It seems we go from one drama to the next in our house!!!!
My son has a child in his class who was suspended because he took porn to school and was showing everyone stuff on his computer. My son was away yesterday because he had a medical appointment, but heard that he was angry at my son.
This incident has happened once before but we couldn't find anything on the computer to link the acusation with our son. Three weeks ago he had an assignment and we gave him his father's laptop for school and home for the week. So this morning I was looking something up on the history and bingo, found a number of visited porn sites. "teen cuties"etc
Some of them are really disgusting.
He will totally lie about it all. There is no one else who would be looking at these sites.
How do I deal with it?
Unfortunately teens look at porn. I would think your only choice is to have paretnal controls set on your computer at home and no unsupervised computer time with the laptop. Can't control what he does out of the home. You can talk to him about it, but he IS a teenage boy. I would discuss that their are rules and they meant to be followed (ie porn at school). You do not allow it in your home.....etc., etc. Let him know you know he looked it up on the laptop, dont' ask, tell him you know it was him and end of discussion. Tell him if you find evidence again what the consequences will be.
He will definitely lie dont ask if he did it, you know he did.
Well what a total melt down!!
The mention of this issue created an afternoon and evening of total melt down. He went into this incredible rage that went on and on. Running into the house he grabbed a huge knife and threatened to kill himself, then me. When that didn't have the desired effect he continued to rant and rage and making his way through the house he destroying everything inhis wake. It was awful. Having me there only inflamed the situation so I just left for 20 minutes. Then on my return he started again. In this time he had attacked his hair with a scissors and totally butchered it. Then he grabbed a hammer and started to pull on his braces. When I asked for the hammer he threw it at me. Then he just raved about his father saying some awful things and then he blamed me for giving birth to him. Calling me an alien as well!!! I walked off to my room and rang a friend who kept me sane then rang the doctor to discuss what to do.
He believes that it's sheer anxiety and we need to increase his zoloft then if this doesn't work to change to effexor - this is probably the only drug left that we haven't tried!!!
I am very seriously looking at boarding school. In Australia there are no specialised boarding schools, but the one nearest caters for boys and has a lot of boy orientated activities. Very regimented with nearly 400 boys.
What upsets me the most is that he refuses t admit he has done anyting wrong and has no remorse about what he has said or done. His room is a disaster with everything pulled out and on the floor. I won't touch it so he'll have to deal with it or it will go in the bin. He is so determined. This also worries his specialists as he says it is the quiet types that hold it all in that are the worry- GREAT!!!!
My husband is going away for the weekend so I will be giving him a sleeping tablet each night. It is so exhausting dealing with this. I feel so sick in the stomach and so upset by everything that has happened. How much can he push me? He took his baby photos from the wall and smashed them then he got his school diary and ripped it to shreds. He was so angry.
This form of coping is not on and he needs to learn how to deal with this anger.
Oh Happyrock I am so sorry. What a horrible ordeal! 
.
Why do they think it is all anxiety based? Do you agree?
He worries about everything. One specialist feels that it is autism - the other feels that he is just hyper sensitive. As a baby he would recoil when we would change a nappy and has always been super sensitive to noise, lights, people, clothing. His auditory processing is very poor and he tends to planick when he gets confused. He's like a confused rabbit in headlights at times. Without zoloft he becomes very stressed and paranoid. His mind races! As a baby he had so many of the autistic ticks but to me it's like he is aware of what is going on and is manipulating things.
Bipolar has been mentioned but talking to his specialist today he feels that this isn't the case.
He doesn't eat during the day and that doesn't help with the afternoon drop in meds. Concerta is not as effective as QR with him but he won't have it at school so we have no real choice.
I am sitting here and it is 11:00 pm and he's snoring away!!! Usually he's not asleep until well after midnight.
I am enjoying the peace - it was just so awful and and so angry with him. I know I shouldn't be but he was just so unfair and deliberately manipulative.
He hates the sleeping tablet but I am using it if it means I get to have time out!!
What really is so annoying is that as a teacher, I have helped so many kids and families deal with the mind field of diagnosis and medication trialling. The only kids I have failed is my own!!
Oh yoiu haven't failed him. Imagine his world with parents who didnt do all that you do. He would be COMPLETELY lost. He is so lucky to have you. Do not feel guilt over the sleeping pill, it's prescribed for a reason and he needs it. Have you used Ritalin LA instead of Concerta ever? I t doesnt last as long, but we did better on it. He could maybe even take one in the am and one right after school if needed.
