trying to make more eye contact with a soft face and when things are nice I have been saying "Do you see the love in my eyes?" I look at them across the table and smile with love. I keep looking till they look away. When they are talking back or being silly when I am trying to accomplish something I feel the frustration and tell them I need a hug. If I really start to get angry I tell them I am starting to get angry I need a time out. The amazing thing is they do not want me to go. No no mommy I will stop! Well can I have a hug? Thank-yoiu I feel much better... Now will you put your shoes on? Maybe they are just shocked that I am not losing it but it is a huge improvement!!
Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your thread! Far be it for me to blow my trumpet but I have developed a whole load of hints and tips for your little jellybeans! (we call them jellybeans, kinder than 'autistic spectrum'. The reasons become clearer in time I promise.
Anyway its an attachment called ' Crash Test Mummy' and I am happy to send it across to anyone that wants it via email. Just shout.
Couple of tasters: MIGBIN = Mouth in Gear Brain in Neutral! (short cut to shut up now!!!)
'Are you ready to listen', this is a great one, you could be telling them to tidy their room but on the other hand you could be offering them bonus pocket money. Until they give the eye contact you need they are not ready to listen!! Amazing how quick they revert, curious little beans our jellies!!!!
Anyway offer stands, no catches just a bit of friendly help. I am working alongside world experts and am on the spectrum myself. All 5 of my kids are diagnosed also so I do know a bit!! Judge for yourself by all means.
Hey Jeli I am waiting for the book!!!
Hi SparkliJeli!
Where you been????
Hey hey Bethann
phew have I got some stories for you! What a time we have had!! Will tell you all BUT I am BACK!!!!!!!!!! MWAH MWAH XXXXX
Hey Sparkli!!!
Working overnight since May 26th! I will be done on June 21st, great over time $$.
How have you all been?? Can't wait to chat!
I am still writing to John Odgren faithfully each week.
Email me when you can!!
Hope you sparkling little jellibeans are all doing well, including you!
xxoo
Bethann
I WILL EMAIL YOU! Beautiful day here in the UK. Everyone serined!! so we are going to make the most of the sun and the mood!!! Will promise to email you later, have not had my letter to John so maybe it got there, have not heard back. All sorts of mayhem going on here with the headteacher that put my bean into a headlock and bodyslam!! Got Disablity Discrimination case against him!! Wretched man, it is all coming to a head now and I am in fighting spirit! How dare a school hurt my son over and over again! He has epilepsy too and was in the middle of a seizure!! Whoaaaa I am livid! Will email you I promise!! LOVE YA LOTS!! mwah mwah xxxxxxxxx
FORGIVE YOURSELF.
count ten.
practice actully punishing them 5- 10 minutes after the outburst so you have time to calm down before they get upset about thier punishment too.
sometimes the biggest person in the room has to be the center of attention just to be able to redirect .
time away is my biggest tool . i use it on 4- 17 year olds when they fess up to why they are in the time away place its over.
but breaking up a fight is tricky cause you dont want the fight to then get and adult involved inaddition.
take away the childs audience and they sometimes quit acting like the center of attention.
Repeat: A year from now, this won't really matter... a month from now, itwon't really matter... a week from now, it won't be the worst thing that
has happened...
Yeah, pretty depressing, but some perspective helps. In reality, I would
probably spend the rest of the day simmering with anger and jumping on
every little thing he did. But maybe on a really good day, I would
announce that I was going back to bed and could he please choose a
better way of waking me up, like an instant replay. I have had some
success with my son by literally walking him back to the place where an
incident started, and having him model what he should have done.
Sometimes this will even flush out something the "innocent" party did,
that escalated things. It counts as a consequence because he has to get
himself back under control to do it, which was the main goal.
But mostly, I always wake up first- I need the quiet, and the coffee.
