My 6 YO daughter has this intense rage that comes up. She will be fine, and then suddenly she is so angry about something that has happened--she clenches her jaw and her hands, and then she hits her brother almost immediately (he's usually the victim). I have never seen her recover without hitting once she clenches her jaw and hands. Never. I don't know what to do with her about this. I think I'm going to watch for it and then swoop her off if I can catch her before she does it.
We see a psychologist and a psychiatrist and work on this a lot! There doesn't seem to be an easy answer. For my daughter, this rage is like a reflex--she doesn't have time to stop herself. Ugh.
When frustrated, stressed or anxious, my youngest expresses it at anger (used to move into rage as well). Originally it was frustration at school, which meds and an IEP helped dramatically. Then there was a period where we adjusted meds and they were not quite enough for optimal results and the anxiety came back. After another adjustment things got better again. Then teasing started and things went downhill until we got that stopped. So each time we see anger increasing, we start looking for the reason. She no longer gets violent, just angry.
We worked with her to giver her appropriate words and ways to express anger. We let her know that her bedroom was a safe place to be angry and then when she calmed down we would highly praise her and discuss the issue and a resolution. We gave her more control at home.
Anxiety can be made worse by the meds not being quite right, or the stims themselves can increase anxiety. With the teasing at school we added risperdal for anxiety, and are looking at dropping the stim for the summer and then posibly changing the focalin back to concerta when we start a stim again. Adding guanfacine helps her quite a bit for the times the meds are not in the system.
Lots of things to consider as you sort out the issues and develope a plan.
I can relate in some ways, but my son (ADD and on Concerta) often reacts just because things don't go his way. Like tonight, he couldn't have dessert because he litterally ate 2 bites of spagetti. So I offered him yogurt and cheerios - a popular food at our house. I wanted him to eat since the concerta is really impacting his appetite. He got mad and threw the couch pillows and remotes on the floor. I told him that doesn't change anything, and he ate the cheerios and yogurt, but what about the acting out behavior? Should he go to his room, lose a privelege? Sometimes I feel like I don't know the abc's of parenting with this kid (and his younger sister who is starting to imitate his challenging behavior.)
Hang in there. you are not alone!
Yup, my DS is the same way, angry face and all. One thing that I think is helping alot is being conscience....very conscience of the way I react to him. He and I definately feed off eachother, and nothing makes me angry faster than when he hurts my DD. That is helping in my case (although I ain't perfect......yet;)) DS does also become extremely agitated when frustrated by a task.
That is exactly how I feel. Common sense tells me to punish certain behaviors but then I don't want to be punishing him every minute - which could be the case some days. I have been told that we need to have consequences even if they can't seem to control their behavior. Of course that is easier said than done!! I just started a new approach so I can't say whether this will work or not but it seems to be having some results. I made up to boards - one with good behaviors and another with bad behaviors. The bad ones are punishable without a warning. I listed the possible punishments on the bottom of that board. Now I feel like I have taken myself out of the situation a bit. We just started this 2 days ago but I am trying to remind them every morning of the unacceptable behaviors and that there will not be a warning. My daughter who has also started to imitate her brothers behavior had already caught on and she has started identifying when she has done something wrong without me telling her. My son seems to accept the punishment with less arguement because he knows it is coming. But, in order for this to work, I realized that I had to limit their overall tv time because losing 30 minutes of tv has to hurt.
I will keep you posted with the progress. It is such a comfort knowing that other people are going through this and I am not just a bad parent. Well I hope not anyway!!
I really like your system. I am doing one just for the sumer because I was laid off and can spend time with them. I give them a day for "summer toy fun" which is actually a bribe and a way that they can get some bigger items, like a scooter. Then, they get some money taken away if they do certain things which is also posted on the wall. I tend to run out of conseqences. I have to take away electronics rather than TV, cuz my son will turn to computer or gameboy. I've added some positived to it also so it's not so negative, but I find it all hard to keep up with. I think one other challenge with kids like this is finding their "currency" - what will make a difference if you take it away.
One other note - I know a lot of these kids have sensory overload and sometimes I think that's where the outbursts come from. So one of my next steps is to calm down the house - less TV, more candles, softer lights, maybe softer music, etc. I'll let you know how if that seems to help.
Maybe the medication is helping with certain aspects like his attention and impulsiveness but not dealing with his anger/anxiety. We found that on certain meds the raging is worse. Some people are lucky and can find the right meds early. My son can contain his anger at school but absolutely lets it fly when he gets in the car. Talk to your doctor. Maybe look at this behaviour over a weekend and plot the level of anger through observing him for the day. By plotting his levels every half an hour you can see the tigger points / vunerable times of the day. It might tie in with medication rebound or maybe if it is happening all day, another medication or an additional medication may be needed. It's a bit like being a detective!!
Good luck!
The only med my son has been on for longer than 2 weeks has been Metadate. He was angry before we put him on medication and it seems like the meds don't help it. It is no worse and no better. He seemed to control his anger at school but at home he freely expresses it. Our biggest goal right now is trying to identify the source of all the anger. It seems like it always right there under the surface and it takes very little to bring it out. Next week I am going to speak to the DR about putting him on something that will reduce his anxiety and perhaps reduce his anger. It can't be fun for him to be angry all the time.
Happyrock and Desperate Momma,
With what medications have you experienced more rage?
I wish you the best of luck in finding the source of his anger. Please share if you find it is systemic to the ADHD.
My son also has an "edge" to him, which given the right circumstances brings out the worst in him. He is always questioning rules, questioning the fairness of a situation, assumes that an accident was an intentionally negative act by another person. My husband (also ADHD) has this edge.
The only time I have ever seen it gone is when he is in a hyper-state, completely physically exhausted and when he was taking short-acting Ritalin.
As all of us, I am constantly trying to figure out this puzzle. I think my son's and husband's edge comes from constantly struggling to keep it together, not understanding why people constantly misunderstand them or why people seem irritated or people off by them, years and years of miscommunication.
As soon as my son took Ritalin, I could see the weight lifted off his shoulders--everything made sense and he could manage himself.
Please keep us posted.