Very drained after a "vacation" | ADHD Information

 

To visit Grandparents in Florida (my Dad and step-mother).  UUggh, I don't know where to begin.  My dad is not exactly a "kid person" to begin with and my SM was a teacher for 30 years, so therefor she is an expert on ANYTHING child related.  Now, I know she has great experience, knowledge has had ADHD kids in her class, yadda-yadda-yadda-, but she has never LIVED with one.  I do the very best I can with my DS who has ADHD w/impulse control issues AND SPD.  My DS had some pretty tough moments, the kind that make other people think the worst, but let me tell ya', pull DS out of is environment and he has a hard time.  He was defiant, argumentative...all the characteristics blamed on bad parenting.  Anyway,  I was doing my best to educate them, but since my stpmthr knows everything anyway, what I had to say didn't matter.  What I got was, "you don't have to defend him"...um, well yes I do....he's 5, not 15 and IS misunderstood.  My father said DS is, "just plain mean" and I actually walked in on a whispered conversation where STMOM was tell my dad how my parenting made her feel.....in younger years I would have dealt with all this very quickly, but not productively.   They do not accept DS for what he is, but get angry because of what he isn't.  Can DS be mean, yes, does it concern me, yes, do the teachers and 2 psychologists tell me he had great empathy and no ODD...YES...did I explain this.....well you get the idea.  I am so exaughsted, disappointed and hurt.  I've only been post here for a couple weeks, but I know this is the only plave people not only understand, but WANT TO understand.  Thanks for letting me vent.....I have a big 'ol glass of red wine with my name on it, and its getting lonely

Thank-you everyone!

I have pretty much decided if my father and stmom want to see the kids they will have to come to us.....not having us take 2 planes rides there AND back (the kids were great on the plane though  )

I don't like the scutiny, setting him up for failure and the constant judgement.  I hate to say it, but I'm glad I'm not alone.

Have a great week all!

I'll be having a small glass of wine along with you tonight.
This part of having a child with adhd is difficult. We've had experiences like yours and can relate. We actually have stopped seeing some relatives because of their attitude toward us our 7yr ds (bad parenting..., too much sugar...; not enough discipline...).
I'll just reiterate what's been said and what you already know... You know yourself and your ds best and you're doing the right thing for him.[QUOTE=BETHANN]

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If you do visit, maybe stay at a hotel with a pool so the kids can let it all out!!

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What a great idea BETHANN!!! Love it. Distance at the hotel and the pool for energy realease!!

Oh, huge {{{hugs}}}. Man, I so relate. I could have written your post. I dont have time right now, but just wanted to say I am thinking of you and feel like this was me writing.

Tina

I too have written your post unde the topic FAMILY.

I live, been there, felt it, cried the tears, yelled etc.

What works best for our son is to just stay away. I live less than 5 miles away and haven't spent easter with them for over 4 years now, christmas 2 years, July 4th - 2 times, etc.

You can't change them. You have to accept that and do what is best for your family, especially your son. You do not want him to overhear their gossiping about his behavior like how overheard them gossiping about your parenting.

If you do visit, maybe stay at a hotel with a pool so the kids can let it all out!!

Well enjoy your glass of wine, you deserve it . Try not to be too upset, although that is SO easy for me to say. There is no way you can do anything about how people think/feel. You can try to educate, but cannot make them listen. My 5 year old has had some sensory issues and had horrible separation issues until she was 4. I had days, many, where I'd go out and hear 5 ,6 times, boy she's a handful, wow she's fresh, boy is she always so hyper, or just the dirty looks. Now mind you, this is my undiagnosed child! It causes so much stress for us as parents. I was doing everything right! I also have an older ADHD child so know the "stuff". Luckily for me she is coming out of a lot of this stuff, although not all, at almost 5 1/2, but I certainly hear you!I just joined and am really glad to see there are mom's who have a lot of the same experiences. I have a 7 yr old son with ADHD, and possibly ODD and we are just starting out on meds (Ritalin and now Concerta.) Anyway, I really feel for you and we noticed we were not having much fun on vacations either and now I think I want to do the all inclusive, or something at the beach or camping where we can all have fun without too many behavior issues. One thing I have noticed, is it's much worse in a big crowd - extra family, friends, etc.  My family is all very helpful, but they all tend to want to tell you what they think and it gets exhausting educating them -- and what kind of a break is that for you? Have a second glass.

I'd be having the whole bottle!!!!

Holidays have always been difficult for us as well.  I try to not visit family if I can help it and if we do, only for a few days.  When my kids were little, we would go to the beach alot.  Just so they could have fun in the water and set their own program of events.  When my family realised what a great spot we had my sisters would come to visit with their kids!!!!  So it then was awful!!! 

As we live away from everyone we then decided on places that they would go to!!! 

Having ADHD kids is just exhausting - never dull! 

Imust admit my attitude had caused a great divide with relatives.  My husbands family are really awful and so we go their probably 2 days a year when we are passing through.   I am not going to have anymore guilt put on me!!!

You don't have to justify your methods or choices to anyone.  Stand tall and keep strong!!!

 

Vacations are soooo over-rated.

Last year we rented a house in the Outer Banks, N.C., but the in laws came down for part of the week because it was "on the way" of taking my neice back to her mom's in Florida.  It wasn't too bad, but the kids fought cause they never wanted to do the same thing at the same time. 

This year we're just going to Philly (very close) and we're staying in my stepmom's house while she and my dad are at Lake Tahoe for a conference of some sort.  We figured there's plenty to do (and I grew up there so I know where it all is) and at least we won't have spent a ton of money just to give the kids another chance to drive us nuts.   

Families - grrrr. I had a sister-in-law who kept insisting my dd was not ADHD. She's a special ed teacher, so of course was the expert on the subject. She just kept laughing at me and saying "that's just how kids are - I told you!." Well, woudn't you know her son was recently diagnosed with ADHD? All of a sudden, she's sooo sympathetic.

Strangely - my dd does better on "family reunion" type vacations than with just us. I think the change in schedule messes with her ability to focus. Last vacation with just "us" on a side trip to pan for GOld, she drove us bonkers about when we would get there - because we got lost, no map, and didn't really knwo where the place was.  SO after listening to an hour of her crying and declaring we would never get there, to fianlly arrive and have her then ask, before we even got started, "what are we doing next? I about lost it!!!!

The next day, we finally found a map. Since she could read and was beginning to tell time, we taught her how to find the names of towns as well as gave estimates of time to the next town.  That definitely helped. i think the family reunion style vacations help her because she has other children to take cues from. Her little sister is quite socially adept and would LOVE to be involved inw hatever big sis does - but of course, that is just not coo.

 

The annoying thing is that any child is going to feel a little out of sorts when you travel, eat strange food and sleep in a strange bed!!!!

We live in a rural area and we have always been the ones that are expected to travel!!!  The hotel is a great idea - we tend to do this!

Once I thought I'd sneak down to my inlaws city - we decided to go ice skating - we were on the other side of the city so I thought we'd be fine!  The kids were having a blast and looked so cute!!  A local paper photographer came along and took their photo.  Fine I thought because it was  a free paper for the north/west part of the city and they lived on the south. 

Then 2 weeks later these ranting italian inlaws ring up in tears and are so angry that I didn't go to see them!!! AHHH   Someone had seen the paper - the kids made the front page and then showed them!!! 

Every time I try and do something sneaky, I get caught out!!!  Now  I stay in the city in a motel and I visit for 1-2 hours. 

Works for us - and if it doesn't sork for them - tough!!!!