The feelings of guilt are just awful at the moment. He was so venemous - you can nly do so much. If I can get his anxiety down, then I am seriously going to consider this boarding school. The specialist last night was great saying he thought it may work and was worth a try but deep down he thought he would be far too anxious. Then when I said that would it be the wrong move - he told me that if we weren't coping then it was the right move.
As for ritalin LA - tried it a few years ago and there was a period in the day where he didn't have coverage.
Today we increase his zoloft although in the past this has just made him silly. Try again now that he's grown a bit and hormones have kicked in.
My daughter took Concerta and Zoloft together, just keep in mind Zoloft increases the blood level of the methylphedinate. So just keep an eye on it. In her case it increased her anxiety and restlessness. Dont want to worry you, just want you to be aware. [QUOTE=Happyrock]Well what a total melt down!!
The mention of this issue created an afternoon and evening of total melt down. He went into this incredible rage that went on and on. Running into the house he grabbed a huge knife and threatened to kill himself, then me. When that didn't have the desired effect he continued to rant and rage and making his way through the house he destroying everything inhis wake. It was awful. Having me there only inflamed the situation so I just left for 20 minutes. Then on my return he started again. In this time he had attacked his hair with a scissors and totally butchered it. Then he grabbed a hammer and started to pull on his braces. When I asked for the hammer he threw it at me. Then he just raved about his father saying some awful things and then he blamed me for giving birth to him. Calling me an alien as well!!! I walked off to my room and rang a friend who kept me sane then rang the doctor to discuss what to do.
He believes that it's sheer anxiety and we need to increase his zoloft then if this doesn't work to change to effexor - this is probably the only drug left that we haven't tried!!!
I am very seriously looking at boarding school. In Australia there are no specialised boarding schools, but the one nearest caters for boys and has a lot of boy orientated activities. Very regimented with nearly 400 boys.
What upsets me the most is that he refuses t admit he has done anyting wrong and has no remorse about what he has said or done. His room is a disaster with everything pulled out and on the floor. I won't touch it so he'll have to deal with it or it will go in the bin. He is so determined. This also worries his specialists as he says it is the quiet types that hold it all in that are the worry- GREAT!!!!
My husband is going away for the weekend so I will be giving him a sleeping tablet each night. It is so exhausting dealing with this. I feel so sick in the stomach and so upset by everything that has happened. How much can he push me? He took his baby photos from the wall and smashed them then he got his school diary and ripped it to shreds. He was so angry.
This form of coping is not on and he needs to learn how to deal with this anger.
[/QUOTE]Have a THOUROUGH assessment done AGAIN. It looks like something has changed inside him. Other mental health issues can surface in the teen years. This is beyond getting caught with porn.
This is not ADHD or ADHD frustration and pulling a weapon in any form is DANGEROUS.
You must be very anguished over this incident.
If he pulls a weapon again, as painful as this may sound--call the police IMMEDIATELY. If he's manipulating that will put an end to it--if he's truly out of control it may save someone getting seriously injured.
[QUOTE=Happyrock]
He worries about everything. One specialist feels that it is autism - the other feels that he is just hyper sensitive. As a baby he would recoil when we would change a nappy and has always been super sensitive to noise, lights, people, clothing. His auditory processing is very poor and he tends to planick when he gets confused. He's like a confused rabbit in headlights at times. Without zoloft he becomes very stressed and paranoid. His mind races! As a baby he had so many of the autistic ticks but to me it's like he is aware of what is going on and is manipulating things.
Bipolar has been mentioned but talking to his specialist today he feels that this isn't the case.
He doesn't eat during the day and that doesn't help with the afternoon drop in meds. Concerta is not as effective as QR with him but he won't have it at school so we have no real choice.
I am sitting here and it is 11:00 pm and he's snoring away!!! Usually he's not asleep until well after midnight.
I am enjoying the peace - it was just so awful and and so angry with him. I know I shouldn't be but he was just so unfair and deliberately manipulative.
He hates the sleeping tablet but I am using it if it means I get to have time out!!
What really is so annoying is that as a teacher, I have helped so many kids and families deal with the mind field of diagnosis and medication trialling. The only kids I have failed is my own!!
[/QUOTE]
My mentor was a specialist in street kids. He dealt a LOT with freaked out parents but he said he never truly KNEW how crazy it was until his daughter from a previous marriage contacted him and he tried to take care of her. Suddenly, he was every horrid parent he'd ever heard of
Social workers often have the worst marriages too.
I sometimes think we use up all our skill and patience on the job.
Also, work is one place--home [where we want some peace and quiet] is quite another.
Take a breath.
