Last week of school - we made it | ADHD Information
Momfirst - I relate to the exhaustion. I do try to keep up with my fitness workouts and if I didn't have my yoga practice, I'd be a mess. Still, after a tough evening or day with my son, by the time I get to bed I'm exhausted too.
I laughed with you at the camp story. When my son went to his first overnight at day camp, he lost his pillow. Ofcourse, this was before I knew he had ADD.
We are definately trying to place the responsibility of things on my son. This is the problem - we just can't seem to find any consequences that mean anything to him.
Last weekend we thought we'd start up his allowance again, because he is now making plans with his friends to go to the movies.
When we told him that we do expect him to keep up his room, help out with chores as the come up and just help us take out the garbage, he just rolled his eyes. He then proceeded to get nasty. So, we told him no allowance, he can use the money he has. He has saved up quite a stash from B-day gifts and stuff.
He can only think in the moment, although he is still worried he may have to go to summer school. I think we are safe though.
momfirst, I vote for the disposable items...paper bags and bottled water and or juice boxes. We usually freeze the drinks juice or water the night before and are able to keep the lunch cool and usually has a cold drink by lunch ( sometimes it is still a bit frozen but he has never complained)..
We are also in the losing items club however, my son typically loses clothing items such as sweatshirts, jackets, swim suit, and goggles.
[QUOTE=joemom]We are also in the losing items club however, my son typically loses clothing items such as sweatshirts, jackets, swim suit, and goggles.
[/QUOTE]
I have to tell you all that after chatting and reading all your posts, I am feeling much better this afternoon then this morning.
The old saying, "He'd lose his head if it wasn't attached." sure applies.
Over the past month, the school had started to staple notes and important homework assignments to my son's agenda book. That did work, but have I told you how many agenda books he has lost?
My son once "lost" his very important Torah portion for his Bar Mitzvah. He threw himself in his typical panick mode. I found it - ON HIS FLOOR
rswf39246.5306018519rswf, So sorry! I can totally relate. My son started camp and I made a list of his backpack items, wrapped it in clear mailing tape and hooked it to the outside so he could see what to bring home. I also offerred and extra .50 for his bribe fund, oops, I mean his "summer toy fund" for each day he brings all his stuff home and brings it inside. Day 1 - no lunch box and water bottle. Day 2 found lunch box but not water bottle. Day 3, found water bottle, but where is the 2nd lunch box I had to use???
I think it's hard for other moms to understand how each teeny thing with an ADHD kid is a struggle and takes SO much more time and effort. I'm exhausted all the time and I keep thinking this must be why! Honestly, I've tried marble jars, toys for bribes, consequences, checklists, sticker charts, etc. and I just get worn down trying to keep up with it. So now, I'm doing the straight bribe with money to buy toys. It's not helping much, but I've got to have some behavior plan in place or I just fuss at him all the time. I keep trying to find ways to simplify for sanity's sake - maybe all disposable stuff in his backpack for water and lunch?
One thing I might offer is to let the problems be his problems as he gets old enough, so you don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let him find the books, go to the school and look in his locker, call the teacher and explain or write an apology note. The more he takes responsibility for what goes wrong, the more he will learn from the lesson and do it differently next time.
Hang in there!
One thing is evident - each child, especially ADHD or ADD or whatever the diagnosis is, is an INDIVIDUAL. What works for one child may not work for another.
I think that it takes patience and diligence to find what works for your kid and I'm so happy when I read that someone found something that worked.
On a humorous note - remember in my very first post I asked what more could happen since school is over on Friday? Let me tell you
I got a call yest. from the English teacher. Apprently, my son has lost two books. Then, he got defiant with her when he turned a book in that wasn't the one he was assigned.
Well, my husband searched his room (a/k/a the black hole) found one book, along with three copies of the same social studies book, a math book and a libary book.
My son told me the other missing book is in his locker(Oh no, it's lost now). So, this a.m. my husband delivered all the found books to the office. I only hope my son was telling the truth about the other book because he was awfully quiet this a.m. and last night when I got home from work he was working real hard to be nice to me. (always a sign something is up.)
So, yest. as we were discussing this past year, I said to him, that we will do anything we can do avoid another year like this past one.
I'm working up to telling him next week he is seeing a new therapist - a psychiatrist. ofcourse, when I ask my son what happend this year, he gives me all the answers I want to hear but he doesn't give me any concrete answers as to what he plans to do to make the year better.
I'm looking forward to the two weeks of overnight camp in July. I think this will be a good experience for him. Now you know he will probably lose all of his clothes so I'm starting to label all his close next week.
I'm so trying to keep a sense of humor so I don't cry.
HELLO JOEMOM, I'M GLAD THINGS HAVE WORKED FOR YOUR SON AT PUBLIC SCHOOL; BUT I FEEL I SHOULD PUT IN MY 2 CENTS WORTH. I HAVE TWO BOYS, BOTH WITH ADHD. IT WAS HELL ON EARTH WITH MY OLDEST AT PUBLIC SCHOOL, LACK OF DISCIPLINE AND BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS, ECT... YOU KNOW THE DRILL.
