SOcial Skills/Self-esteem resources? | ADHD Information

We had a hard time getting my daughter to remember to get friends phone numbers too when she was younger. Sometimes I would look them up in the phone book (we live in a small town easy to figure out who they were). Sometimes I would send her in with a note addressed to the Mom of the child she wanted a playdate with. I would have her give it to the child to give to their Mom. I would just say my daughter would love to have a playdate with so and so, if they were interested could they give me a call and give them my number. Also I would sometimes send in a paper with the childs name and tell my daughter to ask the child if they wanted to play and is so what was thier phone number, then she could write it on the note I sent herself. They could even do this during lunch, it wouldnt involove the teacher at all.

Yes - I have tried those tactics, but for some reason DD always thinks she has to ask the teacher permission before she approaches the children for the information and then she gets shot down. Knowing DD, she probably keeps asking at the wrong time....When I sent in the note to give to her firend re a play date, I never heard anything back - I later found out the little girl's father was put in jail for armed robbery! They have a little boy with a severe peanut allergy in their classroom, so the teacher makes them all go back to the class to eat lunch, and makes them sit in seats and watch a TV show - no moving about allowed.

Her last school was great - they published a directory of the students, for those who wished to be included and purchase.

DD has an end of the year play and pizza party coming up, I can't go, but DH can. I sent DD with an address list to once again try and complete. If she is unsuccessful today, I think I am going to have him ask around.

Oh yes always best if you can talk directly to the parent. Can you call the school's guidance office, they may be willing to help make the connections.I may be 'way off base here but in the Native community social skills are taught by "talking circles".

This means that a child can learn to pay attention and wait their turn to speak in a social environment and everyone is learning the skills simultaneously. I used them as well for "family conferences" quite successfully.

Get a talking rock/feather whatever and whoever has it can speak for as long as they need to and everyone else HAS to listen--this is good if some people are shy.

You can either go around the circle so everyone gets a turn [shy] OR everyone can have up to three turns but NO MORE and the person who wants to speak next takes the object from the person who is finished.

It really helps because everyone gets heard and a chance to speak...
yes as my post states that is basically what she does. They learn to take turns talking and deciding which games to play. She is there to give queus for eye contact and keep topic on track. My daughter would tend to bring things to group, that got discouraged. My daughter also is pretty immature so they work within the group to get her on track with age approriate conversations.

Thanks - I did get a chance to do a web search on the social skills groups - there are a couple in the area so I got on a waiting list for one to start the first of August. The other one was WAY out of my budget and out of network for my insurance. In the meantime, I'll see if the library has any more good books.

I have gotten NO WHERE with the school counselor when I approached this subject at the beginning of the school year. Not one answer to 3 e-mails and a phone call. And, although DD has a GREAT teacher , I have been disappointed that she hasn't let the children have but a few recesses this year. ADHDers so need to get out and left off steam, plus DD shines when it comes to athletics. Also, when I have asked DD to try and get phone numbers of friends she tells me the teacher says they don't have time to do that. I know DD has a couple of friends in class because she talks about them and one called - wouldn't you know our phone died and I lost the number stored in Caller ID before i got a chance to write it down????

I have a request in for an IEP, so will add that to "the list" in hopes I might find out if that does exist in this school.

 

 

 

My son also does social skills in the school.  Talk to a guidance counselor. 

August 1 will be here beofre you know it. It will be slow progress anyway, but worth it! Do what you are doing too, it all helps. I am hoping once my daughter starts counseling we can get into another outside social skills group. The one she does at school is the same kids for the past 4 years, they all know her and let her get away with some of the stuff new kids wouldn't. .

Social skills groups are VERY successful. Ask your psychiatrist/therapist for recommendations. Or as NoTellin says do a search for psychologists that run social skills groups. They can be expensive so look around. It doesnt really matter the disability, meaning if they are in a group of kids working on delayed social skills due to PDD/autism, or non verbal learning disorder, ADHD, anything.........all these groups do is talk, play little games and learn how to make good eye contact, wait their turn, participate in conversations. My daughter has a terrible time with broing of the next kids conversation and always just starts talking about something else (usually as it relates to her) no matter what the group is doing  . She's made big strides with the help of her social skills group. There are some great ones that run summer camp programs specifically designed to for kids needing social skill development.

Something you can do also is try to organize playdates with kids a little younger. These kdis are emitinally immature and it's great confidence builder if they arent feeling that. If she has cousins, neighbors, classmates form an extracurricular activity, dance class or something. Maybe 6 year olds. You can sort of be aroudn and help guide things. Try to do some playdates where you go somewhere, even the park, or mall, or something so as not to leave them to figure it all out on their own. This way too you can guide the back and forth conversations without seeming obtrusive.

Also talk to school. We have social skills groups run by our school's counselor service from 2-8 grade. If they dont have a formal one, talk to guidance counselor about letting your daughter maybe come have lunch with him/her once a week and inviting a friend or two to join them. They LOVE this. Makes them feel important and empowered. The otehr kids love to be invited.

Does anybody know of any good resources and/or have any tips for dealing with self-esteem building/social skills training? Especially for young girls?

My dd with ADHHHD age 7 - almost 8 is a GREAT reader and loves to read. At the library, I checked out a children's book on self-esteem by Jamie Lee Curtis and she has been quite interested in it. As we read it one night, I was taken aback by how negative she is towards herself. 

As I started listening in on conversations with friends while she is playing, I am finding the girls her age can be so mean already! No wonder she feels bad about herself! She even said she doesn't like herself because she always gets in trouble.  

I have also noticed that her social skills are really starting to lag behind friends of the same age, and they are getting more and more frustrated with her. I do give her credit that her "best" friend is the one who is the most patient with her.

As well as something geared towards parents. I am looking into therapy for her.  

I have not found therapy to help with social skills at all. I have been taking my son a a therapist for the past 7 mos who supposedly works with many children, and has some ADHD experience. I specifically stated that the issue to work on is social skills. This particular intervention (I have many going on) has been the least effective, if not a complete waste of my time. I think that you would be better off purchasing social skills stories. I have seen them in catalogues for autistic children.

You might want to run a search for social skills classes for girls. I have seen several of those in my area. For a social skills class targeted at ADHD children, check your local children's hospital. I have my son in one of these, and I would recommend it.

That sounds just like what my DD needs .- She tends to have trouble staying on task with what the group is doing. She is also always the first to get bored with what is happening, and then wants to get another activity going. Plus, if there are more than 1 child present, she gets anxious because I think she has a hard time following the conversation - we internatioanlly adopted her about 3 yrs ago and although lnaguage is pretty good, she still has some issues.

As far as the social circle, I think that is what "Show and Tell" is like here in the schools. These ADHDers need more practice than most children I am sure.

Too bad I have to wait until Aug. 1 for the social skills group- but I guess that will go fast. the last couple of nights, I have used my youngest dd as a prop - she doesn't have ADHD and at 4 is VERY socially adept. We have all been playing games together and I have been cueing my oldest DD when I notice she ie getting off track. I figure this summer, my hubbie and I will just have to make sure she only plays with the "nice girls and boys" in the neighborhood.

The others have figured out how and LOVE to get her all wound up with passive agressive tactics like taking her seat when she gets up to do something else and then acting as if they do not hear her when she requests they move, or playing an activity that requires taking turns, and purposely not letting her have a turn until she complains. Then they say she always wants her way......grrrr