I am looking to find out what other parents do to control their anger when dealing with stressful situations with the ADHD kid. This moring my DH had to leave early for drill, and thought he was doing a favor by not waking me. We had the A/C on so I didn't hear anything downstairs. I woke, heard my 3yo daughter screaming histerically and ran like my feet were on fire. My 5yo son had her cornered, she was defending herself with both arms and one leg while my son barraded her with one of those foam letter squares for the floor. As I said, I just woke up to this and grabbed him away from her and screamed at him like an insane person. He was in his room for almost an hour while I tried to calm down. So, long story long, when you find yourself in a stressful place similar to this, what do you to calm down for your health and your child's?? I could sure use some pointers on emergency parental stabilization! 
I've told kids, "Get out of here because I'm too piffed to talk right now!"
Is this just one incident or are you feeling stressed out frequently?
The past week has been pretty awful (when he has no meds in his system) That incident was the only one that was physical aggression, but I fear he would have hit my DD with whatever was handy.....
Honestly I'm in a bad place right now, which is what prompted me to find support online.....I am so glad I found this site. I feel like a failure as a parent. I feel like the screaming I do is changing who he is. Everyday I wake up wanting to do better. He is getting Social Skills training at pre-school, sees a psychologist regularly, and has private karate lessons. People have told me things will get better as he gets older, and I hope they are right. I want him to have happy memories of childhood, not just people being angry with him.
twodoodles39237.2832060185AHHH. I think I have it all worked out until my 14 year old loses the plot! Last night he finally got his new lap top back from the shop after a fault was repaired. He needed some vista access code to get on to it. Unfortunately we couldn't find it and he just lost the plot. He proceeded to say that he had no room in his bedroom and was throwing everything out the door. He was so oppositional all night - won't eat his dinneretc- you all know the drill!!! I tried to keep my cool and then lost it!!!!
No strategy works for long with these kids - they work out how to play the game as quickly as we make the rules!!! AHHHH
LMAO! You are so right, so right. My son not only knows what buttons to push, he's the one that created them!
The 1,2,3 Magic book on disciplining children is good. I found it helpful. Ihave also started to reward good behavior off meds. As well as a morning/evening routine to prevent chaos has been helpful. It has taken awhile and is not 100% successful, but i pretty much have mine trained that they are to play quietly in their own rooms until 7 am. They get a reward for 1. - not waking up anyone else and 2 - staying in own room until then. I set the alarm for the oldest when she was younger, so she would know time and then taped the time to the top of the alarm clock as she got better telling time. The youngest just knows to stay in her room until I come and get her or her sister comes downstairs.
I am really having issues with kids fighting too. My sons 9 and 5, both add, seem to be getting more physical just in the last couple of days. I know it will take awhile to settle into a routine for summer but... There is one school of thought that says leave them to it. Another says time out... They just don't seem to have the thing that stops other kids before someone really gets hurt. I use time outs and immediate time out for hitting. They both have a place to go sit and I try really hard to say in a loving voice "You need some quiet please go sit down."
I just read a book called Scattered. It is by a Dr. who believes ADD is orginated by a lack of connectedness with the parent. It makes lots of sense and he suggests making more kind loving eye contact. Not making issues with everything but trying to figure out why a child would insist on attention, even negative attention. Why a child won't come sit at the dinner table with his family without a fight? We have all seen a pretty good day spiral into chaos at the first hint of dissaproval by one of the parents. What if you just let it go? What if you put love in your eyes and called your child for a hug?
What if your son was hitting his sister and you grabbed him away and hugged him and told him you love him? Then pick up the sister kiss the boo boo and hug her too. Would you end up with a better result? I really don't know but what I am doing is not working!!!!
My son is very hyper at school - somehow he found a letter from a funding team who were going to observe him. He set the time and date on the alarm on his phone so it would remind him of their visit and that he needed to behave. So we had the meeting and the teacher said that during this lesson he was incredibly well behaved.
This makes my blood boil!! However he made one fatal mistake he bragged about it!!!! Caught out!!!!!!!!