I DECIDED TO TRY CATHOLIC SCHOOL IN MY AREA. IT HAS BEEN HEAVEN ON EARTH. NOT ONLY IS ADMINISTRATION RECEPTIVE TO THEIR NEEDS, BUT ALSO HAVE KEPT A CONSTANT EYE ON MY BOYS. THEY HAVE GIVEN ME WEEKLY REPORTS OF THEIR IMPROVEMENTS. IT WAS HARD THE FIRST 2 QUARTERS, BUT SOON THEY BOTH DOVE RIGHT INTO WHAT WAS EXPECTED OF THEM. GRADES WENT UP, DISCIPLINE IS AMAZING! AND MY OLDEST JUST GRADUATED 8TH GRADE AND WAS ACCEPTED TO AN ALL BOYS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. TO ME, IT HAS BEEN A BLESSINGS ON A VERY DIFFICULT SITUATION, YOU SEE....MY HUSBAND IS ALSO ADHD & I AM A CANCER PATIENT, SO LIFE HAS HAD A TOLL WITH ME.
MOMFIRST, EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT, EVEN BETWEEN SIBLINGS. IN THIS FORUM EVERYONE HAS ALL THE BEST INTENTIONS BY SHARING THEIR PROS AND CONS OF THE SCHOOL SYSTEM, YET ULTIMATELY... ONLY YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD BETTER THAN ANYONE, AND I'M CERTAIN THAT YOU'LL MAKE THE BEST DECISION FOR "YOU CHILD".
GOOD LUCK & GBU
MORIBUND39245.9584143519MOROBUND,
I am so happy that the Catholic school worked out for you.. I wish it would have worked for us. However, I still think you are the exception to the rule as I know many kids with ADHD who just couldn't make it. Our neighbor sent her daughter to the same school ( she lasted a semester) and she is mild ADHD and well behaved. She could not make it and was just viewed as a problem. Another friend who as a daughter in the process of diagnosis ( most likley ADHD) is also having trouble...she just does not have the supports she needs to be successful and her self esteem is starting to lower. This was a happy, smart , and confident child. Her mom is worried but is planning on giving a school one more try ( it could be a teacher issue). Perhaps it all boils down to the people who run the school and their philosophy of education
I am so happy that your 8th grader made it into the all boy Catholic HS. congratulations!
Momfirst, I pulled my son from a Catholic school after 10 days....the public school has much more to offer and my child is not the problem child anymore ...he is happy and thriving
unless the private school is geared toward kids with learning differences it is just not worth the frustration and the money
I think that's a really valid point, but my son was in a public school and the services in our district are really poor. It was not a good experience. Very hard on his self-esteem. They tried things like moving his desk and it was pretty lame. His private school uses outdoor education and he can move, lay down, go outside, etc. and manage his energy and moods much better. Plus the ratio is like 10:1, so the teacher can modify his assignments (in some areas he's very high and other's he's behind). In the public school there were 23 kids and the teacher didn't individualize too much. I might end up home schooling within a co-op with other kids who have both gifted areas and special needs. There is a group of families in my area who all have kids like this and want to start a small school.
If the meds really make a difference, he can probably return to the public school system for Jr high or high school.
Good luck. You ae lucky to have so many options!
We made it. This is the last week. What could possibly happen now? (don't tell me). I'm thinking of sending a cookie bouquet to the guidance councilor and the teachers.
It's amazing because this morning we didn't have the usual drama. It's so apparent that the majority of my son's terrible behavior is driven from school.
The teen behavior I can tell because all his friends act the same way.
Well, report cards come out Friday. Next week is the meeting with the new psychiatrist.
I can't go through another year like this again.
Here! Here!! We have had a rough one too. One more week is right!
Momfirst, hang in there. You are describing a lot of ADHD behavior. I wouldn't expect a private school to offer as much as help as a public school.
Can you send him to a local public school, get an IEP or 504 plan in place to protect him? I know I could not expect my son to receive special provisions for testing etc. from a private school.
Also, you mention starting medication. His life, and yours is about to change once you find the right med and dosage. Hang in there while doing this, it takes some time and patience but once you find it, all will change for the better. You will then see the REAL him!
Regards!
Congratulations! Today was the first day of summer camp for my two kids and I was thrilled that my son (7) was done for the year. He is at a very small private school and at his last conference, the Director told me she didn't think he could return next year - he disrupts the class by making noises, has to be redirected all the time, and doesn't participate in specials when he just doesn't feel like it. He's also had 3 or 4 incidents of kicking fights or throwing stones or mud, things that can be harmful to other kids. I cried thru the whole meeting. We started him on Ritalin and the school is reconsidering. But I just don't know if he'll make it without another incident where he gets kicked out, or even if that is the right place for him. He's tried several types of schools and nothing has worked well so far. So, I can truly relate. I cried at my daughter's conference only because it was so nice to get a positive, no-issue report from her teacher. Hang in there - I believe all our kids can become amazing contributors with their energy if we can only find the way to work with them!!
Momfirst - I agree with Bethann. By law, at least in my state, the school must provide special ed services. That can be as little as a 504 accomodation, my son has that, or a full IEP. They can't refuse services to your child, as long as you have the proper diagnosis and forms.
This is a problem with private schools. They don't have to provide services. On the other side of the spectrum, many parents will enroll kids with problems, because they don't want to face the stigma at public school. Sometimes this does not work out, because they are not required to disclose if they student has any issues. This does not benefit anyone.
I know that many parents feel the education at private schools are better than public, and in some instances this is true. However, with our kids, I feel it is more important that they are allowed to learn in an environment that accomodates their special need.
On a positive note, you are starting medications at an early age so things will get better.