Unsupportive Family? | ADHD Information

Yep, I know exactly what you mean.....

I underestimated my mom, but my dad's still in the dark, along with my other family members. What really ticks me off is these people have the NERVE to judge my son, though they spent about 9 hours total around him since his birth over 8 years ago! Yeah, they really know WHAT my son needs and WHAT I should do to control it. I've gotten more support from my son's teachers at school! But I was glad to get that nevertheless. Now that my son's condition has made a vast improvement, whenever people with tunnel vision comment about how good he is, I don't say a word.

 

I have to jump in on this one. I agree with all the posts that say the
offending relatives, esp the hard core "advice givers" will never change.

I posted elsewhere. I am a mother of 4 ADD boys now men. My middle
two where the most difficult continuously, although the oldest and the
youngest had their turns.

My family was either disinterested, disbelieving or negative. No one was
actually straightforward about it b/c that is not how they are. I am the
oldest of a big family myself, and had most of my children before my sibs
were parents.

It hurt, I can still remember and my "kids" are 25-34 yrs old at this time. I
can remember verbatim stinging comments made that I would "ruin"
them, that I "built the world around them" and so forth.

I took these comments to heart, and second guessed myself more then
once.

Thank God I only had this kind of challenge with the kids b/c I was 100%
committed and I went by my own gut. I may have altered my behaviour by
not sharing it as openly, but when I thought it was good judgement I went
with it regardless of the ridicule. And that hurt.

WHAT I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU NOW IS THAT MY KIDS ARE GROWN
AND HAVE SUCCEEDED far better then the "normal" grandchildren. The
very same people who looked down their noses at me, and laughed
behind my back can't wait to kiss-up to my second son (prob the hardest
most challenging kid I had) who is a multimillionaire at 33 and can hand
out tickets to Patriots games, pay peoples debts and generally just give
people a taste of lifestyles of the rich and famous. It really makes me
laugh.

Hang in there mom, believe in yourself. You will laugh last.
Good Luck and God Bless
Patty62

Good to hear Patty62!

I have high hopes of my very smart ADHHHHHHHHHHD son turning out the same as yours. He is too smart not to!

Regards!

You may no tbe able to change how they think. You can, however, offer as much education as possible. You obviously cannot make them understand or even try to, there is nothing you can do about that except try hard as you can not to worry too much about it. Most of the world that feels this way is pretty much just out of ignorance. They dont really understand. I think as  a teacher especially one who supposedly has experience with ADHD will not admit to ignorance, but maybe if you discreetly sent her some information like on-line links and things she may educate herself. You have way too much on your plate to spend too much energy worrying about what others think.

Oh, and we ALL make mistakes as parents and as people. so do they.

 

One of my family members is a teacher, who does work with some kids with ADHD. Unfortunately, she believes that while yes, it does exist, it's the parent's fault and the kids need spankings..

This all came up when my DH was discussing what WE were doing with our DD, NOTHING to do with them.

I know I make mistakes as a parent, I realize that I screw up. But it seems like that's all they focus on.

If you have dealt with a family member with this opinion, do they ever change? Was there anything you did to form a new opinion? 

I once told a family member that,"Clearly, you don't know what you are talking about. If you did, you would never be so hurtful and wrong." Then I gave her some books and a lecture on ADHD. Our relationship has cooled, but she leaves my child alone now.

I'm sorry to say that it probably won't change. I say that because most people including family do not seem to want to understand. They have made up their mind about you, about what ADHD is, and how to handle it. My grandmother fits into this catagory. Apparently, there is only one way of parenting and if you aren't doing it her way, you are doing it wrong - case closed! She is very narrow-minded and outdated about childcare. She believes spanking a child fixes everything. "What's wrong with kids these days is that they are spoiled" Apparently, back in her day kids were 2nd class citizens - AND they knew their place! How dare children want to be treated like humans instead of a burden. To hear the stories my grandmother tells about how her family was run - It's practically abuse, and most of it directed towards the boys. She talks of her brothers being sat in a chair and forgotten and how he knew better than to get up. She even talks about having to swat her own child with a stick everyday to get him out of bed and to school. I'm not sure how this classifies as good parenting, but whatever. I listen to her and then I let it go right out the other ear. I will never treat my child like that - EVER!

Sorry didn't mean to get off on a tangent like that, but I'm sick to death of other people trying to tell me how to raise my children. Do they really think I want my kids to misbehave? It's like spanking is the magic cure all! Barf! 

I am sorry you are dealing with this.  My sister is a 1st grade teacher and has been an endless source of support for our family as we have gone through the last two years.

My in-laws, on the other hand, probably will not understand, and therefore we have not yet told them about M's diagnosis.  I don't know that they would say anything outwardly to us, but I do think that they would to others.  Right now, I feel like I need to protect M from that.

BTW - I think i also have probably made a parenting mistake or two, so don't beat yourself up about that!!

 

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