Had the worst report card EVER - Vent | ADHD Information

I would ask the new therapist too. It is a good theory about sepcial ed and he may have a positive way to explain the need for additional help. My daughter has a friend who desparately wants her Mom to get her out of "SPED" classes. They discussed it and she is coming around to knowing she needs to extra help and is lucky to get it.I hate lables too, but unfortunately kids are kids and always have been. They pick on the tall girl, the short boy, the kids with glasses, the kids overweight, the smart kids, the kids who need help, it doesnt matter really. We just have to tell our kids the same thing we'd say if they were being teased for having curly hair or whatever. Try to make them see how everyone is different and still the same.Remember that some of the behavior you described is very typical of ALL teenagers and a new doctor won't be able to help with that. Teenaged boys all think they know it all, none of them actually LIKE to study. I agree that letting him see and feel the consequences of bad grades will do so much more for him than trying to soften the consequences by preventing the failure (i.e. doing the work for him.)  

I hate labels.  I remember my son talking about the "SPED" kids at lunch and how one lost control of his emotions and lost it.  My son was shaking as he told this story.

I think my son saw a little of himself because he can't control himself at times.

It's so tough because on the one hand, you have to tell them the truth - there is a problem, but on the other hand, you have to convince them that the problem is solveable and in the scheme of things, not the worst problem in the world.

I have no idea if I'll even get any time alone with this new psychiatrist.  Right away, he wanted me to bring my son.  This is good, since the other guy didn't seem interested in a one on one relationship.

I think this guy will be able to see through any of my son's defenses - he has a degree from a very good school and has done work at major hospitals in the area. 

He did tell me that kids like my son are difficult to treat.  Honesty - I like that.  On the other hand he said difficult, not impossible.

Metisrebel - as usual, your insights are enlightening.

That sure makes sense.   Well, tonight we tell him about the new therapist apt. on Thursday.  I'm just going to present it as this Dr. has more experience with teenagers.

I will try to explain to him that he is not special ed. I did tell him that he  has to be responsible for his own grades and homework; it has to be his responsibility.  He just doesn't care.  I tried to explain to him that when the teachers look at his grades, they are not going to look at that D in English and  say, "we know the bad grade is because he didn't do his homework. We know his is smart."  We tried to tell him that they will look at that grade and think he needs remedial work. Ofcourse, since he can never think beyond the moment, I'm sure this made no sense.

When we were talking about the bad report, I kept pointing out all the evidence that shows he's smart - high IQ - science fair award in 5th grade, outstanding muscianship award for outstanding improvisation solo in 6th grade competition.

 

 

hmmmm

a thought occurred to me when you said, "this was the first timr we had 504 accomodations"

could your son be thinking to himself, something along the lines of "well if i'm gonna be treated as stupid i might as well BE stupid" or "if i'm a special ed then i'm gonna stop trying because i'm smarter than this' or some other struggle around being treated differently and not as intelligently as he'd hoped?

just wonderin'...

Well, school is over and my son brought home the worst report card of the quarter - and this was the quarter with the 504 accomodations.

He went down in everything - and historically, his first quarter was the best and then it just went downhill.  He went from an A to a C-in Spanish - he hated the teacher, didn't do any homework and refused to study for tests.  My son has ability with languages so there is no learning disabilities there.

He went from a C to a D in math - this quarter he had a tutor. He passed his tests - failed one and didn't bother to make it up. Oh, and my son had the audacity to say that he was upset that he couldn't finish the advanced math placement test and that he belongs in advanced math.

He told me that his math teacher says he gets distracted during tests, but, ofcourse, my son says he doesn't get distracted.

He went from a C to a D in English . Again, he is very strong in English, gets A's and B's on tests, his writing is solid Bplus,  He just refused to pass in his homework and a couple of times, he failed a test because he admited to not studying.

He went from a C to a D in science - again, tests well but this semester he refused to study - he thought he knew everything.  He just thinks he doesn't have to study - that he remembers everything.

If he brought home the books, attempted to study, and failed, I'd atleast know that maybe it was study skills. 

The teachers did everything they possible could and they all tell me he is smart.  He tests high on standardized tests and is proficient in the MCAS tests.

What is going on with this kid?  I sure hope this new psychiatrist can figure it out because I'm doing all I can.

Ofcourse, what can we do now with school over. We asked him about the card and he blamed the bad grades on his teachers.

When he started to get fresh, my husband put an end to that by telling him he wouldn't be able to go out if he continued swearing.

I calmly told my son of my disapointment and that the sad thing was that that things that are causing him difficulties in school are so correctable but that he had to atleast make an effort and that his teachers said the biggest problem was that he just wouldn't do his work.  That was even a bigger problem than the dissorganization.

  AGGG - Well, this Thursday is the appt. with the new psychiatrist - I'm very anxious to see how this goes.  We are telling our son tomorrow about the new therapist.

I'm happy it's a psychiatrist.  My husband seems to think my son has a personality problem and that his symptoms seem to mimick other things.

He's never been an overly happy kid - he's always been moody, but now, even with school out, he's kind of mopey.  My husband thinks its an act he pulls when he's home because he's "Mr. Social" and the phone doesn't stop ringing for him.  He's out more and more with his friends and I don't think he'd have friends if he acted that way with them.

AND - I still am waiting for the center for learning disabilities to send me the list of tests they are recommending.  AGGG

I know one thing, I am following all the advise I have received on this forum and I am going to really try to shift the responsibility of the school work to my son.  He has to accept the consequences. I have to pull way back. 

I know it would have devistated him emotionally, and probably made things worse, if he stayed back this year.  This is why I advocated so hard and really was on his back so much.  Now I have to shift the responsibility to him.

I told my son that he had to figure out why he has just given up on school. I hope this new psychiatrist can help him. 

I'll let you all know how Thursday goes.

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Good luck!

You do have to put the responsibility back on him. Maybe the bad grades or falling grades will show him his way doesnt work!

Personally I would make him show me better grades next quarter. Like no going out or doing any extra curricular stuff until he showed me his homework. I'd pull the reins way in on homework and designated study time. Cant make him read the study notes, but can make him spend the time with them and show me completed homework. If he gets his first progress report showing effort, GREAT some freedom back. His report card PROVES his way doesnt work.