It's never easy and the guilt from being in a "helping field" is part of the reason we get locked in guilt instead of taking the hard road with a bad situation. I also think we feel so ashamed that we just can't handle it all since we are supposed to be the skilled ones.
You're only human.
I'm sure this is very difficult for you.
This sounds really hard for you.
Your son is hanging around or hung around with people who are sexually active if they are doing things like that or at least a little sexually active. You could have a word with him, sit him down and ask him if he enjoys the tention of looking at porn and tell him that he shouldn't really be looking at it and if he really feels like he wants to, take him out somewhere that might interest him and see if that works.
Hi,
Your last posting was my 16 year old daughter. Her brother (My son) has adhd too. He ran away from home a couple of weeks ago and is living with his aunty at the minute but that is a different story.
I personnally have to tell you like you I have found my son has been downloading and printing pics off of clantilly clad women with hardly any clothes on. I found this out when I was clearing out his room. As I felt that as he isn't here I might as well sort it out as there were alot of broken toys etc etc. When I told my Social worker about this she replied, he is a teenager it is normal for boys to do things like that. NO WAY! Not in my house so I know how you feel. Oh and I also found a notebook with all these porn website addresses a few weeks before he left but I binned it when he went to school.
Your right to be worried, alot of ppl do not understand that an adhd child especially a teenager is not a normal teenage child, along with the adhd they are going through puberty and that can be quite another confusing factor for them.
My daughter has a point about him being sexually active because I was gobsmacked to find out my son was last year. I immediatly took him to a family planning clinic that explained things to him and gave him condoms, explained about std's etc etc. At my Drs request. I thought he would not do this again as he seemed suitable disgusted at what he had done, then I find the pics so I am not 100% convinced he isn't sexually active still.
If your really worried someone suggested using your parental controls on your computer which is a good idea. Also take him back to his GP/Psychiatrist and ask their advice.
Good luck
Love Helen xx
P.S. My son is 13 by the way!
I hate being this honest and transparent, but I feel I must. When I was a boy (about 13-14 years old) I went through a similar experience, except I didn't try to pull out my braces. I did however, threaten to run away and kill myself. I broke things in the house, and beat my face til it was bruised and bloody.
When my mom found out that I was looking at porn, and also engaged in private sexual activity, I was EXTREMELY ashamed. I was so ashamed I thought I was a bad person, a pervert, that the devil was consuming my thoughts, and I had no right to exist because I was my mother's BIGGEST embarrassment. I eventually got professional counseling for it and discovered that much of my problem with sexuality was due to my mother's terrible reaction to my interest in sex. It took a long time to discover that my sexual desires were not evil, disgusting, or even wrong. The doctor finally helped my realize that what I was feeling and thinking was normal and healthy.
I don't think you would ever do this, but we need to be careful to not shame our boys for their interest in porn (sexuality). However, we need to teach our boys that porn is NOT good because it distorts what true sexuality is all about. We need to help our boys know that there are appropriate ways to think about sex, and how they can learn to value modesty and respect their own bodies and the bodies of women. But we need to make sure they know that they are normal for their desire to look at porn.
Also, we need to make sure that our ADHD boys know that it is very easy to become addicted to masturbation and sexual intercourse. The act of sex and eventual climax is like a drug that has a calming affect on the ADHD mind (this in all in my personal opinion). Although I think it is OK to masturbate, I also think that it can become harmful when abused through addiction and out of one's control.
Hi teen here
I cannot beleave he would pull a knife on you that is insaine i would never do that to my mom im sooooooooo sorry for you, as for parentle controll Any teen now adays can bust threw them
i agree to get him tested agian maby for Ed
We have had such a wonderful 3 weeks holiday doing very little - just relaxing and taking time out. It amazing how without the stress of school what a nice boy he is!!!! School is just an awful place for him and is all about survival. I think he is so physically, emotionally delayed (equal to a 10 1/2 year old in size) he feels he needs to fit in and prove himself to the other kids. There are only about 10 boys in year 8/9 year level (a very tiny school!!) and because he is so small and struggles so much with his work, he feels he needs to prove himself in other ways.
He really immature and still enjoys doing things that a 10 year old would enjoy. We are still looking at moving schools because although small, this present school does not provide any support for him and are not prepared to work to help with his anxiety. This anxiety is reserved for home. We haven't had any repeat of the threats over the holidays and we have talked quite alot about why this is not appropriate.
We also now got him in with a psychologist who specialises in adolescent anxiety so hopefully through weekly sesssions, she will be able to help him develop some other more appropriate strategies.
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