Smart Mouth... | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=Diane V]I really think the best thing to do is to take him elsewhere, but it sounded like that was not an option.[/QUOTE]

It's really not an option at this point, but then I'm thinking, what option do I have? I appreciate her watching him for me. She watches him about 4 hours a day and it has been a big help. I am self-employed and my schedule is somewhat flexible. I may just have to work something out one way or another. He will start pre-school in the fall so thats a plus.

I really think the best thing to do is to take him elsewhere, but it sounded like that was not an option. [QUOTE=LonerGirl]

I want to say thank you for the responses. I believe he may just be pushing his boundaries with her, as he does not treat me in this manner as he does her. He KNOWS it gets her upset and this is enjoyable for him. Which is one reason why I believe he has ADHD. He is extremely implusive, always in to stuff. Loves to aggravate. I can't take my eye off of him without him grabbing a bag of bread and cheeze wiz and calling it a birthday cake. It's always been this way with him. I could never leave him to do anything, whether it be coloring, picture books, etc. He just can't "play" he always has to destroy. Yet, he doesn't see it this way. If there are broken crayons it's because he needed confetti. I can't tell you how many boxes of crayons I've purchased for this child. One time I caught him hanging from the ceiling fan, by an umbrella...He was doing chin ups!

You are correct in saying that ignoring him isn't helping. BECAUSE I can't 'fix' him for her. I can't fix anything when I am not there. It's as if after I've been gone all day she wants me to step in and spank him for his attitude and I'm simply not going to do it. And I am especially not going to punish him when I see her egg it on. It's like they are two 5 year old picking a fight with each other. Ignoring him is what has worked with me...When he and I are together. My Grandmother is 80 years old and VERY old fashioned!

I walk in the door and she will start in on how bad he's been. He doesn't like this so he will whisper 'you're stupid' or something...This will anger her and she will start back at him," That's okay you just won't get TV tomorrow!" And if that doesn't stop him she will start with her "Shame on you tactics". And the more she trys to "get at him" the angrier he gets and then I feel like I need to send them BOTH to time-out. But, for some reason this behaviour is 'acceptable' coming from an adult, but not a child. I disagree. I am lost on what to do here and honestly, I feel like you all think he should respect her when I feel they are not respecting each other. And I'm sure the PC thing to do here would be to teach my child to allow respect even though she hasn't earned, but I can't do that. I can't punish him when I feel they are both at fault. Perhaps, the best thing to do is to take him elsewhere...

Edited for typos. :)

[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't put this behaviour on ADHD.

There's a couple of points I'd like to add.

If grandma is calling him a "bad boy" "brat" or other negative labels then she loses the high ground in saying, "We do NOT speak to each other like that. I do NOT call YOU names, therefore I expect the same respect in return"Someone has to be the adult--and grandma isn't being that adult. So the boy is bright enough to 'play' her.Their relationship is one thing. Your relationship is another. They're getting YOU in the middle. Stop playing. Get off the merry-go-round. Don't take sides with either one and let them work it out rather than both of them vying for your attention.Understand the "abuser-victim-rescuer-bystander" box and don't let either one of them drag you into their dysfunction [in fact, it sounds like you've been doing quite well with that one!]Tell BOTH of them when they complain about the other "I don't want to hear it--work it out."This has GOT to be immensely frustrating for you!
i just this week tried a baseball approache, 3 strikes and your out. all boys respond to this, if they have any baseball experience. I did ground my 6 year old and made him clean the pool that he threw rocks into, I also told him that he couldn't go to swim practice which he hates. WOW that was a surprise He wanted to go to swim practice and his behavior was very good after this. Take away what they love and explain that this is your concsequence. They will get it in a day and if not, take it away again, I know it is hard to hear your child scream for hours but in the end I think they understand. And YES I have spanked both my boys on the butt, and understand that sometimes that is the only answer. see if it works maybe not, but it's worth a try.

Edited for typos. :)

LonerGirl39241.3441666667

I agree with Diane V. Being disrespectful is unacceptable. Obviously ignoring him is not stopping the behaviour. The above post has some very good ideas. Be calm and direct in your discipline. Stand your ground and think of what his currency is. Reward good behaviour often to make him see that by doing the right thing, positiveness results. Doing things like being disrespectful results in negative results. The marble ideas is great with little ones. Rewards don't have to be something material - a trip to the park, make a cake together, doing a puzzle with you, have a friend to play are all rewards that impress a four year old.

Hang in there. Only you know your child and what makes them tick. Don't worry too much about grandma's comments. Being a parent is all about constant trial and error. Sometimes it takes longer to find the solution to issues.

Good luck!!!

I don't have to explain to you what all this entails coming from an ADHD child, but basically my 4 year old son has gotten really bad with name-calling and bad mouthing adults. I tend to ignore it because I feel it fuels the fire to respond. If he says to me, "Shut up, Stupid!" I may give him a stern look, but I will not take the bait so to speak. My grandmother however, does not understand what ADHD is or has any clue what parenting is like without spanking. It is not uncommon for her to tell me she has "Popped in him the mouth gently for sassing." I've noticed he really tries to get her going when I show up to pick him up because HE KNOWS she will not spank him or 'pop him in the mouth' in my presence! She knows I disapprove. And she thinks I am a lax parent, whathaveyou. Maybe I am, but I don't really think abuse is the key. The elderly seem to think that if you hit a child they should STOP. My son will hit back and then it's like a little cat fight.

She has mentioned almost repeatedly how bossy or demanding he can be. And then she will blame it on his older half-siblings because "they have no repsect for anyone", thereby getting his "mouth" from them. I'm getting a little tired of hearing it. I just let it go in one ear and out the other. I don't know how to stop the mouthiness. I can not afford to get a new sitter so taking him elsewhere is not an option right now. Does anyone here have any advice? I feel like she is expecting ME to do something...My policy is to ignore it and she disagrees with this because back in her day...HELP!?!

Oh, I should mention that he has not been officially diagnosed, but his older brother has. TIA

Well a couple of things. First is 4 year olds are fresh! They just are. Why do you think he has ADHD? Whether he does or doesn't shouldn't matter anyway. Children with or without need to learn respect of others. Its just harder to teach ADHD kids this. I agree quite often behaviors need to be ignored, especially in small children, but disciplining a child for being disrespectful to his parents/granparents is very reasonable. Especially where it is causing so much discord in your family/child care. I have to agree spanking or "popping him in the mouth" is probably not the solution. Sending him for time away from others or taking a privelege away is though. My daughter , now 5, is sent to her room if she can not be repectful to the rest of the family. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesnt, but she certainly is learning that we do NOT call each other names nor do we tell each other to shut up. If he is sent to his time out place very time he will get sick of it. The key is you both being on the same page. The key is slow and consistent.